


I Have An Elastic Heart And A Terrible Story Title

by humanities_angstiest



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Angst, Anime Spoilers, Blow Jobs, Bottom Eren Yeager, Crack Treated Seriously, Dealing With Loss, Delinquent Eren, Domestic Fluff, Drunk Eren Yeager, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eren Is a Little Shit, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Hand Jobs, Hange Zoë Ships It, High School Student Eren Yeager, Humor, Jean Kirstein & Eren Yeager Friendship, M/M, Moving In Together, Nightmares, Personal Growth, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Indulgent, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Tumblr Memes, aromantic armin, for like 2 chapters, half of this is serious but the other half is ridiculous, i am garbage, i’m sorry for what i did to mikasa, she is a great character and not an obsessive stalker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-05-14 16:55:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 107,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5750956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanities_angstiest/pseuds/humanities_angstiest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is a delinquent high schooler who fears relationships with people who might one day leave him. When he gets in trouble, a stranger named Levi decides to be Eren’s guardian and help him sort out his life as a way to make amends for his own past. Taking care of an emotional teenager isn’t going to be as easy as Levi originally thought. Especially when his ward is a hot piece of ass.</p><p> </p><p>If you like emotional rollercoasters full of fluff and angst, this story is for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hopeless

**Author's Note:**

> This entire thing is not beta read, which is my justification for its shittier parts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow I’m so sorry for the first few chapters of this fic. I hate first person and this fic was the second I ever wrote so it takes me a while to figure out what I’m doing. Bear with it till it gets good, please?

A/N: Hi guys! So throughout the story I'm going to mention songs. It's up to you but I recommend listening to the songs to get a feel for the scene.

Song: Hopeless by Breaking Benjamin

 

 

EREN'S POV 

The crowded hallways undulated around me, making room for me and my crew as we sauntered through the school, the undisputed bad boys of this shit-hole. Saying 'crew' may sound like some cheesy 80's terminology or whatever, but there's no other word to describe them. I guess most people would call the guys they spend all their time with their ‘friends', but that word doesn't sit right with me. Being someone's friend involves attachment that I don't want. It is convenient to have people to hang out with, that is all. Call me heartless, call me cruel, but I stick by my decision to not rely on anyone or care about anyone ever again. It only brings pain when they inevitably leave you behind.

We stopped at my locker so I could grab my books for class. Jean leaned against the lockers, arms crossed and eyes shut. We were out late last night and I didn't blame him for getting what sleep he could before school started. Reiner and Bert stood beside me. Reiner is the biggest senior and if he had the inclination, he could easily be quarterback of the football team. I know he played for the team freshman year, but the more time he spent around me, the less involved he became with school activities. I think he sees himself in a big brother role, not just to me but to Jean and Bert as well. It's too bad he isn't pursuing his talents, but at the same time I'm selfishly grateful he is always around when I need him.

"Are you almost done, fuck-face? How long does it take to get some books?" Jean complained.

"Hold your horses - or yourself, I guess." I zip up my backpack and turn to face the fuming stallion beside me. Jean was about to retort when someone walked up beside us and tapped me on the shoulder. I stared down into narrowed pale blue eyes.

"Hey Annie." I'm aware of Reiner, Bert, and Jean moving away a little to give us some privacy.

Annie is my on-again off-again girlfriend, if you could even call her that. Technically we're fuck-buddies since we never go on dates and both see other people. At least I do, I have no idea about Annie's personal life.

"I overheard Amanda in the bathroom bragging about how she slept with Eren Jaeger last weekend. Apparently you are the ‘best lay of her life'." She snorted at the memory of the stereotype-conforming blonde. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to get to the point.

She sighed. "Jesus, Eren, stop shoving your dick in everything that moves or half of our graduating class will be carrying your babies."

A few people passing in the halls turned to look at us as I laughed. "You jealous?"

Annie rolled her eyes at me, an expression I received more often than a smile. "We're friends, Eren. I'm saying this as a friend. Although if you're free tonight, let’s hang out."

I smirked, leaning closer to Annie. "I'll stop by at—"

"No. I'll pick you up at 10." Annie walked off as I inwardly laughed at her bossy nature. Not that it bothered me. Her no-shits-given and take-no-shit attitude were why we were good friends in the first place. I could count on her to be blunt with me and state her mind, something most people were afraid to do. Granted, I had a short temper and was known to beat up a few people who said something I didn't like.

Jean, Reiner, Bert and I separated as the bell rang, each heading to our first class of the day. Even though we acted like delinquents most of the time, none of us wanted to be held back our senior year. Thank god it was Friday. Only 7 hours of schooling to go before I was free for the weekend.

 

 ***

 

Annie arrived at my house at 10 on the dot. As I climbed into the passenger seat of her truck I saw her give my outfit the once-over: black skinny jeans with combat boots, a low-cut black t-shirt that exposed my collarbones, and a dark green hoodie that subtly heightened the intensity of my bright green eyes. I accessorized with a braided leather bracelet.

Annie didn't say anything as she pulled out of my driveway or when she missed the turn to her house and kept driving into the city.

"Where are we going?" I questioned, realizing that Annie offered to drive because she knew from the start we were not going to her house.

"Be patient. You'll see soon enough."

When I didn't inquire further and instead leant against the window, Annie took her eyes off the road to glance at me. It wasn't in my nature to be quiet and go along with things, but frankly I could care less where she was taking me. It's not like it made a difference. No one was at home to set a curfew for me and hanging out with Annie, wherever she was taking us, was better than sitting in an empty house.

Before long we entered the city. Annie parked on a side street next to a mass of derelict buildings. We approached the building on the corner and after being patted down by the muscled guard blocking the door, I followed Annie inside and down a staircase lit up faintly by strobe lights coming from the basement. Passing through the metal door at the bottom of the stairs, we entered a spacious room, fitting about three hundred people. At the back of the room was a stage where I could make out a band setting up their equipment. Techno music blared from the speakers and gave me a headache. I couldn't stand the robotic noise with no lyrics. Annie grabbed my hand and lead me to the back of the room, right up to the stage.

"You didn't need to keep this a secret. I wouldn't have said no to a rave."

Annie looked at me with an unreadable blank expression. "This isn't a rave. It's an underground club."

"How do you know about this place?” What I really wanted to know was how Annie knew about this place but I didn't. She wasn't fond of crowded spaces or places with people in general. She was practically a misanthropist. I, on the other hand, liked to get lost among the people, letting the loud music drown out my thoughts. I attended large parties or secret raves as often as I could for that very reason.

"My friend is in the band." She pointed out a guy whose back was turned to me as he tuned his guitar. I looked at the rest of the band members in the meantime. There was a blond guy with a man-bun sitting at the drums, a dark haired male plugging his guitar into an amp, and a weird looking bass guitarist who bit his tongue as he tried talking to a petite female with reddish-brown hair at a keyboard. Annie's friend, who I assumed to be the lead singer, turned around at last to set up the mic. His appearance shocked me. I don't know what I was expecting exactly, maybe that he would look more average, but average he was not. When his back was turned I noticed he had an undercut. Looking at him from the front, his split black bangs fall into piercing silver eyes. His formfitting black button down left nothing of his muscled torso to the imagination, and his rolled up sleeves allowed me to picture those strong forearms resting beside my head as he pinned me against a wall. As if that wasn’t enough to make me want him, his ears were littered with piercings glinting under the stage lights like the glare in his eyes, making him sexier in his unattainable manner.

The techno music died down, allowing the DJ’s voice to be heard. "What's up everybody? You all having a good time?" They waited for the cheering crowd to quiet before continuing. "Glad to hear it. It's that time I know you've all been waiting for. So with no further ado, the Special Operations Squad!" The DJ pointed to the stage where the band members stood in position with their instruments. The attractive guy with silver eyes grabbed the mic and gazed out at the crowd as his band began to play.

Finally, some real music. I recognized the first song, 'Hopeless' by Breaking Benjamin. The lead singer's voice was enchanting, deep and clear, and I found myself caught up in the music, closing my eyes. This was what I loved about these kinds of atmospheres. The overwhelming noise and lights and movement of bodies was so easy to get caught up in, all other thoughts pressed to the back of my mind as I only focused on the music thumping through my body.

Before I knew it, the music stopped and I was taken out of my trance. The band retreated behind the stage with a chorus of cheers trailing them. I pulled out my phone to see a text from Jean, asking where I am. I sent a quick response, giving him directions to the street I am under. I wasn't sure why Annie brought me here, but now that the band stopped playing and the techno beats returned, I was ready to leave. I didn't feel like dancing with a bunch of strangers tonight, especially with no chemicals in my system. A quick scan of the perimeter of the basement did not reveal a bar. 

"Let's go see the band." Annie didn't wait for my response before walking backstage where the band members were relaxing. The hot lead singer perched on a table drinking from a water bottle and looked over as we approached.

"Eren, this is Levi. Levi, Eren." I noticed his eyes tracing my exposed collarbone and I smirked, winking at him when his eyes reached my face, but his expression didn't change. He didn't even blush with embarrassment at being caught checking me out.

He didn’t say anything and the silence bothered me. "So is there a bar somewhere down here?" I asked partly out of need for a drink and partly to break the silence. A silent conversation passed between Annie and Levi's eyes.

"Eren parties every weekend. I think he has started taking drugs too.” I was confused at first why Annie was telling these things to Levi. Then it hit me.

"What the fuck, Annie? You brought me here for some sort of intervention?" She ignored my glare.

"Yesterday night he and his friends vandalized the park. He's lucky there weren't any street cameras or he could be in a lot of trouble."

"How do you know it was us, Annie? I'm hurt that you would accuse your friends," I said, feigning innocence.

"Cut the crap, Eren. I know it was you guys. And I'm trying to help you so please get your head out of your ass and realize it's not too late for you to stop this destructive path you're on before you really mess up."

I turned away from her sincere concern, speechless. A small part of me wanted to listen to her and accept her help, but a larger part of me wanted to destroy my life beyond all hope of saving. I didn't deserve a happy life. Levi had been examining the different emotions flitting across my face and finally said, "It's not too late to change your future.”

My phone buzzed in my pocket, probably a text from Jean saying they were almost here. Without a word of goodbye to Annie, I headed for the exit. As I passed Levi, I mumbled, "You say that as though I have a future."

I meandered through the crowd, making it at last to the staircase and climbing up into the fresh, night air. I stood at the top of the street, making it easier for Jean and the guys to spot me. Not two minutes later I heard someone walk up beside me and I glanced to the left to see Levi, the singer and Annie's friend. My eyes faced forward again, making it clear that I didn't want to talk to him and was going to act like he wasn't even there. This in no way deterred him from talking to me though.

"There are no buses or taxis that run this late at night."

I scoffed at his attempt to get me to return to Annie, who was probably searching for me so she could drive us home.

"Tell Annie not to worry. People are coming to pick me up."

He hummed, a sound of curiosity. "People, not friends?"

I stiffened and I knew he saw my reaction; he knew his words affected me. "Call them what you want. Friends, people, Homo sapiens. It's all the same."

"Whatever you say, brat. But people who have friends usually refer to them as such in a subconscious effort to show others that they are liked and not alone. It's interesting that you don't use the word 'friends'. Is it because you actually don't have friends or you think you don't have friends?"

"Tch." I acted like I didn't deign to reply to him, but we both knew it was because I didn't want to admit the truth. He sighed next to me, as if my decision to keep myself from forming attachments somehow affected him.

"What about Annie?"

"What _about_ Annie?" Couldn't this guy give it a rest? He was only talking to me because Annie told him some shit, but I tried to make it clear that I didn't need or want his help. I didn't even know him.

"Isn't she your friend? She clearly cares about you." At that I laughed loudly, but it wasn't a pleasant sound. "Cares about me? Screw you and what you think you know. She needs to stay out of my business and not spew her bullcrap to strangers." Just thinking about her talking about me behind my back made my blood boil and I felt a familiar surge of rage.

"It's my life. I can live it however I damn well please." This last bit was said forcefully, with teeth clenched, yet even I could pick up the note of melancholy in my voice.

Levi said nothing to that, staring straight ahead and thinking to himself as I tried to do the same, wondering why I spoke to him to begin with. Suddenly, loud rap music filled the otherwise empty street, and we felt the beat as it thumped through the ground before we saw the truck. Jean and Bert hollered at me as Reiner slowed the truck for me to jump in the back. A smile spread across my face at the thought of escaping this somber atmosphere and going to a place where I could forget myself, where I wouldn't be forced to talk about my feelings. It’s too bad this guy was trying to 'help me' or some shit because he was attractive and under different circumstances I would have been glad to make his acquaintance.

As I’m about to shut the door, Levi reached out to me. "If you ever want to talk.” He slipped a piece of paper into my hand before walking back inside. Once the door is  shut, Reiner pulled away from the curb and drove to Christa's mansion, where we knew a party was being held. I glanced down at the paper in my hand, containing Levi's name and number, before shoving it in my pocket to be forgotten.

  

LEVI'S POV

I returned to the back of the stage where my fellow band members were packing up our equipment. I couldn't help re-running through the last things I said to the brat. _If you ever want to talk_. What the hell was that? It wasn't like me to give a damn about other people, let alone strangers, and it definitely wasn't like me to give out my number and say lines like that. I tried to justify it by telling myself that I did it to help Annie, who never asked for anything and just asked that I try talking to her friend who she was worried about. I definitely didn't do it because I saw some of myself in the kid and wanted to help him as a way to make amends for my past mistakes. Nope. And I definitely didn't follow him outside just to see more of those beautiful green eyes. Nope.

 

 


	2. Mad World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter (the Gary Jules version of Mad World) doesn't appear in this chapter but is kind of how I imagine Eren's thoughts to be about his life at this point.
> 
> FYI I switch the POV a lot in this fic. Unless it says Eren or Levi’s POV, it’s in third person omniscient.

Christa's house was gargantuan. The Reiss family was one of the wealthiest in town and it was evident. Built from white stones imported from Italy, the mansion sprawled across neatly trimmed grass as far as the eye could see in the shadowy evening light. Besides the spaciousness of the abode, Christa's house was the go-to location for parties because her neighbors were a five minute drive in either direction and at that distance they couldn't hear any noise to complain about.

Since it was a warm night, many people were gathered in the backyard. Bodies twisted and bent to the blaring music, inhibitions dramatically dulled by the alcohol and drugs in their system, leading to a mix of overly suggestive dancing or embarrassing dance moves that would hopefully be forgotten come morning. String lights and tiki torches surrounded the deck and pool area. Eren spotted two of his classmates, Connie and Sasha, splashing each other in the pool and using pool noodles as swords. How they were able to stay afloat, nevertheless while energetically battling, and not drown from intoxication was a mystery. Not that Eren would ever admit he gave a damn, but he was secretly glad to see that Marco Bodt was keeping an eye on them and looked ready to act as lifeguard if it came to it. Thank heavens for Freckled Jesus.

"Eren! Dance with me!" If the flushed cheeks were anything to go by, the girl approaching him was intoxicated. Not that he was likely to find anyone sober at this point in the night. After a few stumbles on wobbly heels, she eventually crossed from the edge of the yard to the patio where Eren stood.

At first glance Eren had no idea who this chick was, but when she came closer he recognized the long neon pink nails. Amanda something-or-other. He fucked her last week and still had the scratches on his back to remember their little fling by. Those nails - more accurately, those talons - hooked into his arm as she dragged him with her into the house and towards the kitchen. She didn't let go until she reached the cooler and grabbed them each a beer. Eren didn't think she should be having any more alcohol but he wasn't one to get involved in other people's lives, unlike some people he knew, so he accepted his beer with a nod of thanks before turning to survey the room. Couples were grinding on each other off beat to the music. It looked more like they were using each other as support to keep from falling down. His attention was brought back to his immediate surroundings when sharp claws encircled his waist and a tipsy voice whispered in his ear, "Do you want to go upstairs?"

He contemplated his options. On the one hand, Amy - Amber, Ashley? Oh right, Amanda! - would be a way to kill time and keep his mind off of the crap Annie pulled tonight. Who the hell was she to stage an intervention? There was nothing wrong with him. But he didn't feel like getting clawed to death. Unwrapping the girl's arms from around his waist, he took his beer and headed back outside to where Jean stood talking to Marco.

"Hey Eren! How've you been? It's been a while." Marco smiled innocently at him, his halo gleaming atop his head.

"I'm fine, Marco. How are you?" The other boy's face lit up at getting a response from the normally abrasive green-eyed male.

"I'm good. Jean and I are going on a roadtrip to Stohess tomorrow to check out Stohess University. They have some great programs and I think I might apply early decision there. Do you know what schools you are applying to?"

At the blank expression he received, Marco blushed with embarrassment and delicately backtracked. "Not like it matters yet anyway. There is still tons of time before you need to make a decision like that." Jean glanced at Eren and tried to decipher the look in his eyes. Resignation? Regret?

"Let me know how you like Stohess when you get back." Marco was shocked at Eren's response but nodded his head eagerly.

Eren left in search of Reiner. Even though he had arrived not thirty minutes ago, he was tired of socializing and for once wanted the peace and quiet of his house. He spotted the tall blonde by the entryway but as he approached he noticed a short blonde at his side. He gave his best glare, trying to convey that he wasn't in the mood to deal with Annie yet and the energy necessary to verbally rip her head off. She ignored it and crossed the remaining distance to stand in front of him.

"I told Reiner that I would take you home when you were ready." Despite his desire to avoid conversation with the interfering girl, he knew his best option was to accept the ride from her instead of waiting for Reiner to leave. Who knew if he would even be driving later. Most people slept the alcohol off in the abundant spare rooms in Christa's house. Instead of replying to her statement, Eren walked out the front door and went in search of Annie's car. She silently followed behind him.

Exiting the wealthy district and returning to the downtown area of Shiganshina, all was quiet in the car. Eren rested his head on the window of the passenger door and stared blankly at the inky expanse of sky. Annie cleared her throat and Eren didn't bother to suppress his groan of annoyance.

"Don't give me that, Eren. Look, I'm sorry for how I went behind your back but I really think you and Levi would get along."

Even though Eren was still angry with her, he no longer had any fight left in him. He was drained from this entire long night and the only thing he felt was mild curiosity about the lead singer.

"Why would you think that?"

Annie kept her eyes on the road as she contemplated the question. "Levi...used to be a lot like you. Current you, not past you. And I think-"

"What do you mean 'current me'? I'm the same as I've ever been."

Annie harrumphed. "That's a lie and you know it. Ever since..." Eren turned his attention back to the window and Annie sighed. "You're more thick-headed than you were before, if that's possible, and you keep making reckless decisions. Are you even applying to colleges?" When she received no response from the sullen boy in her passenger seat, she sighed again.

"I don't normally interfere in other people's lives, but I would feel shitty if I let you throw all your potential away. It's not too late, Eren. You can start writing your college essays and we can start applying for scholarships. It's not impossible. Don't you want to leave Shiganshina and see the world?” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the boy tense up at the mention of leaving their boring suburban town. They said nothing more to each other until Annie pulled into Eren's driveway.

"Even if you don't want to talk to Levi, there are plenty of people who care about you and will help you. Don't forget that." With that she drove off, leaving a sad boy to return to his silent house.

 

***

 

The next night, Eren found himself parked outside the local gas station with Reiner and Bert. They pulled their hoods up to cover their faces and entered the small convenience store, making their way to the back aisles.

Reiner pulled a 6-pack of Bud Light from the fridge as Bert and Eren began filling their pockets with candy. Eren grabbed a 3 Musketeers bar and a bag of chips. Poking him in his side, Bert whispered, "Watch this."

He pulled the strings of his hood, tightening it around his head, and put on dark sunglasses to cover his face better as he approached the counter. Eren followed Bert’s movements with his eyes, recognizing the cashier as none other than Armin Arlert, his childhood best friend who he hasn't spoken to in three years.

"Can I help you?" Armin squeaked, clearly nervous about the three shady figures in his store late at night.

"Yeah," Bert replied in the lowest voice he could manage. "Why don't you hand me all the money in the cash register?"

Armin's face paled, and his mouth opened and closed as he tried to find the best words to get himself out of what he perceived to be a real dangerous situation and not an idiot classmate messing with him.

"Fucking christ Bert, knock it off," Eren yelled. Armin looked up, startled at the sound of Eren's voice.

"Eren? I'm so sorry! I didn't know it was you guys! I pressed the button for the police..." His voice trailed off at the glare he received from the three shoplifting boys.

"Shit fuck fuckdamn," Reiner exclaimed, running for the exit with Bert on his heels. In their haste to get out of the store, Bert's lanky figure knocked into a display case, causing it to fall on top of Eren and hit him on the head. Eren blinked to get the stars out of his eyes but as he tried to get up he slipped on a bag of chips on the ground and hit the shelf behind him as he fell again.

He heard the sound of glass breaking and felt liquid seeping into his clothes, which smelled suspiciously like Coca-Cola. Just before he passed out, he heard police sirens and the sound of Armin's voice.

"I'm so sorry, Eren."

 


	3. Karma Police

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, the chapter title song doesn't appear in this chapter. I like including songs that give a feel for a scene but I'm not going to force them into every chapter. So this chapter's song is just one that I like. But the title is fitting :) Oh, and the song is by Radiohead.

When Eren came to, he was lying on a stiff cot in a concrete room. Well, three of the walls were concrete. The last wall was composed of iron bars. Noticing that his eyes were open, one of the cops at the front desk approached his cell.

"Hey kid, you get one phone call."

The police officer unlocked his cell door and escorted him to a wall phone in the lobby of the police station. He was confused as to why he was at the police station until the dull pain from the bump on the back of his head reminded him of the events of the night. The shoplifting, Bert's prank, Armin calling the police, him hitting his head and falling unconscious. He didn't see Bert or Reiner anywhere so they must have escaped before the cops arrived. Lucky them.

Eren stared at the phone in front of him, thinking about who he could call. For a moment he considered not calling anyone, and sleeping in jail for the night. But one glance back to the hallway of cells and the perverted smile of a fellow detainee who mimed putting his dick finger through a hole formed by his pointer and thumb finger had Eren racking his brain for anyone he could call to get him out of here. His first thought was Jean, but Jean was away this weekend with Marco. He contemplated Reiner or Bert but they probably wouldn't approach a police station with a twenty foot pole after tonight. He didn't want to see the disappointed "I told you so" look that Annie would no doubt give him.

His concentration was broken by the grumbling of his stomach. Knowing it was wishful thinking, he checked his pockets for any candy that the cops might have missed confiscating. Sadly, there was no food, but he felt his fingers brush against the ridges of a small fold of paper. Curious, he pulled it out and saw the phone number of that raven-haired singer from the club. The last words that guy said to him floated to the forefront of his mind:  _If you ever want to talk_. Knowing this was probably a waste of a phone call but not having any better options, Eren dialed the number and waited as the phone rang. Glancing at the clock above the police desk, he saw that it was 1am. He almost hung up, figuring it was pointless to call someone so late at night, a stranger no less, but before he could the other line picked up.

"Hello?" A deep voice answered.

"Um..hey, Levi?"

"Who the fuck is this?"

Eren mentally cursed himself for his shitty lack of introduction. "This is Eren, Annie's friend or whatever. You said, 'If I ever wanted to talk,' but this is obviously a bad time. I'm sorry for calling..." He was about to hang up for the second time when the other voice stopped him.

"No, sorry. I just didn't recognize your voice. Hey, why did caller ID say Shiganshina Police Department?"

There was silence for a few beats. "Funny story..."

"You've got to be kidding me, you shitty brat. Are you in jail?"

"Does a police station jail cell count as actual jail?"

There was a deep sigh from the other end of the line. "I'm on my way."

The phone disconnected and Eren stared down at it in confusion. Did Levi mean he was coming here to bail him out?

While he waited in his cell, the same detainee from before, whose cell was diagonal from his, tried to get his attention. After ten minutes of crude comments, cat calls, and obscene gestures to get his attention, Eren gave in. He rose from his cot and sensually approached the bars of his cell. The detainee sat up straighter, watching every swish of Eren's hips. Eren gave a coy smile as he turned his back to the detainee. Slowly, he bent forward, sticking his ass up in the air. The detainee started whooping. Moving one of his hands down his thigh and between his legs, Eren heard an intake of breath behind him. Then, his hand appeared behind his legs, all fingers closed except the middle one.

Eren ignored the outraged howl of the inmate as he returned to his cot and laid down on his side. Unbeknownst to him, Levi stood in the hallway entrance and witnessed the whole thing. A small smile tugged at the singer's lips and he returned to the front desk to talk to an officer about releasing the cheeky idiot.

"I'm here for the brat."

"Are you a parent or guardian?"

Levi ignored the question. "Can I talk to him, before deciding whether to leave him here to rot or not?"

The officer chuckled, assuming that Levi was the boy's older brother who wanted to teach him a lesson. "He's down that hall." Levi nodded, already aware of where to find the brunet.

Eren heard Levi's conversation with the officer and sat up, waiting for his knight in shining armor. Levi was surprised that other than the boy's slight sheepish expression from involving a stranger in his problems, the kid didn't seem concerned about his predicament. Rather than look nervous about whether his parents would kill him when he got home or if Levi would bail him out or not, his eyes looked dead, as if he could care less what happened to him. This pulled at Levi's cold heartstrings a little, as the fiery spitball he remembered from the night before could not be seen in the tired boy before him. If it weren't for that little show he gave the other detainee earlier, Levi would have thought the kid before him was sleeping with his eyes open; that was how expressionless he was. He could give Levi a run for his money.

"Why did you call me?"

The teen shrugged his shoulders.

"Your parents are going to find out eventually."

The kid snorted but it wasn't a sound of amusement.

Shit, Levi thought. "Do you not have parents to call?"

After a few seconds, the kid shook his head slowly.

Levi walked back to the front desk and stared down the cop who sat there.

"What do I have to do to release the shitty brat?"

 

***

 

Eren stepped out of the shower and looked around for a towel. Not finding one, he left Levi's bathroom to search for the silver-eyed male.

Levi exited his bedroom with clothes for the kid to wear but stopped abruptly as he noticed the dripping wet, buck-naked teen wandering his apartment.

"Oh, Levi. There you are. I didn't see any towels in your bathroom."

The kid was staring at him, no shame at all as everything of his was on display. Levi felt his face heat up and he quickly walked past the teen into the bathroom. He opened the cabinet under the sink and pulled out a neatly folded blue towel, which he handed backwards to the teen without looking, because he knew if he turned around in his squatted down position, his face would meet dick.

"Oh, I didn't even think to look there. Thanks."

He began patting himself down with the towel, completely oblivious to the fact that his naked body was blocking Levi's exit. Levi stood up with his back to the kid and only turned to face him when he was sure his eyes would align with eyes and nothing else. He was about the same height as the kid, maybe an inch shorter. He stared at the kid until the dimwit finally noticed the attention.

"See something you like?" the boy teased.

Yes, Levi thought. Out loud he said, "You're blocking the door, fuckwad." Eren shrugged and stepped to the side to let Levi pass.

Levi busied himself with gathering spare blankets and pillows and putting them on the couch. As he pulled the couch into a futon, his traitorous mind couldn't help but remember how the water slid down the tanned, muscled torso of that brat and down further...

Shaking his head to clear it, he heard the brat exiting the bathroom. Glancing up, he saw that the white V-neck t-shirt and grey sweatpants he found for the brat fit him nicely.

"Sit down." Without another word, Levi walked into the bathroom to retrieve the first aid kit and returned to sit next to the kid, who was blatantly examining his apartment.

"Your apartment is so clean. It's ridiculous," he mused, brushing a finger against the coffee table and chuckling to himself at the absence of dust.

"Speaking of clean, your clothes are in the dryer now and will be ready tomorrow morning. How the hell did you get Coca-Cola all over you?"

There was a spark of amusement in the brat's eyes as he examined the raven-haired male in front of him, who was gently dabbing antiseptic onto the cuts he received from broken Coca-Cola glass shards. "You bailed me out of jail and your first question is how I spilled soda on myself?"

Levi shrugged. "I'm curious, but you don't need to tell me if you don't want to."

Eren hummed, happy that he wasn't being interrogated. Levi deserved to know after helping him out, but he didn't want the cool, older male to think worse of him than he probably already did.

"I'll be out of your hair tomorrow. Thanks for letting me crash here tonight.” He started to lay down on the futon that Levi prepared but when the older male didn't move away and just stared at him intensely, he started to feel uncomfortable.

"Uh, Levi?"

"You're staying here with me. That was the agreement to bail you out of jail. From now until I decide otherwise, or you turn eighteen, I'm your guardian. That means you are living here so I can keep an eye on you and make sure you don't get into any more trouble."

Eren stared at him slack-jawed. "What kind of joke is that?" When Levi continued to stare him down, he became angry.

"You are not my guardian and I am not living with you. I don't even know you." Thinking that was settled, Eren turned his face away as he huddled under the blankets.

Until he received a hard kick to his back.

He turned back around to give his most withering glare to the evidently more threatening male in front of him.

"Us being strangers didn't stop you from calling me tonight. And I don't know what your story is but you're obviously living alone. Even if you are a shitty brat, I'm giving you the option to live with me or you can return to the police station, giving out favors to your inmate buddies for a pack of cigs."

“Fuck you," Eren retorted, face turning red with anger and embarrassment that Levi had seen his little show for the detainee earlier.

"You wish. Night, brat." Not giving Eren a chance to respond, Levi entered his bedroom and shut his door on further argument.

Eren didn't know this, but a few times during the night, Levi snuck into the living room to check on him. Levi wouldn't put it past the kid to sneak out in the middle of the night. Looking down at the hunched figure, blankets gripped tight with white knuckles, Eren's sleeping face was scrunched up and his breathing was agitated. The boy seemed to be having a nightmare. Unsure of what to do, Levi put his hand on top of the kid's and patted it.

He was about to return to his room when the brat shifted in his sleep and gripped Levi's hand between both of his, nuzzling his nose against the back of Levi's hand. Normally Levi would be annoyed, but the brat's face started to relax and his breathing calmed to a steady pace.

After waiting a few minutes, Levi gently slipped his hand free and returned to his room where he tried to get a few hours of sleep if his insomnia would permit it. It had been a long night.


	4. Elastic Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is Elastic Heart by SIA. The way I interpret it is from Eren's viewpoint. His heart has been damaged so he does what he can to protect himself from breaking further.

The smell of pancakes taunted his nostrils and gradually awakened his consciousness. Sitting up on the surprisingly comfy futon, it took Eren a moment to get his bearings. Not until he saw a shirtless Levi in the kitchen flipping pancakes did the last twelve hours resurface to his memory.

His mind was still waking up so he wasn't aware that he had been staring, until Levi mimicked, "See something you like?”

Eren hadn't been paying attention, but the sound of Levi's husky morning voice brought his mind into full focus, and he realized he was staring at a nicely toned chest. Was that an 8-pack of abs? Eren tried counting.

"Go wash up and then come sit down for breakfast."

Eren didn't like Levi telling him what to do, but since the man did make breakfast, Eren figured he could leave the arguing till later. After washing his hands and face, Eren spotted a new toothbrush that Levi left out for him. Levi had also folded his newly washed clothes and left them on the bathroom shelf for him to change into.

When he returned to the kitchen, a glass of milk and three large, fluffy pancakes waited for him on the kitchen table. Taking a bite, Eren was pleasantly surprised by the apples and cinnamon dancing on his tongue. He was used to buttermilk Bisquick pancakes, which could not hold a candle to Levi's cooking.

"After breakfast we'll pick up your stuff." Levi spoke in a monotone voice, not once looking at Eren for confirmation as he picked up his tea and took a sip.

"You were serious about me moving in?" Eren still couldn't fathom why this man he had met two nights ago wanted him to live with him. "No one at the police station will know if you lied about being my guardian. And if you think I'm a free source of manual labor or that I'll suck your cock out of gratitude, you've got another think coming."

Levi choked on his tea before setting it down and staring directly into Eren's eyes. Normally, he would be angry if someone dared speak to him like that, but for some reason he found Eren to be entertaining. It probably had something to do with the fire in those bright emerald eyes and their owner's tenacious spirit.

"If I didn't take guardianship over you, you would still be sitting in that cell. I said I would take responsibility for you so I will. Since I can't trust you to stay out of trouble on your own, I have to keep an eye on you. Now, house rules."

He narrowed his eyes and Eren flinched at the intense gaze. "Don't do anything stupid, stay out of jail, and clean up any mess you make. I know the first rule will be really challenging for you, but try your best."

Levi ignored the glare directed at him. "That's about it. Do you have a job?" He received a shake of the head as a response. "Fine, I'll see if I can find any employment for you. If you are living here, you are going to help pay for groceries."

Eren scowled but didn't say anything. He was already planning to be as big of a nuisance as he could so Levi would be begging him to leave. Maybe this guy thought he was helping Eren as a favor to Annie, but whatever Annie thought, Eren could take care of himself. He had been doing just fine on his own for the past three years.

 

***

 

"If you don't have a job and live alone, how in the hell is your electricity still running?” 

They entered Eren's house and Levi scrunched his nose in distaste at the mess surrounding him. The kitchen counter had empty frozen dinner boxes stacked upon it and a long-dead plant sat upon the kitchen windowsill.

"My dad pays for it." That was all Eren gave for an explanation as he made his way to his bedroom to pack up his belongings. Levi could recognize a sore subject when he encountered one so he didn't press for any details of why Eren's father wasn't living here with him. Levi figured the kid was in foster care or something since it was implied at the police station that Eren didn't have any parents. He wondered if Eren's mother was alive too and if so, why she and her husband left their son here alone. 

Levi opened the fridge to see if there was any food that would go bad in Eren's absence, but he only found cranberry juice. That shit was only good for mixing cocktails, which is what Levi assumed Eren used it for, so he didn't bother to take it with them. So far, Levi knew from Annie that Eren partied hard and vandalized parks. If he wasn't arrested for those reasons, then there was some other delinquent act that the kid partook in. Fuck, what had he gotten himself into?

Following Eren into his bedroom, Levi was surprised at its sparseness. There were the basics: bed, nighstand, desk, and dresser. Levi didn't have the typical upbringing but even he knew that most boys Eren's age had at least some form of decoration to personalize their rooms. No posters of bands or sports teams hung on the walls, no picture frames graced the top of his dresser. Unfolded clothes were scattered on the floor and hanging out of open drawers, which Eren unceremoniously shoved into a duffle bag.

Leaving Eren to gather what he needed, Levi wandered through the rest of the house. Following the hallway that branched off of the kitchen, Levi passed the bathroom and laundry room. At the end of the hall was a closed door. Opening it slowly and peering in, Levi frowned.

The master bedroom looked like a replica of a furniture store catalog picture - all tidy and uninhabited. The bed was made and the room appeared unlived-in, if the fine coat of dust on the furniture was anything to judge by. If he stuck out his tongue, Levi could probably taste the dust floating in the air that was stirred up by his entry. It must have been at least a year since anyone entered this room.

He looked down the hall quickly, but Eren was still in his bedroom. Levi entered the room carefully, shutting the door softly behind him. He didn't know why, but he felt like he was intruding. Like Eren's room, there were no knick-knacks littering the surface of the dresser. However, a picture frame stood on the nightstand, drawing Levi's attention. He lifted it up gently and peered through the layer of dust that had accumulated on the glass. Three figures smiled for the camera. A man with glasses stood in the back, arm wrapped around the shoulders of a pretty brunette who was resting her hands on the shoulders of her son. Eren looked much younger in this picture, perhaps thirteen years old. Even through the dust, Eren's eyes gleamed with happiness and his smile was enchanting. It was a smile that Levi had yet to see on the seventeen year old's face. He had seen wry smiles and smirks, frowns and glares, but nothing like the naive smile the boy wore in the photo. It suited the brat, and Levi wanted to see it for himself.

He returned the picture to its place on the nightstand before carefully exiting the room, not wanting to alert Eren that he had entered the time-frozen space. While he was gone, Eren had gathered the rest of his meager belongings, consisting of some bath products, a Nintendo DS, his pillow and blankets, and his school supplies. 

Locking the front door behind him, Eren didn't give a backwards glance at his childhood home because it wasn't goodbye. Hopefully he would be back here before he could get used to living with another person.

Rule #1: Don't form attachments. That would be pretty hard if he had to live with Levi for a while. But Eren was determined. He wouldn't get hurt again. Somehow, he would make Levi regret being his guardian. Once Levi tossed him out, he would be free to do as he pleased, alone once again.

Even as he strengthened his resolve to escape, Eren couldn't help but feel a pang in his chest. Being alone is different from being lonely. Eren was pretty sure he knew the difference.

 

***

 

"I'll see what I can do about getting you a screen for privacy." Levi felt kind of bad that the kid was sleeping on a futon in the middle of his living room, without a proper closet for his belongings or a door for privacy. Although, if the little shit hadn't gotten himself arrested, Levi wouldn't have to deal with this idiot delinquent in the first place. Actually, he should probably blame Annie Leonhardt for introducing them.

Well, if he remembered correctly, it was his choice to give the brat his phone number and then get him from the police station. He didn't need to force the brat to move in with him either. He couldn't blame anyone but himself for those actions. But he would still try. It was completely the fault of those unnaturally pretty green eyes.

The boy didn't bother to respond. After dropping his bags carelessly on the floor of Levi's apartment, making Levi's eye twitch, he promptly flopped on the futon and closed his eyes.

"Hey, no sleeping. We're going to see about a job for you." The kid mumbled something that sounded profane before rolling off the couch and putting his converse back on. Levi was surprised at how easy it was to get the kid to listen to him. Little did he know, Eren was just biding his time before becoming a real pain in Levi's ass. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually Eren, I think Levi will be the pain in your ass. But don't worry, there is also pleasure ;)


	5. Bulletproof Weeks

"Thanks, Shitty-glasses. If he screws up, just kick him."

"Levi! He's a boy, not a dog!" The person reached a hand out to shake with Eren's.

"I'm Hanji. I look forward to working with you, Eren. Let me know if this shorty gives you any problems."

"Tch, I'm not even that short, I'm 5'10”." Hanji ignored this, completely focused on Eren. Eren squirmed under their intense gaze.

"I'm going to warm up. I'll meet you back here after the show." Levi didn't bother to get an affirmation from Eren before walking off towards the dressing rooms.

"So, what am I supposed to do?"

Somehow Levi had gotten him a job at The Underground, the club where his band Special Operations Squad performed on weekend nights. He was introduced to Hanji, the DJ, and told that he would be helping them.

Despite not knowing how to work the equipment and never having had a job before, Eren was determined to do his best. Not because he didn't want to disappoint Levi, of course. Just because a guy helps you out of jail, washes your clothes, and cooks you delicious pancakes is not cause enough for Eren to give a damn what Levi thinks of him. He was going to work hard because he didn't want to be a hindrance to Hanji. Yeah, let's go with that.

"Well, this job doesn't require two people but you are too young to work at the bar or as a bodyguard, so you'll be my errand boy, running and getting the new discs I need and maybe relaying messages between me and the band or with other workers. Easy as pie. Levi alphabetized the discs for me a while back so they will be easy to find in those cabinets back there." Hanji pointed behind them to a row of cabinets, each labeled with letters and numbers.

"I'll call out a code and you get me the matching disc. Simple as that. So to start, get me E5 and D2." Eren walked over to the cabinets and found the discs in less than a minute. Levi had done a good job of making things effortless to find, for which he was grateful.

"Thanks, Eren." After placing the discs on the DJ board and pressing a few buttons, they started to spin and Hanji sat back, watching the crowd.

"Don't you have to spin them yourself or something?" Eren was confused why the DJ was just playing discs like they were CD's.

"Haha, no. I recorded a lot of my mixes beforehand, so I can just play them. It's great, right? Now I can focus my attention on observing the behavior of the clubgoers. They are really fascinating creatures!"

Creatures? Eren thought. What kind of person did Levi leave me with?

"I actually keep a journal of my findings," Hanji continued, oblivious to the slight trepidation arising in her new colleague. Hanji's eyes were lit up with passion as they started telling Eren about the strange behavior they had witnessed during their time as a DJ. Using their observation skills and knowledge of human behavior, Hanji and Erwin, the owner of the club, often placed bets on who was most likely to get kicked out for sneaking backstage to see the band or starting a drunken fight.

"One time, I noticed a shifty looking woman who was eyeing Levi. I thought for sure she was going to ask him out, so I got out my binoculars," they patted their cargo pants, where sure enough a binocular shaped bulge could be seen, "and I waited to see if she was brave enough to approach him after the show."

"Did she?"

"Huh?" Hanji had gotten sidetracked by their memories, a creepy smile spreading across their face that made Eren question their sanity, not for the first time that night.

"Did the woman ask Levi out?"

"Oh." If possible, Hanji's smile grew wider, approaching Joker level. "She snuck into Levi's dressing room and waited patiently. Then, when Levi returned, she jumped out of the wardrobe rack brandishing a kitchen knife!"

Eren jumped backwards as Hanji theatrically role-played the woman swinging a knife around.

"Holy shit, then what?" Obviously Levi was alive and well, but Eren was eager to know how Levi escaped the life-threatening situation and what became of the woman.

"Then nothing. Levi's lightning-quick ninja reflexes kicked in and he knocked her backwards into a wall. She hit her head, falling unconscious and dropping the knife. Pretty anti-climactic if you ask me. I was hoping for drama and suspense, maybe with her trying kinky stuff before revealing the knife, but she was pretty unimaginative and got straight to the point. Erwin, who you might meet one of these days, called the police on her. We found out later that she was trying to kill Levi out of love. She wanted to reunite him with the other singing angels in Heaven. Isn't that preposterous? Levi, an angel? Ha! She was definitely one of the more interesting clubgoers I have had the fortune to witness. If only she hadn't been taken into custody so soon, I would have loved to ask her some questions."

Eren didn't know how to respond to Hanji's zealous fascination with aberrant people so he kept quiet.

"Speaking of the little angel, how did you get Levi to let you move in with him? As far as I know, he hasn't lived with anyone since..." Hanji cut themself off and turned away quickly.

"Since...?" Eren prodded.

Hanji looked at him apologetically. "It's not my place to tell. Maybe Levi will tell you one day himself. But really, I'm intrigued how you wormed your way into his cold, small heart." The sparkle was back in Hanji's eyes as they examined Eren closely. "It must be those gorgeous green eyes of yours. One look into them and Levi yells, 'Take me now!'" Hanji emphasized their words with arms splayed outwards and head titled back in ecstasy. "Am I right?"

Eren couldn't help but laugh. "You've got it all wrong, Hanji. There is nothing between Levi and I. He's kinda become my guardian so I have to live with him."

"How did that happen?"

"He, uh...bailed me out of jail." Hanji cackled as his cheeks turned red.

"Don't worry about it, Eren. Levi has gotten into worse, so there's no need to be embarrassed.” Eren raised an eyebrow and waited for Hanji to say more, but their lips were sealed, leaving Eren to stew in his curiosity.

Their conversation ceased, drowned out by the cheering crowd as the band appeared. Since they were done for the night, Hanji gave Eren the go-ahead to sit down and listen to the band, which Eren gratefully did. It was more tiring running back and forth all night than he originally thought it would be.

When the band began to play, Eren's eyes were riveted on Levi as he sang. The man who normally showed little emotion came alive on stage. He was magnetic, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. The band played an assortment of cover songs, mostly alternative and when Eren asked Hanji why the band didn't play any of their own music, Hanji explained that they performed for fun and had no interest in pursuing a music career. Since the band had regular jobs in addition to playing at the club, they didn't have enough time to write their own songs and music anyway.

As the night wound down and the energy of the club became languid, Levi announced the last song of the night. Eren didn't know the song Levi was singing. He must have been making some sort of expression, because Hanji informed him it was 'Bulletproof Weeks' by Matt Nathanson. It was sad, enhanced by Levi's expressive eyes. Even though Eren had known Levi for one weekend so far, he knew that the singer rarely showed emotion, and if there was any it was expressed in his eyes. Right now, Levi's entire countenance reflected the feeling of the song he sang. Eren idly wondered why the older male only displayed emotion when singing.

His focus soon shifted. Levi's voice was breathtaking. It was deep and smooth, but could be coarse if the lyrics demanded it. It sent shivers down the spine and back up. Eren was caught up in the song and let his melancholy thoughts carry him away.

"Hey brat, ready to go?" Eren looked up quickly to see Levi standing before him. He looked at the stage then back at Levi, realizing the song must have ended a while ago and he had spaced out.

"Aw Levi, look, he's crying! Did you like Levi's singing that much, Eren?" Hanji teased.

Eren rubbed at his eyes and was surprised to find tears threatening to fall. He looked back up at Levi, worried that he was going to be ridiculed, but his heart stopped at the soft smile Levi gave him.

"Come on, let's get some food." After taking a few deep breaths and wiping any remaining moisture from his eyes, Eren stood up and followed Levi out of the club.

They said nothing as they crossed the street and made their way to a little diner. Levi walked in first and made his way to a table in the back by the window. From the smile that the waitress directed at Levi as she put down a cup of tea for him, Eren inferred that Levi was a regular. Levi nodded his head in thanks and picked up his menu, glancing at it quickly before setting it back down. Levi didn't say anything to him, sipping his tea with his hand covering the top of the mug. Eren was fascinated how Levi managed to sip his tea without his hand getting in the way.

The diner was a quaint establishment. The floor was black and white checkered tile and the booths were dark red vinyl. An elderly couple sat at the counter at the front, the woman huddled close to her husband who had his arm wrapped around her shoulders. A man in his forties sat a few seats down from them and watched the news on the TV above the counter. The waitress who served Levi tea was carrying a plate of french toast to another customer but kept glancing over at Levi.

"That waitress wants to bang you."

Levi lifted one eyebrow. "Bang? How old are you?"

Eren frowned. "Sorry for not wanting to be too vulgar."

Levi shrugged. "Call it what it is. If you're going to make a statement like that in a family establishment anyway, might as well use proper terms." He picked up his tea again.

"Fine. She wants your cock in her loose pussy." Levi almost choked on his sip of tea and Eren detected a slight smirk on his lips. It always caught Levi off-guard when this kid said things like that with a straight face. Levi did the same thing all the time, which often got him rebuked by Erwin, but hearing it from an innocent-looking kid was different. He knew the kid wasn't innocent by far, but those puppy dog eyes of his made Levi forget sometimes.

"Why are you telling me?" The smirk was gone and Levi's face was expressionless again. Eren looked closely, trying to discern the older male's thoughts about the waitress before giving up, not having discovered anything about his caregiver's sexual preferences. Not that Eren cared. Sure, Levi was extremely attractive with a sexy voice to match, but Levi was practically holding him hostage. His only hope for getting his freedom back was to anger Levi enough that he'd be kicked out. Who Levi did or didn't do wasn't a factor.

With that in mind, Eren shrugged his shoulders. "Just something I observed."

"What can I get you this evening?" The waitress, whose name tag said Lindy, asked with a 1000 watt smile. Her attention was laser-focused on Levi.

"I'll have the house special. What about you, brat?" Levi looked at Eren, ignoring the lingering stare of the waitress.

"Oh, uh, I didn't look at the menu."

"Tch." Levi turned back to Lindy and ordered something for him. Lindy looked back and forth between the two males before returning to the kitchen to place their order.

"If you keep looking at me that intensely, Lindy will get the wrong idea."

"What idea is that?" Levi deadpanned. If it wasn't for the minor spark in Levi's eyes, Eren would have thought the man was oblivious. Instead, he realized Levi was challenging him. Eren wouldn't give in and state what he was thinking; that Lindy would think Levi and him were more than friends. Not that they were even friends. Eren didn't know what to call their relationship.

Levi was still shamelessly staring at him when Lindy returned with their food. The house special was scrambled eggs, spiced home fries, sausage links, and a fruit salad on the side. Levi had ordered him the same thing with a chocolate muffin to replace the fruit salad.

"How did you know?" Eren asked, pointing at the muffin.

Levi shrugged, a gesture Eren was getting used to. The older male would shrug his shoulders if he wanted to downplay some thoughtful act of his, like when Eren had thanked him that morning for giving him a toothbrush.

"You ate at least ten pancakes this morning. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out you have a sweet tooth."

"I do." Feeling bold, Eren inquired, "And how do you taste, Levi? Sweet?"

Levi was very good at hiding his emotions but this brat knew exactly what to say to get a reaction, which is why Eren was laughing at an astonished Levi and receiving a dirty look from the waitress.

Levi smoothed out his features. "Fucking brat. How old are you again?"

"I'll be legal at the end of March." Eren wiggled his eyebrows.

"That's not why I'm asking. You sure you're not ten? Because the way you were crying after the last song..." Levi hadn't planned to bring it up but he needed to regain some control in this conversation.

Levi snickered at his dinner partner's angry pouting face.

"My eyes hurt from looking at your face."

"Mhmm." Levi was amazed that the formerly audacious teen was now pouting like a petulant child.

"How do you normally get to school?"

"Huh?" That was probably the last thing Eren expected Levi to ask. He would be less surprised if he was asked whether he shipped MakoxHaru or RinxHaru. (RinxHaru, obviously. Makoto and Haru are just good friends. Although he wasn't opposed to a nice threesome, but that was beside the point.)

"Oh, I usually walk and Reiner drives me home."

"From now on I'll drive you in the mornings on my way to work. You can have Reiner drop you off at the apartment."

"It's fine. I can walk."

Levi gave him a look that clearly said, "Don't argue with me. I'm driving you to school."

Eren didn't argue again. He got the distinct feeling he didn't want to be on Levi's bad side.

 


	6. Over Your Shoulder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS. If you don't know about the titan shifters, read no further.
> 
> The song is from the movie soundtrack for Rudderless.

"Eren! Thank the walls, we were worried man."

After Eren’s eventful weekend, it felt surreal to return to the morning routine of hanging out in the high school parking lot before class with his usual group. The familiar environment was disrupted by Levi's charcoal grey Lexus, parked alongside Reiner's rundown truck. It was a subtle evocation that this was not the usual Monday morning. A lot had happened in the past 48 hours and he couldn't situate himself in his weekday habits with Levi's presence to remind him of that fact.

Upon exiting the warm interior of Levi's car, Eren was struck by both the contrasting autumn chill and a slap on the back from Reiner, the latter eliciting a groan. The questions regarding Eren's impressive ride to school came second place to questions about his jail escapades.

"What happened while I was gone this weekend?" Jean asked, tone a mixture of worry and curiosity. "All Reiner and Bert told me was that you were locked up. Did you finally get sent to the loony bin for your unstable behavior?"

"I'm surprised the farm hasn't come to get you back yet, horse-face," Eren retorted, with the quick mood shift from calm to choleric that validated Jean's comment.

“Sorry man. We formulated a whole bail out plan where Bertholdt and I punched holes through the walls of the police station and while the cops were distracted, you would escape, but that fell through when we couldn't even punch through the plank of wood in Bertholdt's garage."

"Great plan guys," Eren said drily, rolling his eyes.

"So what happened?" Jean asked again, not having his question answered the first time.

"Yeah Eren, what happened?" Levi parroted. Levi was still in the school parking lot, leaning against the open door of his running car. Eren shrunk under Levi's intense stare so Bert took it upon himself to explain the situation.

With the same psychotic thrill in his voice that was present Saturday night, Bert began, "You know that convenience store at the gas station off of Maria Drive? Well, we were grabbing some stuff like usual-" Reiner shoved Bert, interrupting him. "When this moron decided to steal from the cash register as well. That Boku no Pico impersonator in our class was the cashier and he pressed the button alerting the police."

Levi's gaze became more intense, and Eren tried folding in on himself to dodge those silver daggers that pierced him. "You were robbing a convenience store?"

"That was all Bert's idea! We were just supposed to grab some alcohol and snacks."

"That's still stealing, you shitty brat. You better not steal anything from me."

Before Eren could promise he wouldn't, although Levi had no reason to believe his word anyway, the intimidating male had gotten back in his car and driven off.

For the first time in a long while, Eren felt like a shitty brat. Despite his initial contention whenever Levi called him that, Eren knew the words held no true bite and he grudgingly accepted it as an unconventional nickname. Now, however, the words were not empty. They held their Merriam-Webster definition and the bite stung.

Life before Levi was effortless. Eren led a hedonistic life with no repercussions (until his recent arrest). Living with Levi was stressful. No bribes for good behavior were offered, no threats for rule-breaking were issued, no smiley-face stickers were marked on a calendar for each day that Eren 'behaved.' None of that.

Still, somehow, Eren found himself unwittingly striving to please Levi. That was why he felt an uncomfortable feeling, shame to be precise, as Reiner recounted their lawless behavior in front of the man. If Levi had not been standing there, Eren would have exaggerated his time in a jail cell, playing up the bravado to his attentive audience. As it was, a short rebuke from Levi caused embarrassment, humiliation, guilt, and a yearning for redemption to swirl within him, causing his gut to clench at the effort of digesting these emotions he had not eaten in a while.

A myth of childhood is that wounds can be healed with a Band-Aid. Got a papercut? Put a Band-Aid on it. Got a broken foot? Put a Band-...oh, wait. Some things could not be fixed with a fucking adhesive bandage with images of Spongebob on it. This would not deter Eren, however.

Problem: Uncomfortable feelings (shame, guilt, humiliation, etc.)

Cause: Levi

Solution: Get away from Levi

A simple, bandaid solution for a problem on the broken foot spectrum of the scale. However, putting a Band-Aid on his metaphorical broken foot would only mask the true problem and do nothing to heal it.

He had stayed the weekend at Levi's apartment, but it was time for him to form an escape plan. He needed to make Levi kick him out. He wanted the freedom to do as he pleased without feeling like he was disappointing anyone. The sooner he got away from Levi, the better.

 

***

 

Eren didn't have a class with Annie until fourth period. Just like Levi, Annie possessed the irksome ability to gift him with a Jiminy Cricket. Unlike Levi who awakened his conscious unintentionally before departing, allowing Eren to wrap the cricket in a Band-Aid before flicking it off his shoulder as soon as Levi's car was out of sight, Annie intentionally superglued the cricket to Eren's shoulder. For an entire hour-long class, he would be trapped with Annie, forced to listen to his conscious berate him for his weekend behavior.

He hoped that she would never learn about his short stay at Shiganshina Police Department, but the small town had a comparatively sized high school and word spread quicker than a forest fire in the dry heat of a California summer. At least, Eren thought so. He had never been outside Shiganshina so he wasn't sure how fast forest fires actually spread. Either way, he knew Annie heard the news as soon as he entered the English classroom and her sharp gaze immediately flickered to him.

The chair creaked as he sat in his seat behind her. Annie wasted no time in confronting him. With a scowl on her face but concern in her eyes, she asked, "How was your weekend, Eren?"

"Seems like you already know."

"Reiner told me this morning. I can't fucking believe you got arrested. You're kinda lucky it was just jail, though."

"Just jail?" Eren laughed, surprised that Annie wasn't pissed at him and was in fact downplaying his most recent fuck-up.

"When Reiner told me something happened to you, I was thinking that you were drugged at a rave again and taken advantage of, or stabbed in an alley during another bar brawl."

Eren started to wish Annie was pissed. The concern laced in her words and lugubrious tone didn't match her characteristically rough exterior. It made him uncomfortable, seeing that she was truly worried about his well-being. He hated feeling like a disappointment more than almost anything. More than people who waste electricity or water. More than walking behind slow people. More than his relatives asking what he planned to do with an Anthropology degree. (Oops, was that self-projection?)

"You are such a reckless, suicidal bastard."

Eren squirmed in his seat. Ready for a change in topic, he asked, "Did you know that I moved in with Levi?"

The shock on her face was answer enough.

"Since he's done a lot to help me, I was wondering what you know about him. What does he dislike? I don't want to get on his bad side." The lie slipped easily from his lips. If Annie was surprised that Levi had let Eren move in, she was even more astonished at how well Eren was taking it. Levi could be good for him. Her relief kept her from picking up on Eren's true intentions.

"He's a clean-freak. Not on the level of a germaphobe, but don't leave crumbs on the counter or your shit lying around the house because he will make you clean up any mess you make." The man must have more pet peeves. Eren prodded Annie further. "He has a low tolerance for idiotic people. Or maybe that's people in general. Anyway, he doesn't like most people, and doesn't take quickly to strangers, which is why I'm surprised that he is letting you live with him. I don't think he lets anyone besides his friends into his apartment, and from what Hanji once said, even they are rarely invited to his place. It probably ties in with that cleanliness thing - his space is free of contamination from other people. Have you met Hanji?"

"Yeah, I work with them at the club on weekends." Eren found Annie's reactions comical. Her eyebrows lifted high on her forehead and her mouth formed a small 'o.'

"Wow, a job? Levi's had an effect on you already."

“Tch.” Eren crossed his arms over his chest. "How did you even meet Levi?"

"Hanji and Levi came to my parent's crystal shop in the city two years ago, looking for a present for a friend. I helped them choose a necklace. They invited me to visit The Underground, I went, we've been friends ever since. Not that exciting. Not like you, who formed a friendship fresh out of the slammer. But back to the original topic, as long as you respect his space and don't do anything that someone would obviously dislike, you should be fine. Levi will definitely tell you if you do anything wrong, so don't worry too much about it."

Eren nodded his head, soaking in the information. What could he do that would upset Mr. Clean? He could always turn on a blender without the lid, leave his dirty laundry around the house, or track mud in from outside. But from what Annie said, it would just make Levi displeased and then he would be forced to clean the mess he made. He would have to be more creative.

The idea didn't strike him until the end of the day. He and Jean were packing up their books at their lockers when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. Behind him stood Felicia, one of the cheerleaders who was also in his upper level calculus class. She smiled at him with the self-confidence of a girl who was used to receiving male attention.

"Hey Eren," Felicia purred, mocha eyes looking up through lowered lashes as she tucked a strand of silky auburn hair behind a delicate ear.

"What's up, Felicia?" Eren leaned against his locker, crossing his arms. With no conscious effort on Eren's part, his body posture exuded sex appeal.

"I was wondering if you were free later...?" She trailed off, looking nervous all of a sudden. This was what really pissed Jean off. Eren didn't do anything and girls, sometimes guys, threw themselves at him like he was the only cool spring in the desert. It wasn't hard to figure out why. The author Jennifer L. Armentrout summed it up perfectly in four sentences: "Beautiful face. Beautiful body. Horrible attitude. It was the holy trinity of hot boys."

Beautiful face? Check. Eren had smooth, sun-kissed skin, high cheekbones, and eyes the same bright hue as peridots. In last year's school talent show, someone submitted poetry about his eyes. Eren did not know this, however, since he never attended school functions. If the narrator recalls correctly, part of the poetry, written by a girl named Mikasa, went:

_I stand by your window and watch as you sleep/_

_If only you slept with open eyes, I just want a peep/_

_Greener than the grass in the grove behind your house/_

_Those fluorescent orbs keep me in a game of cat and mouse/_

_I will stalk you to the ends of the Earth. You are beautiful. Marry me, Eren._

Yeah, it was embarrassing for everyone in attendance. Back to our checklist. Beautiful body? Another check. Eren was athletic, participating in basketball until high school, and then keeping in shape by running and using Reiner's weight-lifting equipment. His lean body was strong, but a soft layer rested above the muscle. Eren's attitude wasn't horrible for the most part, but he was well known for his temper. Strangely enough, that fire of his added to his charm, which absolutely puzzled Jean. Eren had this charisma that drew people to him, against the poor boy's wishes. Jean wasn't unattractive by any scope of the imagination but he still had to approach girls. Which he never did. When Jean wasn't goofing off with Eren, Reiner, and Bert, he was at Marco's house...

Suddenly it was like a lightbulb went off above Eren's head. (No, not that Jean and Marco were secretly dating). Didn't Annie mention something about Levi not liking other people in his apartment? Who was better than some random cheerleader? He remembered Levi telling him this morning that he wouldn't be back from work until five o'clock. Eren needed to time this right so Felicia was still in the apartment when Levi returned.

"I'm free around 4:30. What did you have in mind?"

She blushed. "You know what I have in mind. Don't make me say it."

Eren inwardly smirked. Putting on a hurt expression, he responded, "It pains me that you only see me as a booty call. Truly, Felicia. I have feelings too."

The poor girl blushed harder and hurried to apologize. "I'm sorry, Eren. It's just, you never seem interested in getting to know people or hang out with anyone other than your friends. But I would love to see a movie with you or get dinner or something!" Eren cringed at her enthusiasm. He had been joking. The whole point of not dating was to avoid emotional attachments. It wasn't because he was a cheapskate that he didn't go on dates.

"Why don't you come over to my apartment? We can watch a movie there." Felicia's face lit up again, glad that Eren hadn't turned her down. He wrote down the address for her and then met Reiner in the parking lot for a ride to Levi's apartment.

 

***

 

While he waited for Felicia to arrive, Eren turned his futon back into a couch and put his few belongings away. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself at how he was cleaning to prepare for pissing off Levi. It seemed counter-productive. He was scrolling through movie options on Netflix when the doorbell rang.

"Wow, your apartment is so clean." Felicia moved further into the apartment, looking around. They sat down on the couch and Felicia chose "10 Things I Hate About You" to watch. Eren didn't really care, knowing they wouldn't be watching the movie for long.

Just as he predicted, it wasn't even fifteen minutes into the movie before Felicia started rubbing circles on his thigh. Two minutes later and her lips were on his, hand running through his hair and resting on the nape of his neck. Five minutes later and a cheetah print bra was pressed against Eren's bare chest, his button down spread open and resting on his shoulders. Eren glanced at the clock. Everything was right on schedule.

 

***

 

Levi was plagued with concerns about the damn brat all day. His thoughts ranged from worry that the kid would accidentally electrocute himself using the microwave to thoughts about whether he would return to an empty home. Levi wasn't sure what he would do if the kid bailed. He felt a slight responsibility towards the brat, but he also knew forcing the kid to stay wasn't going to work. In the back of his mind, he wondered if his apartment would be empty in another sense. As in missing TV, furniture, and other valuables. Not that Levi had many things of value.

His weekday job as a data analyst was respectable with a six figures paycheck, giving him more than sufficient funds to support himself and others down the road. Nevertheless, he was used to humble living, which was why he was still living in a one-bedroom apartment. His Lexus was the only truly pricey thing he owned. He had lied when he told Eren to get a job to help pay for groceries; Levi could afford to feed an extra person, could probably feed ten extra people, with his salary. In truth, Levi wanted to keep an eye on Eren during the weekend.

Out of all the realistic and fanciful scenarios that passed through Levi’s head that day, he had not once considered the possibility of what he found. Upon entering his apartment, he was first alerted by the pair of ballet flats next to Eren's black Converse. The next warning he got was the sound of moans coming from his living room.

 _Oh god, I do not want to see this_ , Levi thought. Reminding himself that it was his apartment and he would not be embarrassed into leaving and returning at a later time, Levi boldly walked into the living room, keeping his expression absolutely neutral, although that was quite difficult with the sight in front of him.

Two horny teenagers in various states of undress were mashing their faces together on his couch. Some girl he had never seen before was sitting on Eren's lap and palming him through his pants, moaning at whatever skillful thing Eren's tongue was doing in her mouth.

"Ahem." If he wasn't disgusted, he would have been amused at the look of pure horror and embarrassment on the girl's face as she quickly got off of Eren's lap.

"Welcome home, Levi," Eren said calmly, unabashed to be caught. Levi was reminded how little he knew about his new roommate. Maybe this was a regular Monday afternoon for him. The girl dressed quickly and mumbled apologies as she gathered her possessions. She looked back once to tell Eren to call her before shutting the door.

Levi appraised Eren. "Sorry to interrupt." He moved into the kitchen to make some tea. He felt an oncoming headache.

Eren was shocked at the lack of response he got out of Levi. Levi wasn't known for showing emotion, but Eren had figured this would have at least deserved some type of response other than a raised eyebrow. He followed Levi into the kitchen and sat down at the counter. Levi regarded the teenager in front of him (he couldn't currently think of Eren as a kid after what he saw) and decided it was better to discuss the problem now.

"Was that your girlfriend?" Levi silently cursed himself. That wasn't what he meant to ask. He meant to set ground rules with the shitty brat, not inquire into his love life.

Eren shook his head. "I don't date."

"What does that mean?"

"Exactly what I said. I don't date. I fuck when I feel like it with whoever offers. No romance, no attachments."

"With whoever offers?"

"Yeah. Guys, girls. I'm bisexual so it doesn't matter to me much, although I prefer guys." He shrugged a shoulder, looking utterly bored with the conversation, as if he explained his sexual preferences on a daily basis and Levi was the hundredth person he had told that day.

What Levi meant by his question was how it happened that people came up to Eren offering sex. However, he wouldn't deny that he was surprised to see Eren with a girl after all the suggestive comments and winks Eren directed at him. Knowing that he preferred guys was good to know. Not that Levi had any intention of bedding the brat. His goal was to keep Eren out of trouble and set him on the straight and narrow. Maybe if he helped this brat, some of his guilt would dissipate. Do some bad, counterbalance with some good, and poof! Clean slate. Things were just a little more complicated with said brat being undeniably attractive and having no reservations about walking around in his boxers.

After a few beats of silence, Eren rose from his seat, assuming the conversation was over, but was halted by Levi. "Oi, where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going to take care of this." Eren gestured down to the tent in his pants. "You interrupted before she could finish me off." Eren had started walking away again but suddenly stopped. Oh no, Levi thought. Eren turned back to face him with a cheeky grin and Levi knew whatever came out of that little shit's mouth would no doubt be trouble.

"Hey, Levi, your job as my guardian is to take care of all my needs, right?"

Levi would be loathe to admit it but a slight blush found its way to his cheeks at what Eren was implying. Eren tested the strength of his apathetic mask constantly, and on occasion had caused it to crack to reveal his emotions. He tried thinking of anything except the sexy as fuck guy in front of him with an erection, asking to be serviced. He would not be played by a fucking teenager.

"Sure is, brat. Come over here and drop your pants," Levi deadpanned.

"S..Seriously?" Eren stuttered, completely thrown off balance by Levi's nonchalant response.

Levi gave him a look that read, "What do you think?" before commanding, "Go take a cold shower while I make dinner." Eren skedaddled, cheeks pink. Levi stared after him, pondering how the brat could proposition him so easily and then become flustered when Levi teased back. The brat started this game after all.

Levi was flummoxed and undeniably intrigued by Eren's many sides. When he first met the raging spitfire, he thought that was all there was. Then he met a promiscuous little shit that night at the diner. And for a short blip in time, he saw a boy who cried during a wistful song. Despite the fact that Eren teased Levi first, his innocent side had the nerve to appear and be bashful when teased in return. There was something about the boy's innocence, in contrast to his boldness, that Levi was inexplicably drawn to. It made him see Eren as more than a troubled kid he was helping out of his own guilt. Eren was not him. Eren was purer, and Levi was beginning to care for him as a person, not just his ward.

 

***

 

Later that night, they both sat in the living room. Levi was on his laptop, responding to emails while Eren pretended to watch TV. His plan to get Levi to kick him out hadn't worked this afternoon, but Eren was nothing if not determined. Levi didn't seem like the type of person to kick him out for one transgression anyway. Eren would have to keep trying until his will to leave surpassed Levi's will to take care of him. The struggle was finding something that would surely exasperate the older male without having lasting harm on himself. For this reason, Eren decided not to take drugs. That shit could make him addicted and fuck him up permanently. Then he would need Levi to take care of him. Despite what Annie may have told Levi, drugs were the one trouble Eren had stayed clear of so far.

His thoughts were shaken apart and dissolved when Levi shoved gently at his shoulder to get his attention. He realized that he had been staring blankly at the wall.

"I'm going to bed now. Turn off the lights before you go to bed."

Levi's doorway was almost closed when Eren called him back.

"Levi."

The older male stood patiently in his doorway, waiting for Eren to form his thoughts.

"You...Why weren't you more upset about Felicia being here?" Eren had been wondering that all evening.

"Felicia? Oh, that girl who was straddling you?" Eren nodded. "The house rules were 'Don't do anything stupid, stay out of jail, and clean up your mess'. It was my fault for not including 'don't fuck strangers in my apartment' to the rules, although I figured that was a given." Levi yawned and turned back to his room.

"Does that mean Felicia can stay over tomorrow, now that she's not a stranger?"

Levi glared at him. "New house rules. No one is allowed in my apartment without my permission ahead of time. And no sleepovers."

"That's not fair! Just because you don't get any doesn't mean the rest of us shouldn't. I have needs," Eren whined.

Levi smirked. "Who says I don't get any? I don't recall you being in my dressing room after concerts every weekend night."

"Do you fuck them before or after they bring out the kitchen knife?"

Time stopped. Eren felt his heart beat irregularly at the sound of Levi's clear, unfiltered laugh. Eren had never heard Levi laugh before. Eren doubts whether he had seen Levi smile before.

"Touché. Four-eyes has a bigger mouth than I thought."

Eren was still frozen in place, replaying the sound of Levi's laugh over and over and over in his mind. Levi gave him a quizzical glance.

"Anyway, while I'm your guardian, you won't be getting people knocked up or catching all the STD's like you're a Pokemon trainer or some shit. But don't worry, I'll take care of your needs. You just come see me when you can't control your hormones."

Levi tossed Eren a coquettish grin before closing his bedroom door, leaving a confused and horny Eren to debate the meaning of that last sentence as he tried to fall asleep, all too aware of the sexy bastard in the room next door.

 

***

 

Tuesday passed uneventfully. Quiz in Spanish. Lunch off campus with Reiner, Bertholdt, and Jean. Fifty pages of assigned reading for homework in AP U.S. History.

The evening found him and Levi in the living room again, sitting in companionable silence. Eren had taken it upon himself to get reactions out of Levi. So far, he had heard Levi laugh. He wanted to make the phlegmatic male smile, maybe cry, yell in anger...anything so long as it was markedly different from the neutral expression that refused to waver.

He noticed that Levi appeared uncomfortable whenever he did or said something sexual. Thinking it was a surefire way to make the silver-eyed male squirm, Eren crawled along the couch until he was on his knees right next to Levi. Levi ignored him, but that wasn't unusual. Not deterred in the slightest, Eren lightly ran the tips of his fingers along the exposed skin of Levi's arm, up to the cotton shirt sleeve barrier.

"Levi," he spoke breathily, right by Levi's ear, "as my guardian, can you take care of my needs?"

Eren was expecting Levi's cheeks to turn pink and for his eyes to shift around the room, landing anywhere but Eren's face. He did not expect Levi to turn towards him, a gleam in his eyes and a cocky smile on his lips.

"Sure thing, Eren." Eren's body shivered at the way Levi said his name.

"Close your eyes and give me a second."

It was not what Eren was expecting, but it was welcome nonetheless. He would be lying if he said he didn't think about Levi sometimes. Especially when the man cooked breakfast shirtless or walked around in a towel, body and hair still wet from a shower. Eren settled into a comfortable position on the couch and closed his eyes obediently. He heard Levi slip into his bedroom and open a drawer.

Levi chuckled to himself as he retrieved the items from his desk drawer, where he had stored them earlier that day. When he re-entered the living room and saw Eren sitting on the couch, eyes dutifully closed, he couldn't help but notice those pink, kissable lips, or the collarbones that peeked above the low-cut old t-shirt the teen was wearing. Levi could kiss Eren and say it was in jest, but that would be crossing a line and he would also regret squandering this perfect opportunity to fuck with the brat.

After the flirty comment Levi dropped last night, he had been waiting for Eren to take the bait. He had thought the horny teen would at least wait a few days, so he was grateful that he got the supplies during his lunch break today.

"You can open your eyes now," Levi breathed onto Eren's lips, making the teen shudder. Those glowing green eyes fluttered open and looked at Levi questioningly, wondering why the male didn't do anything to him while his eyes were closed.

"I said I would help take care of your needs, right? Well, I bought you a gift." Levi presented the box he had been hiding behind his back to the confused male in front of him. Eren just stared at it.

"Open it, shitty brat."

Eren untied the bow on the top of the box and ripped off the wrapping paper. Levi couldn't restrain his laugh at Eren's shifting facial expressions. Original curiosity transformed into confusion which morphed into anger the longer he stared at the pink, sparkly dildo.

"What...the _fuck_...is this?" Eren gritted out.

"It's a dildo, silly. To help with your 'needs.'" Levi was still chuckling, despite the fierce glare he was receiving.

"Fuck you," Eren spit.

"No, that's to fuck _you_."

Eren groaned as he flopped onto the couch.

"Well, if you don't want that gift, I had another idea to handle your 'needs.'"

Eren knew it was a bad idea to listen to anything Levi said, yet his curiosity overruled his good sense and he turned to face Levi again, wondering what this other idea was. He knew he made a grave error when he saw Levi's shit-eating grin. Eren wanted to see more of Levi's facial expressions, but not that one. It couldn't bode well for him.

He was right.

Levi's left arm, which was still behind his back, came forward to place a picture face down on Eren's lap. Knowing he would regret his decision but unable to restrain himself, Eren flipped the picture over.

And screamed.

Levi doubled over in laughter as Eren sat in shock. Before his eyes was a picture of his gym teacher, Keith Shadis, peacocking in an orange speedo, two circles of whipped cream covering certain things on his bare chest, and a rose pressed between his teeth, hands clasped behind his head. He did not shave his armpits. The incongruity of the picture was confusing as fuck but the fact that it was his gym teacher is what made it truly horrifying.

"You're an asshole."

Levi wiped a tear from his eye before collapsing on the couch next to an irate Eren. "If the dildo doesn't help, that picture will surely turn anything flaccid."

"How did you even get this?"

"Hanji. Don't ask me how they got it, because I don't know and I'm sure I don't want to know."

Eren was right in his first impresson of Hanji. Hanji was a frightful entity not to be messed with. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered how successful he would be if he tried to blackmail Coach Shadis. Perhaps Hanji could make copies that he could drop from the school's main staircase, watching as the papers floated on the stale building air to land in his classmates outstretched hands. The more he thought about it though, it would cause more harm to the fragile minds of his classmates than to his gym teacher. Some kids might need to have their memories wiped in order to function again.

"You didn't really think I was going to fuck you, did you?" The expression on Eren's face said that was exactly what he had been thinking. "Shit, kid. I'm trying to be your guardian. An adult you can rely on and talk to. Plus, we barely know each other."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Levi stared at him intently. "Do you open your legs for anyone?"

At the hurt look in the usually energetic eyes, Levi knew he had gone too far. It was so hard to tell where to draw the line with Eren, since Eren bordered between innocent puppy and mischievous vixen.

"Don't judge my choices when you don't know me."

There was something different about the brat sitting beside him. He had seen many sides to Eren that he liked - flirty Eren, enraged Eren, shy Eren - but this one worried him. Seeing fragile Eren, Levi was reminded once again that he knew next-to-nothing about the boy he had guardianship over and what his life had been like up to this point in time. The boy in front of him had the same dull look in his eyes as the night Levi saw him sitting in a jail cell.

"You're right. I'm...sorry."

He could have stopped there, but for some reason Levi felt like he needed to explain where he was coming from to Eren. "I have no right to judge you. Personally, I like to know the person I have sex with. The trust and the care you have for each other makes the experience better. Your choices are your own, but I think you deserve that trusting and caring relationship." He scratched his head, embarrassed by how sappy he was being. However, this seemed to heal the rift his thoughtless words had caused, because Eren was staring at him thoughtfully, like he was seeing him in a new light.

"I understand that."

"Then why don't you date? I'm sure you have plenty of options." Even if Levi didn't know from Annie that Eren was sexually active, he wouldn't doubt for a second that a guy as attractive as Eren could get anyone he wanted.

"I..." Eren wasn't sure whether he wanted to open up to Levi about his innermost thoughts and insecurities. At the same time, despite the way Levi riled him up sometimes, he still felt comfortable around him. Levi was like light filtering through his window on a weekend morning. Gentle, warm, and silent, but undeniably present.

In the end, all he managed to say was, "People leave."

Despite being an occasional dick, most recently with the dildo and picture, there were times that Eren was thankful for Levi. One of those times was in that moment, when Levi nodded in understanding, and didn't press Eren for more of an explanation than he was willing to give.

 

***

 

Wednesday began just like Monday and Tuesday. Eren woke up to a plate of French toast with powdered sugar waiting for him at the kitchen counter. He ate alone while Levi showered and got ready for work.

"I saved you a few pieces of toast but if you don't hurry, I don't think I can restrain myself much longer," Eren called towards Levi's open doorway.

"I don't like sweet foods in the morning. Those are all yours," a voice responded.

Eren frowned. He hadn't payed attention before, but now that he thought about it, Levi didn't eat much of the breakfast food he made. He would eat a piece of fruit or a yogurt while Eren devoured the pancakes, muffins, scones, or whatever else Levi baked. It was really hard to hate a guy who was trying to make him happy and comfortable in his new living arrangement. Eren wished Levi would stop being so thoughtful, because it would make him feel like shit when he purposely caused the guy trouble in the future. Eren just had to remember that he didn't ask Levi to become his guardian. He had every right to do what he had to to get his freedom back. He would need to hurry though because he was already getting into a routine: eat a delicious breakfast, get driven to school, come home and do homework, shower while Levi made dinner, and hang out in the living room until they went to bed. The rest of Wednesday followed this pattern.

His wake up call came the next morning.

When he groggily wandered into the kitchen, Levi was still cooking Belgian waffles. Normally Eren disliked the bitter taste of coffee, but his homework kept him up later than expected and he needed the boost of energy to survive the day. However, it wasn't the coffee that brought him to alertness.

Sitting next to the coffee maker was the newspaper, folded to the apartment listings. The red circles drew his eye in, and upon further inspection, the circled listings were all two bedroom apartments.

A barrage of emotions assaulted him at once, making it difficult to breathe. The first emotion he identified was elation at the thought of Levi wanting him to move in more permanently and relief that he wouldn't be returning to his empty house. The next emotion was sheer panic at how quickly and effortlessly Levi broke through his defenses. Eren had never admitted to himself before that he hated being alone. Even surrounded by people at school and at parties, he was alone. He always ensured that people were kept at a distance, but somehow Levi snuck in undetected and now Eren feared it was too late for him to return to his solitude without feeling the hole Levi made with his entry. The bastard wasn't even aware of what he had done.

Eren kept telling himself that he wanted away from Levi because he wanted his freedom back. Free to eat meals alone every night. Free to spend weeknights in the living room watching TV alone. Free to get drunk and sleep around and party excessively and shoplift without anyone to care or tell him he deserved better. Fuck Levi for fucking up his mind and making him fucking dependent on his company. He was too comfortable, too content, too secure with Levi.

What scared Eren was the future. Levi didn't owe him anything. Tomorrow he could royally screw up or take his backtalking too far and Levi could kick him out. The thought of being left behind again was too painful. Eren wasn't sure if his heart could heal a third time. He was reminded of his original intention to upset Levi and escape this guardianship. Since when did Eren start worrying about not staying with Levi?

Levi had asked a question and was waiting for a response but Eren felt nauseous, his mind and heart at odds with each other.

"Eren?"

Eren bolted from the kitchen, making it to the bathroom just in time as he retched the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl. Levi didn't bother to knock on the door, he just walked right in and bent down to feel Eren's forehead.

"I don't think you have a fever, but I can call the school and tell them you're sick if you want to stay home."

That word. Home. Levi was referring to his apartment as Eren's home and it twisted his stomach up more with a strange combination of giddiness and trepidation. He leaned back over the toilet in case there was anything left in him.

He couldn't stand Levi hovering over him. He couldn't stand these conflicting feelings inside him that Levi caused.

"I'll call out of work today and go get soup from the grocery store." Levi's good intentions were only making him feel worse and more befuddled.

"I'm not sick. I'm going to school." He couldn't stay in this apartment all day with Levi.

"Really? Because you look sick to me."

Gritting his teeth, in as cold a tone as he could manage in his weak state, he replied, "The only thing I'm sick of is you."

Eren pushed himself up off the floor and shoved Levi out of the bathroom so he could brush his teeth in peace. He brushed furiously, whether to rid his mouth of the vile aftertaste of bile or to erase his thoughts of the startled and hurt expression in Levi's eyes at his cold demeanor, he wasn't sure which.

Eren said nothing as Levi drove him to school. Levi gave him his space and didn't ask for an explanation for his behavior, which irritated Eren more. He was partially glad that Levi wasn't prying into his sudden attitude shift. After Tuesday night, they had been getting along well. Teasing, bickering, but it was all comfortable pushing of each other's buttons.

Despite not knowing the cause of Eren's vexation, Levi allowed him to be moody and not explain himself immediately. It was one of those instances of understanding exactly what Eren needed that Levi did so well, and Eren hated how easily Levi handled him.

To slam the car door or not to slam the car door? That was the question. Eren knew his frustration was with himself but he was directing it at Levi, the closest target and the cause of his conflicted feelings. Slamming the car door behind him was childish but it would irritate Levi. A desolate smile that barely lifted the corners of his mouth appeared at the thought of angering Levi. Was there any point in trying now? Eren wasn't sure he could manage to leave Levi even if he was kicked out. Now that he was reminded what it felt like to have someone understand him and listen to him and care for him, he didn't think he could let that go so easily. He shut the door behind him as softly as possible.

"What is it, Eren?" Jean asked. Jean's friend was looking a bit pale, and he was worried. Eren was normally full of energy and arrogance. Jean knew something was wrong when Eren didn't avoid the question. Eren never shared his feelings, at least not of the sentimental variety.

"It's Levi."

Jean recalled that Levi was the guy who bailed Eren out of jail and who Eren was now living with. Jean had only seen him once, so he knew nothing about the guy.

"If you're unhappy, why not just leave?" Jean didn't think it was the most profound wisdom, but Eren could be an idiot and of course he wouldn't consider the simple solution of just leaving.

Inside, Eren battled with his feelings. Currently, he felt pain at the prospect of living alone again, living without Levi to cook him meals and keep him company, to worry when he was sick and ask how his school day went. At the same time, he knew the pain of Levi abandoning him in the future would hurt much worse. Jean was right. He should leave now before things got worse. His Band-Aid solution was still a go. However, instead of waiting for Levi to kick him out, Eren would escape by kicking himself out, so to speak.

Eren's face lifted so he was looking directly at Jean instead of the ground. A grin spread across his face. Jean sighed to himself at his friend's idiocy.

 


	7. How’s It Going To Be

All day, Eren was unable to concentrate on anything. Ever since Jean had casually suggested that he leave Levi, Eren's mind had been spinning. It made Eren feel slightly stupid that a farm animal had given him the simple advice. He wasn't sure why he never thought of the solution beforehand.

_It's because you don't actually want to leave._

Shut up, brain.

Eren didn't even need to dig deep to know it was true. A few scratches of a fingernail was enough to uncover how his heart truly felt.

For the first half of the day, Eren couldn't focus due to the lack of food in his system. He hadn't eaten since dinner last night and that food had been flushed away this morning.

He productively used his time to make the two halves of his heart agree. His head was staying out of this one. It wasn't often involved in his decision making anyway. His heart did what it wanted, and his brain prayed he didn't end up in too much trouble.

Meanwhile, inside Eren's body, a battle between the two conflicted parts of Eren's heart continues:

Heart 1: We've gotta get the fuck out now. I notice how fast Heart 2 beats whenever Levi shows concern for Eren. Nothing good can come from this, so listen to me and take Jeanny-boy's advice.

Heart 2: No! I'm tired of being lonely and left behind. Levi wants to take care of me and I'm riding that train all the way to the station.

Heart 1: Don't come crying to me when you are shattered again. You know how this game goes. If Eren's own parents abandoned him, what makes you think a guy you've known for a week will handle you any differently?

Heart 2: I...I...

Heart 1: Exactly. Judge, may I present Evidence 1?

Brain: You may.

Heart 1: I would ask the nonexistent jury to question where Eren's parents are.

Heart 2: What are you trying to do? Break me?

Heart 1: No, just point out the obvious. There is no guarantee that someone will stay by your side. Expecting Levi to is sheer folly. Now for Evidence 2. Where are Eren's friends?

Heart 2: What are you talking about? We saw Jean this morning.

Heart 1: I'm talking about his best friend since childhood, Armin. And what about Connie and Sasha? They were all good friends until Sophomore year.

Heart 2: That's because you pushed them away when you convinced me it was for our own good.

Heart 1: Yeah, well they didn't stick around to put up with our shit anyway, so I was right in the end.

Heart 2: *deep sigh*

Heart 1: Have I ever let you get broken again in the last three years?

Heart 2: *reluctantly* No.

Heart 1: Then trust me. There is no good in getting attached to people. I hate to admit it, but Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron, gave us our best solution to keep us safe. Simply leaving before Levi can leave us.

Heart 2: I guess you're right.

Heart 1: Of course I am. Your Honor, we have come to a consensus. We will be withdrawing from Levi's guardianship and returning home. It is now your duty to make it happen.

Brain: On it. Too bad we pushed that coconut head away. We both know I'm not too bright, and he would have been perfect for formulating a plan.

(Author would like to interject and apologize because I don't know what the fuck all that just was, but I felt like doing something different so I did.)

It wasn't until after lunch that the scheming began. With a turkey sandwich and some cool ranch Doritos circulating through his digestive track, Eren was able to focus on the task at hand.

He knew he couldn't outrightly tell Levi he was leaving. If he surreptitiously disappeared, it was likely that Levi would leave it at that. However, if he were to inform his guardian that he was just walking out without a backwards glance, the man would surely stop him out of some societal pressure to do the "right" thing by caring for a poor delinquent adolescent he had accepted guardianship over.

It wasn't fair for Levi to feel responsible for a kid that wasn't his own. Levi was practically still a kid himself, only 22 years old. Eren would be doing him a favor by leaving, so they could both return to their previous lives before that one fateful jail phone call.

With the intention to sneakily escape decided upon, the next course of action was to figure out a way to make it happen. Thankfully, tomorrow was Friday. Friday meant many things: the start of the weekend, a maddeningly stupid yet catchy song, and Christa's party.

Levi only let Eren out of his sights for school and during the weekend when they worked at The Underground. That's not to say Levi watched him like a hawk. At home, it seemed that the dark-haired male cared more about the price of tea in China (as he shopped on Amazon) than he did about Eren's actions. Even so, Eren knew if he asked to spend a night at a friend's house Levi would be suspicious and refuse. It was Eren's fault, since he made a big production about not wanting to have a guardian and then testing Levi's goodwill by surprising him with a girl on his second full day of guardianship.

If Eren could somehow get to Christa's party, he would have a place to spend the night, since Levi might check his old home first upon noticing his absence. Levi didn't know Christa so he would never think to look for him at her house. It was almost laughable how simple the plan was. Reiner would pick him up, no problem. The only puzzle piece that may or may not fit when the time came was leaving The Underground without arousing suspicion. Eren's brain was fried from thinking so much already, so he opted to figure the rest out as he went.

 

***

 

Eren was asleep on the couch when Levi returned home from work. He left work an hour early, not wanting to be away from home too long in case Eren was truly sick.

He didn't understand the boy's behavior that morning. During breakfast, Eren's face went deathly pale as it twisted into a grimace of pain before he rushed to the bathroom. He didn't understand why Eren refused to take a sick day. As far as Levi recalls, a teen would jump at the chance to skip school for a day and laze about the house. He didn't understand the animosity in Eren's tone when the boy shoved him from the bathroom. They had been getting along, but seemingly overnight Eren had returned to the surly brat he was the first night they met, as if the past week never happened.

Was Eren's attitude because he wasn't feeling well or was it caused by something else? He didn't press Eren for an explanation on the way to school, knowing it was better to give the kid time to get his shit together and then start the conversation when they had all evening to discuss it, whatever it was.

That was unlikely to happen, however, since the brat refused to wake up for dinner. It was now six o'clock and Eren was still lying on the couch with his eyes closed.

Levi believed the boy had truly been asleep when he first came home, but starting a half hour ago, he sensed Eren stirring. When Eren's ears picked up Levi's presence in the kitchen, he remained where he was, eyes tightened against the fluorescent light emanating from the kitchen in front of him and the fading light entering from the windows behind him.

"I know you're awake. I made some beef stew. I wasn't sure how your stomach was feeling, so you can just drink the broth if you can't hold anything heavy."

"I'm not hungry." His words were followed by a whale's mating call.

"Sounds like you're hungry."

"Fine. I have no appetite. Leave me alone." Eren lifted the blanket higher so it covered his head and shut his eyes again, trying to ignore Levi and fall back into oblivion.

Under his blanket where Levi couldn't see him, Eren was in mental anguish. Part of him wanted to enjoy his last night with Levi, eating a good meal and hanging out together in front of the TV. Although Levi could get on his nerves, he was also the first person to make him feel alive in years, and the feeling was something Eren knew he would have a difficult time giving up once he left.

The other part of him needed to spend his last night apart from Levi to prepare for the empty life he would be returning to.

This was for the best, he reminded himself. If he left on good terms, Levi might come looking for him. Secretly, he wanted Levi to fight for him. Yet, he knew it would be prolonging the inevitable when Levi eventually left him. Perhaps Levi was already planning to leave. Maybe there was some person he was dating that Eren didn't know about and that was why he was shopping for a bigger apartment.

For his own sanity and for the safety of his heart, he had to leave. He was hoping if he ignored Levi, Levi would get the message and keep his distance. He should have known better. Levi wasn't the type of person to be ignored.

"What's with the attitude?" Levi was steadily getting pissed. He wouldn't let Eren get away with his bratty behavior so easily. When no response was given, Levi stomped over to the couch and ripped the blanket off of Eren. Feeling exposed, Eren masked it with anger, his handy dandy defense mechanism.

"What the hell?!" Eren was shaking, partly from the cold air now that he wasn't wrapped in a blanket burrito, and partly from his indignant fury.

"That's what I should be saying. You've been volatile since this morning and it's making me worried."

For fuck's sake. Here Eren was, trying to distance himself and then Levi has to fucking tell him that he is worried about him. Grabbing the nearest pillow, Eren shoved his face into it and screamed. Levi was making this so difficult. Eren was on a fraying thread, striving to escape Levi's magnetism and return to the emotionless void he was before they met, but Levi kept scissoring that thread until it was ready to snap.

Levi watched the boy scream his frustration into the pillow. There was no point speaking to this bratty child. He returned to the kitchen to heat up his dinner, eating alone as the temperamental brat re-buried himself under his blanket. Whatever this phase was, Levi hoped it passed. As annoying as Eren could be at times, there were moments when Levi appreciated his company. Levi reminded himself that it had only been one week since Eren begrudgingly moved in. There were bound to be some teenage hormonal mood swings at some point. Once he learned how to navigate that land mine, they'd be fine. At least that's what he hoped.

For the first night all week, they did not watch TV together before bed. Both boys would never admit it, but the night felt incomplete without the new ritual.

 

***

 

The tension in the air was palpable. The two boys did not speak over breakfast. Levi baked sweet scones but Eren refused to eat them, opting for a bowl of cereal. Now Levi was certain that Eren's attitude was directed at him, and not a passing mood. But however many times Levi ran through their interactions in his head, he couldn't figure out what he did to upset Eren.

They did not talk on the drive to school and they did not talk over dinner before Levi drove them to The Underground for work. They separated as soon as they entered the club, Levi to his dressing room to warm up and Eren to the DJ booth.

Hanji and Eren worked companionably. Hanji forced Eren to play a game where they would point out clubgoers and ask Eren if he found them attractive, attempting to determine Eren's criteria, which happened to be dark-haired people with a strong-silent type aura. When Hanji told Eren this, it surprised him. He never took the time to think about whether he had a type, since it was never too relevant before.

For some odd reason, Hanji gave him a goofy smile that he didn't understand and winked at him when Levi stopped by to give them water bottles.

Eren bounced from foot to foot, unable to stand still. Ever since Levi's band took the stage, he kept checking the time on his phone, keeping track of how much time passed. Earlier when Eren asked, Hanji informed him that Special Operations Squad's set lasted about an hour, give or take fifteen minutes.

As the forty-five minute mark arrived, Eren texted Reiner.

"Hey Hanji, is there anything I can put away in advance?"

"What's the rush, honey-bun?"

Wracking his brain for a plausible excuse, he remembered going to the diner last weekend. Pushing aside the memories of that night as snippets of conversation and the way Levi stared at him resurfaced, he lied as calmly and convincingly as he could.

"Levi wanted me to get him some food from the diner across the street, so he could eat after the show. It will take some time to cook and I don't want him to wait too long so I was going to order it now and return by the time he finished."

Hanji gave him that confusing, goofy grin again. "That's so thoughtful of you, Eren. I can clean up on my own, so go right ahead."

Eren had taken a few steps when it dawned on him that he was unlikely to see Hanji after tonight. Once he stopped living with Levi, he would never be able to return to The Underground, because it would be beyond awkward if he ran into the man he ran away from.

Keeping in mind that he couldn't say anything too revealing, Eren turned back towards Hanji who was organizing discs into their appropriate drawers.

"Hey, Hanji. I just wanted to say thanks for letting me work with you. You're pretty cool."

Before Hanji could respond, Eren was hightailing it out of the club to the corner of the street where Reiner was parked. Reiner didn't ask why he was picking Eren up at the same street corner for the second Friday night in a row. He simply raised the volume on the truck's stereo, blasting Chief Keef's "Love Sosa," and sang loud and off key as he drove. Eren remained silent, letting the wind from the open windows ruffle his hair as the moon in the sky illuminated the lonely road before him.

Resting his head back against the seat and closing his eyes, Eren let his thoughts drift with the wind, gently reminding himself of all the reasons why staying with Levi would have been a bad decision every time that silver-eyes popped up on the back of his closed eyelids.

 

***

 

EREN'S POV

The sound was deafening, but that was exactly what I needed. The thumping music. The shrill voices screeching into the night like banshees as they guffawed over a joke only people on the same drug would find funny. The aggressive yelling of guys watching a sports game who disagreed with the referees call. It was all a welcome distraction.

Reiner handed me a beer which I chugged. He stared at me questioningly but didn't comment. It wouldn't do to dwell on my actions of the night. I had made a choice, and I was going to move forward without looking back. Alcohol would help me forget and move faster, so I rifled through the other alcoholic beverages spread across the kitchen island until I found the strong stuff.

I didn't bother to mix the vodka with juice or soda. The burning pain of the acrid liquid as it poured down my throat was welcome since it distracted me from the pain in my chest.

"Jaeger! Save some for the rest of us," Connie joked, clapping me on the back.

I gave him my best withering glare, hoping he would get the message that I wasn't in the mood to chat this sober in the night, but he just laughed and tugged my hand that wasn't holding a half-empty bottle of vodka as he swerved through the crowd and into the game room.

Connie dropped my wrist after entering the room and went to stand behind his girlfriend Sasha, who was throwing darts at the wall. There was a dartboard but either 1) Sasha's aim was terrible, 2) she was too inebriated to aim correctly, or 3) she gave zero fucks about what she hit so long as she could throw sharp objects.

I noticed a familiar blonde bowl cut peeking above the back of the leather couch but, thankfully, the head was too focused on that TV show about a moose, a squirrel, and a baby in a trench-coat to pay the new occupants much mind.

That was, until a happy drunk by the name of Thomas Wagner came running up to Reiner and I, clasping my hands in his own and begging me to play pool with him against JeanMarco. The blonde head turned at the mention of my name and eye contact was held for a second before I looked away, allowing myself to be dragged by Thomas to the pool table.

Bert found us soon after, bringing one of the coolers from the kitchen with him. I drank whatever was handed to me, my vision blurring at the edges. Somehow, despite Thomas and I being more inebriated individually than Jean and Marco combined, we still beat JeanMarco. Whether it was in the heat of the moment or it meant something, Thomas grabbed me by the shoulders and pressed his slightly chapped lips against mine.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Armin watching us. Thomas tried to get me to play another game of pool but I bowed out in search of more alcohol. If I could still remember what day it was, I hadn't had enough.

Before I made it to the kitchen, I passed by the open patio doors and the cool air was intoxicatingly inviting to my flushed skin. After chopping through the sweaty, gyrating bodies and leaping (or more accurately, stumbling) over an overturned armchair, I was finally free from the constricting atmosphere behind me. I slid the glass doors shut, attempting to block some of the noise so I could be wrapped in the silence of the night. It was a vain hope, seeing as I was at a party with hundreds of people, but the shut doors and open air offered a sliver of peace.

"You look like you need a smoke."

I hadn't noticed when I first stepped outside, but sitting on the patio steps was Ymir, Christa's girlfriend. Her hand languidly held a cigarette as she puffed the air from her lungs and watched it swirl in the air in front of her. I've smoked only twice before and hated the taste and smell, but I was in a reckless mood and felt like upping my destructive decisions of the night.

I accepted the cigarette she offered me and let her light it. We sat in silence for a while, enjoying the buzz from the nicotine.

"What are you doing out here?" Ymir asked, not altering her gaze from the dark yard before us.

"Escaping," I replied before I even thought about my response.

She snorted. "Haven't you been trying that for the last few years?"

I spun towards her too quickly and had to hold my spinning head in place. She chuckled lowly at my reaction.

"What are you talking about?" What did this stranger know about me, or think she knew about me?

"You don't remember, do you?" I had no idea what she was talking about, and I don't think it was because I was too intoxicated.

"I think you're confused. We've never met before."

She only sighed before leaning back on the steps to rest on her forearms.

"Sure we haven't, sweetheart. Does Mina Carolina's party ring any bells?"

I tensed up. She gave me a long look before sighing and apologizing. She offered me another cigarette, but the outside had suddenly become much more stifling than indoors. Scrambling to my feet, I reentered the house and stumbled to the kitchen, looking for anything that could knock me out.

Bertholdt was my life saver, appearing behind me with two shots in his hand. I'm sure one of them was meant for him, but I didn't care, tossing both back in quick succession.

"You okay, Jaeger?"

I didn't bother to respond. Those shots were exactly what I needed. I could no longer remember what day it was. Walking away on my four feet, I spotted a mushroom by the staircase. Crossing the room, I wrapped the mushroom in my arms and nuzzled my head against the blonde cotton candy hair.

"Um...Eren? Are you okay?" The mushroom asked.

"The mushroom talks!" I giggled.

The mushroom took a big breath and sighed it out. "Let's get you upstairs. Can you stand on your own?"

"On my own, pretending he's beside me," I began to sing. Not sure when I learned the lyrics to a Les Misérables song, because I only watched the movie once and the Broadway show on Youtube twice. My chest started to feel tight as if a boa constrictor was coiled around me as the words I had just sung echoed in my mind.

I felt the mushroom take a deep breath beneath me. It reminded me that I should breathe. I don't know what I actually sounded like because when the mushroom asked what I was doing and I said, "breathing," I heard him mumble some expletives.

"Is he alright?" A voice that was a mixture of concerned, angry, and apathetic all at once questioned.

"I think he just needs to sleep it off. Will you help me get him upstairs, Mikasa?"

Mi casa. Su casa. Las casas. Papas fritas.

I might have said that out loud because a groan came from either side of me where arms gripped me securely and carried me up the stairs.

The room spun uncomfortably when I was dropped onto a bed. I groaned aloud.

"Mikasa, go get him some water. I don't know what he's had to drink and I don't want him to get dehydrated."

The house didn't argue with the mushroom, but I wouldn't have argued with that authoritative tone either. I felt the bed dip besides me before a hand slapped my cheek, causing my eyes to open in surprise. I didn't even remember closing my eyes.

"You need to stay awake for a while, Eren," the mushroom told me. Mikasa returned with a water bottle and she held my head up as the mushroom, who suspiciously looked like Armin, tilted the bottle to my lips and made me drink.

I heard a ringing sound and realized belatedly that it was my cell phone. Armin helped me unlock my phone and pressed the "Answer Call" button, holding the phone against my head.

_"Eren?"_

I recognized that voice. "Lee-vee!" I exclaimed.

_"Shit, you're drunk. I'm coming to get you. Wait for me by the front door."_

I couldn't remember why, but I knew I was at this party to get away from him.

"NO!" I screeched into the phone. "I'm not going back with you. Stay away from me or I'll pour dirt all over your apartment." Satisfied with my super evil threat, I ended the call quickly and fumbled to put it back in my pocket.

The blonde mushroom and the house were staring at me. I suddenly felt overwhelmingly tired.

"Can I sleep now, baby mushroom?" I begged as I tugged on the hem of the mushroom's shirt.

I was worried for a second that he would be insulted from being called a baby, but he simply looked at me with amused eyes and tugged me against him, cuddling. I felt arms wrap behind me as well. The girl behind me might have sniffed my hair, but I was too drunk to know for certain. Her hands brushed gently through my hair, and I soon fell victim to slumber.

 

***

 

It had been a long fucking day and Levi was ready to go home and get in bed. Not like he would be able to fall asleep for long, but it was a nice thought. His hope to get out of the club quickly was squashed when he couldn't find Eren.

"Hey Hanji, where's the brat?"

Hanji gave Levi a strange look. "He isn't back yet?"

"Huh? Back from where?" he snapped, becoming impatient.

"He left during your last song to get your food from the diner. He didn't meet you after?"

Levi growled in irritation, ignoring Hanji's question.

 _I should have seen this coming. The little shit didn't want a guardian from the start_. Levi rubbed circles into his temples. _I guess I thought he was starting to like living with me just as I was starting to like his company._

Hanji became progressively worried, since Eren was their responsibility at work and now he was missing. "Maybe he went to meet you behind stage?"

"Might as well take a look," he agreed, although he knew the truth. Eren could be anywhere. The only place he knew for certain that Eren wasn't was The Underground.

None of the band members remembered seeing Eren. Levi texted Eren but received no reply. The only friend of Eren's that Levi knew the number for was Annie, who he texted next.

**Levi: Do you know where the shitty brat might be?**

**Annie: Eren?**

**Levi: Obviously.**

**Annie: He isn't with you?**

**Levi: Oh, my bad. He's standing right next to me. Thanks for your help.**

**Annie: No need to be sarcastic. He might be at Christa's party. Let me see if his stalker knows his whereabouts and I'll get back to you.**

He has a stalker? Who is this kid?

**Annie: Mikasa says he is at Christa's right now. Her address is 104 Karanese Avenue. But you shouldn't worry. Eren always goes there to party on Friday nights.**

Trying to be reasonable and meet the kid half-way, Levi sent Eren another text.

**Levi: Brat, call me when you need a ride home. You better be at Christa's and not in a ditch somewhere.**

He ran his hand down his face slowly. After assuring Hanji that Eren was fine (probably), he returned home and turned on mindless television while he waited for Eren to text him back. At some point he had nodded off but when he woke up from his nap the clock read 3:16am. Still no word from Eren.

Eren was probably so used to doing things on his own that it never crossed his mind to mention he was going out last night. That's what Levi tried to convince himself of, but after the way Eren had acted since Thursday morning, Levi knew it wasn't an accident that Eren left without saying anything. This was Eren's way of ending whatever was between them.

Part of Levi was furious. After everything he had done for the brat, this was the mature way Eren gave Levi the middle finger. No. Levi wouldn't allow it. If Eren wanted to be on his own so fricking badly, he would have to tell Levi to his face.

He dialed Eren's number and listened to it ring. At least if it was ringing, it meant that his phone was on. That only made Levi more pissed since Eren had no excuse for not answering his texts.

“Eren?"

_"Lee-vee!"_

Levi sighed. Eren was clearly drunk. Lee-vee? What in the hell?

"Shit, you're drunk. I'm coming to get you. Wait for me by the front door."

He pulled the phone away from his ear at a high-pitched cry of _"No!"_

_"I'm not going back with you. Stay away from me or I'll pour dirt all over your apartment."_

The line went dead.

Well, that answered one question. Although Levi assumed it, he now knew for certain that Eren intended to run away. However, for reasons unknown, Levi couldn't let the brat go that easily. He would at least bring the shitfaced brat back home with him and then they would talk like the adults one of them was.

Grabbing his keys and double-checking the address that Annie had texted him, he went to retrieve the brat he had decided to take responsibility for. God, he felt like a babysitter. He was only five years older but it felt more like twenty.

The house wasn't hard to find. Once he turned down Karanese Avenue, he kept driving until he found the house with music blaring from the open doorway as people tripped in and out of it.

After parking on the opposite side of the street to protect his car from the drunkards roaming the yard, Levi waltzed into the mansion as if he owned it, ready to drag the green-eyed brat out behind him.

His first observation was that the entire school must have been crammed in the house. His second observation was that there were at least fifteen rooms with closed doors on the first floor and he had no idea how many on the second floor. These two observations led him to his hypothesis that it would be very difficult to hunt down a drunk brat who was going to try and avoid him.

He started with the living room, glancing outside at the patio and checking the kitchen on the way. When he didn't find Eren in any of those crowded places, he started opening doorways, one by one, until he had checked all the rooms on the first floor with no sign of the brunet. After opening the door to seven rooms on the second floor and witnessing two things he would have to bleach from his mind, he finally found that familiar mop of brown hair in the eighth bedroom.

Eren was nestled into the chest of a blonde and his hands were fisted into the shorter male's shirt. A dark-haired girl who was still wearing a red scarf even though she was indoors lay behind Eren, arms encircling his waist and face pressed against his back.

Levi surveyed the three teenagers. Thankfully, they were all still dressed. Whatever their intent had been when they came to this room, they had fallen unconscious before anything happened.

Levi had planned to be calm and gentle with the boy, knowing that it would be easier to take Eren home if the boy felt that Levi wasn't mad at him. However, something in Levi twisted when he saw the green-eyed brat he had spent the past week with cuddling with two other people. This feeling wasn't jealousy. Levi was just concerned about the STD's that Eren could contract. Levi didn't get jealous. Not over some delinquent who smiled without abandon as a child and teared up when Levi sang.

Levi grabbed the blanket that covered the lower half of the teen's bodies and ripped it off the bed, praying that they were all dressed underneath, which they were. When the chill air hit their bodies, Eren burrowed further into the coconut-head's warm arms and purred. He fucking _purred_.

Enough with this shit, Levi thought, grabbing Eren's ankles and pulling him out of the bed and onto the floor, where he landed on his ass. That woke the brat up.

Eren stared dazedly at Levi, not comprehending why the silver-eyed male was there.

"Are you here to take me home?" Eren wasn't sure which answer he wanted to hear. The whole point was to cause trouble for Levi so he would forfeit guardianship, but in his drunken state, Eren found himself wanting Levi to take care of him like he had been for the past week.

"Yeah. Get off the floor and let's go." Levi started walking towards the door but was stopped by Eren's warm hand holding his. Eren was still sitting on the floor, gazing up at Levi with gentle eyes.

"I'm glad. Your cooking is really good."

Levi turned his face away so Eren wouldn't see the small smile gracing his lips. This brat who caused him such grief always surprised him with the things he said.

Who knew what Eren would remember later.

Realizing he could take advantage of Eren's loose lips, Levi decided this was his best chance to get answers from Eren to the questions that had been bugging him for the past two days. He couldn't completely trust what Eren said when his faculties were down, but his words were likely to be less guarded and more honest than they would be in his sober state.

Levi lifted the boy up and kept an arm wrapped around his waist as they descended the staircase, holding the intoxicated teen upright and ensuring that Eren wouldn't tumble down the stairs. Less people were awake and partying when they reached the bottom. Most people had found rooms to sleep in or were sitting in the living room, chatting idly.

Levi buckled Eren into the passenger seat, glancing at him occasionally to ensure that he wasn't about to pass out or vomit in his car.

"Eren."

Eren grunted, eyes closed.

"Eren."

Green eyes opened slowly and his head lolled to the side to stare at Levi.

"What happened Thursday? Why were you upset?"

Eren stared at him for so long that Levi wondered if Eren was sleeping with his eyes open or if he had comprehended the question at all.

"Is today Thursday?"

Deep and slow inhale, whooshing exhale. "No, Eren. Today is Saturday. Thursday you were bent over a toilet."

"Oh, right."

"Care to share? What got your panties in a twist that day?"

Levi was certain that Eren never intended to share what he said next.

"I saw the newspaper listings for two bedroom apartments. It scared me."

It wasn't the answer Levi expected, although he truthfully didn't know what he expected. He wasn't sure why it scared Eren and he was about to inquire into this, but when he looked to his right again, the boy was fast asleep.

Levi tried nudging Eren awake when they made it to the apartment, but he could tell it would take a Herculean effort to wake the boy at this point. With the boy's arms draped over Levi's shoulders and Levi's arms holding the boy's thighs tight against his waist, Levi ensured that Eren would stay on his back as he carried him through the apartment and laid him down on the futon. Levi didn't know how much Eren had to drink or what he could handle. The fact that he didn't know what day it was and wasn't able to stay conscious worried him slightly. Eren didn't seem at risk for alcohol poisoning but just in case, Levi pushed back on the armchair so the footstool came out from underneath, and settled in to sleep as well.

 

***

 

Levi wasn't surprised that he woke up before Eren. They had gotten back to the apartment around four thirty in the morning, and it was now noon on Saturday.

He set a glass of water next to the sleeping boy before sitting at the kitchen counter to continue reading _The Name of the Wind._ His band member Petra recommended it. Normally Levi got annoyed by the main characters, making it difficult for him to enjoy reading. However, the main character in this book was a clever little shit, and that was the best kind.

Eren didn't open his eyes until two o'clock and when he did, the sunlight pouring in from the windows made him hiss. Levi looked at the teen who grabbed and chugged the water in the hopes of instant relief from the pounding in his head.

When he noticed Levi, Eren tried to stand and make his way to the kitchen but fell back down immediately, clutching his head in his hands and moaning. Levi got up and put some bread in the toaster for the kid who looked like he went through hell.

"Thanks." Eren didn't know what he was thanking Levi for at this point. Maybe everything. He noticed the pillow and blanket on the armchair and realized that the older male must have slept there to watch over him. It couldn't have been comfortable.

"How is your head?" In Levi's typical manner, his voice was void of concern. It didn't fool Eren though. Eren had known Levi long enough to know that even though he showed no emotion, Levi wouldn't have bothered asking if he didn't care.

Eren shrugged his shoulders, avoiding eye contact with the man. "It feels like I went a few rounds with a sledgehammer, but I've had worse."

Levi wondered about the circumstances surrounding that "worse" time. He also wondered about last night. Did Eren normally drink that much?

"Hey, Levi?"

Sharp silver eyes latched onto Eren so he knew the older male was listening.

"What happened last night?"

"What's the last thing you remember?"

Eren scratched his head as he thought back, adding to his bedhead even more. It didn't even look bad. Levi had to carefully comb out his bangs so they dried correctly, but Eren could go through a wind tunnel and his messy hair would still look attractive. Lucky bastard.

"I remember...being held. I think by Armin Arlert, but for some reason I keep thinking the person's name was mushroom." Blood rushed into Eren's cheeks and a hand slapped over his mouth as he groaned.

"Oh god, I think I kept calling him a mushroom."

Levi snorted, remembering his own impression of the bowl-cut blonde. "Anything else?"

"Uhm...A phone call? And I kinda recall you pulling me out of bed, but I don't remember what I said or did." The reddish tint in his cheeks departed as quickly as it arrived, leaving Eren pallid as he realized all the embarrassing things he could have said to Levi last night.

"Did I...say anything? Last night?"

Levi smirked. "You said lots of things."

"Oh god." Eren buried his face in his hands. "Just tell me quickly so I can tie the cement blocks to my feet and jump in the nearest river."

"Hmm...if I recall correctly, you said something when I arrived to get you. Something about how you were glad I came because my cock was really good."

Eren's face reddened again. His blood was getting annoyed that his face couldn't decide whether it wanted to be red or white.

Eren lowered his hands from his face when he noticed the amused look Levi was giving him.

"What now?"

"Oh, nothing much. It's just that you actually said my cooking was really good. But I can't help but wonder what goes on in that pretty little head of yours that you would so easily believe my lie."

Eren opened and closed his mouth, trying to form a response, but he knew it was too late to deny anything. He would have to live with this humiliation for the rest of his measly life. Speaking of living...

"What happens now?"

"What do you mean?" Levi's tone was emotionless, but Eren could tell that the older male knew exactly what he was referring to. He sat silently, waiting for Levi to speak.

"I don't know, kid. You ran off and got shitfaced. If you want to leave so badly, I'm not going to stop you."

"Oh."

"Oh? You sound disappointed."

Eren forced his eyes to roll and his voice to remain steady. "What? Of course not. I ran away because I wanted to leave. And if you're telling me I can go, then there is nothing to be disappointed about."

"Eren."

"Hmm?" Eren tried to keep his eyes expressionless and his bottom lip from trembling.

"You don't have to leave if you don't want to. I'll be fine with whatever you choose. Why don't you think about it this weekend, whether you want to continue living with me or move back home?"

Eren nodded his head in agreement, unable to form words at the moment without choking on unshed tears. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Levi?"

Levi looked at the teen, who was still avoiding eye contact. The boy looked conflicted and finally asked to forget he said anything. Levi stared longer, wondering what the kid had wanted to say.

"Take a shower. You reek of alcohol and smoke. Then take a nap if you need one because we have work tonight."

Levi was expecting an argument from the kid about how his head hurt and he didn't want to go to the noisy club, but no words of complaint were uttered. Eren nodded his head in understanding and went to take a shower.

If Levi said he wasn't concerned, he would be lying. The cocky brat who brought a girl over to the apartment and made sexual innuendos was now following his orders without any back-talk. Frankly, he missed the brat who challenged him. Anything was better than those lifeless eyes.


	8. Something Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Something Inside by Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Levi made lasagna for dinner, all oozing cheese, delectable meat sauce, and finely layered pasta with a sprinkling of parmesan cheese on top. It smelled heavenly and probably tasted divine. Eren wouldn't know. Eren cut his dinner into progressively smaller segments and pushed it around his plate but Levi wasn't fooled.

"Eat up, brat. We are leaving soon and there isn't any food at the club if you get hungry later."

Eren shrugged his shoulders and kept staring at his filled plate, continuing to mash it until he realized there was no point and set his fork down. "I know. I guess I'm not hungry."

He hadn't looked Levi directly in the eye since he woke up from his nap and it was slowly driving Levi insane.

Based on Eren's reaction when Levi said he could go back home, Levi figured that Eren didn't truly want to leave. Yet he was now avoiding Levi as if preparing to part ways. Trying to understand Eren was like being trapped in a maze and when Levi thought he had finally found an exit, it happened to be another dead end. Eren ran away, but easily returned home with Levi. Eren was upset when Levi agreed to let him go but now that Levi said Eren could stay if he wanted, Eren acted like he couldn't bear to live with Levi any longer. Eren was mercurial, no doubt about it, but that wouldn't explain his flip-flopping behavior. Eren wasn't an attention seeker, so there was some puzzle piece to Eren's personality that Levi was missing that could explain everything, and he intended to find it.

By the time they arrived at work, Eren's headache was gone. At least, the alcohol induced one. His mind was still hurting from his conflicted feelings. Earlier, he thought of asking Levi why he came to pick him up at the party at four in the morning, but he was afraid Levi would say it was his responsibility as Eren's guardian. Eren wasn't sure why, but he knew he didn't want that to be Levi's only reason.

He ran back and forth, fetching disks with noticeably less vigor than usual. Out of the corner of their worried eye, Hanji kept watch over him.

When Special Operations Squad began to perform, he finally got a chance to sit down with Hanji and rest. His mind had been so focused on getting the discs that Hanji requested and blocking all other thoughts out that he didn't even realize he was starving until his stomach growled "Feed me."

Hanji smiled and reached into the mini-fridge beneath their desk.

"Here. Levi gave me this for you earlier, in case you got hungry," Hanji stated as they handed him a Tupperware filled with lasagna and a fork.

Eren stared down at it for a long time, causing Hanji to nudge his shoulder in concern.

"Eren, are you okay?"

Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes but he still managed to see the man singing on stage. After everything Eren put him through, Levi was still taking care of him.

For a brief moment Eren considered running from his feelings again but dropped the idea just as quickly, knowing he could not do it a second time. After the anguish he experienced when he left yesterday, Eren discovered that being the person to leave was just as hard as being the person left behind.

Eren wondered if it hurt Levi when he left without saying goodbye. The thought pained him for he knew that feeling all too well. He wiped his sleeve across his eyes to rid them of the moisture.

Eren was certain that he was royally fucked either way. It would hurt him to separate himself from Levi, as he found out last night. He would also hurt if he was left behind, although that was a familiar pain. Levi had given him the weekend to decide what he wanted to do going forward, and Eren was almost certain of what he wanted. Although he kinda sort of knew, he was going to take all the time he was given to think his choices through carefully before committing to one path.

Eren knew better than most how one decision could affect the rest of your life. It may not even seem like an important decision in the moment. Eren wouldn't know the consequences of his choice until later on. The only thing he could do was choose the path he wanted to follow and live with the consequences.

Hanji stared at the unusually taciturn boy curiously, but his attention was glued to the raven-haired singer and didn't notice. Hanji smiled to themself, understanding something important had changed in Eren's attitude towards Levi, but not knowing what.

So long you've been running in circles

'Round what's at stake

But now the times come for your feet to stand still in one place

You wanna reach out

You wanna give in

Your head's wrapped around what's around the next bend

You wish you could find something warm

'Cause you're shivering cold

Eren felt like the words Levi sang were directed at him and it shook him to the core because he knew it wasn't intentional. Levi and the band had rehearsed the song before Levi ever met Eren and he would have sung the song tonight regardless of Eren's presence in his life. If Eren believed in fate or cosmic powers, Levi's song was a sign from the universe.

"H..Hanji? C..can I go wash my fa..face?" Eren stuttered, heart beating erratically in his tight chest. He felt like he was going to pass out any minute from the overload of emotions swirling inside him.

"Are you going to run away this time?" Hanji crossed their arms, still upset that the boy had lied to them the night before.

"I don't think my legs will even get me to the bathroom," he admitted.

Hanji snickered, waving their hand in a motion of dismissal. They watched the pale-looking boy stumble dazedly in the direction of the restrooms, before turning their attention to Levi's singing, wondering what had caused the shift in Eren's behavior.

Eren felt like he was in a trance. He somehow made it to the bathroom and splashed water onto his heated face. Levi's voice was running on repeat in his mind.

'Cause if you hadn't found me

I would have found you

I would have found you

 

***

 

"Hanji, where is the brat?" Levi's face was stern, but Hanji read the worry hidden in his eyes.

"Don't worry, he just went to the bathroom."

Levi's mask chipped to reveal a shred of the panic he was experiencing. Hanji gave a lopsided smile that Levi didn't know how to interpret.

"I have a feeling he will come back this time. Don't worry."

"Why would I be worried?" Levi scoffed.

Hanji was right. A minute later, an anxious boy sidled up to Levi's side. Levi was relieved but there was no way he would let Eren know he had such a strong influence on his emotions.

"Do you want to get anything to eat at the diner?" Levi asked him, trying to break the awkward silence that had descended upon their group.

Eren jumped at the sound of Levi's voice as if he had forgotten the older male was standing right next to him. "Uh, no. That is, thank you for packing food for me." Eren's voice was small and his gaze never lifted from the floor. The reflective, obsidian shattered-glass flooring must be really captivating.

Then his wide eyes focused on Levi as he hurried to add, "Unless you want to eat something!"

Levi just stared at the nervous wreck before him, unsure what this new behavior meant. The kid's emotional rollercoaster was giving him whiplash.

"I'm fine. Let's go home then."

Behind him, Levi heard a soft whisper. _Home_.

 

***

 

Sunday morning was promising to be a beautiful, azure sky day.

Levi was putting on a light jacket and grabbing his keys when Eren started to wake up.

"I left you a note in case you weren't up before I left. I'm getting lunch with Hanji and Erwin. You can have someone over as long as you don't make a mess."

"When are you coming back?"

"I'll be home in time for dinner. How do you feel about take-out?"

"Take-out sounds good." Eren forced a smile.

"K. There are menus in the cabinet above the silverware. Choose any place you like and we'll order when I get home. I should be back around five or six."

Eren bobbed his head in acknowledgement. "Is it really okay for me to invite someone over?" he asked tentatively.

Ever since the party, Levi felt like he took home the wrong green-eyed brunet. He felt like he was walking on glass around this skittish creature and one wrong move would send him running off again.

"Well, if you decide to keep living here, it will be your home too. If that's what you choose, I'll have to get used to you having friends over so why not start now? Within reason, of course. I'm not too fond of Felicia."

Eren gave a faint smile that didn't reach his eyes, but it was the most Levi had seen in a few days and he was pleased that he could lift the dejected boy's spirits the slightest bit.

Eren and him had agreed on a deadline of midnight tonight for Eren to decide if he was staying or going. Eren couldn't keep living with Levi for weeks and then decide to walk out one day if they got in a fight. That was why Levi made plans for the afternoon, to give Eren space to think about what he wanted to do.

Once Levi left, only for a few hours Eren reminded himself, Eren scrolled through his contacts, unsure if he wanted to hang out with anyone.

Knowing he would chicken out if he didn't press "Send" soon, Eren sent the text and awaited the response. A slice of his heart that had stopped beating years ago started again when he received a reply.

 

***

 

Levi told himself that he made lunch plans to give Eren some space. However, it didn't take much wheedling from Hanji for him to spill his thoughts.

"I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing," Levi lamented as he rested his head on the table.

Erwin raised one majestic eyebrow. He had never seen Levi become discouraged by any situation, and the fact that a mere teen was unraveling him was as amusing as it was baffling.

"Why are you helping him, again?" Erwin inquired. "He only seems to be causing you grief."

Levi narrowed his eyes at his confidant. "You tell me, Eyebrows."

"Touché. I wonder if my reasons are similar to yours though."

"Definitely not. You're a fucking saint who helps kids out of the goodness in his heart and I'm just helping him because...I don't even know anymore," Levi sighed, uncertainty evident on his normally blank face.

"Is the young man attractive?"

Levi spluttered, unsure how to answer that question.

"Hmm...I understand now."

"You understand nothing, shitface. That has nothing to do with why I'm helping Eren."

"You should meet him Erwin. He has the brightest green eyes and this unguarded, gentle smile whenever Levi sings," Hanji gushed.

"He does?" Hanji laughed at Levi's slack-jawed expression, which he was quick to repress.

"What is the real reason you are seeking our counseling? It doesn't seem like you plan on kicking him out, and you can't now that you gave him the choice to move in permanently."

"Ooh, moving pretty quick aren't we, Levi?" Hanji teased.

Levi ignored the irritant in the seat beside him in favor of the irritant sitting before him.

"I want to help him. I don't want him to turn out like me. I just don't know what to do to get him to open up. I've been patient and not a total asshole so I don't know what else I can try."

"Oh, honey," Hanji cooed as they wrapped their arms around Levi, "there is nothing wrong with how you turned out."

Levi rolled his eyes, waiting for Erwin's sage advice.

"Have you ever considered that it's not something you are or aren't doing? Maybe Eren isn't ready to open up. Give it more time. Be there for him, but give him his space. When he is ready to let someone in, I have no doubt it will be you."

"I don't care if I'm the first person he talks to or not, as long as he moves past whatever is burdening him."

"Why don't you play a board game together?!" Hanji suggested.

"A board game?" Levi sneered.

"Hey! Don't knock it till you sock it. It could be a good bonding experience!"

Levi mulled the idea over. "I don't own any board games."

"That's what we are here for, sweetie! We'll hit Target after lunch and buy a few. But whatever you do, don't play Monopoly. Someone might be murdered before the night is through."

Levi began to chuckle at Hanji's melodramatics, but stopped as Erwin shook his head gravely and repeated, "Don't play Monopoly."

 

***

 

Eren scratched his head in a nervous gesture. "Thanks for agreeing to hang out, Armin."

"Of course. Can't deny that I was surprised, though. We haven't spoken in years."

"Yeah...um, I'm sorry...," Eren fidgeted, trying to find the words to explain to Armin why he ended their friendship years ago.

"I think I understand. Don't worry about it." Armin smiled reassuringly, easing Eren's guilt and nerves the tiniest bit.

For some reason, the only person he felt like hanging out with was his old best friend. After Armin took care of him at the party, buried feelings resurfaced and he yearned for the strong bond he and Armin once shared. He knew he was a shitty person for avoiding Armin and never explaining himself in the past, and he expected Armin to ignore his text asking to hang out.

It was a pleasant surprise when Armin agreed to come over. It was more surprising how quickly they fell into their old ways.

Eren grabbed two sodas from the fridge and they sat on the couch, legs crossed Indian style, talking about anything and everything as if the past three years never happened.

"It was so strange. It was like I was experiencing puberty all over when my voice cracked on a high note. I didn't think anyone heard it but then Cantor Shadis yelled at me, 'You sound like a majestic fucking eagle!' I was so embarrassed." Armin hung his head in his hands, cheeks turning red at the memory.

Eren tossed his head back in laughter, his first real laugh in a long while. "I still can't believe that our scary gym teacher leads your Sunday choir."

The mention of Coach Shadis sparked an evil idea in Eren's mind.

"Hey Armin, I have something for you."

Armin scooted backwards on the couch, away from Eren and the wicked glint in his eyes.

"No. No, no, no. I know that look, Eren. Whatever you have for me, keep it for yourself."

Eren ignored Armin's panicked expression and edged closer, as if he was cornering his prey, which he pretty much was.

"But Armin, it's really special. Only five people in existence know of this." Hanji, Levi, myself, Coach Shadis, and whoever took the photo, Eren ticked off in his head.

The fact that so few people knew about whatever Eren possessed piqued Armin's curiosity. He wouldn't deny that he enjoyed knowing things unknown by many and he was a sucker for obscure facts, secrets, and other rarities.

"Fine," Armin sighed, knowing Eren would get his way eventually. He always did. Just like everyone else in the world, Armin was susceptible to Eren's beautiful, green, puppy-dog eyes. They were eyes no one could say no to, at least not someone with a beating heart.

A cheshire cat grin spread across Eren's face, re-igniting the worry in Armin's gut, but he didn't have time to change his mind as Eren reached into the drawer of the end table and withdrew a thick paper.

Eren placed it face down in Armin's lap, exactly as Levi had done for him, and instructed Armin to flip it over.

The squeal of horror had Eren shaking with bouts of laughter.

"That's cruel, Eren. How am I ever supposed to focus in choir if I picture this every time I look at Cantor Shadis?"

"Guess you'll have to quit the choir and hang out with me on Sundays from now on," Eren teased lightly, expecting a harmless slap on the shoulder from Armin. Armin, however, froze and stared at Eren.

"So this isn't a one-time thing? You're not going to avoid me at school tomorrow? Because if you plan to ditch me again and pretend you don't notice me standing behind you in the lunch line, then I'm sorry but I'll leave now. I can't take it a second time, Eren."

An immense wave of guilt crashed over Eren as he finally viewed his past actions from the other person's perspective. Just like Eren attempted with Levi, Eren ended his friendship with Armin before Armin could leave him. He never considered how it would hurt Armin to be dropped like that, without even an explanation for why a ten year friendship ended in an instant. The pain he tried to avoid for himself was inflicted on his best friend instead.

"I'm so sorry, Armin. I never meant to...I just couldn't..." Eren broke down in sobs.

Armin pulled him close, as Eren's chest heaved with his gasping breaths, trying to calm himself so he could explain his actions to Armin.

"I know, Eren. I know. Just promise not to cut me out again. I really missed my best friend."

"I promise," Eren whispered.

They remained in their embrace until Eren regained control of himself. Armin held a tissue to Eren's nose as he blew, then used his own sleeves to wipe the tear stains from Eren's cheeks.

"Armin? Can I talk to you about something important? There is a decision I need to make and I really need to run my thoughts by someone who's judgement I trust, because my own judgement clearly counts for shit."

Armin ran a soothing hand down Eren's back, wrapping the taller boy in his arms as they rested on the couch. He listened to Eren's worries and deepest fears. Although Eren's dilemma regarded a stranger, Armin quickly made the connection between Eren's fears in this situation and the fears that halted their friendship years ago. His heart broke for his friend, who had suffered quietly for years without letting anyone in. Armin regretted not trying harder to stay in Eren's life, but vowed to change that now.

They were snuggled together on the coach when Levi returned.

"Hey brat, did you choose a restaurant?"

The two boys paused their movie. Levi noticed that Eren's friend was still over, and it was the coconut-head from the party. Those two seemed mighty close, cuddled together on the couch under a blanket. Levi stared at the blonde, getting a good look at him since he was asleep and not Levi's concern when they first crossed paths. Despite the blonde's unfortunate hairstyle, he had a cute face and his small body had some muscle. However, the calculating look in the blonde's ice blue eyes unnerved Levi.

Eren bounded up from the couch and grabbed the menus from the cabinet in the kitchen, in noticeably greater spirits than when Levi departed that afternoon. He felt a minor annoyance that the bowl-cut managed to cheer Eren up when he had been unable to, but it was quickly suppressed by the gratitude he felt for a happier Eren.

Eren fanned out all the menus, earning him a snap from Levi to not leave them scattered on the table when he was done.

Armin, realizing that it was dinner-time, stood to leave.

"Why don't you join us for dinner?" Levi nonchalantly asked.

Armin was surprised. From what Armin had gathered from Eren and what he had seen himself, Levi did not seem like the type of person to enjoy strangers in his personal space. However, if he was offering, Armin decided to take him up on it.

He was curious about Eren's mysterious guardian that had quickly changed Eren's behavior. To anyone else, Eren seemed like the same old delinquent. But to Armin, who never stopped keeping an eye on Eren from afar, he identified a subtle shift in Eren's disposition ever since Eren's arrest, which he still felt guilty for. There was a little more emotion in his eyes now.

Armin took it upon himself to judge Levi's suitability for Eren. Despite Eren's assurances that Levi was just his guardian when the two boys talked earlier, Armin knew that living alone with an attractive older male, which Levi surely was, could only head in one direction. Unless Levi was straight, which Armin doubted after seeing the gentle glances the raven-haired male directed at Eren when he thought no one was looking.

"Are you sure I'm not intruding?" Armin politely queried.

"If you were, I wouldn't have asked you to stay."

Eren grinned broadly and skipped to Armin, grabbing his hands. "Levi, this is Armin, my best friend. Armin, this is Levi, my...something or other."

Levi scowled at his introduction, but Eren shrugged as if daring Levi to come up with better.

"Choose a restaurant, you shitty brat." Levi dropped his Target bags in the living room and continued to his bedroom to hang his coat in the closet.

"Does he always call you that?" Armin questioned, glaring in the direction of the older male, something he would be too intimidated to do face to face with those sharp silver eyes.

"Don't worry about it. I think it's a term of endearment," Eren chuckled.

The boys chose Titan's Pizzeria for its famously large slices and Levi called in the order. They sat around the kitchen island, happily scarfing down the cheesy pizza. Somehow, to Eren's dismay, the conversation turned to tales from Friday night, featuring a plastered Eren.

"He kept calling me a mushroom," Armin fake pouted, before bursting into giggles.

"Armin, please stop. If I can't recall that night, my mind probably blocked it for a reason," Eren sulked, embarrassed to have his drunken behavior recounted in front of Levi.

"Don't you want to hear what you said to Mikasa?"

Eren bolted upright. "Nope. Nope, nope, nope," he repeated as he walked backwards from the table.

"Sit your ass down, brat. I want to hear this. Isn't Mikasa your stalker?"

Eren nodded his head but offered no explanation, so Armin stepped in, helpful friend that he was.

"Mikasa has had a crush on Eren ever since he beat up some bullies for her in elementary school. Her small crush turned into an obsession and now she goes wherever Eren goes. I wouldn't be surprised if she camps out across the street every night to spy on Eren through that window." Armin pointed to the windows in the living room wall across from them.

"Don't say creepy shit like that," Levi admonished, before shutting the window blinds as a precaution.

"So what did Eren say to this crazy chick?"

Armin glanced at Eren, who was silently begging with his eyes for Armin to shut up, but the devilish spark in Armin's eyes told him this was payback for showing him Shadis' picture.

"Hmm...I think it was something like, 'Mi casa. Su casa. Las casas. Papas fritas'." Armin collapsed into a fit of giggles as Eren groaned.

Levi never took Spanish, but even he knew what that meant, along with the horrible pun on the girl's name. "Tell me more."

Eren sat with his head in his hands as Armin and Levi took glee in his mortification.

"Do you remember when you sang Les Mis?" Armin questioned jubilantly.

"Ugh, make it stop," Eren groused.

"No, keep going," Levi commanded.

"Well, you also kissed Thomas Wagner after winning a game of pool. More like he kissed you and you just went with it."

"Whatever," Eren mumbled, irked to have his slutty behavior imparted in Levi's presence. "Nothing happened, right?"

Eren knew nothing happened. Despite all the missing memories from that night, he would have remembered if he and Thomas fucked. He only asked so Armin could back up his statement in front of Levi. Not like Levi cared what Eren did with other people, or Eren wished he cared.

"No, you broke it off and left. I think I saw you smoking outside with Ymir after that," Armin verified dispassionately.

Although Eren tried to conceal his reaction, both Armin and Levi noticed how Eren gripped his glass of water tighter, but neither commented on it, somehow knowing it was one memory best left forgotten.

"Well, thanks for humiliating me Armin. I'll see you tomorrow," Eren casually stated as he steered his friend to the door, forcing himself to act normal which only heightened the unnatural pitch to his voice and stiff movement of his limbs.

Armin cast him a worried glance as he put his coat on, and Eren knew it wasn't regarding his strange behavior at the mention of Ymir.

"I will see you tomorrow in school. Save me a seat at lunch," Eren assured his friend. Armin grinned ear to ear as he thanked Levi for having him over and departed.

"Seems like a nice kid."

"He is," Eren agreed.

They worked in silence, Levi washing the dishes and Eren wrapping the leftover pizza in tinfoil.

"What's in the Target bags?" Eren asked, trying and failing to kill time before the inevitable conversation.

"Don't worry about it." Levi put the last clean plate in the cupboard and dried his hands on a dish towel. "I know it's not midnight yet, and that's the deadline, but do you have your answer?"

When Eren's formerly bright eyes became void of light and all emotion was wiped from his face, Levi quickly assured him that he could take the rest of the night to make his decision.

A buzz from his phone notified Eren that he had a text message.

**Armin: Deep breaths. You can do this. I'm always here for you.**

Not for the first time, Eren wondered if Armin was psychic.

Taking a deep breath in and releasing it slowly to calm his pounding heart, Eren held Levi's eyes in place with his own.

"I want to move in with you."

"...Are you sure? Because you've wanted the complete opposite since we met. If you move in, you can't change your mind and run off every time something happens that you dislike." Secretly, Levi was glad Eren chose to stay, but he wanted to ensure they were on the same page.

"I understand." The sincerity in Eren's eyes convinced him. Levi grabbed two bowls and spoons before reaching into the freezer for the New York Super Fudge Chunk.

"Ben & Jerry's?" Eren gasped.

"Think of it as a celebratory snack for the start of our new roommate-ship."

"Is that a real word?"

"Shut up and eat your ice cream, brat."

Eren flashed a smile, and it wasn't Levi's ice cream that melted at the sight.

 

***

 

LEVI'S POV

"We still need to talk about house rules and boundaries and stuff."

Eren grunted his assent as he tied his sneakers.

Even though I was still technically Eren's guardian, we agreed to act more like roommates with authority in my hands when it was needed instead of a complete parent-child relationship where I controlled all of Eren's actions. Neither of us wanted that.

We were still moving in careful circles around each other, unsure how to deal with our new relationship.

I hate uncertainty.

Even though Eren agreed two days ago to move in, it didn't feel like we were fine. He was hesitant around me, and I hated that more than anything.

At first I thought it was Eren trying to pull his weight around the house, because he was still in high school and didn't earn enough working weekends at The Underground to pay any of the bills or rent.

But it went beyond Eren doing the laundry, washing the dishes, vacuuming the floors, and dusting the shelves.

Eren was polite.

Eren was obedient.

Eren was not Eren.

And I fucking missed Eren.

I finally snapped Thursday night as Eren kept a vigilant watch over my water glass so he could refill it like a waiter or some shit.

"Fucking stop it already," I snapped harshly.

His hand froze in mid-air as he tried to reach for my glass before it fell limply to his side. He tilted his head downwards so his eyes were hidden behind his fringe before I could see what he was feeling.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, keeping his face downcast.

"What are you fucking sorry for?" I couldn't explain the raging fury within me. No, that's a lie. I knew exactly why I was upset. Eren was acting like a servant rather than my roommate. I felt like the evil stepmother and he was Cinderella, even though I never forced him to do chores or to even stay here.

"You don't need to stay here." I said this gently, in contrast to the angered tone I used with him before, but by the way his eyes snapped to mine, widened in fear, you would think it was the other way around.

"Do you want me to go?" His voice trembled, although he did his best to mask it.

"Dammit, Eren. No, I don't. But I can't figure you out. If you wanted to stay, why are you acting like this?"

"Like what?" he asked, confusion displayed all over his countenance.

I pressed my thumb and forefinger against my forehead to cover my eyes like a visor, as I shook my head slowly.

"This whole subservient act." I waved my hands around the apartment as if the answer to his question was written on the walls he offered to repaint for me.

"I...I don't understand. I thought it would make you happy if I helped out more."

"Doing laundry and washing dishes is one thing. Cleaning the grout in the shower with a fucking toothbrush is something else entirely. I don't expect you to do shit like that so don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry," he repeated, staring at his hands folded in his lap.

I felt my temper rising again at this spineless shit in front of me. I had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself before I attempted to talk with him again.

"This isn't who you are."

"I'm s-"

"Say you're fucking sorry one more time and so help me," I threatened. "Fuck, Eren. Just talk to me. Why are you acting like this? You do everything I ask and even things I don't without complaint." I took another deep breath. "I lied to you yesterday."

"Huh? About what?"

"When I told you I was having someone over and wanted you out of the apartment for two hours. The Eren I thought I knew would have ranted about how it was unfair that I could have someone over but he couldn't. You just asked me to text you when it was safe to come back. That's not the same brat I asked to live with me. So just tell me, why are you acting this way?"

He spoke so quietly that if it weren't for the movement of his lips, I wouldn't have known he spoke at all.

"What was that?"

"I said I'm scared!"

"What are you scared of?" I asked as delicately as possible, not wanting him to clam up again.

His eyes rose to meet mine for an instant before darting to the side of my head where they remained focused on the toaster behind me.

"Eren. Look at me and tell me what you're scared of. I'm not going to judge you. I want this roommate thing to work but it won't if you won't tell me what you're thinking or how you're feeling."

Whatever silent pep-talk he had with the toaster, his gaze held steady when he finally looked at me.

"I'm scared that you'll kick me out."

"What?!" I was the one who asked him to move in. Why would he think that I would kick him out?

"I can't help you pay the bills for anything yet. Not the rent, or the electricity, or the water bill. So I figured if I could be useful around the house, you would keep me around."

It all began to click into place in my mind. The obedient, courteous behavior to stay in my good graces.

"Eren, I'm not going to kick you out."

He stood up quickly, slamming his hands onto the table. I would have been happy to see him expressing a strong emotion after the past few days of timidness, if it weren't for his current actions being fueled by fear.

"You can't promise me that. You say you won't kick me out, but we could get in a fight. I could-"

"Eren, stop." The poor kid had started hyperventilating. I crossed to his side of the table and pushed him down into his seat. Grabbing his chin gently in my hand, I turned his head to face me, my stormy grey eyes locked on his vivid green ones.

"Eren. I promise I won't kick you out. No matter how badly you screw up, because let's face it, it's going to happen eventually." I expected him to lighten up at my teasing tone, but he only seemed to tear up. Time to change tactics.

"How about this? We write up a roommate contract, listing everything we agree to do and not do. And we can decide on punishments for breaking a rule, like having to stare at that godawful picture of Shadis for an hour. But I will never kick you out. Do we have a deal?"

The corners of the teary eyed teen's mouth lifted slightly. If it weren't for the glassy look to his eyes, I might have seen the impish glint in them before he took me by surprise.

"Can one of the punishments be ten spanks to each cheek?"

I grinned. "There's my brat."

 

***

 

"Hell no."

"What?"

"We are not choosing a punishment for you driving my Lexus. It's never going to happen, so there is no need for a punishment."

"But what if I drive it anyway? Then what?"

"I promised I wouldn't kick you out. Maybe your body will be found in the walls of this apartment seventy years down the road when they tear this building down. Don't test me, you little shit."

 

***

 

"Eren?"

"Hmm?"

The two boys were lying on the couch, watching TV. Eren was still watching the screen, but when Levi didn't continue speaking, he turned to give him his undivided attention.

"Is this why you got scared seeing the apartment listings? Because you thought I was moving into a new apartment without you?"

Eren's jaw flapped open and closed while his brain processed Levi's question. "How did you know I saw the apartment listings?"

"You told me when you were drunk."

"Oh."

Sensing that there was something more to discuss, Levi muted the television and angled his body to face Eren's.

"It's kinda embarrassing." Eren scratched his head, a sheepish smile on his lips.

"More embarrassing than anything you did last Friday night?" Levi teased.

When Eren didn't roll his eyes or stick his tongue out, Levi understood that whatever Eren had to say was going to be difficult for the kid to admit.

"This is different." Eren paused to collect his thoughts, figuring out what he wanted to say and how to say it clearly.

"I didn't understand my feelings for you."

Levi raised one eyebrow, prompting the kid to explain what he meant by that confession.

"Not like that." He stuck his tongue out at Levi before resuming his serious expression.

"I've blocked people out for years so I wouldn't get attached and hurt, but you gave a damn about me and before I knew it, I couldn't stand the thought of living alone again. It scared me to realize that you were serious about wanting me to live with you and more than that, that I wanted to. I ran to that party as a last attempt to get away from you before I lost all the strength to resist you and the emotions you brought out of me. I was afraid that you would leave me like everyone else and I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle that I cared whether you left me or not and I've only known you for less than a month."

Levi was reminded of Eren's parents. Where were they? Were they the reason Eren feared being deserted? Was that why Eren was afraid Levi would kick him out and abandon him?

Levi knew he wasn't any good at responding appropriately to other people's displays of emotion, but the broken look in Eren's eyes spurred him to wrap the brat in his arms and hold him silently, letting Eren be comforted by the feel of his beating heart.

"I'm not crying. You don't need to hold me like this," Eren muttered, but Levi knew the unspoken truth. Eren needed to be held. He needed to know that Levi was there for him, and that he could speak to Levi without being ridiculed for his fears.

"Maybe I need this," Levi replied. Levi didn't need the hug. But Eren did, and was too proud to admit it, so Levi lied on his behalf and Eren let him.

 

***

 

"Hurry up old man, I'm starving," Eren shouted across the boisterous club.

Hanji and him were waiting at the exit for Levi to cross the crowded dance floor. When Levi finally made it through the mass of somas, he spotted Eren hanging limp in Hanji's right arm as their left arm fanned at Eren's face.

"Eren?!" Levi yelled in concern. "What's wrong with him?!"

"Here lies Eren, a soul that left this world too quickly due to negligent nourishment from his caregiver," Eren monotoned, eyes closed and hands folded over his chest.

Levi rolled his eyes at Eren's dramatics. "Get up you shitty brat. We're going to eat now."

Hanji helped Eren to his feet and the three of them crossed the street to Maria's Diner.

Eren stood next to Levi and clasped Levi's hand in his own. "Were you worried about me, Levi?" he teased.

Levi ripped his cold hand out of Eren's warm one. "As if, you little shit."

"That's no way to speak to sweet little Eren," Hanji admonished.

"Believe me, he doesn't care what I call him so long as I give him attention. He's like a fucking puppy."

"Woof!" Eren happily replied.

The three of them sat at their usual table. This was only Eren's second time at the diner, but he already knew it would become a tradition to eat there after work and to sit at this exact booth in the middle-back of the small diner.

"Are you going to look at the menu this time?"

"I thought you could pick for me again, daddy," Eren cooed innocently, shifting so he was half on Levi's lap and half on the booth.

Lindy listened to and watched the display, face turning a bright crimson. "I'll come back later," she squeaked before running behind the counter.

She was gone before Levi could explain the situation. Levi glared at Eren who stared back at him shamelessly.

"What? You said you weren't interested in her, so what's the big deal?"

"That doesn't mean I want her thinking I'm fucking a child," Levi chided.

"I'm not a child!"

"You sure act like one."

Hanji watched the entire interaction gleefully. "So how long have you two been together?"

"We're not together!" They both exclaimed too quickly.

“What is Eren having for dinner, daddy?" Hanji teased mercilessly.

"Fucking stop with the daddy bullshit or I won't invite you over for game night," Levi warned.

They all paused their squabbling to place their order, but were back to conversing once Lindy retreated.

Eren turned to face Levi. "Game night?"

"Yeah. Didn't Levi show you the games he bought?" Hanji questioned.

"Oh, Hanji's joining us for game night? We'll need to get another pair of handcuffs and some more whipped cream then, Levi." Eren grinned devilishly.

"Wow! What kind of games are you two playing?" Hanji was thoroughly amused by Eren's antics. They had never seen Levi so riled up before.

"The brat is teasing you, Hanji. We don't play those fucking games."

"Don't lie to Hanji, Levi. Of course we play those _fucking_ games."

"Oi, brat, I get that you're a horny little shit but you better stop with your dirty mouth."

"You never seem to have a problem with my dirty mouth other places."

"Is he implying what I think he is?!" Hanji knew Eren was teasing Levi in the beginning but the sexual tension in the air was making them wonder whether Eren was joking or not. The way the two males interacted now was greatly different from the last time Hanji saw them together.

"You better be ready to back up what you're saying, you cocky shit," Levi taunted right back.

Dinner continued in this manner, with Eren pulling emotions out of Levi like it was second nature and not an impossible endeavor. Hanji smiled to themself at the change in their two boys, as they affectionately viewed them. Eren, who was locked within himself when Hanji first met him, was now blossoming into an energetic teen at Levi's influence. Levi too, who was the epitome of composure, now reacted more visibly, thanks to Eren's tomfoolery. Hanji thought they counted at least two small smiles from their close friend, which would normally happen in the span of a month, not a few minutes.

After everyone finished eating, Hanji excused themself quickly, making an excuse about needing to feed their cat. In reality, Hanji couldn't wait to gossip with Erwin.

 

***

 

"So what's this game night Hanji mentioned?" Eren called over his shoulder as he took off his jacket and tossed it on the back of a kitchen bar stool. Levi put his wallet and keys on the small table by the door before grabbing the Target bags and bringing them to the living room.

He took the games out of the bag, spreading them across the coffee table. Eren sat cross-legged on the floor to see what Levi had bought.

"Wow, you bought a lot of games."

Levi shrugged. "I didn't know what games were good. Choose one and we'll play."

"I haven't played a board game in years, so I'm not sure what's good either. This one sounds fun though. Let's play Would You Rather."

Settling into comfortable positions, Eren resting his back against the couch as he sat on the rug and Levi reclined in the armchair across from him, they opened the packaging and read the instructions. After a few minutes of playing by the rules, they agreed that they preferred finding a card that interested them and then asking each other what they would rather do.

"Okay Levi. Would you rather be left on a stationary ski lift over night during a snowstorm or be trapped on a continuously operating triple-loop rollercoaster for 24 hours?"

"Ski lift."

"Really? You would probably die from frostbite if you are spending the night outside in a snowstorm without proper gear."

“You would choose the rollercoaster?"

"Hell no. I think my brain would be mush by the end of that torture."

"My turn. Would you rather kiss Mikasa or have sex with Armin?"

"What?! That's not one of the cards!"

"How do you know? It could be fill in the blanks."

"That's not even hard. I'd choose Armin."

Eren laughed at Levi's surprise. "What's that look for? Armin and I are best friends so the sex wouldn't be bad even if neither of us like each other that way."

Levi smiled softly. "You used to think acts of intimacy were nothing, but now you'd choose a more intimate act with someone you care about over a meaningless kiss with someone you don't know."

A pink tint filled Eren's cheeks. "Shut up."

Levi smirked before gathering the cards into a neat stack. "We can continue playing another night. I'm going to bed now."

"Goodnight, Levi."

"Goodnight, Eren."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this chapter. I kinda threw a bunch of things together to show the evolution of their relationship. It was meant to be serious and I planned to make the chapter all angsty-like but I couldn't resist posting the diner scene. When I was editing and re-reading the scene at the diner, I couldn't believe I had Eren say all that stuff. But it amused the heck out of me so I kept him as a horny shit. Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did.


	9. Safe and Sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift. The first time I heard this song was for an AMV of Alois from Black Butler. It is amazing so I attached the video link. Oh, the feels.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xhXQ4vcWOs

EREN'S POV

After almost a week of living together in semi-camaraderie, Levi asked me how I felt about searching for a larger apartment. Even though we made a contract, I still worry that I'll be too much of a burden for Levi and he will regret keeping me around. I told him I didn't care where we lived, leaving the choice entirely up to him, and that is why we are now apartment hunting.

I never imagined he would give me a vote on the new apartment, but he reminded me that it would be my home too so of course I had a say. It was almost a sweet sentiment if he hadn't called me a fucktard for not knowing my opinion counted.

Before our shift at The Underground tonight, we were driving from listing to listing, noting the things we liked and disliked about each location.

The first apartment was laughable. Whoever submitted the listing to the newspaper didn't know the difference between a white lie and a full-out lie. The ad said the apartment was two bedroom, 1.5 bathroom, and had a garage, which was unusual for apartments but would be useful to store Levi's precious car in during the winter months.

When we arrived, the wooden door of the apartment building was hanging loosely on its rusty hinges, but we persevered with the intent to not judge a book by its cover, or an apartment by its dilapidated door.

However, upon entering room 666, it was clear that it was not the place for us, or any respectable human. Levi peered in from the doorway, not willing to enter the dusty box which had the audacity to call itself an apartment. The door to the apartment was in no better condition than the door to the building. There even appeared to be a bullet hole in it.

As for the rooms, 2 bedrooms and 1.5 bathrooms was a loose approximation. There were two bedrooms if the living room counted as one and the only bathroom was a broom closet big enough to hold a toilet and a sink.

The owner of the property said that the gas station around the block had a shower for the truck drivers that stopped by on their routes and we could use it if we needed a shower. The look on Levi's face was priceless, a mixture of pure disgust and genuine curiosity that people still existed who didn't count a shower as a necessity. We didn't even bother to ask about the so-called garage. Needless to say, Levi ushered us out of that building faster than the rat that scurried across the kitchen floor.

The second apartment was much nicer, but that wasn't difficult to achieve. It had two bedrooms like we wanted and a fairly decent bathroom but something about it wasn't comfortable. It was hard to pinpoint what it was. Perhaps the lingering odor of cat lady from the previous tenant which was permanently soaked into the brown carpet covering all the apartment except the kitchen and bathroom. Or it was the bars across the windows, reminiscent of a cage or the jail cell I almost spent a night in. Either way, Levi and I agreed that we would be happier staying in his small apartment with me sleeping on the futon forever rather than move to a bigger place that didn't feel right.

Luckily, the third location we visited was perfect. The apartment building, named Rosewall Court, was white stone with black trimmed windows. Around the edge of the building I could see black staircases crisscrossing from landings outside of certain apartment windows.

The building gave off an old vibe, not because it was in disrepair, more like it was from another era, a classier era. Dark hardwood floors gleamed in the entryway and continued up a wide staircase whose steps were sunken in slightly, like a well-loved couch cushion. There was an elevator to the side of the security desk whose doors were not the typical metal closing type, but black latticed doors that slid shut and clicked into place.

We hadn't even seen the apartment yet Levi and I loved the place. Well, Levi looked the same as he always does but I could tell he was impressed by the building. It was also in a central location, not too far from either his work, my high school, or The Underground, and there was a convenience store around the block if we needed to fetch any last minute groceries.

We climbed the stairs since the apartment was only on the third floor. Upon reaching room 305, the landlord stepped aside to let us explore on our own. There was a small closet to the right of the doorway for hanging coats and storing shoes in. The small hallway opened up into a spacious living area and I could see that outside one of the living room windows was a staircase, like I had observed from outside. The kitchen was situated behind the wall that the entry hall closet made. All the appliances were in good condition and black, except for the silver double-door fridge.

Other than the kitchen appliances, the apartment wasn't furnished. That was fine with Levi since he would never want someone's used furniture or washer and dryer of questionable quality.

The left wall of the apartment entryway extended to the end of the living room, only to be interrupted by a single doorway. Glancing inwards, it was a capacious bedroom that I assumed would be Levi's. The walls were painted a slate gray that reminded me of a flat representation of his eyes.

Between the living room and kitchen and directly across from Levi's bedroom was a hallway with four doorways, two on either side. The first doorway on the left was another bedroom, painted a navy blue. Normally I would find the color too dark, but a large window on the back wall let in a good portion of light which softened the dark color to a muted shade.

The room across the hall was an office big enough for a large desk, a chaise longue, a bookcase, and a coffee table. I tried to recall how expensive the rent was. This apartment was bigger than average and in top condition since the previous owner updated all electrical work. I knew Levi wouldn't waste his time looking at a place he couldn't afford, and I knew he earned a lot of money judging by his car, clothing, and flatscreen TV, but I didn't want to keep examining the apartment and getting my hopes up if this place was an unattainable dream.

Of course I was too curious to see the last two rooms to let that stop me.

The room on the left at the end of the hall was small and had all the electrical equipment to hook up Levi's washer and dryer. A large square sink was built into the wall in the corner for hand-washing and a thin rod stretched from one length of the room to the other for drying clothes. Levi simply nodded his head before entering the last room, me following closely on his heels.

The last room on the right was a grand bathroom. There were two sinks built into the counter with a long rectangular mirror stretching above them. In the mirror's reflection I noticed a closet for linens which was partially hidden behind the opened bathroom door.

The most impressive aspect of the entire apartment, in my opinion at least, was the sheer size of the bathroom. I was worried at first that the bathroom would be as small as the laundry room since it lined up directly across from it. That was far from being the case, however.

A circular tub attached to the side wall of the bathroom. As I neared it, I noticed jets built into the tub, transforming it into a jacuzzi if desired. Levi rolled his eyes at my squeal of delight, but I brushed it off, too absorbed in the possibility that I could be living in this apartment with a jacuzzi for a bathtub. Not only a bathtub, but a full sized shower with glass sliding doors and enough room for two. My mind started straying towards the gutter as I surreptitiously glanced at Levi and then the large shower.

It was all over too soon as Levi and the landlord spoke to each other in the kitchen before Levi drove us to Maria's Diner, choosing to eat dinner there before crossing the street to start our 8 PM shift at The Underground.

"Leviiii..." I whined, earning me a look of annoyance from the man.

"What is it, you little shit?" He replied harmlessly, taking a bite of his sandwich. Yes, although we often ate breakfast food at Maria's Diner, they did in fact serve normal American fare.

"What did you think about the apartment?" I asked excitedly, wagging my tail.

Levi appraised me, taking his sweet time to chew and swallow before answering my question.

"It smelled like cats."

I groaned. "Now who is being the little shit? I'm talking about the apartment we just saw, not the second apartment with the gross carpeting. What did you think of the third apartment?"

"It was nice."

I groaned again, more dramatic this time with arms lifting in the air before flopping down onto the table to cushion my head as it dropped as well.

"Just nice? Not perfect? Not the bestest most spectacular place you have ever set your eyes on? Did you not see that bathroom?" I knew I was gushing but I didn't care.

"Oh really? You thought so?"

I could tell he was teasing me by the smirk on his lips and the glimmer in his eyes but I nodded my head energetically anyway, trying to spread my enthusiasm to Levi.

"Well that's good, seeing as I signed the lease already."

My mouth flopped open like a fish, replaying Levi's words in my head to make sure there wasn't a miscommunication anywhere. When he continued to grin at my foolish open-mouthed expression, I knew I didn't mishear him and we would soon be moving into that perfect abode.

Not caring what anyone in the diner thought of me, I rushed out of my seat and leaped into the booth that Levi was sitting in, wrapping my arms around his neck and squeezing him tightly as I gushed "thankyouthankyouthankyou" repeatedly.

"Oi, get off me, brat," he scolded flatly, no trace of irritation or venom in his words. I pulled back anyway when I saw that his cheeks were flushed pink. I must have been hugging him too tightly.

I smiled broadly, feeling like my face would split from my joy. "Thank you, Levi."

Perhaps he was embarrassed by my serious declaration of gratitude because his cheeks became pinker.

 

***

 

LEVI'S POV

Since the previous tenant had taken all of his furniture with him, the apartment was ready to be moved into immediately. It took Eren and I a few days to pack up all of our belongings but by Wednesday we followed the moving crew as they unloaded the furniture and arranged it to my specifications in our new home.

The new apartment had a higher rent than my old place but it was superior in many ways which made it worth it. Especially because Eren loved the new place. I tried my best to show him in subtle ways that we were a team now and that he had a say in how we lived our lives. I think the six year age difference and our past history put me in a position of authority over him, at least in his mind, but if anything I felt honored that he entrusted his life to me and obeyed most of my orders out of respect.

We were all settled in by Friday so of course Hanji invited themself over after work for a house-warming party, which was actually an excuse to drink and spy on our new place. Hanji invited Erwin as well so Eren texted Armin and Annie.

"Here ya go, Eren. It's my own special cocktail," Hanji proudly stated as they handed Eren a wine glass filled with neon liquid.

"What's in it?" Eren asked hesitantly, eyeing the toxic waste.

"Some tequila, a shot of..."

I grabbed the glass out of Eren's hand and handed it back to Hanji. "No alcoholic beverages. Eren is underage. So are his two little friends so don't offer them anything either, Hanji," I stated firmly. Hanji nodded in understanding and sipped their own concoction before pursing their lips and shouting, "Whew, that has a kick."

Eren glanced at me shyly, but I shook my head to show him I wasn't upset that he had taken the glass from Hanji. Knowing Hanji, he probably wasn't given a choice in the matter of accepting the drink or not.

I gave Hanji a quick tour of the apartment since it was inevitable, while Eren chatted with Annie and Armin. I had forgotten that Eren and Annie were sometimes a thing and I wondered what the current status of their relationship was. Armin kept giving shy glances to Eren so perhaps Eremin was a thing now. I shook my head to clear it. Why in the hell was I combining their names? It did have a nice ring to it though, and I could see Eren being a sexy dominant top to Armin's cute, innocent bottom. Shut up, Levi. I would have slapped my cheeks but then Hanji would have questioned me about it.

Once Hanji finished gushing about the damn bathroom, we returned to the living room/kitchen where everyone else was. At some point during the tour, Erwin must have arrived because he was making small talk with Eren at the kitchen island.

I knew Erwin had been waiting for an opportunity to get to know the teen that Hanji often gushed about and I was living with, a truly miraculous thing since I couldn't even spend extended periods of time with the people I considered my two best friends. Prolonged exposure to people made me irritable and exhausted, yet somehow I was able to live with Eren and not feel suffocated.

I started to head in their direction but was halted by Annie who stood in my path.

"Nice place."

"Thanks."

We stood there in silence, both having questions concerning Eren but neither knowing how to broach the topic. Eventually, Annie took the dive.

"How is Eren?"

"He's good. Shouldn't you know? Aren't you guys dating?" I oh-so-casually asked.

"No. We are good friends and past fuck-buddies, but he never tells me anything about his life. He probably thinks I am too overbearing, always reprimanding him for his screw ups." (Realizing I basically made Annie the new Mikasa, albeit less extreme. Oops. Too late to change now.)

I nodded my head, pleased with that answer, before realizing I should probably disagree and assure her that Eren didn't think she was overbearing, but it was never in my character to falsely assure people against their own feelings so I remained silent.

I eventually thought to ask how school was going and she listed the colleges that were scouting her for boxing.

"Has Eren mentioned where he plans on applying for college? Early applications are due at the beginning of November."

I knew Eren was a senior but for some reason it never crossed my mind that he was applying to colleges for next year. Although, who knew if he could afford college, with his family M.I.A. Was he not talking to me about it because he didn't want me to feel obliged to pay for his tuition?

I glanced over at the kitchen where Erwin and Armin chatted animatedly as Eren sat there with his head resting on his hand, dozing off for a few seconds before snapping his head back up to alertness. It was clear that the kid was exhausted but too polite to excuse himself and go to bed while company was over.

I sidestepped Annie without answering her question and approached Erwin. I knew if the adults left then the kids would follow.

"Thank you for stopping by Erwin. It was nice seeing you again." Erwin scrutinized my words with his keen mind before looking at Eren whose eyes were once again closed. Nodding his understanding, he stood up and said, "Thank you for having us over, Levi. We should hang out again soon, but it's getting late and I think it's best if Hanji and I make our departure."

Hearing their name, Hanji approached us and hugged Eren (who was too tired to react) and I (who glared fiercely) before grabbing their jacket. It was only a matter of seconds before Annie and Armin said their farewells too and followed my friends out the door.

Eren's head was lying on top of his crossed arms on the kitchen island when I returned from locking the front door. I shook him gently only to receive meaningless grunts.

"Eren, get in bed. You're not sleeping on the kitchen counter."

The boy stood up slowly, holding onto the bar stool to get his balance, but as soon as he started walking towards his bedroom, he stopped in place swaying lightly, too exhausted to make the short trek from the kitchen to his bedroom.

"Come on," I gently prodded, holding his shoulders and steering him into his new bedroom. I could tell the boy would fall asleep in his clothes if I left him to his own devices. Knowing how uncomfortable that would be, I sat him on his bed and helped him lift his shirt over his head.

His smooth, caramel skin was radiating warmth and I had hoped that I wouldn't be able to see the lines of his sculpted torso in the dark room, but moonlight poured in from the window behind him, casting his flawless skin in a silver glow.

I paused, knowing that this wasn't sexual but still feeling uncomfortable to take Eren's pants off. I decided to go for it when Eren started leaning towards his pillow.

"Oh no you don't," I muttered under my breath. "You'll sleep better without your jeans on."

I acted quickly, unbuttoning the top and pulling the zipper down before prodding Eren to lift his hips off the bed so I could slide the jeans down his legs. Thank god Eren's eyes were closed because my cheeks were an embarrassing shade of red. When the jeans were finally off, Eren flopped on top of his bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow he was dead to the world.

I untucked his blankets and pulled them over him, re-tucking the sides under the mattress so he felt secure and warm. I left his door ajar, not knowing how Eren liked it.

On any other day at three in the morning I would still be awake, but having company over drained me and I felt pleasantly somnolent. I was worried that I would feel uncomfortable in a new place and unable to rest in my new bedroom. It was shocking that I adjusted so quickly to Eren's and my new home.

As I closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep, I recalled that this was Eren's third home in the last four weeks. Eren moved in the second week of September and it was now the second week in October. I wasn't sure what I would do yet, but I knew I needed to make this place feel safe for Eren, who hasn't had a real home for who knows how long. With that last thought on my mind, I fell into a dreamless slumber.

 

***

 

"Eren, can you mix the broth and lemon juice?" Levi called over his shoulder as he cooked the chicken breasts in a skillet.

Eren did as he was told, and brought the mixture over to Levi who poured it over the chicken as it continued to simmer in the pan.

The Underground was holding a private party so neither of them had to work this Sunday night. Instead, Levi suggested they cook a meal from scratch together. The height of Eren's cooking prowess was scrambled eggs. He never had the motivation to teach himself how to cook when he lived alone, but when Levi offered to teach him a few things, Eren found himself oddly excited for the experience.

Levi was a patient teacher, explaining the steps to Eren and letting him do them himself. He didn't even yell when Eren dropped an egg on the floor or splattered flour on the kitchen counters, simply instructing him to clean up the mess and get back to work.

As Eren set the dining room table, a six person mahogany table that Levi bought to fill the overly large space between the kitchen and living room, Levi sliced a lemon to garnish the chicken francaise before setting it on the dining room table.

The boys sat down to their meal, Eren exclaiming how good the meal tasted and Levi praising him for his hand in the kitchen, making Eren blush slightly at the compliment even though he knew he didn't do much besides make a mess.

Levi watched Eren eat, the brightness in his eyes and loose posture indicating the gaiety and ease he felt. He could understand and respect Eren's secretive past, but he didn't realize until Friday night how much it bugged him that he knew so little about Eren. He could at least know about his plans for the future, right?

"So what colleges are you applying to?" Levi smoothly questioned just as Eren took a sip of water, causing him to swallow down the wrong pipe. When he finished coughing, he turned a startled glance on Levi.

"Why are you asking all of a sudden?" Eren tried to remain calm but he couldn't mask the slight defensiveness in his tone.

"Annie mentioned colleges scouting her when she was here for the house-warming party, and it made me realize I didn't know where you intended to apply. Is it that strange for me to ask?" Levi wasn't sure why Eren was acting so cagey about the topic but it only spurred him to push further.

"You do plan on going to college, right?"

Eren's lips pressed together in a tight line and he crossed his arms over his chest, looking away briefly before turning his defiant eyes on Levi.

"No, I don't."

Levi gaped at him. He knew Eren worked hard in school and had good grades. He found a test of Eren's sticking out of the boy's backpack and magnetized that A+ to the fridge door, earning a spluttering of protests from the modest younger male.

If all of Eren's test scores were like the one he'd seen, there was nothing to make Eren doubt his abilities to excel in college. Unless it was as he'd thought and Eren couldn't afford college.

"I can pay for college if that's the problem. You shouldn't let something like money prevent you from continuing your education." Levi didn't expect Eren to gush out gratitude, because he knew Eren would not accept the offer so easily, but he definitely wasn't expecting the rage-filled green eyes as Eren shot up from the table, knocking his chair backwards.

"I don't need your money, Levi. I'm not going to college and that's final. So just drop it." He picked up his dinner plate and loudly set it down in the sink to be cleaned. Levi followed him, not willing to let the conversation drop.

"Why aren't you going? Your grades are good enough."

Eren tried to storm past him but Levi blocked the path between the kitchen island and pantry that led to his bedroom door. Walking around the other side of the island, Eren replied, "I'm only getting good grades so I can get a high school diploma and find a job."

"That's great, Eren, but wouldn't you rather the chance to study something you're interested in and join clubs? Do all the college things that only happen once in your life?"

Eren stumbled at Levi's words. Yes, he wanted that. He wanted that so badly. But he also felt immense guilt, and the darkness inside him reminded him that he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to spend his father's money on something that would bring him happiness, allow him to move out of this depressing town and move on with his life.

Eren knew how bad his temper was but he couldn't control it. He said whatever words came to mind that he could use to hurt Levi with. Words he didn't mean, words that he would never dare say if his eyes weren't seeing red.

Eren turned his fierce gaze on Levi, an almost feral look to his features as he growled, "Shut the fuck up, Levi. I'm not your pet project that you take care of to make your miserable, lonely self feel better."

Eren saw unspeakable sadness in silver eyes before he slammed his bedroom door in Levi's face.

Eren sank to the floor, leaning back against his door with his eyes closed, regaining his mind as his temper ebbed away in the solitude of his room.

The apartment was silent but Eren knew Levi was still standing rooted to the spot where his head was just ripped off.

Eren knew he shouldn't have snapped at Levi's harmless question. If he had acted calmly, Levi wouldn't have pursued the topic so strongly. He couldn't help it though. College sounded so exciting, but he had given up on the thought of it years ago. To have Levi push it in his face was torture, offering him what he couldn't have. Eren remained on his side of the door, silently sobbing for the future he would never have and the past he couldn't change.

 

***

 

Was Levi supposed to act normal, or was he supposed to follow Eren's example of morose silence? He didn't want to fight, but he knew it would continue to happen until he received an acceptable reason for why Eren didn't want to attend college. Not wanting to start anything this early in the morning, Levi remained silent as he drove Eren to school.

 

Was Levi mad at Eren for his surly behavior last night? Was that why he was so quiet this morning? Eren thought about apologizing but was afraid Levi would take that as a sign of defeat and ask about college again. It was a tense drive to school and Eren was relieved when he was dropped off in the usual spot by Reiner's truck. Before he forgot, Eren reminded Levi that he was hanging out at Armin's house after school. Levi nodded his understanding before driving to work.

Eren didn't like fighting with Levi but was unsure how to fix things between them. Luckily, he would be spending the afternoon with Armin who could either clear his mind of his distress or help him think of a way to apologize.

Before heading to Armin's house, Eren asked to stop by his new home to retrieve some video games that they could play. Armin's parents were very strict and never bought him anything they deemed violent or inappropriate. They were rarely at home though and Armin's grandfather would never rat them out for playing Diablo or C.O.D.

Armin followed Eren up the smooth wooden stairs to the third floor and down the hall to apartment 305. Eren took the brass key that the landlord gave him out of his pocket and pressed it to the doorknob. The key didn't go in.

Eren thought nothing of it at first, turning the key over and trying again, thinking he had put it in wrong the first time. The tip barely moved a centimeter into the lock.

Panic bubbled up in him as he realized that the doorknob was different. It was shiny and new.

"A-Armin, the key isn't...it won't..." He couldn't breathe. Air wasn't pumping in and out of his lungs. He could feel his body trembling. Was his vision tunneling? Is this what they called a panic attack?

"Eren? Eren! Calm down. Here, put your head between your knees and focus on your breathing. Can you do that?" Armin helped Eren bend over and sat with him, instructing him to breathe and waiting patiently until his friend's tense posture relaxed. Armin considered trying the key in the lock himself but didn't want Eren to lose all hope if he couldn't open the door either.

"Why don't you call Levi and ask about it? Don't jump to conclusions, Eren. That is how everything goes wrong in books and movies."

Eren smiled wryly. "There is only one conclusion to jump to. Did I tell you that we had a fight last night? It was bad. I said some terrible things to him, Armin. I yelled at him and slammed the door in his face. But we made a contract..."

The last time Armin had seen this completely empty look, it was right before Eren had shut himself off from the world, including his friends. Worried that Eren would retreat into himself again, Armin plastered a smile on his face, hoping to reassure his friend that the new lock was a misunderstanding. Armin couldn't see how it was anything but that.

"Let's go to my place. We'll play Mario Kart or Just Dance and my grandfather will make us snacks. You can call Levi when he gets out of work. Up, up," Armin chirped as he wrapped his arms under Eren's and lifted him to his feet.

Eren was silent on the drive to Armin's but by the time he entered the familiar household, he had pulled himself together. It wasn't like it was new for him to be left behind or disposed of. Why did he believe Levi would be different?

Even though Eren wanted to hate Levi for breaking his promise, and hate himself for letting Levi in, he could do neither. No matter how he tried, he couldn't regret the past month he had spent with Levi and the happiness it brought him. He knew that night at the club after the party that he could live with Levi and regret it or leave Levi and regret it. He was glad for the time Levi spared him and only wished Levi would have some fond memories of their time together. It sucked that things ended on a bad note, but hopefully Levi would remember the good times too, like when they cooked together, or when they played Would You Rather. At least he regained Armin's friendship out of the ordeal.

"Want some bagel bites?" Armin asked gently, unsure of Eren's current mental state. He was surprised when Eren turned to him, looking completely relaxed after his panic attack not twenty minutes ago.

"How in the hell do you have bagel bites? Are your parents not health-crazed anymore?" Eren asked with a small chuckle, remembering the times he spent at Armin's house as a child and was fed organic, sugarless applesauce. *Shudders at memory*

Armin smiled, accepting Eren's insouciant behavior. "No, they still are. But my parents are on another archaeological dig so it's just me and Gramps for the next few months."

Eren nodded his head in acknowledgement as he reached for the snack. They pulled the bean bags in front of the basement TV and played a few rounds of Mario Kart, only speaking to curse at a banana tossed in their path, talk smack about how they will pwn the other, or cheer when they crossed the finish line first. Before they knew it, it was seven o’clock.

"I think you should call Levi to let him know you're here," Armin suggested quietly.

"He knows. I told him this morning. Want to order in? It's on me." Eren bounced into the kitchen, opening the drawer on the left side of the stove, wondering if Armin's family still stored their take-out menus there. They did.

"My grandfather actually made pasta gorgonzola. I told him to eat without us because I didn't know when we would finish our game. It's in the fridge if you want some."

"Yeah, that sounds good. I'm gonna use the bathroom first."

Armin pulled two bowls from the cabinet and was about to spoon the pasta dish into them when he heard a buzzing from the dining room table. Eren had left his phone there, and it was vibrating with an incoming text. Knowing he shouldn't, he ignored his conscious when he saw the text was from Levi.

**Levi: You still at Armin's? Do you need a ride home?**

Sighing with relief that Levi hadn't meant to lock Eren out, Armin was about to respond when he heard the bathroom door open.

He smiled smugly as he passed Eren's cell phone to him and returned to the kitchen to serve their dinner.

"I told you it was a misunderstanding."

"I don't...understand. Why then...?" Armin sighed with exasperation at his best friend's behavior.

"Maybe if you called Levi and asked him, you would know. Tell him I'll drive you home after we eat." Eren did as he was ordered, realizing it would be pointless to argue with Armin when he used that tone.

When Eren ran down to the basement to retrieve his jacket and backpack, Armin texted Levi to explain what transpired earlier in the day, knowing Eren would tiptoe around the issue, waiting for Levi to bring it up, and if Levi didn't know that Eren was locked out earlier, then nothing would be resolved. Levi thanked Armin for informing him of the situation and agreed to let Armin drive Eren home.

Eren's earlier calm dissipated as Armin's old silver Toyota Corolla cruised nearer to Rosewall Court.

Armin shoved his shoulder gently. "Do you want me to walk you to your door?"

Eren nodded mutely, still fearing that Levi wanted him gone and only asked when he was coming home so he could pack his stuff.

After everything that he and Levi had been through, he should have more faith in the older male. But there were people who he never thought would leave him and they did, so he found it difficult to trust anyone now, no matter how much he wanted to.

He hopped from foot to foot, staring at the shiny new lock on the door, as Armin stood calmly beside him. He glanced up when the door opened, but dropped his eyes from Levi's anxious gaze shortly after. Armin cheerily waved goodbye, patting Eren on the shoulder as he departed.

"Get in here, kid," Levi demanded, with a trace of softness and unease in his tone. Eren followed the order, not having any other choice.

They metaphorically circled around each other, Eren still wary about the new lock and Levi worried about scaring Eren any further than he accidentally did. He inwardly cursed himself, knowing how fragile Eren was about being discarded by people he was close to. He never expected Eren to stop by the apartment before going to Armin's. Levi was supposed to be home first so he could get the door for Eren and surprise him.

The silence built to deafening levels until Levi shattered it by crossing the barrier between them and wrapping Eren in his arms, holding him tightly to his chest. He knew Eren needed words as well as actions to reassure him.

"I'm not letting you go." The trembling body in his arms let out a soft sob.

"Why?" Levi wasn't sure if Eren was asking why he didn't plan on letting him go or why the locks were changed.

Levi sighed, releasing his tight grip on the boy but not dropping physical contact. Holding Eren's hand in his own, he led the boy to the couch and sat him down.

"I'll be right back," Levi promised before entering his bedroom. When he returned, he held a black velvet box in his hand. Kneeling in front of Eren, Levi held the velvet box out.

"Wow, Levi. I didn't know you felt this strongly about me. I'm too young for marriage but if you'll wait for me..." Eren joked in a strained voice.

"Here I thought I broke you, but you're still able to crack jokes. Just open the damn box, shithead."

Eren lifted the box out of Levi's palm lightly, as if it would detonate if he used too much force to grab it. Lifting the lid, he stared down at a gold key. The top of the key was shaped similarly to a diamond, allowing a chain to loop through it and form a necklace.

Eren glanced at Levi questioningly, who simply took the necklace out of the box and placed the chain over Eren's head, letting the key fall against his chest, resting level with his heart.

"I didn't think you would be home until after me. I never meant for you to get hurt, Eren. I wanted you to feel like this was truly your home, so I changed the lock and had these special keys made, which only you and I have copies of. This is your home now, and you will always have a key to return here. At least, that's what I meant for it to symbolize..." Levi trailed off, turning pinker and pinker from the sappiness of his words.

Eren gripped the key tightly in his palm, leaving indents in his skin. Swimming green eyes lifted to shimmering silver and Eren lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Levi this time. He knew Levi would understand what he meant without the words he couldn't get his mouth to form, so he slipped off the couch and into Levi's lap, sitting there and gripping the male tighter as rivulets flowed down his cheeks.

_Thank you. Thank you, Levi. You don't understand how much this means to me._

 

 


	10. Daylight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Daylight by Ron Pope

FLASHBACK (3 weeks ago - Saturday night after the party on Friday, the night Levi sang "Something Inside" and Eren was still deciding whether to move in permanently or not. Basically takes place in the middle of the "Something Inside" chapter. So yeah. Any confusion about the timeline, feel free to ask for clarification.)

 

It must have been three in the morning when the sound of small whimpers reached Levi's ears. He had been staring up at his ceiling, unable to fall asleep per usual.

Approaching the futon, Levi found Eren tossing around, clutching the blankets tightly in his white fists. There was sweat on his forehead and a tear slipped from his clenched eyes.

At the sound of another whimper, Levi prepared to shake Eren awake from what was clearly a nightmare, but that proved unnecessary when Eren bolted upright, gasping for air as if he had been running a marathon.

His eyes were wild and teary, heart thumping loud enough for Levi to hear.

"Calm down. You're okay."

Even though he stood a foot away from Eren, the boy didn't seem to hear him. He was still panting, staring unseeingly in front of him, hands trembling in his lap.

"Eren," Levi said softly.

Hearing his name snapped him from his fog. His eyes focused on the older male's silver orbs to ground himself in the present, rather than recall his nightmare. As the seconds ticked by in silence, his heart rate steadily decreased and he laid his head back down.

"Do you need anything? Water?"

The boy shook his head.

Levi stood up, leaving so Eren could try to fall back asleep. They had only known each other for a week and from their first introduction, Eren had made it evident that he did not like opening up to others. He figured Eren didn't want to be seen in this panicked, fragile state, eyes rimmed red from crying, although every fiber of Levi's being urged him to stay by the boy's side and comfort him from whatever terrible nightmare had caused the teen to look utterly desolate.

"Levi," a choked voice called out. "Can you..." His eyes dropped from Levi's, focusing on the loose threads of the blanket he was twisting with his fingers. "Will you sing to me? Until I fall asleep?"

His question was met with silence. He heard Levi's footsteps become quieter as they moved away from him, towards Levi's room. 

Eren repressed a sob from leaving his throat but a tear still slipped down his cheek. It shouldn't have surprised him that Levi ignored his request. After all, he only caused the man trouble when Levi had been nothing but good to him.

The older male washed his laundry, cooked him delicious breakfasts and homemade dinners, drove him to school and occasionally helped with his homework, asking nothing in return except to work part-time at a great club with great people. He didn't get upset when Eren rebelled by bringing a stranger into his home or running away to a party and getting trashed. Rather, Levi took care of him when he was hungover. Additionally, other than a single comment on the younger's shoplifting, Levi never made Eren feel like a criminal in need of close supervision, even though the number of crimes he has committed could no longer fit the counting of one hand.

Clearly enough was enough. Why would Levi go out of his way to fill the request of a temperamental felon when he could be sleeping? 

His tears started to flow faster, carving wet paths down his cheeks. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to stop the liquid from escaping any more.

"Hey, don't cry."

Eren's eyes snapped open to watch as Levi reentered the living room, guitar in hand. He passed Eren a tissue to dab at his eyes with and blow his nose into before angling the armchair to face the futon and settling into it.

"I...I thought," Eren hiccuped, the tears he had dabbed away being replaced with fresh tears sliding freely down his cheeks. He was always like this when he woke from his nightmares: terrified, lonely, and reduced to his fourteen year old self. In his tired and distraught state, he was unable to feel embarrassed that Levi saw him crying.

"We both know you don't think." Levi rolled his eyes, but there was no malice in his words.

He started tuning his guitar. "Any requests?"

"Anything you sing is beautiful." Eren blushed at the words he had mindlessly spoken aloud. Levi was right, he didn't think. He glanced at Levi expecting a teasing remark, but Levi only smiled softly to himself, brushing his slender fingers along the guitar strings to test the sound.

"Do you often have these nightmares?" He remembered the kid having a nightmare his first night in the apartment too but chalked it up to the time spent in a holding cell and sleeping in a foreign environment. Now he wondered how frequent an occurrence these nightmares were.

"Most nights."

Levi nodded in understanding, recalling the times when he had sleep to be woken from with his own nightmares.

"Well, if you wake up again, come get me and I'll sing you back to sleep."

Eren looked at the unreadable face in front of him before exclaiming in a voice that managed to be soft yet fervent, "I'm not going to wake you up again, I promise. I'll be quieter. I'm sorry."

He was starting to panic again, but for a different reason entirely. If Levi thought he would be woken every night from Eren's nightmares, he could easily rescind his offer for Eren to move in. Although Eren hadn't decided what he wanted to do, he still wanted the option to exist.

There was no reason for Levi to continue being kind and considerate of him. If Levi would give him a fourth chance (a fifth chance?), he would be on his best behavior. Please, just another chance.

"Tch, shitty brat. I'm up because of insomnia anyway. Come get me if you have another nightmare, alright? That's an order." Eren nodded mutely, unsure what else to do.

"Close your eyes and try to rest." Following the command, Eren turned on his side so he faced Levi and closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind of the remembrances of blood spatters and cold hands that assaulted him in the black vastness behind his eyelids.

I've seen sad

Dark times

And I have waited for the sun to rise

I've seen sad

Dark times

And waited for rain

And all I know is whenever I am far from home

There are nights when words seem out of place

By di dy dy dy

By di dy dy dy dy dy

By di dy dy dy

By di dy dy

The frightening images in his mind receded as Levi's soothing voice stole his focus. Although he would be hard-pressed to admit it aloud again, Levi's voice was the most beautiful sound Eren had ever heard. Levi made words fall from his lips like velvet or twirl as if they were caught in a winter breeze. He could harshly drop the words off a cliff if the song called for it, as it often did when he performed at The Underground. However, in this moment, Levi caressed the words like they were precious, drawing each sound out unhurriedly, giving each vowel and consonant the time it deserved.

Eren fought futilely against the weariness overtaking him because he wanted nothing more than to listen to Levi. As his mind slipped into slumber, he debated with himself whether the terrible experience of reliving his past in his sleep was worth it if it gave him an excuse for Levi to sing to him again.

***

PRESENT (2:00 AM, hours after Levi gave Eren the key necklace)

_"I'm sorry, Eren, but you got another C on your Spanish test. You are grounded, young man. Maybe if your grades improve, you can go to the next party."_

_"Moooooooom," Eren whined, stamping his foot down like a petulant child even though he was now a Freshman in high school. "This isn't just any party. It's Mina Carolina's holiday party. Everyone from school will be there. Can't my grounding start tomorrow?"_

_"That defeats the purpose of punishment if you are only grounded on days when you have no plans. It will do you some good to stay in and study. Maybe Armin can come over and tutor you?"_

_"Ugh, this is fucking ridiculous. You are ruining my life!" Eren shouted as he stomped loudly to his bedroom before slamming the door behind him._

_Outside his window, fluffy snowflakes descended from the grey sky. His mother knocked on his door for dinner but he ignored her, choosing to sulk about how unfair the world was. If only he hadn't stayed up all night playing video games instead of studying for that test. If only the teacher had chosen to give the tests back after winter break instead of before it. If only that creepy stalker Mikasa hadn't suggested they "study" (*wink wink) together when he was shopping at the grocery store with his mother, whose sharp hearing picked up on the conversation and then decided to monitor Eren's failing Spanish grade. Little did he know there would be many more "if only's" running through his head that night._

_He couldn't miss this party. His small hometown of Shiganshina was a calm place, and by calm he meant boring. It was almost like that town in Footloose, the way nothing fun happened and most inhabitants were content to live out their days lazily like livestock._

_One of the few exceptions was Mina Carolina's holiday party, which always resulted in extravagant tales. The tradition was started by Mina's oldest sister Clara and continued with the next oldest, Eliza. Mina was the youngest and once she went away to college, this town would revert to its stagnant ways without the promise of a wild night once a year to keep things interesting._

_Mina was a Junior and everyone in high school was invited to her party because she was kind and never excluded anyone. However, her parties were not the type of environment for impressionable young middle schoolers. Now that Eren was finally a high schooler, he could attend her party. Yet his mother chose this moment to be strict with him. Why couldn't she have grounded him when he threw eggs at the houses of Armin's bullies and gotten this parental need to exert control over him out of her system? Mina was only in high school for two more years. Only two more great parties that left riveting stories of crazy shenanigans in their wake. If he didn't go this year, that only left one party next year. He had been looking forward to the day when he was old enough to attend this party and he would not let this rare opportunity to live as if he weren't cattle in a cage like everyone around him pass._

_Determined to go to the party and face his punishment later, Eren climbed out of his first floor bedroom window and dropped onto the soft layer of snow that was piling up beneath._

_Luckily, Mina lived only a few blocks away. He walked quickly as the sky darkened and the snow fell harder._

Eren bolted upright from the familiar nightmare. He felt a dampness on his cheeks. Like many nights before, he sat in bed with his arms wrapped around his knees and tried to focus on slowing his heartbeat as a distraction from the memories that caused him to wake crying.

When that failed to distract him, as it often did, he went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. As he sipped from his glass, he stared at Levi's ajar doorway, remembering the night that Levi offered to sing him back to sleep whenever he had a nightmare.

He was too embarrassed by his display of fragility that night to take Levi up on the offer in the following weeks when nightmares woke him four nights out of seven, but he really needed the comfort of another body tonight.

Slipping through the crack in the door, Eren approached the queen-sized bed and pulled back the duvet covers, sliding in next to Levi. He lay there silently, watching Levi. He never noticed before how long and dark Levi's eyelashes were. They appeared even darker in contrast to the porcelain skin they rested on. Wait, why was he here again? To be distracted? Well, mission accomplished.

"What do you think you're doing, brat?" Levi mumbled sleepily, causing Eren to jump.

"I-I thought you were asleep," Eren stuttered.

"So you thought because I wouldn't know you were here, it was okay to sleep in my bed?"

"N-no! I just...I had another nightmare."

Levi opened his eyes. "Do you want me to sing you to sleep?" he asked sincerely without a trace of ridicule.

Yes, that was what he originally wanted, but hearing Levi say it aloud made Eren pout, feeling like he was being babied by Levi. True, he was lonely and didn't want to leave the warmth of Levi's bed, but he didn't want Levi to see him as a delicate child in need of pampering and protection.

Noticing the conflicted emotions flit across the brat's countenance at a simple question, Levi decided to interfere and ask another question, one he had been wondering about since that night weeks ago when he sang for Eren.

"What are your nightmares about?" Levi asked gently.

Eren was silent for a long while and Levi thought he wasn't going to answer.

"I relive the night my mother died."

Levi remained still, gaze locked on Eren's form in the dark. It would be pointless to ask Eren if he "wanted to talk about it." He either would or he wouldn't. Evidently he did.

Since Eren had lived alone after his mother's death, no one knew that he woke most nights either screaming, crying, or both. It wasn't something Eren had ever disclosed to anyone.

Even after winter break ended Freshman year, it took another week before Eren decided to attend school again. Only one week because any longer and the school would call, asking to speak to a parent that didn't exist. He didn't want to alert the authorities that he was living without parental supervision, so after one week, he returned to school, a hollow version of the spirited boy he was a month previously. No one knew the full story about what transpired that night except for Eren, and now, Levi.

"She had grounded me because I was flunking a class. There was a party that night and everyone was going because it was the best party of the year. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo." Eren gave a short, humorless laugh. "I remember thinking how unreasonable my mom was being. I was a stupid kid and I argued with her."

Levi waited patiently, lying in the dark beside Eren as the boy gathered his thoughts and courage to talk about his past. Levi was curious about Eren's story: what happened to his parents, why he shoplifted and graffitied, why he partook in copious amounts of sex, drinking, and partying. Why he intensely feared rejection. What happened to this boy to make him a delinquent? It wasn't because he was a bad person, Levi knew that. What haunted his dreams and dampened the lively boy Levi seldom caught glimpses of?

"I snuck out through my bedroom window and walked the few blocks to the party. Everyone was already there and I remember having a great time, meeting new people and playing drinking games. I might have sledded off the roof on a mattress at one point. I had only been to one party with alcohol before that one so I didn't know my limit and before I knew it, I was hammered and stumbling as I walked."

Eren took a shuddering breath in and released it slowly, as his story reached its climax. Levi found Eren's hand in the dark and gripped it in his own, silently reminding the shaking boy of his presence, that he was not alone.

"My mom had beaten it into me that I could always call her if I was drunk. I knew that no matter how mad at me she would be for disobeying her, she would be glad I called for a ride. And she was. I could tell she was disappointed by my actions but mostly she was relieved that I wasn't trying to walk back home in my condition. She told me she was on her way so I waited outside."

Eren paused, brows furrowing as he tried to recall all the details of the night he had buried deep in his mind. He stilled suddenly, as he began to remember forgotten pieces. In his nightmare-memories, he easily recalled the boisterous laughter filtering from the house and the chill December air seeping into his bones. When he was asleep, pieces of the night were knitted together and somehow he got from point A to point B. Taking the time now to consciously recall the sequence of events that night, he realized he hadn't been waiting outside alone. He hazily remembered smoke curling around a figure.

_"Hey, what're ya doin' out here?" said a gravelly voice that did not sound like it belonged to a female, yet did._

_Standing behind him was a dark-haired girl and in the moonlight he saw freckles on her caramel skin._

_"Waiting for my mom. I'm too drunk to walk straight." He couldn't remember what he sounded like when he spoke to his mother on the phone but he was proud of himself for not slurring his speech in front of this girl. He was just sober enough to feel slightly embarrassed admitting that he was waiting for a ride from his mother._

_"Where the fuck do you live? You've been standing out here for twenty minutes already."_

_He checked his phone and realized she was right. He had been too buzzed to notice the time quickly slipping by but it should only have taken five minutes for his mom to get him, ten at the most if she hit every red light._

_A piercing wail cut sharply through the night as an ambulance sped by, in the direction of his home._

_If it weren't for the girl pointing out how long he had been waiting for his mom, he probably would have paid the ambulance no mind. As it was, terrible thoughts raced through his head and he was running, tripping on unsteady feet, slipping on thin layers of snow on the sidewalk. A voice shouted after him, but he did not know what it said. He could care less. After standing in the cold for so long and the foreboding weighing him down, his mind was clearer and he was sober enough to read street signs and run the route his mom would have driven from their house to the party._

_It wasn't long before he reached a collection of cop cars blocking off the road and re-directing traffic away from the accident. As Eren approached, he overheard two cops talking._

_"Yeah, the truck must have slid on black ice and barreled right into the driver's side door of that other car, pinning it between the truck and the power line pole," a tall cop with blonde hair stated._

_"I hate cases like this," his partner grumbled. "It wasn't like the other driver was drunk or on the phone, it was an unfortunate accident caused by mother nature. Nothing could have prevented this except for neither driver being on the road this late at night in this weather."_

_With the sickly yellow glow of the street lamps to disrupt the dark, Eren peered at the crash site. Two crumpled cars had been separated to get the driver out who had been trapped between the truck and wooden pole. That car drew him past the police tape to gaze closer at the destruction. A deployed airbag was deflated against the steering wheel and even in the dark Eren could see spatters of blood in the interior of the car. The car was nearly unrecognizable in its crumpled state if not for the sticker on the back bumper that said, "Keep Earth Clean. It's Not Uranus!" His mother was an environmentalist and bought the bumper sticker at some organic food market she dragged him to one weekend._

_Lots of people could have those on their dark blue SUV. As he approached the front of the car, he saw the fuzzy pink cheetah print dice hanging from the rearview mirror. They were trashy and cliche, a gift from Carla's college friend who went on a roadtrip to Vegas and bought the dice at a gift shop. Both Eren and his mom hated them, but Carla insisted on hanging them from the mirror anyway and the trashy dice quickly became a cherished item. They were still ugly but they made the car feel homier. It seemed cruel that the familiar item was now in the empty car, and would no longer be associated with home but with the smell_ _of tar where the cars skidded and the smoke coming from the hood of the truck._

_In a daze, Eren drew closer to the dark blue SUV to brush his fingers against the fuzzy, blood-spattered dice, but was halted by a police officer asking if he had witnessed the crash._

_He had only been at the crime scene for a few precious minutes, taking in the details of the crash, but suddenly recalled that his mother was nowhere in sight._

_Eren could not remember if real words came out of his impossibly tight throat but somehow the police officer understood him and told him which hospital the ambulance had brought his mother to._

_He took off running, completely clear-headed now but tripping for an entirely different reason as he raced in a panic on the snow-slick sidewalks towards the nearest hospital which was a solid ten blocks away._

_He was mildly aware of the cold encasing his jacket-less body, the pain in his legs as he pounded the pavement, the snowflakes sticking to his eyelashes, and the blood pumping between his ears, drowning out all other sound._

_One look at his pitiful state and a nurse was directing him to his mother's hospital room where his father already sat beside her bed._

_His father clutched the white, cold hand of his mother and pressed it to his lips in farewell. The monitor next to her bed was flatlined. She was gone. A doctor and nurse pulled his father into the hall to discuss the next steps, leaving Eren alone in the room with his dead mother._

_She was beautiful even in death, despite the bruises and cuts on her face. Eren gripped the same hand his father had held a moment before, feeling for himself the cold nothingness of it. No warmth, no pulse in the veins on her wrist. An empty shell of the woman who he argued with hours before. It felt like he was sinking in the dark depths of the ocean, being pushed down by his guilt as it dawned on him that this was all his fault. If only he had listened to his mother and accepted his punishment, he would be moping in his room and she would be alive, reading a book in the living room as she did every night before bed. She never would have driven in this snowy weather to pick his drunk-ass up. She would wake up on Saturday morning to bake him scones and they would sit inside drinking hot cocoa as the snow continued to fall outside, coating the world in pure white._

_Instead, he didn't listen to his mother, like usual. The first snow of the season he saw was speckled with red. Tomorrow he would wake up empty, a gaping hole where his heart used to be._

_His body shook with sobs and shivers from the extended cold exposure. His mother's face disappeared behind a hazy waterfall. No matter how many times he swiped his arm across his eyes, fresh tears formed and clouded his vision._

_This is how his father and the nurse found him, snot and tears running down his face, ugly crying and choked noises emitting from his throat, his trembling hands still wrapped tightly around a dead one._

_The drive home from the hospital was silent. The days preceding the funeral were silent. And when his father decided to escape the memories of Carla that were everywhere in the house, his absence created another silence._

Eren had been speaking in a trance, memories spilling from his lips into Levi's waiting ears. When he returned to the present, he was stunned to find Levi's arms wrapped tightly around his shaking form. He hated being seen when he was vulnerable, but he couldn't push Levi away if he tried, and he honestly didn't want to. Levi was solid and warm beside him and when he finally looked into those striking silver eyes, he was surprised to find not pity or sympathy, but empathy, something he had never seen before but immediately recognized as an understanding of blaming oneself for a loved one's death. It was perhaps this mutual pain they shared that broke any remaining walls Eren had constructed, allowing him to voice all the thoughts he held deep within for the past few years.

"She left me. She died before I could reach her and say goodbye. I didn't get the chance to apologize and tell her how much I love her." Tears cascaded down his cheeks but Levi gently brushed them away.

"Shhhh...She knew how much you loved her. I never told you this, but I went into the master bedroom when I brought you to your old house to pack your stuff. There was a picture on the nightstand, and from the way she looked lovingly down at you, I am certain that she doesn't blame you. She really loved you, Eren."

Levi meant to calm Eren down, who had clearly been struggling for years with his guilt, but the reminder of how much his mother cared for him and that he was her downfall brought on a fresh torrent of tears. How was it possible that he hadn't run out of tears yet?

Eren gripped Levi's shirt in his fists and buried his face against the man's chest, head resting under Levi's chin.

Just like that night weeks ago when he had a nightmare and Levi comforted him, he didn't think about how embarrassed he would be tomorrow. He only thought of how safe he felt in Levi's arms, the calm that eased over him as he felt Levi's chest rise and fall slowly with his breathing while the man's long fingers brushed through Eren's hair.

"Levi?"

"Yes?" A tender voice responded.

"...Thank you."

Levi moved away a little bit so he could look at Eren's face.

"What do you have to thank me for?"

Eren lowered his eyes and bit his lip. "For never making me feel weak for crying. And for putting up with my shit this past month and still taking care of me. For the key." Eren gripped the aforementioned key in his hand, reminding himself of its tangibility.

"First of all, crying doesn't make you weak. And what kind of douchebag would I be if I invited you to stay with me but kicked you out when you acted like a normal hormonal teenager? Believe it or not, I knew what I was signing up for. And you need a key to get into the apartment...So you have nothing to thank me for." It was too dark in the room for Eren to see the faint blush on Levi's cheeks, thank the walls.

"Bullshit. I thought the key was so I would "always have a place to return to" or something like that? If crying doesn't make me weak, then neither does sharing your feelings," Eren teased.

"Ugh, shut up you cheeky brat. Go to sleep." This only encouraged Eren further.

"Share your feelings, Levi. What do you think of me?" Eren prodded, trying to pass the question off uncaringly, as if the answer didn't matter.

"You really want me to answer that?"

Yes. "No, I don't care what you think of me. I was just asking."

"Hm."

Eren got out of the bed, calmed by his talk with Levi and ready to try falling back asleep. Just as he made it to the door Levi spoke, stopping him where he stood.

"You get angry at the drop of a hat and you're unbearably stubborn, always wanting things to go your way."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. I'm a fucking shitty person who ruins the lives of everyone around me," Eren said with exasperation. The lack of anger in the response, especially coming from Eren, revealed to Levi that these were familiar and believed thoughts in the boy's head.

"I don't think that at all," Levi said severely, assuring Eren of his conviction. "I do however think you're a little shit for interrupting me." Levi closed his eyes for a second then reopened them to stare intently at Eren, who was astounded that Levi was answering his question and stood frozen in place.

"You have the brightest goddamn green eyes I've ever seen. It's like there are tiny suns in your head, constantly keeping those fucking eyes lit up, whether in happiness or anger. And the way your attitude shifts from an innocent child to a fucking tease confuses but entertains me. You are full of surprises. You're more mature than you often act. I've seen you working with Hanji. You are determined and always give your best. I've never met someone who puts so much of themselves into everything they do. Even when we were just cooking dinner, you gave your best effort and didn't get discouraged by your mistakes.

"You are many things Eren, but you are not a shitty person that ruins people's lives. At least from my perspective, you make people's lives a thousand times better just by existing.

"It is not your fault that your mother died. That was a wretched outcome that no one could predict. For all you know, you could have chosen to walk home and gotten hit by that car instead, and then your mother would be visiting your grave every weekend, thinking of all the things she could have done differently that day. Stop blaming yourself for something you couldn't control."

Eren fell to his knees, crushed by Levi's kind words he felt he didn't deserve but still hoped to be true. Levi got out of bed and approached Eren, squatting in front of him. He tapped Eren's chin with his index finger, lifting the boy's sorrowful gaze to meet his.

"She died because of me, Levi. It's all my fault," the boy whispered into the darkness.

It was heart-rending to see Eren like this. Eren, who acted tough even though he was a scared child who had not been treated kindly by the world. Levi knew there was nothing else he could say to convince Eren that he did not kill his mother. Eren would hopefully realize that himself one day.

It didn't worry Levi that it had already been approximately three years and Eren had not moved on. Levi struggled daily to remind himself he was not guilty for the horrors of his past and five years had passed so far.

"Eren, I know this is a really shitty time to bring this up, but wouldn't your mom want you to go to college?"

Even knowing how terrible his timing was, Levi needed an answer and he was prepared for Eren's wrath. However, Eren only sighed and tilted his head down and to the side, bangs falling in his eyes and blocking his expression from Levi.

"Yeah, she would. I can't though. Her life was cut short because of my stupidity. There were things she wanted to do. She always talked about traveling the world one day and opening her own flower shop because she loved to garden. She wanted to tour colleges with me and watch me graduate. She wanted to see who I would marry and hoped, even if I chose to marry a man, that she would get adorable grandkids. I don't want to experience any of those things without her. I don't deserve to travel like I want to because I took that opportunity away from her."

If possible, Levi's heart twisted tighter for the boy who felt he didn't deserve to live happily. He learned and thus understood a lot about Eren tonight and there were too many festering wounds for him to heal in one night. As if it was his superpower to understand exactly what Eren needed, Levi lifted the boy bridal style in his arms, ignoring all feeble protests, and carried him back to the queen sized bed, plopping him down on the left side and tucking the blankets around him before climbing into bed himself.

A song wasn't what Eren needed tonight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think so far? I’m iffy on this chapter. I think I make Eren cry too much, but I love to make him cry. If you’ve read my other work “The Spectator,” you know I like torturing my poor sweet titan baby.


	11. Glassy Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is by Donna Burke.

After waking up in Levi's bed, in Levi's arms no less, there was a subtle shift in their relationship. A comfortable calm wrapped around them as if they had known each other all their lives.

Eren no longer hid his thoughts or emotions out of fear of upsetting Levi and Levi was more than grateful for Eren's honest expressions. Easy banter ensued, evenings found them cooking dinner together, and most nights found Eren in Levi's room. In a completely platonic way.

When he awoke from his nightmare he went straight to Levi, who was always awake and scooted wordlessly to one side of the bed, making room for Eren. Eren climbed into bed and they fell asleep. If it was a more vivid nightmare and Eren ended up crying, Levi would wrap him against his chest until Eren's crying exhausted him and they fell asleep like that.

Neither of them mentioned the night when morning came. It was an unspoken rule. During the hours of sunlight, Eren masqueraded arrogance and imitated happy smiles. Occasionally, Levi pulled a genuine smile from those soft pink lips. He was getting better and better at doing that. Yet when the night descended and the crisp October air sneaked in through the slits of the window sill, Eren caved inward, forming a tight ball of guilt, self-loathing, and misery.

Levi was two sides to a coin as well. In the daytime, he scolded Eren for making a mess and baited Eren into defensiveness when he casually mentioned that Eren could have his boyfriend over the apartment instead of always going to Armin's house after school. Eren resolutely denied that anything romantic existed between him and his best friend, which Levi had realized was true, at least on Eren's side, but it never ceased being amusing to watch Eren explode over the implications. At nighttime, Levi lay awake wondering if Eren would have a nightmare and come to him. After that night when Eren opened up about his past, the boy disregarded any lingering self-consciousness about appearing weak and immediately sought Levi out like a nightlight to combat the darkness in his heart and mind.

Levi was not a soft person. Ask Hanji or Erwin or even his bandmates. His language was often coarse and he wasn't above using the threat of force to get his way, although it usually took a single glare from stormy grey eyes to get what he wanted.

This was not the case with Eren, at least not at night. An internal switch is flipped and he is gentle, warm, open with his words and actions. Levi has never been those things for another person, but he is for Eren. He can't refuse Eren anything.

As they wait for their food in their booth at Maria's Diner, Levi is struck by the changes he has seen take place in the young man sitting across from him. He must have had an odd expression on his face because Eren looked at him quizzically, asking, "Why are you staring at me like that?"

Levi evaded the question with one of his own. "Have you thought anymore about what we talked about?"

The evening after Eren opened up to Levi about his guilt, Levi had a long talk with the boy on how he couldn't sabotage his life anymore because it wasn't what his mother would want. Eren teared up again. Honestly, he was more of a crybaby than Rin Matsuoka. In the end he agreed to consider applying to colleges and Levi began leaving pamphlets about the application process and different schools around the apartment. Eren would open the refrigerator door to get a glass of milk and a pamphlet on acing the SAT's would fall out. If he chose to apply, at least he needn't worry about taking the SAT's since Annie had dragged him to the test center last spring.

He knew what Levi said was true, that his mother wouldn't want him to waste his life away out of guilt. He had denied himself of happiness for so long, however, that it was difficult to start dreaming of a future he could enjoy.

He received a big smile from Levi (a small smile by normal standards) when he mumbled that he would at least tour a few schools, and that smile soothed his ambivalent soul.

Levi asked about his interests and what programs he was looking for in a school. The next day, Eren found a list of college names written on a sticky note on his desk for him to research.

Before he knew it, Levi had rented a hotel room in a city three hours away so he could tour one of the schools he was interested in, Stohess University.

They drove up there on a Saturday morning to check in at noon. Volunteer students were spread across the lush green campus to direct any lost visitors.

Eren liked Stohess University because it was a large school and thus had a wide variety of majors. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his future yet, but it seemed logical to choose a school where he wouldn't be limited in fields of study. There were also many clubs to join and from what Jean told him, the city of Stohess was a generally clean, safe city with public transit and lots of shops, restaurants, and places of entertainment, meaning it would be a pleasant place to live for the next four years.

Seeing the school in person, it met all of his expectations and went beyond. Even the food was delicious, which is not the typical adjective used to describe college fare.

By the end of the tour, Eren was ready to sign his name without reading any Terms and Conditions, blindly trusting that Stohess University was the place for him. Levi was amused by how quickly Eren changed his tune about college, and mentioned it when they ate dinner at a popular family-owned pizza shop recommended by a student tour guide.

"Is it official? Are you going to apply to colleges?"

Eren had been happily rambling about his favorite parts of the college tour but froze at Levi's question, setting his slice of pizza back on his plate before smiling softly down at his lap.

"Deep down I know that I didn't kill my mother. It's not like I planned her death or killed her with my own hands. But I still can't help feeling guilty. I at least wish that I could have been a better son on the day she died.

"Talking to you really helped me though, and I visited her grave after school one day, telling my mom all the things I told you. As I started crying, a breeze swept by and dried my tears. I'm not religious and I don't know if I believe in an afterlife, but I like to think it was my mom's spirit wiping my tears and reassuring me that it is okay to live my life."

The young man looked up into Levi's eyes, his expression one of calm determination.

"So to answer your question, yes. I am going to college. I have also been thinking about trying out for the basketball team and maybe if I work hard enough, I can get a sports scholarship."

There were many sappy thoughts running through Levi's mind that he wanted to convey to Eren. Words about how proud he was of the young man his brat was quickly becoming. Before he could figure out how to phrase his thoughts in a manly way, a shadow appeared at the edge of his vision and a gruff voice questioned in disbelief,

"Eren?"

This strange man with his long brown hair in a ponytail and his glasses resting on his pointy nose tickled Levi’s memory, but he couldn’t place where he recognized him from. It was evident that Eren knew this man from the way he utterly froze, arms pressed tightly to his sides as blood drained from his face, leaving him a sickly pale white.

"Eren," I demanded as I snapped my fingers in front of the boy's face to get a reaction out of him. "Who is this guy?"

The man turned to me, looking me up and down in an appraising manner. "I'm Eren's father, Grisha Jaeger."

***

LEVI'S POV

Eren had told me that his father left shortly after his mother's funeral and the only way he knew the man was still alive was by the cash he mailed every month to cover groceries and the fact that the house still got electricity.

Eren speculated that his father had returned to Germany, where his grandparents lived. Clearly he didn't expect his father to be a measly three hours drive away from him all these years.

I wanted to talk to Eren, but more than that I wanted Eren to talk to me, telling me how he felt. As soon as we entered our hotel room, he grabbed the blanket at the end of one of the Queen-sized beds, wrapping it around himself as he moved onto the small balcony to sit in one of the deck chairs. I interpreted this to mean he wanted to be left alone.

After his father approached our table and a tense stare down took place, my gaze cold, Eren's fiery, and Grisha's sheepish, the man placed his business card on the table with his cell phone number on the back and implored Eren to be treated to breakfast Sunday morning before we drove back. Eren coldly said he would consider the offer and give Grisha an answer later tonight, either by calling him to accept or not responding at all.

Eren had been staring at the city skyline for close to two hours, not making a sound or showing any signs of life. Evidently, whereas his mother brought out his emotional side, his father turned him into a mini-me, emotions locked behind a stony wall. His mother left him unintentionally, but his father walked out without a goodbye, without an explanation, teaching Eren a cruel lesson that the people he was closest to and believed would always take care of him could leave him in an instant, negating all precious memories that once bonded them together.

Approaching the balcony carefully, figuring Eren might have had enough time alone but prepared to leave him be if he wasn't ready to talk, I stepped outside and slowly lowered myself into the deck chair beside Eren. Minutes passed in silence, with both of us staring out at the city lights.

I usually wouldn't be so considerate of other people's personal space. If I wanted to know something, I would ask regardless of how touchy the subject. I couldn't do this with Eren. Even though I came out here to find out what Eren wanted to do about his father, I couldn't broach the subject. If Eren wanted to tell me his thoughts, he knew he could.

However, I couldn't deny that I hated his silence. Without knowing his feelings, I felt helpless in how to help him. Did he need me to reassure him that he never needed to speak to his ass-wipe father again and we could leave tomorrow before the sun rose, or did he need me to convince him to hear his father out to hopefully acquire some form of closure?

"I think I want to hear what he has to say," Eren whispered. Although his voice was soft, it was steady with conviction. Eren entered the bedroom to grab his cell phone off the nightstand and stepped into the hotel hallway to call his father. I hated that I could only sit by. It wasn't as if I could go to the restaurant with him to interfere if that man said anything hurtful to Eren...

***

EREN'S POV

I wiped the sweat on my palms onto my jeans for the third time this morning. I currently sat in the hotel lobby, waiting for my father to pick me up for breakfast. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I had no idea why my father wanted to talk to me after all these years.

Perhaps I still doubted his sincerity in treating me to breakfast because I was honestly shocked when his familiar black Bentley pulled up in front of the hotel. I climbed into the passenger seat slowly, fully expecting him to tell me to get out, that he came to pick up a colleague. Instead, he wished me a good morning and waited patiently for me to buckle my seatbelt before he put the car in drive.

My father is a well-respected brain surgeon and he was often absent for weeks at a time during my childhood to attend medical conferences and seminars around the world. Due to his frequent absences, I knew my father as well as I would know an uncle; he was a person I grew up with but I couldn't read his expressions as easily as I could someone I spent my whole life around.

Despite this, it was obvious to me that he was nervous. He was rambling about how he remembered that I loved sweet breakfast foods so he thought I might enjoy this restaurant his coworker recommended, Three Walls Café.

He wasn't wrong. Most restaurants offered many savory breakfast foods but only a few pancake flavors, and one option for French toast. Three Walls Café was a different story all together. Eleven different types of Belgian waffles, eight different pancake flavors, four forms of French toast not including the seven kinds of stuffed French toast. This place was heaven and if I were here with anyone else, I would be grinning stupidly with happiness.

My father and I sat across from each other at a table in a back room of the restaurant. It made me uncomfortable, being enclosed in this space with him without a window to jump through if necessary. Not that I anticipated violence or anything. My father never laid a hand on me or my mother. He was a good man, or so I thought as a child. Yet as the minutes ticked by in silence, I was really wishing we had been seated next to a window so I could escape this unbearably awkward encounter.

We both silently stared at our menus, too nervous around the other to really read the words on the page before our eyes. Everything looked good on the menu, so even though I didn't look too closely at my options, I was content with my order of a banana, pecan, and caramel Belgian waffle.

After we ordered and lost the excuse of having silence to peruse the menu, my father spoke.

"How have you been, Eren?"

"Didn't I tell you I was fine when you called to check in a few days ago? Oh, wait..." I replied sarcastically, relishing in the grimace that crossed my father's features.

This man scarred me. I had just lost my mother and then my father abandoned me as well. For a fourteen year old kid, that was devastating.

As time passed, my school daydreams of walking through my front door to see my father cooking us dinner and apologizing for being gone but having a great explanation, and some nice gifts to boot, gave way to dark daydreams of the cops knocking on my door, informing me that my father committed suicide and left a note explaining that I wasn't his biological son. My real father, a famous rock star, flew in his private jet to take me away from shitty Shiganshina to live with him in his mansion.

Neither dream came true. Love and hope crumbled and hatred and despair rose in their place. I had started thinking of my father as dead because it was easier than thinking he was living his life somewhere without me. After that phase passed, I reached the conclusion that my father left me because he blamed me for his wife's death, just as I did. I began to wish he never came home so I wouldn't see my own self-hatred reflected in his eyes as he stared at me with nothing but contempt.

Perhaps if I had ran into him six weeks ago, I would have been sitting here, apologizing profusely and begging for his forgiveness. However, in a month and a half, Levi had made me see that I wasn't at fault, not ultimately. Slowly but surely, I began to forgive myself and accept the entropy governing the universe that was the sole owner of the blame for my mother's death.

Now that I was seeing my father after three years of no contact, I was angry. I wanted answers. He couldn't waltz into my life and act like a father again, if that was even what he wanted. I was getting ahead of myself though. Even though I wouldn't accept any offer to move in with him, I still yearned for him to acknowledge me as his son and express a desire to care for me like a father should.

My father sighed deeply, the sadness and regret shining through his brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, Eren. I have been a terrible father. I wasn't there for you when you needed me most, and I can't go back to change that, but I would in an instant if I could."

"Why? Why did you leave me?" I didn't intend to voice my fears aloud, but the words still slipped past my lips. "Do you blame me for mom's death?"

Grisha was visibly startled. "No! No Eren, of course not. Have you believed that all this time, son?" There was sorrow and sympathy in his voice.

I only gave a one-sided shoulder shrug, not needing to confirm with words what we both knew.

"Oh, Eren. I can't apologize enough. I loved your mother very much, and her death was the death of my world. I couldn't be a responsible adult for you in my grief. I found myself at a casino, drinking and gambling to dull my senses. When I finally got my act together after two weeks, I was so ashamed of myself. I had left you alone, my son, without a shoulder to cry on. Instead of losing one parent, you lost two, and I never wanted that.

"But the damage was done, and I was too ashamed of my actions to return home and act as if nothing happened. And although it isn't fair to you, your face, so similar to Carla's, and that house that your mother decorated and filled with precious memories, was too painful to return to. I couldn't retain my sanity if I saw Carla's beautiful green eyes and gentle smile in your face or had to cook meals in that kitchen your mother reigned over. I knew it wasn't right to leave you alone, but I had our neighbor Mr. Hannes keep an eye on you and I moved into a house here in Stohess to be closer to the hospital where I work."

The waiter appeared with our food and it was a relief because I needed a moment to absorb everything my father was telling me. He could tell, because he kept quiet as we tucked into our meal.

It made me feel marginally better that all those times Mr. Hannes stopped by my house to drop off food and check on me, it was because my father asked him to watch over me. Even though I didn't know it, my father was still worried about my well-being.

I had never been in love, but I knew what it looked like from observing my parents. I tried to conjure up what it would feel like to lose that special person without warning and way too early. I felt slightly guilty for only thinking of my pain and my loss, and not realizing that my father had been experiencing the same pain, possibly more. It didn't make his absence okay. He shouldn't have been a coward and he should have faced me despite a drinking binge and the hurt of looking at my mother in me every day. I still needed him, and I could have forgiven him if he returned. Instead, three years of absence have passed and it is too much time to forgive with an apology and an explanation. It hurt to realize that nothing he did now could undo the pain he caused me. Nothing could erase the memories of crying all alone in a dark house or eating around the blue spots on bread because my father had been missing for two weeks and I had no money to buy fresh food.

Maybe Levi's impassiveness was rubbing off on me, because I no longer felt anything for the man across from me. My love and adoration had died years ago, and as I ingested his reasons for leaving me all alone, I felt my hatred and fury extinguish as well. Perhaps with time he would be someone to me again. Someone who called to wish me a happy birthday and stopped over for some Thanksgiving dinner. After seeing him all these years later, I couldn't imagine going back to complete silence. Even in the smallest manner, I still wanted him in my life. I wanted my father to acknowledge me.

Choosing to cut the snarkiness and work on redeveloping a relationship, I said in as honest and gracious a tone as I could manage, "Thank you for sending money and taking care of the bills."

My father smiled, obviously relieved that I was willing to move forward with him.

Suddenly his face morphed into curious worry. "That reminds me! What has been happening for the last couple of weeks? When I did not receive any bills to pay, I inquired with the company to see if the mail got lost and they informed me that no electricity or water had been used for five weeks. I was worried that something happened to you so I drove down to Shiganshina and when I searched the house, all your stuff was gone. I was sick with worry, Eren."

Serves him right, I couldn't help but think. "I've moved out. You can sell the house if you want," I replied vaguely, waving my hand in the air carelessly, displaying my indifferent attitude towards my childhood home. Living in that house that was filled with memories but lacked my mother's warmth was just as painful as my father imagined it to be. I was secure in knowing that I could live with Levi until I moved into a dorm for college, so there was no point in paying for an uninhabited house any longer.

"Moved out? To where?" I could tell it bothered him to know nothing about my life.

"Sorry, Grisha, that's a privilege for people who are a part of my life," I snapped out of habit. I winced at my own harsh tone. I guess I couldn't let go of three years worth of resentment over one meal.

"You're right, Eren. I'm sorry. If you are ever ready to let me be a part of your life again, I would very much like that. You can call me anytime or visit me whenever you wish. Let me know what your boundaries are and I will respect them."

I smiled contentedly. This meeting was going much better than I anticipated. "Thanks. Well, I better go soon. I have work tonight so I need to get back to Shiganshina."

I had already made Levi promise to be waiting for me outside the restaurant at noon unless I texted him to get me sooner. It was five minutes until noon so I stood to wait at the restaurant entrance, but my father stopped me with a light hold on my forearm.

"Wait, son, one more thing. I assume you are here looking at colleges since you had a Stohess University pin on you yesterday. I want you to know that I will pay all expenses for whatever college you choose, so do not worry about cost at all. This is not an offer, it is a statement of fact. I know I cannot buy back your love or trust and that is not what this is. It is more for me than anything, a way to ease my guilt for not taking care of you in the past. At least I can feel better knowing that I can take care of you in the future. So will you do this old man a favor and tell me when you know which school you are attending, so I can contact the bursar's office and settle all costs?"

I hated feeling indebted to someone, which made living with Levi difficult because he did so much for me when he was under no obligation to. My father, however, owed me. At least, that was how I saw it. It would honestly lift so much worry and burden from my shoulders if money wasn't a factor in choosing a school. I would never let Levi pay for me and I would only be able to afford online classes with the money I had saved. This entire trip had been a fantasy because I never expected to be able to afford a school as prestigious as Stohess University.

"Fine by me," I said as I shook hands with my father.

Just then, Levi's car cruised into view and I hopped into the passenger seat. I could tell my father was curious about the driver of the Lexus I was driving off in, but knew to respect my boundaries, so he simply waved as we drove off.

"How did it go, brat?" Levi questioned, a hint of menace in his tone, as if he was ready to drive back down the street and beat up my father if he had done anything to upset me.

The imagery made me laugh to myself, and I calmly replied, "It went pretty well. Much better than I ever could have hoped."

This answer appeased Levi and his shoulders relaxed.

"Levi, why do you have a mustache?"

The man looked surprised but then his cheeks turned pink as he ripped the adhesive mustache off of his upper lip.

"Levi..."

He growled before finally admitting, "I didn't want him to hurt you."

"And that explains the mustache how?"

His eyes stared intently at the road ahead, not once looking in my direction as he stated quietly, "I went in disguise so I could intervene if he upset you."

"You what?!" I exclaimed mirthfully. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a bag in the back seat of the car and when I looked through it I saw a thick scarf, a trench coat, and a bowler hat.

"Oh...my god...Levi," I gasped out between chortles. When I regained my composure and the red-faced man was done swearing to cover his embarrassment, I asked if that meant he heard everything.

"Ugh, I heard absolute shit. Someone brought their crying baby into the restaurant and sat at the table between yours and mine so all I heard was high-pitched shrieking. It gave me a fucking headache. I'm glad your reunion with your father went well though."

"Thanks, Levi."

 

 


	12. Learning How To Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey to anyone who reads author notes,
> 
> The title of this chapter is a song by Colony House. The worst thing about titling chapters after songs is choosing one song. If you listen to the song and like it, my favorites are ‘Caught Me By Surprise,’ ‘Silhouettes,’ and ‘Glorious.’ Lemme know what you think or if you have a song recommendation for me.

"Levi! Where are my sneakers?!" Eren yelled shrilly.

"Marco fucking Bodt, kid. They should be by the door where I make you take them off everyday."

Last week, Marco came over to the apartment to help Eren with his college applications. Eren could think of no one kinder who would want to help him or patient and calm enough to handle his rages at the countless stupid essays he had to write. Even Levi had had enough of Eren's insane bursts of wrath.

Levi didn't blame the kid. Eren was very excited about the prospect of college, especially if he got into Stohess University. His high school record was doing nothing to help him get into the school of his dreams, however, and it was causing the boy immense stress. He had no idea which teachers would fudge a letter of recommendation for him given his past attitude problems in school and occasional fights after school. His grades were superb, but colleges no longer accepted students based on intelligence. They looked at extra-curricular activities, of which Eren had none unless shoplifting counted, which it surprisingly didn't.

Marco, being the saint he was, offered to help Eren find good topics to write his essays on and even went with him to speak with teachers about letters of recommendation. Truly, Marco Bodt was an angel. His name soon replaced Jesus Christ in Eren and Levi's minds, which explains the current morning dialogue.

Eren darted out of Levi's bedroom, anxiety causing anger causing him to yell, "Don't 'Marco fucking Bodt' me, Levi. Today is the first day of basketball tryouts and I am fucking pissing myself."

"Tch. Disgusting, brat."

"I CAN'T PLAY BASKETBALL IF I DON'T HAVE SNEAKERS!"

"Stop shouting, Eren. Calm the fuck down. Did you check your room yet? We bought the shoes four days ago and this apartment isn't that big. They have to be here somewhere."

Eren sprinted into his bedroom and came running back out a minute later, basketball sneakers in hand.

"Did you even check your room or did you forget you had one of your own after infiltrating mine for the past few nights?"

It was the wrong thing to say. Eren was stressed enough about applying to colleges and the basketball tryouts, he didn't need to doubt whether Levi secretly resented sharing his bed when Eren had a nightmare.

Sighing guiltily, Levi approached Eren and gripped his shoulders tight, staring straight into the boy's wary eyes.

"You know you are welcome to sleep in my room if you have a nightmare, brat, so don't worry about it. If it really bothered me, I would kick you off the bed. So calm down and focus on basketball tryouts. You have been practicing for the past few weeks with your friends and I've heard your little cheerleader Armin bragging about how you easily dunked when that big ass tree Bertholdt was blocking you. If you can score over a titan like him, you have nothing to worry about. Deep breaths, kid, you're going to do great. Hanji and Erwin wish you luck too."

Eren’s tense shoulders relaxed and he took a calming breath. "Thanks Levi. Tell Hanji and Erwin thanks for me too."

"Tell them yourself. They are coming over tonight for dinner. Don't ask me why, because I sure as fuck didn't invite them." Eren shut his open mouth, his question being answered.

"Don't forget to fill a water bottle. And are you sure you packed everything? Your homework? Gym bag? Lunch?"

"Yes, yes, and...no. Where's my lunch?"

"Check the fridge."

"Got it!"

"Fantastic. Now hurry the fuck up or you'll be late."

***

The school day passed much too quickly for Eren's taste. Why is it that time slows when you need it to speed up but it zips by when you least desire it to? It's completely unfair.

A massive twist of nerves had settled in Eren's stomach and only abated for a brief moment during lunch when Eren found Levi's note: "Good luck, brat. Try not to trip over your own feet."

Eren wasn't too worried about whether he was skilled enough or not. He knew how to dribble and shoot and pass. He was in shape and could run a good while before he broke a sweat. Those weren't the reasons for his nerves. It was the people.

Eren hadn't interacted, at least not in a friendly way, with other people at school for years. He wasn't hated by any of the guys in his grade but he wasn't friends with any of them either. Thankfully, Jean and Reiner were also trying out for the team, along with Eren's old friend Connie, so there were a few guys he knew and got along with.

Everyone else made him nervous. He wasn't what you called a team-player, and that was key if he wanted to play a team sport.

He briefly considered skipping tryouts. Was basketball really worth this stress? Did he really want to become more involved at school and have his time taken up with practices and games? Yes, yes he did. Regardless of the nerves he currently had, he had to give his best effort. If he didn't attend tryouts, he had already lost. But if he went, he had a fighting chance. He couldn't play basketball if he didn't go to tryouts. It was as simple as that.

The locker room was filled with nervous energy that was being submerged under the claims of braggarts who were pumping up their self-esteems before they would be torn down by the coach.

The nerves were getting to him, heightened by the trembling of other guys who had tried out years previously and were always cut. Jean was unfortunate enough to cross paths with Eren when he needed something to take his anxiety out on.

"Wow, I didn't know they let horses play on the team," Eren remarked as Jean passed him to open his locker.

"Weak, Eren. You can do better than that. How about you release your nerves through your playing?"

Eren was dumbstruck. Why did Jean have to see right through his childish taunt and be mature instead of fighting with him like he wanted? They used to fight all the time in middle school. Eventually they realized how much they had in common and as the years passed, Jean's maturity grew. Now Jean was probably Eren's closest friend, after Armin of course.

Any response he gave would only admit to Jean that he had read him like an open book, so Eren sighed and leaned back against his locker.

Deciding to wait for Jean to get changed, Eren retied his sneakers, ensuring the laces wouldn't come undone and trip him. Out of the many embarrassing scenarios Eren imagined throughout the day, at least he could prevent tripping on his shoelaces.

Jean wrapped an arm around Eren's shoulders and they sauntered out of the locker room. Even though Shiganshina High was an academically underfunded school, the sports teams were not. The gym had smooth, polished wooden floors and sturdy fiberglass backboards behind the clean white nets. It was much nicer than the dingy, torn nets at the park courts that Eren had been practicing at.

A tall blonde man with a clipboard and whistle who introduced himself as Coach Zacharius ordered everyone to line up. As he walked down the line of about thirty guys, taking note of each boy's name as they introduced themselves, he leaned in close. Eren wondered if the coach was making quiet threats to scare the weaker players but when the coach stood in front of him and asked for his name, he found out the truth. Coach Zacharius leaned towards him and sniffed him. He pulled his face away from Eren's neck and smirked at him before continuing down the line of guys.

Coach gave a small speech on what he expected to achieve this season before he had them running laps to determine who had the stamina required to continue the tryouts. After twenty laps around the perimeter of the gym, which cut the number of guys down by two, he split them into two groups, each performing lay-ups on the nets at opposite ends of the court. Coach Shadis, the school's gym teacher, came to assist the basketball coach by observing one group while Coach Zacharius observed the other, both writing down notes on their clipboards.

Eren missed his first lay-up due to edginess from being watched and judged by so many people, but he quickly put it behind him and concentrated on doing his best, resulting in all four of his next lay-ups entering the net easily.

It wasn't until the guys were paired off to shuffle down the court and pass the ball back and forth that Eren noticed the cluster of girls sitting in the bleachers and watching the tryouts. Two girls were chanting his name so he winked at them, causing them to shiver and faint. Eren simply shook his head and refocused on his partner, Mylius Zeramuski, a quiet blonde haired fellow, as he passed the ball. Luckily, his partner wasn't inept and they fluidly shuffled across the court, catching each other's passes with ease.

Lastly, everyone was split into groups of five to play ten minute scrimmages. Eren was on a team with Mylius, Connie, Nac Tius, and Franz Kefka. Eren made three of his team's five shots and they won their game 5-2. From Reiner and Jean's whoops, he figured they won their scrimmage as well.

After hours of running, dribbling, shooting, and sweating, day one of tryouts was over. Eren was in a much better mood once he saw his skills were on par with or above most players. He wasn't getting his hopes up yet since the number of guys was going to be cut in half, but he was determined to make the team and work even harder tomorrow.

"Great job out there," Mylius complimented, patting Eren's shoulder as he passed on his way to the showers.

"You too," Eren called back. When he turned back to his friends, Reiner was staring at him funny.

"You're smiling," Reiner commented with surprise.

"Huh? The fuck's strange about that?" Eren returned angrily, quickly turning defensive.

Reiner lifted his hands in a show of peace. "I'm not trying to start something, Eren, I swear. You're just usually a lot more hostile-looking (like right now), not chummy with strangers. I'm glad to see you getting along with the other guys. You're a good person and it makes me happy that you are making more friends."

Eren scoffed, but his ears turned red from embarrassment.

"Whatever, I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're not taking a shower first?" Connie called after him.

"Hell no. I've got a jacuzzi waiting for me at home. See you guys tomorrow!" Eren yelled behind him as he darted through the locker room doors, down the school hallway, and out into the chilly November air to wait for Levi to pick him up. Tryouts ended at five o'clock, the same time that Levi got out of work, so Levi agreed to pick him up on his way home.

"Nasty, you're covered in sweat. Don't they have showers for you to use?" Those were the first words Levi greeted him with. No "How was your day?" or "Did tryouts go well?". It didn't bother Eren, though. He had been living with Levi long enough to be used to his blunt and outwardly uncaring speech.

"I wanted to shower in our pristine bathroom, not the mildewy ones at school."

"That's the reason? I thought perhaps you were too embarrassed to let other guys see your manhood."

Eren fought down his blush to retort, "Don't be concerned about my manhood, Levi. I'm taller than you."

"By an inch or two, brat!" Levi spluttered.

"An inch is a big difference in size, Levi." Eren smirked when Levi had nothing more to say. Eren was the one to lose the battle however, as he felt his basketball shorts grow tighter at the thought of Levi's dick and how long or thick it might be. Curse his teenage hormones. Luckily, he held his gym bag on his lap so Levi would never notice his awkward boner. God, Eren didn't know what he would do if Levi saw he got a boner from talking about their dick sizes. He didn't want Levi thinking that he liked him romantically, because he didn't. He had never liked anyone romantically. Even as Levi shattered his walls and helped him express his emotions better, Eren doubted he would ever find any romantic emotions. He wasn't even sure what love felt like.

From the way his stomach tightened into knots when Levi was in close proximity to him, he was pretty sure he had no romantic feelings for the older male. If he loved him, he wouldn't sometimes feel nervous around him.

"Hurry up with your shower, brat. Dinner will be in half an hour."

"Yeah, yeah," Eren replied lazily as he dropped his bags in his room and made his way down the hall to the large bathroom. He faced the question he did every night when he was going to wash his body. Did he take a bath and use the jacuzzi jets? Or did he take a shower under the powerful shower head and let the steam wrap around him?

He knew that he would take too long if he let himself relax in the bathtub, so for the sake of speed, he chose the shower. It was a foolish thought. The shower was just as enticing as the bathtub and he found himself staring off into nothing as the heat enveloping him and relaxing his sore muscles made him drowsy.

A knock on the door signaled him to hurry up. In one of his many moments of stupidity, Eren figured he would clear up any confusion Levi might have about the size of his dick. Not bothering to dry himself off or wrap himself in a towel, he opened the door.

Confident with his body, he boldly declared, "Have any lingering doubts about the size of my manhood now?"

It is true that he should think before speaking, but it is also true that he should look before speaking.

Standing on the other side of the open door stood Hanji, mouth agape.

"SHIT!" Eren yelled.

Hanji started cackling.

"Is everything okay?" Levi called from the kitchen.

"You tell me, Levi. Can you sit properly after - " Hanji was cut off by Eren's hand clamped across their mouth as he dragged them into the bathroom and slammed the door.

"Sh-shut your eyes for a sec," he stammered as he grabbed a towel and wrapped it tightly around his waist. When he turned back around, he saw Hanji had been unabashedly staring at his ass.

"Marco fucking Bodt, Hanji. What are you doing here?" Eren crossed his arms, partly because he was annoyed but mostly to cover his upper body from Hanji's peering eyes.

"Marco what? Never mind. Didn't Levi tell you? Erwin and I are here for dinner!" Hanji declared merrily.

Now that they mentioned it, Eren recalled Levi saying something to that effect this morning. When Levi told him to wash up quickly, he assumed it was because Levi was hungry and didn't want to wait long to have dinner, not because they had company coming over. Just like a stereotypical teenager, Eren chose to blame Levi for not reminding him, instead of placing the blame with himself for flashing Hanji.

"So, what was that little show about? Did you think I was Levi?" Hanji questioned with an unfamiliar glint in their eyes that made Eren take a step backwards.

"It was nothing. Levi made a comment earlier so I was just...," Eren stopped speaking, realizing how stupid any explanation he gave would be. He brushed a hand through his wet hair, deciding that Hanji had probably just saved him from embarrassing himself in front of Levi.

"I have to get dressed." He opened the bathroom door and made his way quickly to his room while Hanji used the bathroom.

He greeted Erwin and sat down at the dining room table just as Hanji returned.

"What was with that yell earlier?" Levi asked.

Eren paled slightly and shook his head but Hanji didn't heed his request.

"Oh, nothing much. Eren was just really excited to show me his package," Hanji snickered.

"Huh? What package?" Levi questioned, oblivious to the innuendo.

"The package that my new sneakers came in. It was made from recycled materials and I thought Hanji would be interested in the efforts that businesses are making to be more environmentally responsible," Eren quickly lied.

Everything was fine for a while because Hanji was actually interested in the topic. They mentioned a few other companies that were making simple switches to protect the planet. Although it wasn't long until Hanji felt the need to push the conversational boundaries again.

"You were right, though, Eren. The package was much bigger than I expected."

Erwin, being the observant intellectual he was, pieced together Eren's blush, Hanji's snickering, and the fact that Hanji had gone to the bathroom where Eren had been showering to understand the clues that Hanji was dropping. The only one unaware of the situation was Levi who looked lost.

For the sake of polite dinner conversation and poor Eren's increasingly red face, Erwin hoped Hanji would drop the subject. However, this was Hanji he was talking about and Hanji loved pushing people's comfort levels and creating awkward situations.

"Have you seen Eren's package yet, Levi? Although, based on what Eren said, it sounded like you doubted its size. Don't worry, Levi. I assure you that it is magnificent. I bet you get lots of compliments, Eren."

Eren was sinking lower in his chair as Hanji babbled on. Levi's gaze sharpened, flitting between Eren and Hanji before coldly saying, "I take it we were never talking about a shoe package."

"Nope!" Hanji gleefully exclaimed.

Levi stood up from his seat and grabbed Hanji's shirt, pulling them close to him as he snarled lowly, "Why the fuck were you looking at Eren's 'package'?"

Hanji looked unconcerned about the furious, ripped male gripping them tightly. "He showed it to me!" Levi's grip loosened slightly in surprise, darting a glance at Eren's forehead, the only part of his face still visible above the table.

"Oh, Eren, don't hide! You have nothing to be embarrassed about, believe me!"

Eren ignored Hanji, deciding it was now or never to dart for the sanctuary of his room.

"Aw, come back Eren. I'm sorry," Hanji pleaded, sounding more upset about the loss of entertainment than the fact that they made everyone uncomfortable.

Eren ignored Hanji. He locked his door and sat on the floor, listening as Levi yelled for them to leave and Hanji whined before Erwin apologized and escorted Hanji out. The apartment was silent for a few moments before Levi started to clean up. Eren knew he should step outside his room and help Levi, but he couldn't face him right now.

He waited until Levi shut his bedroom door before sneaking out of his room and opening the living room window to step onto the metal balcony and sit on the stairs. It was cold and he hadn't brought a jacket, but the numbing cold would hopefully freeze his brain and he would forget this night ever happened. He closed his eyes, resting his head against the railing.

Eren

Eren

EREN

EREN!

Eren blinked his eyes open, realizing he had taken a short nap. What he thought was shouting in his dream was actually Levi shouting his name in a panic.

The sky was pitch black. Levi probably couldn't see him sitting outside. Why would he think to look for him here anyway?

Eren nudged open the window, startling Levi until the man recognized him and relaxed.

"For fucks sake, what are you doing out there?"

Eren shrugged before returning to his seat on the stairs. Levi grabbed a blanket and stepped onto the balcony as well, sitting next to Eren on the stairs and wrapping the boy in the blanket.

"I grasped the gist of what Hanji was yammering about, but I still don't understand how they saw your dick."

"I didn't know it was Hanji!" Eren cried in despair.

"So...you were trying to show me your dick?" Levi questioned with an almost impassive face, if not for the small smirk at the corner of his lips.

Eren groaned, putting his head in his hands.

"Please, drop it and let's never mention this unfortunate night ever again. Why were they even here?"

Levi looked like he wanted to continue harassing Eren until he received an acceptable explanation, but he chose to spare the boy for once. It had nothing to do with the growing pinkness in his cheeks as he recalled Hanji's exclamations of: "Don't worry, Levi. I assure you that it is magnificent. I bet you get lots of compliments, Eren" and "The package was much bigger than I expected." How could they say such things without shame?

"Not sure. I kicked them out before they could tell me. And I'm not talking to Hanji again until I have no choice to at work, so I hope whatever it was wasn't time sensitive."

...

"Oh my god, what the hell is that?"

"My phone, dumbass."

"I get that it's your phone, Levi, but why the hell do you have the Crazy Frog song as your ringtone?" Eren asked in dismay.

"Relax." Levi pressed the 'End Call' button. "It was just Hanji. I chose the most annoying song I could so I would never mistakenly answer their call."

"Hmm. That's pretty smart."

...

"Fuck, now she's calling me. What do I do?" Eren's lower lip was jutted out and he was giving Levi his puppy dog eyes.

"Why are you asking me? Obviously you shouldn't pick up."

Eren frowned. "But isn't that rude? I'm upset with Hanji, but I don't want to ignore them."

Eren could almost see the lightbulb flash above Levi's head.

"Hey kid, do you want to mess with Hanji?"

Eren smiled widely, unsure of Levi's plan but knowing it would be sinister and Hanji would totally deserve it.

"Answer the call then put it on speakerphone," Levi commanded.

***

"Oh, thank goodness you answered, Eren. I'm really sorry about tonight. I tried calling Levi -" Hanji was cut off by a long, drawn out moan.

"Nng...Eren...right there. RIGHT THERE. Faster, faster!" Levi begged.

"E-Eren?" Hanji stuttered.

"Oh god, Levi. You're always so tight for me," Eren growled.

"Eren?!" Hanji squeaked.

"Shit, Levi. I think my phone accidentally picked up a call," Hanji heard Eren say.

"Don't you fucking move Eren, unless its moving back and forth in me," Levi's husky voice said.

"Levi, Levi, oh god, Levi...I think I'm gonna..." Eren's words were cut off by a deep moan.

"That's right, Eren. Come for me."

Hanji didn't know what to do, which was a first. These were their friends, and although they wanted to see them as a couple, they didn't necessarily want to hear them as a couple.

Hanji hurriedly pressed the 'End Call' button and thanked the walls that they didn't need to see Eren or Levi again until Friday at work. Hopefully by then they could get past this awkward phone call and pretend that they never heard anything.

 


	13. Drive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by Halsey

LEVI'S POV:

"Um...that was..." Eren broke off, unable to finish his thought either from embarrassment or uncertainty over what he intended to say in the first place.

In the heat of the moment, pranking Hanji with a call where Eren and I pretended to have sex seemed like a fitting punishment for the person who read too many yaoi mangas and liked to see things with fujoshi goggles on. Their hopes would rise just to be slashed with the cold knife of reality.

From the embarrassed squeak on the other end of the line before Hanji hung up, I knew we were convincing. However, there was unfortunate backlash. Eren's cheeks were red and he refused to make eye contact with me.

That brat's voice, his acting, the way he threw his head back in ecstasy as he acted out the scene, all those things caused heat to rise in my cheeks as well.

It was my suggestion we prank Hanji, so it was my responsibility to repair the awkward situation that resulted.

"That Shitty Glasses shouldn't bother you again. Want some tea before bed?" I asked casually as I stood up and started to climb back through the living room window.

Eren scrambled onto his feet and nodded his head, following me inside the apartment silently.

I moved to the kitchen to start boiling water. Silly me, I figured that Eren would follow the path I had set where we ignored what just transpired and moved on with our night.

"Why does Hanji keep implying that we are fucking? We are just roommates...?" The unspoken "right?" that finished his question hung like a delicate bubble in the air. I wasn't going to touch it with a ten-foot pole because even a gentle tap would pop what I knew was best left alone. You couldn't repair a bubble. Once it was popped, it was unable to return to its previous shape, just like Eren's and my relationship would be if I confronted whether we were just roommates or other feelings existed.

"Don't try to figure out what goes on in that freak's head, brat. And it's not too shocking they would think something was up after that "daddy" shit you pulled at the diner a few weeks ago when the three of us got dinner."

"I...I was just..."

"Yeah, I know. You're just a horny teenager that acts before thinking. I'll explain things to Hanji on Friday so they don't accidentally say something and wreck your chances of picking someone up in the future."

"I don't care about that. Levi, I..."

"How do you want your tea?" I interrupted. The serious expression on the brat's face made me nervous. He seemed to finally accept that I was going to avoid the topic, because he grabbed his tea. We both drank quietly, before setting the empty mugs in the sink and preparing for bed.

I couldn't decide whether I was relieved or disappointed when Eren didn't come to my room for what had become a nightly habit of sharing warmth to fend off the cold, assaulting darkness.

***

 

The second day of tryouts went much like the first. On the third and final day of tryouts however, Coach Zacharius focused on team play. Oh joy.

The groups were constantly shuffled so the athletes had to adjust to their new teammates and try not to pass to members of their former teams by accident. It was most likely Coach Zacharius' intention to see how well the athletes worked with each other and which combinations were the strongest.

Eren didn't let the arrangements distract him. He wasn't even confused by the ever-shifting teams because he only had to wait for the ball to be passed to him or to steal it himself and then shoot in the right hoop. Yeah, yeah, he probably should have passed the ball to his teammates more. Whatever. He was the top scorer in each team he was assigned to so no one complained.

When tryouts ended, Coach Zacharius promised to post the results Monday morning after carefully reviewing everyone's performance.

As Eren was walking back to the locker room with the other guys, Coach Zacharius called him into his office.

Shutting the door behind him with apprehension, he took the seat that Coach directed him to.

"Jaeger. You haven't tried out for the team in the past, correct?"

"No, sir. I mean, yes? I haven't tried out in the past." Eren fidgeted in his seat. Whatever Coach called him in for, he was already making a great impression with his inability to answer a simple question. He hated phrasing like that. He could say no, he hasn't tried out for the team in the past and yes, he hasn't tried out for the team in the past and both are correct. What the fuck. Thank god English was his first language.

Eren had spaced out during his inner rant and had to ask Coach to repeat what he said. Good job, Eren. Strike Two.

"Well, Jaeger, your shooting skills are remarkable and you are quick on your feet. However, this is a team sport. I won't lie, you would be an asset to this team. But I need to know that you can be a team player. Do you think you are capable of this?"

Eren gulped. "Yes, sir."

"Good, that's what I wanted to hear. You are free to go. Results will be posted next week."

"Thank you, sir."

Reiner thumped him on the shoulder when he reached his locker.

"What did Coach want?"

"Nothin'." Eren shrugged.

"He was probably eating Eren out for not being a team player, am I right?" Jean snickered at the glare Eren directed at him. "Knew it," the horse-face said.

"Marco fucking Bodt, Jean, careful how you word things."

"Huh?! What about Marco?!"

"Yeah, Jean. Eren can't be 'eaten out', he's not a girl. Unless you're talking about some gay shit," Connie helpfully stated.

"And what would you know about gay shit, Connie? You're attached at the hip to Sasha Braus."

"I've had sleepovers with Reiner and Bertholdt. I know some stuff."

Bertholdt turned fifty shades of tomato and started to sweat profusely as he tried to deny Connie's implicit statement.

"It's cool, dude. I don't care who knows about us. I'm not ashamed of us," Reiner assured the freakishly tall boy, rubbing his back soothingly.

Everyone respectfully turned away to give Reiner and Bertholdt their moment.

***

"You showering with the rest of us today, Jaeger?" Connie called as he grabbed a towel and headed towards the communal showers.

"Y-Yeah," Eren stuttered, remembering the unfortunate series of events that his decision to shower at home lead to yesterday.

He could tell that Levi wanted to act like nothing strange happened, and perhaps Eren should be thankful for that. But for the first time in his life, he felt this unfamiliar itch under his skin that could only be soothed by Levi's presence. He found himself daydreaming more and more in class about what Levi was currently doing. What did Levi think about when he spaced out? Knowing Levi, he probably never daydreamed. A small voice in the back of his mind hoped that Levi was thinking about him.

Eren wasn't stupid. Well, sometimes he was oblivious, but occasionally lightbulbs went off in his head. It was while he was taking a shower in the gym locker room that a lightbulb flashed and he realized that the sensation he felt around Levi was romantic feelings.

"Jaeger? You okay, man?"

Eren blinked and saw Connie, Jean, Bertholdt and Reiner staring at him funny. He had dropped his bar of soap on the floor and was staring straight ahead with a blank look. He nodded his head and waved his hand in a dismissive gesture before bending to pick up his soap.

Fuck, no. He lived with Levi. Relied on Levi for food and shelter and comfort. These romantic feelings were just because Levi took care of him. He was confused. He just had to wait it out and eventually he would realize that his feelings were nothing but overwhelming gratitude for everything the older male had done for him. Or so he hoped.

***

Eren sat quietly in the corner as Levi explained to Hanji that the phone call earlier in the week was a prank.

"Haha, backfired on you then! I'm now adding the steamy chemistry of that phone call to my powerpoint on why you guys are my OTP."

"What the fuck are you talking about Hanji? Nevermind, I don't want to know. Just learn your lesson and don't say shit that makes Eren uncomfortable anymore."

"Aww, that's all you care about? Eren being comfortable? You are such a good seme, Levi, looking out for your uke like that!"

Levi groaned. He was regretting his decision to come clean about the prank to Hanji. It clearly didn't make a difference whether the situation had been real or not. Hanji would still ship them together anyways. Levi didn't know most of the crazy fandom vernacular Hanji spouted, but they used the term "ship" often enough that it had embedded itself in Levi's brain.

"Oh don't worry. I'll be uber-professional at work. You go warm up." Hanji nudged Levi out of the DJ booth and after a nod from Eren that he could survive a few hours alone with the loon, Levi departed.

While they were working, Hanji upheld their promise to be professional. However, as soon as Levi's band got on stage, relieving them of their work for the night, Hanji spun their chair to face Eren, a manic gleam in their eyes.

"It must have been pretty hot acting out that prank call with Levi, am I right? Do you jerk off in the shower to the memories of his voice saying, 'Come for me'?"

Eren squeaked. His throat closed up and his mouth flopped open like a fish. He couldn't take this. He didn't know how to answer Hanji's question. Well, he knew the answer but he wasn't stupid enough to answer honestly. Thank the walls Hanji was interrogating him now that his shift was over. Nothing was keeping him here in this booth.

Eren grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and ran out of the booth with Hanji calling out behind him. He didn't stop, hastily pushing through the crowd of people and running until he made it to the hallway at the back of the club. Eren pushed through the door marked for employees only and kept running until he reached a door with Levi's name on it, entering and closing the door quickly.

Eren prayed that Hanji wasn't curious enough for answers that they followed Eren here.

As he sat on the plush couch in Levi's dressing room, he grimaced at the way he ran away like a coward. In the past, he would have made a snarky retort. He wouldn't have let someone's probing questions get under his skin. He would punch them until they were unable to utter anything at all.

Levi made it clear when he moved in that he wasn't allowed to get into fights anymore, and it wasn't as if he could punch his work colleague, leaving Eren no options but to run and hide.

Hearing no fast footfalls pursuing him, Eren relaxed into the couch and examined Levi's dressing room for the first time.

If Eren hadn't read Levi's name on the door with his own eyes, he wouldn't have believed this was Levi's room.

Perhaps it was the vanity counter littered with black eyeliner and glittery eyeshadows that made him doubt this was Levi's room.

Perhaps it was the hot pink and black zebra rug that covered the floor.

Perhaps it was the walls, which were plastered with photos of Levi's bandmates, Hanji, Erwin, and other people Eren had never met. Unsurprisingly, Levi wasn't smiling. Although if you looked closely, the barest lift could be seen at the corner of his lips.

"...of course he'd bolt if you asked that, Shitty Glasses," a voice outside the door said as the doorknob twisted and the door swung open to reveal Levi and Hanji.

"There he is!" Hanji squealed as they took large leaps across the room to reach him. Eren quickly stood up and jumped back just as Hanji pounced onto the couch.

He moved backwards until he knocked into something solid that made an "oof" noise.

Levi placed his hands on top of Eren's shoulders and pushed him forward slightly to put a little distance between their bodies but didn't remove his hands.

Eren glanced over his shoulder, letting Levi see the fear in his eyes at being in a room with Hanji.

"Looks like you finally scared him off," Levi commented dryly to Hanji who was bouncing in place on the couch.

"Lies! Eren and I are best buddies, isn't that right?"

"Shut it, Shitty Glasses. I haven't forgiven you yet for Monday night."

Both Levi and Hanji gave him odd looks for referring to Hanji by Levi's nickname for them.

"Aw, Eren, don't be like that! I was just trying to help!"

"Don't help!" Eren practically screeched. Maybe he was overreacting, but his fear of losing Levi over unrequited feelings was overwhelming, and Hanji was dragging them unwillingly to that future.

"Oh, come on. Give it up already. You guys have been flirting since you met. If you aren't going to make a move yourselves then it's my job as your friend to intervene and push things along."

It was true that in the beginning Eren was a horny little shit who blatantly flirted with Levi. That was before everything else happened, before he took Levi's offer to move in seriously.

He didn't want to mess up their friendship. He couldn't. Now that Eren realized his deeper feelings for Levi, he was scared even more. Hanji's "assistance" would only make things awkward between him and Levi, the opposite of what he wanted.

"Eren, can you please wait for me at the bar while I have a few words with Hanji?"

Eren nodded and swiftly left. He followed the hallway back to the main room.

The first time he came here, he couldn't find the bar. After working here for a few weeks, he finally noticed the metal staircases on either side of the doors that he passed through to enter The Underground. The main floor contained a large space for dancing, the stage, DJ booth, and the hallway in the back for the dressing rooms and offices. The staircases at the entrance led up to a second level with the bar and lounge areas for people to relax in.

Eren ascended the stairs and plopped down on the swiveling bar stool. When he had the bartenders attention, he lifted two fingers in the air.

The bartender was familiar with Eren by this point, since the teen occasionally sat at the bar while waiting for Levi at the end of the night. Dot Pixis was old in appearance but young in spirit. He was like the cooky grandfather Eren never had.

Pixis set down a glass of pale yellow liquid in front of Eren. Eren stared at it quizzically. "What is this? Piss? I thought I signaled for two shots, Pixis," Eren playfully groused.

"Pfft. I thought you were signaling for two drops of food coloring in your water. I may not have known who you were the first time you sat at my counter, but I am well aware of your reputation now, Mr. Eren Jaeger. This old man won't be fooled by a fake ID a second time."

"Wouldn't it be the fourth time, Pixis? I think I recall a few sips of whiskey or vodka slipped to me on the DL when Levi or Erwin weren't around. A fourth transgression can't hurt so long as those two don't find out, and I have no reason to tell them when I am benefitting from this."

Pixis feigned distress, holding his palm against his chest.

"You wound me, Eren. I thought we were friends, but here you are attempting to bribe me for alcohol in return for your silence for my past mistakes."

Eren rolled his eyes at the bartender's theatrics. He closely examined his yellow water, smelling it to be safe, before taking a sip.

The two of them shot the shit until an agitated Levi appeared.

"You ready to head home, brat?" Levi rubbed his face, looking much more exhausted after his conversation with the creature called Hanji.

Eren hopped off of his seat. "Thanks for the tequila. I really needed it," he called over his shoulder to Pixis.

"What." It was said so monotone that a passerby would assume Levi hadn't heard what Eren said and wanted him to repeat himself. Anyone that knew Levi knew he was pissed at the prospect of his minor being served alcohol in his workplace.

"Kidding, I'm kidding!" Eren shouted, grabbing Levi's arm to drag him away, casting an apologetic glance to Pixis over his shoulder. "Bad joke, Levi. Let's go home."

Levi sighed and allowed Eren to pull him out of The Underground and to his car. Neither of them felt like hitting up Maria's Diner, both drained from their encounters with Hanji.

When they got home, Levi went to take a shower and Eren plopped on the living room couch, pulling out his phone to text Armin.

**Eren: Armie ol' pal, I need advice.**

A few minutes later, his phone buzzed with an incoming text.

**Armin: I'll do my best. What's the problem?**

**Eren: I like Levi...**

**Armin: Let me guess. You finally realized your feelings for Levi are more than platonic but you don't want to act on them because you are worried about rejection and the strain that will put on your friendship and also what it means for your living situation if things don't work out.**

**Eren: Uh, yeah. That was a really great guess. So what do I do?**

**Armin: Well, you could either tell him how you feel and hope for the best or you can bury your feelings until you graduate and move out. Personally, I think you should just tell him. If Levi feels the same way, then great. But even if he doesn't, I can't imagine Levi letting it ruin what you already have.**

**Eren: ...**

**Eren: So what you're saying is that I should get over my feelings for Levi by seeing other people?**

**Armin: No.**

**Armin: No no no.**

**Armin: Hold up, cowboy, that is not what I said.**

**Eren: So you think I should pretend-date someone to make Levi jealous and realize he wants to be with me?**

**Armin: When the H E double hockey sticks did I ever say that or even imply it?**

**Eren: Armin, will you be my fake-boyfriend?**

**Armin: Oh my god, Eren. These are all terrible ideas. Just tell Levi how you feel. No matter what happens, I'm always here for you.**

**Eren: Thanks, Armin. After talking it over with you I feel much better. I think I'll finally take Thomas up on that movie date he keeps suggesting.**

Meanwhile, at the Arlert residence, a bowl-cut blonde boy is repeatedly hitting his head on his desk, wondering to himself how he ended up with a complete idiot for a best friend.

 


	14. It Makes Me Ill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by NSYNC
> 
> B.t. dubs, check out this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icmgHE4t8ms.   
> Or type in “it makes me ill attack on titan” and click on the video by muu mu.

"You're back late," Levi remarked without looking up from his book.

Eren kicked off his shoes in the entryway and hung up his coat before stepping further into the apartment. Levi was sitting in an armchair by the window, a steaming cup of tea on the small table next to him.

"Didn't know I had a curfew," Eren retorted. He didn't want to be snappy with Levi, but he hates when Levi acts like a guardian. It is like a punch to Eren's gut, reminding him that he can never have the relationship he wants with Levi because the older male will only ever see him as someone he has to take care of, and never think of Eren taking care of him in return.

Levi just stared at him, making Eren shrink under the searching gaze.

"You don't. I was just making a comment since you're always here when I get home from work, and today you weren't."

Eren pursed his lips. Of course he was always here when Levi got back. Before Levi, he only hung out with Reiner, Jean, and Bertholdt. They usually went out to parties or got into mischief. He didn't party anymore since he worked weekends with Levi, and now that he planned on attending college, any illegal conduct could ruin his chances of being admitted. He still hung out with the guys in school, and sometimes went to Armin's house after school, but was almost always home by five o'clock so he could help Levi prepare dinner. Not because Levi asked him to help, but because he wanted to. He enjoyed their cooking lessons.

He never noticed how many hours of the day he spent with Levi before, because there wasn't anywhere else he'd rather be. There still wasn't. Yet, now that he was aware of how much time he spent around Levi, he couldn't feel happy about it as he wanted to. He could spend all this time with the older male because they were roommates and worked at the same establishment. They were also friends, Eren knew, but he sometimes wondered if Levi would spend all this time with him if they weren't living together. Levi never hung out with his other friends this much, and that was because he chose not to. Eren wasn't special because he saw Levi so much. He was just lucky enough to live with him.

"I saw a movie with a friend." Eren watched Levi closely, in the vain hope that Levi would react negatively to the news, but the silver-eyed raven continued to read his damn book.

Eren continued as if Levi had shown interest. "Thomas kept asking me to see a movie with him so I decided it couldn't hurt."

This finally garnered a reaction.

"Was it a date?"

Eren thought he would be pleased if Levi found out. In all the romance movies he was "forced" to watch (because Netflix kept recommending them), it was situations like this that got the other party to realize they didn't want their love interest to be seeing other people.

Now that they had reached that point, Eren had the instinct to deny everything because he worried the truth would push Levi away. But Levi didn't feel the same way about him so there was no reason for Eren to worry, he reminded himself. Levi could care less what he did.

"Uh...kinda. I mean, he paid for everything, so I suppose it was..." He trailed off, feeling more and more uncertain about how this would impact his and Levi's "friendship."

"Did you have fun?"

"Uh, yeah. Thomas is a good guy."

Levi nodded his head once. "If things get serious, you should invite him over for dinner." The "so I can meet him and see if he is good enough for you " was implicit. What a fatherly response, Eren thought bitterly.

Eren mimicked Levi's head nod and wandered into his bedroom to get undressed. He allowed himself one hard punch to his pillow to get his anger out and then tried unsuccessfully to shut his mind down and fall asleep.

In the living room, Levi was still staring at the same page he had originally opened the book to. Levi wondered if Eren actually liked this Thomas fellow or if he only started dating him to shut Hanji up. Did Eren dislike the idea of the two of them dating so much that he felt the need to draw a clear line in the sand? It shouldn't be bothering Levi anyway. He took Eren under his wing to keep him out of trouble. It was a good thing that Eren didn't want to date him, because that would put too much pressure on them living together. This is a good thing, Levi reminded himself as his eyes burned holes into his book page.

 

***

Two weeks later and Eren was still arriving home late.

Levi was ecstatic on the inside that Eren made the basketball team, causing him to stay after school for practice. He was glad that Eren was making friends on the team and getting pizza with them after a hard practice. Arriving home at eight or nine was fine with Levi. It was the times Eren came in around eleven on a school night, cheeks pink even though practice had ended hours ago, that bothered him.

Levi is a twenty-three year old man. He is not jealous of his friend/roommate/ward's high school romance. He knew Eren was on a date with Thomas on the nights he came home late, but he never said anything about it. Eren would stand in the entryway, watching Levi for a sign of disapproval but Levi never let his emotions display on his face. It was Eren's life and his choices. He could date whatever snot-nosed high schooler he wanted. Even one who pretentiously goes by "Thomas" and not Tom or Tommy. Whatever. Like Levi said, he didn't care and it was Eren's choice if he wanted to date some blonde, scrawny guy who wore so much cologne that Eren came home smelling like it.

Whatever.

Levi saw his role as guardian as giving him the power to discipline Eren if he returned to shoplifting and other illegalities, and to provide for Eren's basic needs. He took on the additional tasks of giving Eren emotional support and helping him reach his full potential by pursuing higher education because they were friends more than guardian/ward.

It wasn't his place to set curfews for Eren like a parent or tell him who he could and couldn't date. Even if he was dating a....

Whatever. Never mind.

Levi did his best to be cool, but it seemed the less prying he did into Eren's love life, the more Eren kept to himself.

Eren set his gym bag by the door, even though Levi hated a cluttered entryway, before entering his bedroom and shutting the door without so much as a glance in Levi's direction.

He heard Eren's alarm clock radio turn on, a habit Eren had picked up to help him fall asleep since he stopped sleeping in Levi's bed.

Now that Levi had seen Eren return home safely, Levi turned off the lights in the living room and retreated to his own bedroom.

 

***

"If Eren moved out, that would be one less problem."

Eren sat at Pixis' bar, Hanji's words replaying in his mind. He didn't mean to eavesdrop, but he went in search of Levi so they could head home and overheard Hanji's voice coming out of Levi's dressing room.

What problems did Levi have? Why didn't he talk to Eren about them? Eren knew he wasn't anyone's first choice for asking advice, but he could listen to Levi's problems and would help in any way he could.

Levi said he would never kick Eren out. They had a contract. Eren had a key. Hanji wasn't saying that Levi would kick him out, only that it would make things better for Levi if he left. In some ways, this was worse than if Levi kicked him out. Now, he felt like a bigger burden. His presence was only an additional stress in Levi's life.

Eren sent a few texts while waiting for Levi and Hanji to finish talking about him.

"Ready?"

He stopped mid-text to stare up at Levi, whose expression gave away nothing like usual. Eren couldn't blame himself for not noticing sooner that Levi was dealing with his own problems. He couldn't blame himself, but he still did. He wanted to be the one person who could read Levi's stoic expression when everyone else was left in the dark as to the raven-haired male's feelings.

"I'm actually going out tonight. Thomas is on his way to pick me up." For an instant, Eren saw shock and a grimace cross Levi's countenance.

"You've been out a lot this week. I hope you guys are using protection."

Eren scowled. "It's none of your damn business." How ironic that Eren was just ruminating on how hard Levi was to read, but tonight all of a sudden he was an open book. Levi was surprised and possibly hurt at Eren's outburst.

"Is it wrong for me to care about your health? I know you're not stupid, but..." Eren cut him off.

"Don't worry about me." His face softened. "I'll be out of your hair tonight, so go wild and do whatever you would if you didn't have a kid to take care of."

"Eren, that's not how I think of you."

That is what Levi said and Eren heard, but the connotations of that sentence were 6 feet 3 inches tall and went over Eren's almost 6 foot height.

Eren left Levi behind him and went outside to wait for Thomas' hand-me-down convertible from his sister. It was a girly car, but it was nice when the hood was down and the two boys fooled around under the stars.

Thomas picked him up and they drove silently to Christa's party, Eren too absorbed with the minimal words shared between him and Levi and all that was bottled up inside needing to be said.

Realizing his vague and abrupt departure could be causing Levi further worry, he sent a quick text telling Levi he was going to Christa's party.

He saw that Levi opened the text but he never received a response.

 

***

"Dude! Long time no see." Reiner clapped him hard on the back, making Eren lose his footing and stumble forward before Thomas' hands wrapped around him and steadied him.

"Been busy doing something with my life," Eren quipped. Reiner chuckled, "Looks like that angry dude is having a good influence on you."

"What angry dude?" Thomas asked, confused.

"Levi." Eren didn't feel the need to elaborate but Reiner clearly did.

"Yeah, he's some stranger that Eren moved in with at the beginning of the year. He's been keeping Eren out of trouble. My little delinquent is now a productive member of society." Reiner jokingly wiped an invisible tear out of the corner of his eye.

"Oh, so he's like a father figure? I'll have to make a good impression on him then."

Eren stared at Thomas with an intensity that made Thomas take a step back in surprise. "He's not a father figure. He's only twenty-three. Christa is dating Ymir who is twenty-four."

"Oh, I didn't mean he was a replacement for your dad or anything. Only that if he's taking care of you, he's like a parent." Thomas' effort to step off one of Eren's landmines failed.

"Whatever. Can we please get shit-faced tonight?"

"Uh..." Thomas knew of Eren's party reputation and knew they were at a party, but he thought this would be like a date and Eren would be at least a little bit sober so they could talk and get to know each other more. Guess not.

"Yes! That's the Eren I remember. Let's find Sasha and Connie. They were rolling around a cooler last I saw them." Reiner led the charge through the crowd since people naturally parted around his imposing build, with Eren in his wake and Thomas following unenthusiastically behind Eren.

The clownish couple was outside on the deck, shooting beer-filled water guns into each other's mouths.

Bertholdt found them soon after and he, Reiner, Eren, Thomas, Connie and Sasha started making a dent in the packed cooler. Eren was pleasantly buzzed after four beers, enough so that he leaned into Thomas' chest and allowed the blond to run his hands through Eren's thick, brown hair. A joint was handed around but Eren and Thomas passed each time. The calm atmosphere shattered when Connie and Sasha picked up the water guns again and in the midst of their battle shot Eren, soaking the teen's shirt. Eren hadn't bothered to bring a jacket since he was comfortable enough in just a long sleeved t-shirt at The Underground and decided to come to Christa's party last minute after overhearing Hanji.

The alcohol had a calming effect on Eren so he didn't make a big deal out of it. He stood up and Thomas followed him into a guest room on the main floor.

Eren didn't wait for Thomas to shut the door before he grabbed the collar of his beer-stained shirt from the back and lifted it over his head.

Thomas made a strangled noise in the back of his throat and looked away from Eren's half-exposed body.

They had been shirtless around each other before, when they were making out in Thomas' car at night. But that was night. With the lights on, Thomas could see very clearly how Eren's smooth tan skin stretched taut over his defined abs.

"Eren?" The shirtless boy had climbed onto the bed and was pulling the sheets over himself.

"It's cold."

"I can grab you my jacket if you want. Or I can drive you home," Thomas suggested, being the gentleman he is and not suggesting certain activities that could warm Eren up.

Eren's pink lips pouted prettily at the idea of going home when it was only midnight.

"Let's sleep here and you can drive me home tomorrow morning." Eren pulled the sheets open on the other side of the bed, motioning for Thomas to get in.

Thomas didn't intend to stay the night, but Eren's teal eyes and tan skin were too inviting to turn down. Thomas kept his shirt on because he wasn't sure if he could control his body if he felt his skin pressed against Eren's warmth. He climbed into bed and was surprised when Eren curled into him, head resting on Thomas' chest.

He had picked up on Eren's greater vulnerability at night and he wouldn't do anything to take advantage of the fact that Eren was more affectionate in the late hours, especially with chemicals in his bloodstream.

With one hand slowly stroking Eren's back, he felt Eren's breathing slow down until the dark-haired male was asleep.

Thomas had witnessed Eren's temper and knew of his past of sleeping around, but it was difficult to equate that with the angelic face sleeping on his chest, fingers gripping his t-shirt.

Thomas heard the buzz of an incoming text from Eren's pocket but was unwilling to wake the boy and didn't think Eren would appreciate him reading his message to determine its importance. He ignored it and followed Eren into dreamless sleep.

 

***

Levi paced the kitchen and glanced at the clock on the microwave every ten seconds. It was now ten in the morning and Eren was still out.

He wasn't going to freak out. Eren was a capable young adult. Didn't Eren mention before that people often slept over at that girl's house? That was probably what Eren was doing. He and his friends were too drunk to drive so they did the smart thing by staying off the roads and sleeping it off until they were sober enough to drive.

The side of him that remembered teenage stupidity was thinking of a multitude of reasons for why Eren didn't answer his text hours ago.

His concerns were put to rest when a key turned in the lock and Eren entered, a blonde boy beside him.

His questions were halted when he took in Eren's appearance. The teal-eyed boy was shirtless, a jacket that was not his draped across his shoulders.

Eren moved to remove the jacket, which Levi guessed was the blonde's and was validated when the blonde put his hand over Eren's and said "Keep it. You can give it back to me tonight."

Levi watched with his usual scowl (yes, he normally scowled this deeply) as the blonde leaned in and kissed Eren's lips. Levi's scowl was in no way a reaction to this public display of affection.

Eren shut the door behind his boyfriend and moved to the kitchen to pour himself a mug of coffee.

"Would it have killed you to text me back, so I didn't stay up half the night wondering when you were coming home?"

Eren took a long sip of the lukewarm coffee before turning to Levi. "Sorry. Didn't see you texted me 'til this morning and by then Thomas was already driving me here."

"It's fine. Just be more mindful in the future. You didn't give me any details when you left the club last night. Anything wrong?"

Eren visibly stiffened for an instant but then relaxed, turning towards Levi with a blank expression to respond, "Why would anything be wrong?"

Levi felt like shaking the boy to get the answers out of him. He was tired of moving in slow circles with Eren. Levi could sense there was something Eren wasn't telling him, and knowing Eren, the boy was probably overthinking something stupid. If he would just tell Levi what was going on in his head, Levi could fix the problem and this tension that had encircled them once again could dissipate. It felt just like the time when Eren worried Levi was going to kick him out.

Eren wanted to tell Levi what was wrong, to ask if he was a burden and if Levi wanted him to be around less to give the older male more space.

He didn't ask. He knew he was being selfish, but he didn't want to leave, although he would if it made Levi happier. Maybe if he continued to give Levi more space, he could continue to stay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya peeps!
> 
> So...bad news. This was the last chapter I had written and edited. I kinda know what direction I want the rest of the story to go in (emphasis on the kinda) but the main obstacle is having time to write. 
> 
> Luckily, spring break starts soon and I plan to write as much as possible in that week so I can update for you guys again. I just wanted to warn you, but assure you that I will absolutely finish this fic. I will not abandon it or you lovely people who have encouraged me to keep writing.
> 
> Even though I won’t be updating for a bit, I’ll still check my account if you want to write to me or anything. And if you have any prompts for me, I’d love to hear them.
> 
> Thank you for your continued support!


	15. You Don’t Understand Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, basically after receiving all of your nice comments I had all this energy and I wrote this chapter in a week. Sorry if it’s shite, I didn’t edit it as heavily as I have done the others. I might come back and change minor things later on. I hope you still enjoy it!
> 
> Song is by The Raconteurs.

Hanji done fucked up and they knew it.

Erwin often warned them that their behavior could one day ruin friendships. It seemed that day was drawing near.

The teasing was all in good fun but Levi and Eren didn’t seem to agree. It was all Hanji’s fault that Levi’s first romantic interest was moving farther from his reach. If they had kept their mouth shut at that dinner last month, then things wouldn’t be awkward between Eren and Levi. And if those two were on good terms, then Levi wouldn’t be grumpy and Eren wouldn’t be sullen. Hanji hated seeing their boys like this, especially if they were the cause.

Wanting to fix things, Hanji cajoled the two into getting dinner after work. Food has healing powers and so does Maria’s Diner. Being in that familiar setting where so many laughs were shared was bound to fix things.

Eren slid into the booth and leaned his head against the window. He had been distracted the last few times Hanji had seen him and it was no different tonight. His body was in the booth but his mind was elsewhere.

Levi was uncomfortable though only Hanji noticed. Eren hadn’t turned his attention away from the window once, not even to answer Hanji’s questions. He spoke to his reflection. Levi kept glancing swiftly at Eren before returning his attention to Hanji as they blathered on about inconsequential matters at the club, holding up the conversation single-handedly.

“Can we please stop avoiding the issue?” Hanji could only handle the tension for so long.

“What issue?” Levi crossed his arms to ward off the conversation. Eren curled further against the booth wall.

“Look, I apologize. I’ll stop insinuating things about your relationship. So you guys can hang out and joke together again without having to worry about me taking pictures without your knowledge to add to my scrapbook.”

“You better stop insinuating things. Eren has a boyfriend,” Levi responded.

“You what?!” Hanji screeched in Eren’s face. “Since when?”

“Uh, since, like, sometime last month?”

“Is that a question?”

“No?”

Hanji flopped back in their seat. Eren had been dating someone for the last month? How did they not know this? Oh! But that would explain why Eren and Levi weren’t teasing each other anymore. So maybe it wasn’t Hanji’s fault?

Hmm…dating for a month? Basically around the time Hanji aggressively suggested they liked each other. So maybe Eren’s decision to date someone was to get Hanji to quit it?

“Sorry, Levi. Now there are more problems for you.”

Eren’s ears perked up. He overheard Hanji mentioning that Levi had problems a few weeks ago, which is why he tried his best to give Levi more space and not add to them.

“Problems?”

“Yeah. Now that you’re dating someone, things are worse for Levi. Like, if you bring your boyfriend over to the apartment, that must be awkward for Levi when he’s home.”

“Ow!” Hanji yelled as they received a kick to their knee from under the table. Eren didn’t notice, his mind was focused on how he was still causing problems for Levi. He thought being out of the house two nights a week was enough, but on second thought, Levi was used to having his privacy 24/7. If he didn’t want to be a nuisance to Levi, he would have to find places to hang out at least five nights a week.

“Umm, I think I’ll go to Christa’s tonight.” Eren pulled out his phone and started texting Thomas to see if he could pick him up.

“You’ve been going there almost every weekend,” Levi stated, suspicion in his eyes.

Eren couldn’t outright explain that he was staying out of Levi’s way. The older male would feel guilty and tell Eren he could stay in the apartment as often as he wants. Eren couldn’t force Levi into saying something untrue.

“Yeah, because of basketball I don’t see my friends as often as I used to. The weekend is our time to catch up.” It wasn’t a complete lie. He saw his friends in school and at basketball practice, but they weren't able to just chill with each other.

“Do you need a ride?” Levi offered.

“No, Thomas said he will pick me up. I’m going to go wait outside for him.”

“Are you coming back tonight?”

Eren wished. He missed relaxing in the living room and watching movies with Levi. But Levi probably missed his space.

“No, I think I’m going to stay at Christa’s again. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

“Be careful, brat.”

Eren gave a wistful smile before leaving the diner to wait for his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry, Levi. I didn’t know he had a boyfriend. I thought for sure…”

“Don’t, Hanji. It wouldn’t work between us anyway.”

Hanji frowned but said nothing, letting Levi believe what he needed to to deal with his unrequited feelings.

 

***

He was beginning to fray at the edges.

Ha. As if he hadn’t been frayed from the start.

Every time Thomas tried to kiss him by his locker, or hold his hand as they sat at lunch, or spend the afternoon at Eren and Levi’s apartment, Eren snapped. He couldn’t do it.

Especially not the last one. That was his and Levi’s space. No intruders allowed. Except for Armin and occasionally Erwin and Hanji. Maybe Jean and Annie. Otherwise, no intruders allowed.

Thomas was supposed to be his boyfriend, yet he couldn’t let him into his apartment, let alone his heart.

And it was nothing Thomas had done wrong. Thomas had done everything right. He put up with Eren’s shit all the time. The mood swings from gentle and affectionate to distant and inattentive. How Eren would hold his voice back at night, as if he were afraid to shout the wrong name.

Armin always stood by Eren’s side within reason, but even he couldn’t take this. It was stupid but perfectly fine for Eren to try and redirect his feelings from Levi to Thomas, but after five weeks and no change, it was time to end this emotional experiment.

Thomas really liked Eren despite his many flaws which made breaking up with him hard, but it would be a kindness to hurt him now with a breakup than to continue this empty relationship.

Eren did it privately after school. There were tears but Thomas never begged for them to work it out. He knew deep down Eren’s  heart was already claimed. They gave the standard assurances that they would remain friends, but both were aware that space would be good for Thomas to patch up his broken heart. It wasn’t as if Eren was unaffected by the break up. Thomas was a good person. He was fun, witty, and he was a great boyfriend. Eren would miss hanging out with him in the time it took for Thomas to move on.

While Thomas was getting over Eren, Eren had to decide what course he was going to take with Levi. Would he too try getting over his love interest, or would he be bold? Seize the day, livin’ la vida loca, all that shit?

Ha ha ha, that’s a good one.

Okay, but seriously this is getting ridiculous. He knows his feelings for Levi aren’t caused by Stockholm Syndrome. The only downfall he can see is how awkward it will be living with Levi if he gets turned down.

“Hey Eren, I heard about the breakup. Sorry, man.”

Reiner and Bert had appeared at his side. “Yeah, sorry Eren. We were gonna smoke pot at Reiner’s place after practice if you want to join us.”

“I don’t know guys…”

“C’mon, Eren. It’s fine. Compared to all the shit we’ve done in the past, this is the most legal. And we’ll be at my house, so the cops won’t be able to do anything.”

“It will help you take your mind off of Thomas,” Bertholdt added.

“Yeah, why not?” Eren agreed. It wasn’t Thomas who he needed to get his mind off of, though.

When basketball practice ended, Eren got in the backseat of Reiner’s truck, since Bert automatically claimed shotgun. Boyfriend privileges.

Reiner lived with his dad, a construction worker who worked from early in the morning to late in the evening. Even if he found them smoking pot in his basement, it was unlikely that he would reprimand them. More likely, he would join them.

Eren was a little nervous. He had stayed away from drugs, knowing they could have ill effects if they enhanced his usually despondent disposition. Worst case, he would become dependent on the high to get him through his days. Regardless, his ever-more-precarious relationship with Levi was bothering him and he couldn’t keep drinking to take his mind off of it or he would end up with a different sort of dependency. Perhaps it was time to stop torturing his liver and harm his lungs instead.

“Hey Reiner, is it okay if I stay over tonight? I don’t want to go home smelling like weed.”

“No problem. Bertholdt’s staying over too. It’ll be just like in middle school.” He laughed, remembering the innocent sleepovers they used to have. Oh, if their younger selves could see them now.

Eren went to his backpack and pulled out his phone, sending a quick text to Levi saying he was staying at Reiner’s house and would drop by the apartment to get a change of clothes before school tomorrow.

_Sent. Seen at 6:23 pm._

Reiner pulled out his volcano vaporizer and set it on the coffee table. He attached a plastic bag tied on two ends to the vaporizer and let it inflate. Once it was filled like a balloon, he removed it and attached it to a bong. He breathed in and the bag deflated a little. Bert took a hit next before passing it to Eren. The first few times Eren breathed in he choked. Reiner patted him on the back and Bertholdt passed him a bottle of water. As the evening wore on, he got the hang of it.

Getting high was not what Eren expected. He thought it would take his mind off his problems and put him in a happy mood, but because he was still hesitant about smoking and fearful of the effects, this fear was intensified.

His heartbeat felt exceptionally fast, like his heart was ready to jump out of his chest and run away. He could imagine it happening. He clutched at his chest and started to hyperventilate, going into a panic.

With terrified eyes, he turned to Reiner.

“Don’t worry, Eren. Increased heart rate is normal. Lie down for a bit and breathe slowly. You’ll get used to it.”

Eren did as Reiner instructed. As he lay on the couch and stared at the water spots on the ceiling, his mind calmed and he tried to focus on those spots, thinking of nothing else.

Think…sink…drink. Levi didn’t like it when he drank. He never said it, but Eren could tell because Levi had a small glare every time he came back from Christa’s with Thomas.

Maybe that was why things were off between them. It was because his drinking bothered Levi.

“From today on, I, Eren Jaeger, shall no longer sip the sweet nectar known colloquially as alcohol,” Eren declared, sitting up on the couch and putting his fist over his heart in a salute.

“What? That’s insane man.”

“Yeah, why are you going to do that?” Bertholdt questioned.

“It will solve all my problems. If I don’t drink, then he won’t be distant with me. Maybe my drinking is _the_ problem. And if I don’t drink, then I won’t have to move out.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, man, but you do you. Anyone hungry?”

Eren hadn’t noticed before but now that Reiner mentioned it, he was starving. Eren followed Reiner to the fridge while Bert lay on the ground and giggled to himself.

They grabbed a bag of Doritos Cool Ranch chips and a liter of cherry Coke which they didn’t bother to get cups for. They passed the bottle of soda like they did the bag used for smoking.

As they ate and the high wore off, Eren felt better than he did earlier in the day.

“Thanks, guys, this was what I needed. Can we do this again?”

“Anytime. Don’t let the break up get you down. Thomas is a good guy, but I don’t see him being the Bert to your Ernie.”

Eren didn’t know if Reiner was referring to his relationship with Bertholdt, or the characters from Sesame Street. He supposed it didn’t matter, the point was made either way.

As he fell asleep on Reiner’s couch, he wondered if he would ever find his Bert.

 

***

Eren woke up disoriented and in a sweat. He didn’t know where he was. Squished between Reiner and Bert on the pull-out couch, his first thought was that he was trapped in his mom’s car, stuck between the streetlamp and the truck that crashed into them, since that was where he was in his nightmare before he woke up.

After getting his bearings, his heart rate slowed down. He decided to get fresh air, knowing he wouldn’t fall back asleep for a while.

He was only wearing Reiner’s sweatpants and a tee shirt so he grabbed his jacket and phone before heading upstairs and unlocking the sliding glass door in the kitchen that led onto a small patio.

Eren twisted his phone in his hands. He wanted to talk to Levi but it was three in the morning. He doubted Levi was asleep, but what if he had company? The thought made Eren’s stomach clench.

Before the non-jealous part of his mind could catch up, he had already dialed Levi’s number, hoping to interrupt a passionate night.

It only rang twice before the call connected.

“Something wrong, brat?” Levi’s gruff voice answered.

“Hey, Levi. Did I wake you?” He now felt bad for calling. Even if Levi had company over, Eren shouldn’t have called. Actually, especially if Levi had company over. Maybe the problem wasn’t giving Levi his solitude for peace and quiet, but giving him space so he could pursue a relationship.

Fuck, no. Eren wasn’t willing to give Levi to anyone else. If he couldn’t have him, no one could. Which wasn’t fair to Levi who would end up alone, but Eren didn’t give a damn at the moment.

“It’s fine. I was barely asleep.”

Eren smiled in the darkness. Levi always lied for his benefit.

“Are you okay, Eren?” He must have been quiet for a while.

“Yeah I’m good. Well, I had a nightmare, but I’m fine now. Can we just talk for a little bit?”

“Of course. Whose house are you staying at again?”

“Reiner’s. Bertholdt is here too.”

There was a long silence.

“Levi? You still there?”

“Aren’t those the guys you robbed a convenience store with?”

“Uh, well, yeah. But they aren’t bad guys! They’ve always had my back.”

“Except for when they left you to the cops.”

“Yeah. Except for that one time.”

Levi sighed. “Whatever. You don’t criticize my friendship with Hanji so I guess I shouldn’t criticize your friendship with Bonnie and Clyde.”

Eren chuckled. “Thanks, Levi. What did you do tonight? Throw a party since you have the house to yourself?” Eren joked.

“Yeah, actually. The band came over. We haven’t hung out in a few months so it was nice to get together again outside of work.”

“Oh. That’s cool.” Eren tried to hide the sadness in his voice.

“How about you? Did you guys have fun?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. We just…chilled.”

“Eren? Are you sure everything is alright? Your voice sounds off.”

Eren didn’t respond immediately. He took a few shaky breaths to stop upset tears from escaping. He was no longer shaken by his nightmare, but the living nightmare of Levi realizing how great Eren’s absence was.

“I’m fine. Everything is fine. I’m going back to bed. I’m tired.”

“Are you sure? Do you want me to pick you up?”

“No. I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for talking with me.”

“Eren?” Eren hung up before Levi could hear the first sob.

 

***

The next morning, Reiner drove Eren to Rosewall Court so he could change clothes for school.

He turned the key in the lock and entered the apartment. Levi shouldn’t have left for work yet and judging by the sound and smell of frying eggs coming from the kitchen, he hadn’t.

However, it wasn’t Levi standing in the kitchen. It was Levi’s apron over Levi’s button down shirt and Levi’s spatula, but the spatula was in Petra’s hand. Eren had conversed with Petra a little at the club. She was a nice girl who was extra nice whenever Levi was in the room.

“Oh, good morning Eren. I didn’t know you were coming back here. Want some eggs?” Petra asked sweetly.

“Hey Petra, which tie do you think goes better with this shirt?” Levi walked out of his bedroom, two ties held loosely in his hands. He stopped walking and looked up to see Eren.

“Eren. Good morning.”

“Morning,” Eren mumbled as he quickly shuffled to his room. He grabbed a shirt and jeans from his closet and threw them on, adding a beanie before exiting his room. He avoided eye contact with Levi as he all but sprinted out of the apartment and down the building stairs, not stopping until he reached Reiner’s truck.

“All good?” Reiner asked.

“Sure,” Eren replied. Good was not how he would describe his current mood.


	16. Why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I forget, the song is by Jason Aldean.
> 
> Soo, I was a mix of productive over break. I didn’t do any of the homework I planned to do, but I published two new stories, “I’ve Got You” and “The Once and Future Monster.” Some of you may not be interested in the pairing or the tags, but for those of you who are, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> Have a great weekend everyone!

Eren didn’t want to go home. Not only because Petra might be there, but he also had to tell Levi that he broke up with Thomas. The truth would be known eventually so there was no point putting it off.

It was all for nothing. Eren didn’t stop caring for Levi by dating Thomas, and dating Thomas didn’t make Levi realize he wanted to be with Eren. Why didn’t he ever listen to Armin when he said a plan was stupid?

Was there a point in telling Levi about the breakup? It’s not like Levi has been waiting for this moment so he could swoop in himself. He doubted Levi even cared. Levi was with Petra. He wasn’t waiting for Eren to come home. He was waiting for Eren to move out.

Fuck. This whole time, he was giving Levi more space to court Petra. He gave his best effort to stay out of Levi’s way, thinking that would make Levi regret living with him less. Instead, all he did was clear the way for Petra to move in. That bitch.

Armin passed Eren the crab rangoons. He took one and chomped on it bitterly.

He knew he wasn’t being fair to Petra. She had never been anything but nice to him. And so had Levi. For Levi’s sake, he would be on his best behavior around Petra. He would smile kindly and chat politely with her. He would eat dinner with them if they asked, but he wouldn’t go out of his way to spend time with them either. If he had to spend prolonged periods of time in the lovebirds’ presence, his heart would surely shatter.

He hated feeling like this. Having a crush was bad, but he was pretty damn sure he had surpassed the stage of crushing on Levi a while ago. Now his mind was always thinking about Levi. He would be drinking from a water bottle and his mind would wonder if Levi preferred Poland Springs or Dasani bottled water. His mind wondered about the dumbest shit.

To deal with his tumultuous emotions, Eren smoked weed. Ever since that first time at Reiner’s house, Eren smoked once a day  whenever he could get away with it. He knew he couldn’t continue this unhealthy path of smoking his feelings away. He promised himself that it was just for this week. After this hellish week, he would smoke maybe once a month. Or whenever Reiner and Bert wanted to, he wasn’t too set on creating rules for himself.

“Thanks for having me over for dinner Grandpa Arlert,” Eren yelled at the hearing-impaired old man, who nodded his head and smiled.

“Don’t forget your fortune cookie.” Armin picked a cookie out of the take-out bag and handed it to Eren as they walked outside to Armin’s car.

Once he put his seatbelt on, Eren broke open the fortune.

 

_You lose all the opportunities you never take._

 

Fuck you, fortune cookie. You don’t know me. You don’t know my life. You don’t know what I’ve been through.

Eren ate the cookie and tossed the fortune out the car window. If only he received the advice a month ago.

***

 

“I don’t fucking know what’s wrong, Hanji. The brat won’t tell me anything,” Levi griped.

“Hmm. I’m sure he’ll tell you when he’s ready.”

Levi scoffed as he put his coat on. “And when will that be? He’s been acting strange for weeks, ever since he started dating Thom-ass.”

“Don’t be mean. You haven’t even conversed with the guy.”

“I don’t need to talk to him. He probably thinks he has Eren all figured out when he knows jack-shit about him.”

“And I’m sure you know more about Eren than anybody, right?” Hanji couldn’t help teasing Levi a bit, who glared at them with full strength.

“Is Eren waiting for you at the bar, or…” They trailed off, not having time to say more as Levi cursed under his breath and raced out of his dressing room.

Pixis informed him that Eren said he needed air and stepped outside a few minutes ago.

Levi went out the nearest exit that led into the back alley. As far as alleyways go, this one wasn’t bad. It was fairly wide and Erwin ensured that it was kept at a respectable level of cleanliness. No broken beer bottles or puddles of pee in sight.

He didn’t spot Eren at first. He expected him to be right by the door, catching a few fresh lungfuls of night air before returning inside to wait. As circumstances had it, fresh air was not what Eren was breathing in.

Eren was halfway between the club door and the exit to the alley. One foot was propped against the wall and his head was tilted back against the brick tiles. Levi watched, almost as if it were happening in slow motion, as Eren’s hand lifted to his mouth, a joint held loosely between his thumb and forefinger.

As Eren removed the joint from his lips, a puff of smoke followed. No coughing. A perfectly executed inhale and exhale. Definitely not a first-timer.

It was like his mind went on autopilot. He was at the club door one moment and the next, he was ripping the joint out of Eren’s hand and crushing it beneath his boot as Eren stared on in dazed shock. The herby scent already clung to Eren’s clothes and his eyes had the beginning tell-tale sign of redness.

Levi wasn’t aware of it but he was breathing harshly. After crushing the joint, he had fisted his hands in Eren’s shirt and pushed him hard against the wall.

“What the fuck are you doing, Eren?” Levi all but growled.

Eren had taken three small hits before Levi found him, so he wasn’t high yet. He came outside for a small buzz to calm himself and honestly, he was feeling so attacked right now.

Levi had never looked at him like this before. There was hard anger in his eyes, mixed with disappointment and another emotion Eren couldn’t decipher.

Faced with Levi’s hostility, Eren was too afraid to respond. He didn’t want to make Levi angrier, so he thought it would be best not to move a muscle, not even to reply.

Hanji peaked their head out the doorway, drawn by Levi’s shout. “Is everything okay out here?”

Hanji assessed the situation and their mouth dropped open into a small “o” when they caught sight of the joint on the ground.

“Eren, sweetie, come inside and sit with Pixis for a bit. Levi and I have to talk.”

Eren remained where he was. He couldn’t move with Levi’s arms caging him in against the wall.

“Levi,” Hanji said with a strong voice. It was enough to break Levi out of his thoughts and he carefully backed away from Eren, staring at his arms as they lowered as if he couldn’t recall raising them.

“Go inside, Eren. We’ll be in in a second. Actually, go find Erwin and wait in his office.” Hanji kept their eyes locked on Levi’s as Eren moved away from the wall and past Hanji into the club.

Eren spotted Erwin through the glass window of his office and he made his way towards him.

Erwin looked up from his paperwork when Eren stood in his doorway.

“Eren?” Erwin stood up and approached Eren in a slow manner. The boy was shaking. Erwin was worried about saying the wrong thing and upsetting him, so he held back his questions of where Levi was. He led Eren to his black leather couch and sat him down.

Eren didn’t say anything. He sat there with his hands shaking in his lap. Not knowing the circumstances that brought Eren to his office and wary to ask, Erwin did the only thing he could and turned on the water boiler to make tea.

Meanwhile, Hanji was handling Levi. He too was dazed by the interaction and Hanji waited for him to stop wandering around in his mind before they spoke.

“I think your reaction was a tad too extreme.”

Levi whipped his head to glare at Hanji. “Too extreme? Hanji, he was smoking a fucking joint.”

“I see that, Levi. But it’s just weed.”

“Just weed! How dare - “

“I know, Levi!” Hanji breathed in and out slowly. “I know.”

They stood in silence. Levi was having a hard time controlling his emotions.

“You need to tell him. Maybe not the full story, but you have to explain yourself. Did you see how scared he was when you yelled at him?”

Levi grimaced. He didn’t mean to scare Eren. His rage had more to do with his failures than anything else. One of those failures was that Eren had started smoking and Levi hadn’t known until now.

“I’ll talk to him.”

“Tonight.”

“I’ll talk to him tonight.”

“Do you need some space to get your head right? I can drive him home and stay with him until you get back.”

“…Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good idea. Thanks, Hanji.”

Hanji nodded their head. They stared at Levi until he grumbled, “I’m fine,” and then they returned inside to retrieve Eren.

They found him sitting with Erwin in his office, drinking tea. His face was scrunched up in deep thought, which broke when he spotted Hanji standing in the doorway.

“I’m going to drive you home. Levi needs a little space and then he’ll be home.”

Hanji wanted to deliver the news as delicately as possible so Eren wouldn’t get the wrong idea and blame himself, but there was no other way to phrase it. Hanji knew how quick Eren was to jump to conclusions and blame himself. They hoped Levi wouldn’t be gone too long.

Eren was reserved at the start of their drive, not saying a thing, but as they neared Rosewall Court, he mumbled, “It was just pot.”

Hanji sighed. This conversation needed to be had with Levi. It was his past, after all.

***

 

It was now midnight. Hanji and Eren sat together in the living room, flipping through channels.

Eren’s left leg was bouncing with nervous jitters. The intensity in Levi’s eyes when he found him smoking in the alley was burned into his mind.

Why couldn’t he do anything right? Every choice he made seemed to push Levi further away. Levi had never yelled at him before.

This was it. The last straw. He had well and truly angered Levi. He should probably save them both from the awkwardness and pack his bags now. He could be gone before Levi returned.

Eren rose from the couch and took a step towards his room, but froze at the sound of a key turning in the lock.

Hanji and his eyes were fixed on the door as it slowly opened. Levi shared a look with Hanji, who gathered their stuff and quietly departed with a pat to Levi’s shoulder. Then Levi turned to look at Eren, who was still frozen in place, half turned towards his bedroom and half towards the front door.

“Eren, we need to talk.”

Shit. Shit shit _shit_. Eren closed his eyes, shoulders tensed by his ears as if trying to cover them from what Levi was about to say next.

“Open your eyes, brat. Come sit down.”

Eren peeked through half-opened eyes to see Levi sitting in the living room, patting a spot on the couch next to himself.

He carefully approached the couch and sat a few inches away from the spot Levi indicated.

Levi sighed at Eren’s skittishness. Levi wanted to be closer to him but his actions earlier tonight had scared Eren. He never seemed to be able to reach Eren. He tried to be more approachable but then he would do something wrong and Eren would distance himself again. He wouldn’t be surprised if Eren told him he was moving in with his boyfriend now.

“I’m sorry,” two voices said simultaneously.

Two pairs of surprised eyes looked at each other.

“What do you have to be sorry for, brat?”

Eren fiddled his hands in his lap. “For, uh, smoking pot?”

“Oh.” Levi’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment, remembering the events that led them to this conversation in the first place. “Right.

“Well, I’m sorry for how I reacted. I wasn’t thinking. I saw the joint and…” Levi rubbed the crease between his eyebrows.

“I won’t smoke again. Or drink,” Eren tacked on, remembering his drug-induced epiphany from a few nights ago.

“Thanks, but I still owe you an explanation. I don’t have the right to stop you from doing those things anyway.”

Eren scooted a little closer to Levi on the couch.

“If it bothers you, I’ll stop. End of story. Because you matter to me and I don’t ever want you to be mad at me again.” Levi blushed at Eren’s words, but the boy was so sincere, he didn’t think too deeply about what he just said.

“There is something I need to tell you, Eren. It’s not something I talk about, and I just ask that you listen to the whole story before saying or doing anything. It might change your opinion of me and make you want to move out, but after what happened earlier tonight I need to tell you. About my past.”

Eren’s mouth formed a thin line. He knew he couldn’t deny Levi’s past, but he was tense thinking about what possible news Levi could tell him that would make him want to move out.

Levi had listened and stayed by his side when he told him of the events that led to his mother’s death. Whatever Levi told him, Eren promised himself that he wouldn’t let it change the way he saw Levi. It was time for him to support Levi, just as Levi has always supported him.

“I’m listening.”

Levi took a deep breath, and prepared himself to recount the memories and guilt he tried to bury for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is Levi’s past! Aaah! 
> 
> Funny story, I left hints about his past throughout this work but never finalized in my mind what his past was. So now I have to think of it and make sure everything makes sense. Lol I’m a dingbat.
> 
> ALSO
> 
> I’ve been thinking about changing the name of this fic. I have no current ideas of what I’d change it to, but I want your thoughts on whether it would be confusing to change the name at this point so I should just keep it, or if you have ideas on what I should call it, or if you like/hate the title in general. Honest opinions are welcome!


	17. Disappear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I really appreciate your patience with me and hope you are still interested in this story. 
> 
> Fyi, I’ve been going back and re-editing my chapters. Nothing too major but since I’m my own editor, I’m learning and improving and then going back to fix things up. Let me know if there are any mistakes/confusing parts in this chapter as well and I’ll fix it.
> 
> Song is by Issues (the acoustic version!)
> 
> Without further ado, LEVI’S PAST!

What idiot tried bargaining with drug dealers?

Apparently this guy, with his unwashed hair tied back in a low ponytail, allowing a view of his infected ear piercing.

“Prices are final. If you’re unhappy, take it up with the boss.” The guy paled at the suggestion of telling Shiganshina’s crime lord to lower his prices. Levi watched in semi-bored amusement as the junkie paid up and shambled out of the alley.

“And that’s how it’s done, kids.” Nile stuffed the bills into the pocket of his grungy leather vest. “If anyone tries to jip you, threaten ‘em with the fake boss.”

“Wait,” Farlan held a finger in the air to pause his mentor. “You’re telling me there is no boss?”

“There was one years ago. Died in a shoot out. Now we get our drugs from corrupt doctors who want to spice up their lives or aren’t satisfied with the bank they’re already making.”

“Tch.” Levi spent his entire childhood in poverty. It disgusted him how the 1% weren’t satisfied while a measly $10 to them meant the difference of whether he would eat that day or not.

“Well, that’s all I have to teach you today. If you show promise, I’ll let you start selling on your own and getting your own cut.” Nile departed without a word of farewell.

“D’ya hear that, Levi? Soon we’ll have enough money to support ourselves. We can get an apartment and move away from our shit families.” Farlan jumped in the air, clapping his heels together. He looked ridiculous, and Levi cracked a smile.

“Don’t forget that there’s work involved. There’ll be guys who think just ‘cause you’re a high schooler they can beat you up and take the drugs without payin’.”

“You worry too much. It’ll be fine. It’s not like either of us are new to fighting, not with the environment we were raised in. Anyways, I’ve gotta hurry to meet my girl. Izzy’d freak if she knew I was planning on selling drugs. She’s been suspicious lately ‘cause I’ve been busy in the evenings so I agreed to come over and smoke a bowl with her tonight. See ya in class tomorrow!”

Levi watched his childhood friend run off.

“Wow, they’re recruiting young these days.” Levi whipped his head to the side. A young man leaned casually in the doorframe of the only door leading out to this alley, watching Levi.

“What’re you talking about?”

“Wasn’t that a drug dealer recruiting you and your friend just now?”

“What’s it matter if it was?” Levi crossed his arms and spit to the side.

“Nothing good will come from getting involved with those people.”

“‘Those people’? You mean poor people making a living however they can? What would a suit like you know about it?”

The tall, blonde man rolled off the doorframe and stepped forward into the alley.

“It has nothing to do with whether they are poor or not. A person can’t help the circumstances they are born into. But they can decide if they are going to join an illegal drug cartel or if they are going to work at a legal establishment like this one.” The man pointed behind him. Through the doorway Levi could spot a bar counter and leather couches.

“Tch. As if a place like that would hire someone like me.”

“How do you know until you try? We are looking to fill a few positions. You and your friend should come by for an interview next week.”

“Hmm. We’ll see.” Which meant no. Levi didn’t even own a dress shirt. Not that he planned on selling drugs like Farlan. There was something about that Nile guy Levi didn’t trust.

“2 pm next Monday!” the man called after Levi as he walked away.

 

***

 

“Look at it, Levi! Just look! I’m making bank and I’ve only been selling coke for a month!” Farlan waved a handful of large bills in Levi’s face.

“What happened to your cheek?”

“Huh?” There was a blossoming purple bruise on Farlan’s cheekbone. “Oh, it’s nothing. Just had some trouble with one of the guys. Don’t worry, I got him back.”

This wasn’t the first injury Farlan had received since working for Nile. Farlan was happy though. He usually was, despite the cards life had dealt him, but recent happenings at home had made him despondent. Only now was he bouncing back to his typical jubilance. Selling drugs was a dangerous job, but Farlan was earning more money than he would at McDonald’s. Levi watched the light return to Farlan’s eyes as the prospect of moving out of his house and them getting an apartment together became a possibility, not just a dream.

On his way home Levi took a detour to buy more weed from his dealer in the alleyway where he and Farlan met with Nile a few weeks back. It had taken some time, but he finally gathered enough money to buy more. Whenever Uncle Kenny passed out drunk, which was almost an assured daily occurence, Levi was able to grab a few dollars from his wallet. Only a few bills, nothing too noticeable. He made that mistake before and suffered for it.

If he were like his classmates he would be in bed at this hour or staying up late to finish a paper. He wasn’t like his classmates. Levi strolled down the grimy alleyway. Homeless people occasionally slept here. Drunks used it as their own personal bathroom and junkies treated it like a dumpster for their used needles. No one untouched by the darker side of society would consider walking through places like this. Only those living dirty lives were unafraid to walk through piss-covered streets.

After the transaction was made and his dealer departed, Levi hung around to take a quick hit before returning to his uncle’s house.

“You never showed up to the interview.” It was the blonde guy again. Even at two in the morning he was still impeccably groomed, no wrinkles in his dress shirt, his tie still knotted tightly at his collar.

“I never said I would.” Levi exhaled smoke into the guy’s face, wanting to see his perfect appearance tainted just a little. The man frowned but didn’t do anything to wave the smoke away.

“Are you selling drugs now?”

“Unless you’re looking to buy, it’s none of your business.” Levi rolled the cherry of the joint against the wall before pocketing what was left and leaving, but the man called out to him again.

“There are still open positions. Come see me if you want a job.”

“Tch.” Levi ignored the friendly stranger. The guy must have some hidden agenda. Why else would he try and give a pothead he had met twice a job at his fancy establishment? Luck like that never came Levi’s way.

 

***

 

“I can’t believe we finally have our own place.” Farlan rushed to the window and looked down at the dumpster alley below. “It’s perfect.”

Levi smiled and walked up beside his best friend. This was all they had ever wanted, a place of their own to escape their families. From now on, things would be good. No, things would be great.

In his head Levi thought, Can we really afford this place? Farlan had signed the papers before talking with Levi, wanting it to be a surprise. It was a great surprise, but Levi worried that the place would be too expensive to keep. They also had to buy groceries and pay for utilities. Levi couldn’t let Farlan shoulder all the costs. He needed to get a job.

 

***

 

Levi circled the building in search of the main entrance. He didn’t even know the name of the establishment. All he knew was that a Captain America look alike worked there on the other side of the alley wall.

The Underground, huh? Strange name, Levi thought as he read the purposely rusted wrought-iron sign attached to the streetside face of the brick building. The thick wooden door beneath the sign wasn’t locked so Levi entered. Arrows directed him down a staircase with a lone door at the end. Levi pushed the metal door open and stepped into a spacious area.

The tiles were beautiful, Levi had to admit. They were smooth but had the appearance of black shattered glass. A stage took up the back end of the room and on its ledge sat the blonde man.

“Nice place you got here.” Levi began, struggling to initiate the conversation. They both knew why he was there, after all.

The man smirked. “Thanks. Want a tour of the rest of the place?” Levi shrugged a shoulder and the man pushed off the stage, landing softly on his feet despite his dress shoes.

The man motioned Levi to follow him behind the stage through a door marked ‘Employees Only’ that revealed a hallway with doors on either side.

“These are the dressing rooms for performing artists. That door to the left is just a closet where the maintenance crew store their cleaning supplies. They all have access to this back area but it stands to reason that they only come back here to get their supplies, not to bother the artists.”

Levi rolled his eyes. Like he cared about meeting the artists.

They backtracked out of the hallway, ascending one of two staircases on either side of the main room. Levi immediately recognized the leather couches and mahogany bar. Beside the bar was the door that must lead into the alley. The contrast was stark, this posh interior to the grimy exterior. Levi couldn’t help but compare himself to the man beside him in the same way. He was all too aware of the rip on the shoulder of his long sleeved shirt and the dirt stain on his jeans.

The man turned left into an office.

“Have a seat.” Levi sat on the black leather couch while the blonde pressed a button on his water boiler.

“Do you like tea?”

“Never had it before.”

The man made a noncommittal noise as he passed Levi a cup of steaming tea. Levi took a tentative sip, surprised to find it to his liking. The flavor wasn’t overly strong and the warmth of the beverage was relaxing.

“We only need a few hours during weekday mornings. Saturday and Sunday morning are when we really need extra hands to help clean up from the night before.”

“Huh?” Levi had been distracted by the warm mug in his hands and only caught the tail end of what the man said.

“I assume you came here looking for a job. Was I incorrect?”

“No, you’re right. How much does it pay?”

The man smiled and reached out a hand. “I don’t think I ever introduced myself. My name is Erwin Smith. I’ll be your boss.”

Levi shook his hand. “Levi.” The man raised one blonde caterpillar above his eye prompting Levi to add, “Ackerman.”

“So…how much does it pay?”

 

***

 

“Are you okay?” Levi hadn’t spoken more than a few words to Farlan in a week. With his work in the mornings, Farlan’s work in the evenings, and school in between, there was barely any time to spend together.

They had honeymooned their first month in the apartment but then Farlan’s work picked up. Nile trusted him to sell independently now. It meant a larger cut of the profits but it was also riskier. As Levi had predicted, some guys thought they could bully Farlan into giving them free drugs. Farlan returned from work bruised more often than not.

Levi came to expect the apartment to smell like weed when he came home in the evenings. Despite his moving out, Farlan’s family refused to let him go; they were like shit on Farlan’s shoe that never rubbed off no matter how far away from the shit Farlan walked. Pot calmed his nerves so Levi didn’t complain about the smell or Farlan’s increased frequency of smoking. Levi let Farlan do what he needed to feel better.

Levi let Farlan take heavier drugs. Well, perhaps ‘let’ is the wrong word to use. It wasn’t like Levi gave his approval, but he sure as hell didn’t stop his friend. In the houses they were raised in, smoking pot was like breathing air, it was nothing to converse about. Pills were as commonplace as a sink in a bathroom. A step above that was worrisome, but not as much as it would be to someone from a happy family free from addictions.

It didn’t cross Levi’s mind to stop Farlan’s drug use until it was too late, as is usually the case. Farlan had been sick all weekend with what Levi convinced himself was a cold. Farlan emptied an entire tissue box in a day, his nose dripping like a drain pipe after a rainstorm. Bloodshot eyes weren’t uncommon, especially with the late working hours Farlan kept. It would be nice if Levi could say his trust in Farlan to not do something idiotic like take cocaine was the reason he never noticed something was horribly wrong sooner. It would be nice, but it wouldn’t be true. Levi was afraid. He ran from the evidence, reasoning it away with ‘yearly cold’ and ‘too little sleep’.

Izzy, Farlan’s girlfriend, blew up Levi’s phone with concerned texts. No longer able to run from the truth, Levi prepared his intervention speech. Farlan needed help, he needed rehab, and he needed Levi to force him there.

Farlan needed that 24 hours ago. Now it was too late.

 

  
***

 

Uncle Kenny could care less about cleaning. Sometimes he was so drunk he pissed himself where he lay. No way was Levi cleaning up after a pig like him. Levi tried to be out of the house as often as possible anyways. Learning how to keep a clean house was never a priority.

Working at The Underground taught Levi these skills and more. He could bottle up his urge to punch someone who annoyed him, brew a great cup of tea, and even put a stopper in a leaky faucet.

“Thanks for coming in today, Levi. It was a terrible idea to allow a corporate game of paintball.”

Levi smirked at his boss. “Today’s one of those holidays no one cares about, right? That means pay is increased by half.”

Erwin’s head titled back as he laughed. Typical Levi.

“Regardless of the reasons you decided to come in, I appreciate the help. Do you want to grab lunch? There is a great family diner nearby.”

Before Levi could answer, he was interrupted by his phone ringing. It was a basic flip phone, only for emergencies or important information like asking about groceries. Usually if it was Farlan checking if they had enough milk, he would text. Calls were extremely rare.

“Hold on a sec,” Levi frowned as he pulled his phone out of his back pocket and read the name on the screen: Izzy.

“Izzy? What’s up?” Levi asked cautiously.

Erwin watched Levi’s face pale considerably. The dark-haired male’s hands shook as he closed his phone and returned it to his pocket.

“Levi? Is everything alright?”

Levi moved trancedly, everything blurred except the words on repeat in his mind.

_Farlan is dead._

 

***

 

The events between when Levi left Erwin at The Underground and finding Nile were hazy. He faintly recalled shaking down a few dealers until they told him what he needed to know: what happened to Farlan and where Nile was. Very few were present when Farlan died but once Levi found someone who was there, it was simple enough to get an answer to his second question. Bloodlust emanated from Levi’s very core. Levi was far more frightening than any punishment Nile might inflict on the person who revealed his whereabouts.

By the time Levi gathered the info he wanted, night had fallen. Nile was working, waiting in the alley next to The Underground where Levi and Farlan had the misfortune to meet him months ago, waiting for an unfortunate soul to be pulled in by the allure of a quick escape from their devastating life.

“L-Levi,” Nile stepped back at the sight of the teen. Nile surreptitiously glanced to the side, looking for an escape route but Levi figured that would be his reaction and watched Nile’s movements carefully. As soon as Nile took another step in preparation to run Levi pounced, knocking Nile to the ground. Levi pinned Nile down by the wrists and held Nile’s lower half in place by tightening his thighs on either side of Nile’s.

“You killed Farlan,” Levi snarled.

Nile tried to buck Levi off of him to no avail, Levi only dug his nails deeper into Nile’s wrists. “N-no, I didn’t. We were just taking lines. He’s snorted coke before so I figured he’d be fine. How could I know he passed his limit?” Nile’s voice was pleading, afraid of what Levi might do, afraid of the dark look in Levi’s eyes, but Levi could detect no remorse in the man’s tone.

“Why didn’t you call 911 when he started to seize?” Levi growled. Nile didn’t answer quick enough so Levi lifted Nile’s upper body by his wrists before slamming him back down to the ground, knocking Nile’s head hard against the pavement.

“There were drugs all around. If I’d called 911, I’d’ve been in deep shit with the authorities.”

“That was more important than Farlan’s life?”

“Farlan knew the risks when he started selling and when he started using. It was his problem that he overdosed, not mine.”

“You piece of shit,” Levi spit in Nile’s face. He had heard enough. Levi released Nile’s left wrist so he could punch the man in the face. A direct hit to Nile’s nose and blood gushed like an erupting volcano.

“You fucking-” Nile didn’t have a chance to say more before Levi’s fist connected with his jaw.

Nile’s best fighting chance would have been getting a hit in after Levi freed his left wrist. After two hits to the face, Nile was too disoriented by pain to think clearly, allowing Levi to keep him pinned down with just his lower body and use both hands to pummel the man beneath him.

“What’s going…” Erwin trailed off as he took in the spectacle before him. He came to investigate when he heard shouting but the last thing he expected to find was his employee beating a man within an inch of his life.

“Levi, stop. Levi, you’re going to kill him!” Erwin shouted, hoping his words were reaching Levi.

“Good, this piece of shit doesn’t deserve to live. Not when he…not if Farlan…” Despite his refusal, Levi’s fists slowed down and moved to land on Nile’s chest.

“Levi.” Erwin approached slowly. He had to turn away when he saw the mess of the man on the ground. The man’s face was bruised, cut, and bloodied. It was hard to make out his features beneath all that blood.

“Levi,” Erwin repeated. “Come inside.”

Levi rose slowly, swaying on his feet. He started to follow Erwin but then Nile groaned, regaining Levi’s attention. Levi kicked Nile in the side, causing the damaged man to cough up blood. Erwin wrapped his arms tightly around Levi to carry him away from the scene of the crime.

Levi’s rage dissipated once he was inside Erwin’s office and could no longer see the piece of shit who let Farlan die. Levi covered his face with his palms and began to sob. He kept his grief at bay until he avenged Farlan, but speaking with Nile only made him realize Farlan’s death was as much his fault as the bleeding man in the alley’s. There were many times and ways Levi could have prevented this. He could have mentioned the job interviews at The Underground before Farlan decided to deal drugs. Maybe then Farlan and him would have been working happily here together instead of Farlan getting bruised up and involved with drugs. Especially because Farlan was selling drugs, Levi should have been on the lookout for any worrisome signs that Farlan had started using as well. He should have intervened when he first became suspicious.

“It’s all my fault. Farlan is dead because of me,” Levi sobbed. He could give less of a damn that his boss just saw him pulverize a man in the alley next to their workplace and was currently bawling on said boss’s couch. Nothing mattered now.

Erwin set a cup of tea on the coffee table in front of Levi before moving to his desk and grabbing his phone.

“I’m going to take care of this. Drink your tea.”

Levi lifted the mug and held it between his hands. He never asked Farlan if he had drank tea before. Now he’d never be able to. It was a dumb thing to be sad about, but Levi was sad nonetheless.

After asking his connections to persuade Nile it was in his best interest to not press assault charges and leave the state, Erwin returned to his office. Levi was asleep on the couch. Erwin shrugged off his suit jacket and draped it across Levi’s body to keep him warm. There were only a few hours until morning. Erwin sat at his desk and started planning funeral arrangements.

 

***

 

“You need to eat something.” Erwin prodded Levi’s lips with a piece of toast but the dark-haired male stared blankly in front of him. More often than not, this was how Erwin found him when he stopped by Levi’s apartment. It had been over a month since Farlan’s funeral but Levi hadn’t moved forward since that night weeks ago when Erwin stopped him from killing Nile.

“Levi, shower and get dressed. This has gone on long enough. I’m taking you to see a grief counselor.”

Levi glowered at him and remained where he sat.

“Fine, then I’ll bring the counselor to you.”

Erwin dug his phone out of his coat pocket and dialed a number. Levi’s focus returned to the wall in front of him. Farlan had talked about hanging a photograph Izzy had taken there. His mind returned to that empty place he had been living in for the past month, where there were no colors or sounds. Everything was grey and his mind floated in this empty space.

The blank wall in front of him was interrupted by the presence of a stranger. Levi glanced around his small apartment but didn’t spot Erwin.

“Who are you.”

“My name’s Hanji! It’s nice to meet you, Levi. I’m a friend of Erwin’s. He went for a walk so we could talk in private.”

Hanji didn’t ask him any questions. They sat beside him and stared at the wall too. Occasionally they would giggle to themselves and explain to Levi the funny joke they read on tumblr that popped in their head. Levi never responded but it didn’t seem to bother Hanji. They were content to sit beside him.

When Erwin returned two hours later, Hanji stood up and said farewell to Levi and Erwin before departing.

“That was my friend Hanji. I know they aren’t the most conventional grief counselor, but they are good at what they do. But if you don’t like them, I’ll find you someone else.”

Erwin waited for Levi to say something but was met with silence. “Well, what do you think of Hanji?” Erwin at least wanted to know if he should look up other grief counselors who made house-calls.

“Not bad.”

 

***

 

Before Levi could beat them off, he found himself in the center of a group hug.

“My little Levi is all grown up and graduated! I’m so happy!”

“Shut it, Four-Eyes. It’s not a big deal,” Levi mumbled.

“Yes, it is,” Erwin insisted. “You’ve worked hard these past two years to get your online degree. Don’t be modest, let us celebrate your achievement.”

Levi turned his face away, a slight blush rising in his cheeks.

“Cake! Cake! Cake!” Hanji cheered.

As they sat down to eat, Erwin enquired if Levi had job prospects lined up.

“Yeah, that list you gave me was helpful. I have an interview at one of the corporations next Monday.”

“Ooh ooh, open my present! It will come in handy.” Hanji thrust a small box into Levi’s hands.

He gently tore off the wrapping paper and lifted the lid off the box.

“How are binoculars going to help me at a job interview?”

“We can stake out the corporation and see what the employees wear. Then you’ll know how to dress for your interview.”

Levi couldn’t stop the laugh bubbling up and out of him at his friend’s weirdness. He hadn’t forgiven himself for Farlan’s death, but he met with Hanji at Maria’s diner once a week for grief counseling. He already told his landlord he was moving. It was time to put his past behind him. A new apartment, a new job, a fresh start.

 

***

 

“So there you have it.” Levi hadn’t maintained eye contact as he told Eren his past and he didn’t look up once he finished. He stared at his fists in his lap while the silence built around them.

Levi figured Eren might want to leave after hearing how he almost killed a man with his bare hands, but Levi couldn’t leave that detail out. He couldn’t hide the truth from Eren. All he could do was hope Eren didn’t look at him differently from on, if Eren even sticked around after learning about his past.

The silence shattered as Eren jumped to his feet. Levi finally tilted his head up to see Eren, fists balled at his sides and body shaking with rage.

“What the fuck, Levi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had trouble writing this after so long until I remembered that I tagged this “crack treated seriously” because that’s what it is. I’m trying things out, working on being a better writer, but not taking myself too seriously. But I do want to improve, so if you have any advice for me, I’d love to hear it - what I’m doing well, what I can improve on, etc.
> 
> Also, out of curiosity, does anyone listen to the chapter title songs?


	18. Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re getting warmer!!!
> 
> Song: Stay by Hurts  
> I HIGHLY recommend listening to this song.

“What the fuck, Levi. You spent all this time assuring me that my mom’s death wasn’t my fault but then you admit to feeling guilty for your friend’s death? What sort of hypocritical shit is that! You fucking liar!”

Eren grabbed a pillow off the couch and hit Levi with it, a hard swing with each word he repeated. “You. Fucking. Liar!”

“E-Eren?” Levi held up his arms to block the hits but he wasn’t doing a good job. He was too distracted by Eren. Angry tears threatened to fall from the boy’s eyes as he swung the pillow harshly against Levi’s side.

Eren held the pillow tightly in front of him, ready to strike again, a look of determination on his face as he spoke. “Tell me the truth. Do you still think Farlan’s death was your fault?”

Levi knew the answer, but he was too surprised by Eren’s reaction to answer immediately. This beautiful boy who has felt loss, then loss again, then loneliness to avoid another loss, was angry at Levi for blaming himself. There were tears in this boy’s eyes, empathized sadness for what Levi experienced years ago, wishing Levi had never experienced that pain at all, the pain he knew so well. There were lines in the boy’s forehead, formed by the angry furrowing of his eyebrows as everything Levi assured him of over the past months crumbled before him, the assurance that he didn’t kill his mother threatened by Levi’s own self-guilt. Nowhere in Eren’s expression did Levi see blame, like he had seen in the eyes of Izzy years ago, or fear at his admission of what he did to Nile. There was only anger, sadness, and understanding.

“No, Eren. I blamed myself for a long time, but I realized over time it wasn’t my fault. Meeting you made me more certain. Terrible things happen and maybe doing something differently could have prevented them, but we aren’t psychic. We can’t predict the future. All we can do is live our lives, learn from mistakes, and love the people we care about while we have them.”

“Damn straight,” Eren said, grumpily swinging the pillow at Levi’s chest once more before dropping it and sitting side by side with Levi, letting his head drop onto the older male’s shoulder.

“I can’t believe you thought I’d hate you for something like that,” Eren muttered.

“You should. I let my emotions get the best of me and almost killed Nile, and tonight I hurt you.” Levi couldn’t fathom how hours ago he pushed Eren up against a wall and now that kid was resting at his side, eyes closed, unafraid.

Levi carded his fingers through Eren’s soft hair. Eren felt drained but content, glad that Levi wasn’t mad at him anymore. First thing tomorrow he would give his remaining weed to Reiner and Bert; it wasn’t worth hurting Levi over.

“It was neither of our faults.” He repeated himself once more, ensuring that it stuck in Eren’s mind. Eren was right, of course. It was hypocritical of Levi to tell Eren he wasn’t responsible for his mother’s death when for years Levi blamed himself for something similar. It was time they both stopped hating themselves for something they couldn’t foresee and can’t change.

Looking at Eren’s peaceful face, Levi smiled softly before going stiff. Those nights of having Eren asleep in his bed made this moment seem natural. Their relationship was weird, caught somewhere between roommates, parent/child, and something else he didn’t want to touch on, but from the start Levi had been someone Eren could seek comfort from.

As much as he wanted to remain that person for Eren, he couldn’t. Eren fluttered his green eyes open, curious why Levi suddenly went rigid beneath him.

“We…we probably shouldn’t do things like this anymore, Eren.” Levi turned his head to the side, too cowardly to meet Eren’s eyes.

“Things like what?” Eren questioned hesitantly.

“Like this,” Levi gestured at their position. “Being close like this. I know it doesn’t mean anything to us”—Eren lowered his gaze—“but it’s not appropriate with one of us being in a relationship.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah.” Eren scrambled backwards. Images of Petra standing in the kitchen wearing Levi’s dress shirt intruded his mind; he tightly shut his eyes to clear the memory.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Um, do you want me to leave?”

“Huh? First off, it’s the middle of the night and secondly, why would I want you to leave?”

Eren rubbed absentmindedly at his arm, unwilling to lay his insecurities at Levi’s feet but needing to know for certain how much space Levi wanted. “Because you’re used to living alone and doing what you want but now I live here and you can’t. I don’t want to be in your way.”

“Eren, you’re not—” Levi tried to intervene but Eren kept speaking.

“Just tell me when you want me out of the house and I’ll go to Armin’s. He’s already told me I can sleepover anytime, so if Petra is coming over, just tell me and I’ll leave.”

“Wait, what? Why would Petra be over here?”

“Because you’re dating her?” Eren guessed. He didn’t know if they were in a formal relationship or not.

There was a pause after Eren spoke before Levi erupted in laughter. “Me and Petra? What gave you that idea?”

Eren looked confused, but his tone was tinted with jealous anger. “She was wearing your dress shirt. Cooking breakfast in our kitchen. After sleeping over. What other idea could I get?”

“Maybe that she stayed to help clean up after the party and was borrowing a shirt while her clothes were in the wash? Because that’s what happened.”

Eren’s expression immediately lightened, but his posture still exuded uncertainty.

“Oh. Well, anyway, how often?” Eren shifted his weight onto his other hip, waiting for Levi’s answer.

“How often…?”

Eren clenched his jaw. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have at all, much less draw out, but Levi was making things difficult.

“How often do you want me out of the apartment?”

Levi sighed. “Eren, you’re not in the way—”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Levi!” Eren interrupted. In a softer voice, he continued, “I overheard you and Hanji a few weeks ago. When they said things would be easier for you if I moved out…”

It took Levi a moment to figure out what Eren was referring to, but when he understood he cursed under his breath.

“Eren, what you heard and what you’re thinking, it’s a misunderstanding.”

Eren cut Levi off again before the older male could finish explaining. “Don’t lie to me to spare my feelings! I’d rather you tell me that you hate me than smile at me and keep your true feelings to yourself. I’m tired of second-guessing everything you do and say, I just want you to be straightforward with me.”

“Eren. I’m not lying to you. What Hanji said, it had nothing to do with you being a burden. It was taken out of context.”

“What was the context, then?” Eren’s arms were crossed, a sure sign that he wasn’t going to let the topic go.

“…I can’t tell you.” There was no partial truth Levi could think of giving. Plain and simple, Hanji suggested Eren move out so he and Eren could start dating without the added pressure of living together as well.

“Then I can’t stay here.” Everything about Eren’s appearance read resignation. He went to his room, stuffing a backpack with clothes before heading to the bathroom to gather more of his things. He didn’t want to leave, but he’d rather that than continue to burden Levi.

Levi sat shell-shocked; everything he had done had been for Eren, to protect him, to give him a place he could call home. Telling Eren his feelings, especially when Eren was dating someone, would wreck everything he built. It would put Eren in an awkward position, maybe even make him feel obligated to reciprocate Levi’s feelings in return for everything Levi had done for him. There were many reasons Levi had never made a move on Eren, but now that Eren was leaving, something inside Levi snapped. All the feelings, the words and touches he buried, sprang to the surface just as Eren reached for the door-knob. His body moved on autopilot, slamming the half-opened door closed and blocking Eren in against the front door, the second time tonight he acted before thinking.

“L-Levi, what…” Eren stuttered, confused but not afraid, Levi was grateful to note.

“You think I’m going to let you leave that easily?”

Eren blushed, doing nothing to stop Levi from taking his bag and kicking it to the side.

“You want me to be straightforward with you? Tell you what I think and feel?”

Eren nodded, his throat suddenly constricted and unable to form words as Levi’s hands cupped his face.

“I’ve never been good at expressing myself with words, so I apologize for showing you through my actions.”

Before Eren could assure him he didn’t care the manner he went about opening up, warm soft lips pressed gently against his. Much too quickly they retreated.

Eren’s face felt like it was burning up. He slowly raised a finger to touch his lips, staring dumbstruck at Levi.

“I know you have a boyfriend, but I don’t care. If honest is what you want, then fine. I’m better than Thomas. I’ll comfort you and take care of you, I’ll listen to you rant about stupid stuff and tell you off when you do stupid stuff. Before — with Hanji — they were saying that it would be easier for us to date if you moved out, because—”

“Levi, wait.” Levi didn’t want to wait. He was afraid that now was his only chance to admit his feelings. If he didn’t say everything now, he would never get another chance. He waited anyway. Eren’s bright eyes were staring at him in wonder, and Levi lost himself in those eyes as he did the first night they met.

“I broke up with Thomas. It felt wrong to be with him when the only person I could think of was you.”

“You…” Levi was struggling to follow the conversation. What Eren just said, it was too good to be true. He wanted to pinch himself to make sure this wasn’t a dream.

“I want you, Levi.”

Oh god, those sultry green eyes would be the death of him.

Behind his lust-filled gaze, Eren was mildly worried. The consequences of this moment would be extreme, nothing would ever return to how it was. Figuring it was too late to turn back, and not wanting to turn back, Eren chose to enjoy this blissful moment as long as it would last.

Levi was gentle, careful, his hands holding Eren’s face as if he were a fragile glass figurine that would shatter if held too tightly. Eren was impatient, a hormonal teenager full of want, his greatest desire which he formerly believed was out of reach now being handed to him on a gold platter encrusted with diamonds.

Levi may want to take things slow in fear of spooking Eren, but Eren needed to capture Levi, ensuring that no one would take him away from him — not Petra, not anyone, especially not Levi’s own misgivings.

Eren pulled Levi’s hands down from his face, using them to draw Levi’s body closer to his.

“Levi, I want you,” Eren repeated seductively by Levi’s ear, his warm breath creating goosebumps on Levi’s neck.

He bit softly along Levi’s jaw, forming a path down his smooth, marble-like neck. He half-doubted this moment was even happening, the only thing convincing him this wasn’t another fantasy being the warmth of Levi’s skin against his lips.

Eren was no virgin, his body moving on autopilot. Yet, despite his confident actions and brazen words, he felt shy as if this was the first time he was intimate with someone. Never before had he opened up so fully to someone, letting them see the hollowness inside. Nor had he let someone fill that hollowness, putting tingly warm feelings in the pit of his stomach and hope in his heart.

It was a shocking realization; this would be the first time he was intimate with someone he cared about. It tripped him up, his lips stopped moving, and Levi noticed.

Stepping back slowly so Eren wouldn’t get the wrong idea, Levi freed one hand from Eren’s hold to cant Eren’s chin up so he couldn’t hide behind his bangs.

“Nothing needs to happen, Eren. I don’t expect anything; fuck, I didn’t even think you returned my feelings. We can take things slow, figure stuff out. Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Eren’s voice was whispery thin. He didn’t want to stop, he wanted to be ravaged against the kitchen counter, but if he was this nervous and they hadn’t gone farther than kissing, he agreed it was for the best to take things slow.

“Come sit down?” Levi asked, tugging loosely on the hand he still held.

Eren nodded and let himself be lead to the couch. Levi sat with one leg folded beneath him. Eren wanted to sit like they had been before, leaned back against the couch with his body touching Levi’s, but to have this conversation they needed to face each other, everything visible through their expressions.

“Let’s start with you and Thomas. When did you break up?”

Eren scratched the back of his neck, trying to recall. His mind had been helplessly Levi-centric for so long, dating Thomas was a blip in his memory.

“Maybe two weeks ago?”

Levi nodded his head, but Eren didn’t like the look he saw in his eyes, could tell Levi was holding something back.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Levi was quick to assure. Eren continued to stare pointedly at him, giving him no way out. “It’s just that you haven’t been broken up that long, and I don’t want to be a rebound.”

Eren laughed softly, more to himself than anything. “I only started dating Thomas to see if I could get over you. I figured we could never be together so I should try directing my feelings towards someone else.”

Levi’s stomach did a flip at this admission, but he still scowled. “Do you have any idea how much I hated your boyfriend? It pissed me off when you were out late doing god-knows-what with that cretin.”

“I wasn’t always with Thomas. I tried staying out late to give you more space. After hearing what Hanji said, I realized you would never tell me if I was in your way. I constantly worried about that, you know. So in the future if you really want to spare my feelings, just tell me what you want. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not too great at reading signs.”

“Trust me, I’ve noticed.”

Eren grinned. Things were going better than he would have hoped to dream. He never thought about what it would be like if they got together, it always seemed too far out in the realm of impossibilities to bother considering. There was only one question left, though.

“What are we?”

Levi looked just as uncertain as Eren felt. “What do you want to be?”

“Don’t turn this around on me, asshole,” Eren snapped. “I asked you first.”

“I’m just asking to see where you stand. You’ve never been in a real relationship before, right?” Eren nodded assent. “Well, then what makes you comfortable? It doesn’t mean that’s what we’ll be, I just want to know where you see this going.”

Eren’s mouth opened and closed like a fish. This whole time he kept thinking he wanted Levi to himself, but he never thought about what that meant. Would they be boyfriends? Was he capable of being someone’s boyfriend? The little experiment with Thomas was evidence against him, but with Levi he always figured things would be different, that he could change and be a person Levi could lean on, just as Levi had always been that person for him. If he followed Levi’s example, he would be alright, right?

“I’m scared.” It was hard to admit out loud, but if they were really giving this a shot, Eren vowed to be honest from the start. Too often he held back his words and it backfired when Levi misunderstood him.

“I’m not sure I can be a good boyfriend or partner or whatever we decide to be. I don’t even consider myself a very good friend. But I know I don’t want anyone else to have you. I want to be the only one who can touch you and who you tell your secrets to. So…yeah,” Eren eloquently trailed off.

Levi’s eyes only grew darker with Eren’s words. It was a monumental effort to restrain himself from jumping the boy right there. He looked too cute, too innocent as he struggled to describe his doubts and possessive feelings. Levi already knew Eren’s flaws, he helped him overcome some of them but Levi knew better than most how difficult it was for Eren to open up and admit his fears. He didn’t care, they would continue to work on that. Levi wanted to be Eren’s and for Eren to be his. He knew too well the feelings of jealousy, every time Thomas kissed Eren goodbye in the doorway or Thomas’ scent clung to Eren’s clothes.

“That’s fine, we’ll figure it out as we go. We’ll take things slow and tell each other what we want. No more hiding, okay?” This was said for his own ears as well. Maybe if he had been more open about his feelings towards Eren, they would have reached this point sooner. There was no use in following that train of thought now though.

“Um, so, can we pick up where we left off?” Eren hesitantly inquired, his sheepish grin counterpointed by the devilish look in his eyes.

Levi didn’t bother responding, letting his actions speak for him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It only took 18 freaking chapters but we’re finally getting somewhere with these dodos! I’m sorry if any of you thought sexy times were going to happen and were let down when they stopped after the briefest of kissing. I’m just trying to be as realistic as possible, and I don’t see them admitting their feelings and immediately jumping into bed together.
> 
> Another thing, this fic isn’t tagged as Ereri or Riren (which I recently learned are different, depending on who is on top or bottom, I always thought it was the same thing just a different name). I know it matters to some of you and I will warn for chapters that have sexy times, but I don’t know which this fic is yet. I literally have been writing the new chapter after posting the latest chapter. I didn’t even mean for feelings to be admitted in this chapter, I just start writing and shit takes me places. Feel free to tell me what your preference is and I’ll take it into consideration, but I honestly have no idea what I’ll end up writing.
> 
> Thank you if you read this long a/n! And thank you for commenting and showing your continued interest in this story! It’s what keeps me writing.


	19. Bitter and the Sweetness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by The Ready Set. It’s not stuff I typically listen to and like, but The Ready Set is the shit. Great upbeat music. Love Like Woe is my jam.
> 
> Warning for those who need it: smut ahead. No penetration so this isn’t a riren/ereri warning but I’ll give one in the future when it becomes necessary.

Things were awkward at first. There were the questioning glances when Levi dropped Eren off at school in the morning, both wondering if public morning goodbye kisses were something they did. They weren’t.

Initially, physical distance increased. Before, sitting close together or sleeping in the same room meant something, but it didn’t mean somethin’-somethin’. Eventually Eren took the bullet and climbed in to Levi’s bed to sleep, saying nothing as if it was his rightful place. In Levi’s mind, it always had been.

It helped that neither of them knew what they were doing. There was still uncertainty on both sides about what they were. They didn’t need labels, but they needed something concrete. It was Levi who thought of a solution.

“Armin says he can make it,” Eren confirmed.

“Good, Hanji and Erwin say they’re coming as well. Are you sure there’s no one else you want to invite?”

Eren shook his head. “They can find out second-hand, or if it comes up in conversation.”

Levi nodded absently, finalizing the grocery list for tonight’s dinner. “You have practice tonight, right?”

“Yup. Armin said he’ll drive me back.”

“Tell him thanks. I told Hanji and Erwin to come at 6:30 so you have time to shower and get dressed before they arrive. We don’t want a repeat of last time.”

“You sure?” Eren waggled his eyebrows. “You could take Hanji’s place in Part Two. I’ll tell Armin to make himself scarce for an hour, leave the bathroom door unlocked, and then you’ll—”

Levi waved his arms as if he could clear the words from the air, needing Eren to stop supplying him with a game-plan before he seriously considered it. He didn’t want their first time to be a hurried feel in the bathroom before their dinner guests arrived.

The impish crook in Eren’s smile informed Levi that Eren said that on purpose, knowing the effect it would have on him. What a shitty brat. He might love that shitty brat. Not that he’d admit it, it was too early to be giving love confessions if that was even what he felt.

“Come here.” Levi crooked his finger and Eren followed it as if he were a marionette and Levi the puppeteer. When Eren was close enough, Levi reached out and pulled him in.

Loosely clasping his hands around Eren’s waist, letting them rest against the younger’s lower back, Levi leaned forward to peck Eren on the lips. He meant for it to be a brief show of affection before driving Eren to school, but one taste was not enough. Levi had been turned away from drugs ever since Farlan, but Eren was a drug himself, and Levi felt he could comprehend why quitting was so hard and why many addicts refused to quit.

Knowing Eren would speak up if something made him uncomfortable and trusting himself to be able to tell regardless, Levi slid his hands lower, cupping Eren’s ass. In Levi’s opinion, it was a perfect ass. It was firm from the many squats and lunges basketball practice inflicted upon him, yet there remained a squishiness to it, flesh Levi could squeeze.

“Levi,” Eren breathed, arching into Levi’s hold at the touch, his eyes half-shutting.

Levi gave one last kiss to Eren’s forehead before releasing his hold on Eren’s ass and moving to the front door, grabbing his coat on the way.

Eren pouted at him from the kitchen, disappointed that Levi didn’t take things farther.

“Don’t give me that look, brat. That’s payback for your little bathroom scenario that will be running through my head all day.”

The pout transitioned into a broad grin, happy to know Levi will be thinking about him all day just as he would be thinking of the older male. He swung his backpack onto one shoulder and sauntered out of the apartment before Levi, ensuring that the older male had a view of his swishing hips the whole way to the car, which Levi was both appreciative of and frustrated by.

At school, Eren was faced with the unfairness of Levi being six years and a couple months older. At twenty-four, Levi was past his hormonal, no-reason-boner phase. For the most part, Eren was as well. He was seventeen, not fourteen, but he definitely needed little material to get worked up. School was a constant back and forth between growing half-hard from dirty fantasies he envisioned and thinking of sad and ugly things to will his boner away.

Basketball practice came as a reprieve, the constant running and drills keeping him too busy to think of Levi. Then he had to strictly filter his thoughts so Armin wouldn’t be weirded out by a tent in his pants as they drove to the apartment.

“Welcome home, brat. Thanks for coming, Armin.” Levi greeted them at the doorway, taking Armin’s jacket to hang in the front closet.

“Thank you for inviting me. Dinner isn’t till 6:30, correct?”

“Yeah. Make yourself comfortable until then.”

Levi returned to the kitchen, where he had been in the midst of seasoning sweet potatoes to bake before the high schoolers arrived.

“I’m going to take a shower. Do you want to watch TV while you wait?”

“Sure.”

Eren turned on the television and instructed Armin on which of the three remotes to use to change channels before leaving to wash the sweat off his body before dinner.

The sound of running water echoed off the bathroom tiles, slipping under the door to fill the apartment, adding to the background noises of the television and the oven beeping, informing the cook that it had reached its assigned temperature. Thankfully, the sound of Eren’s light panting as he “showered” wasn’t noticeable amongst everything else.

He was sitting on the couch with Armin when Hanji and Erwin arrived.

“Eren, my sweet muffin! I’ve missed you!” Hanji dropped their coat on the floor, leaving a disgruntled Levi to pick it up as they made their way to the couch to wrap Eren in a suffocating hug.

“You saw me a few days ago,” Eren responded once he was released and able to breathe again.

“I know! We really should see each other more often.”

Eren rolled his eyes, re-introducing Hanji to his best friend.

“I remember you from the house party, it’s nice to see you again Armin. Speaking of such, what’s the occasion for having us all for dinner? It’s so out of character for you, Levi.”

“If you got your ass in here so we could start dinner, you’d find out.” Hanji flopped down next to Levi, leaving the seats across from him for Eren and Armin, Erwin as always being proffered the esteemed seat at the head of the table.

“This looks great, Levi.” Erwin forked a piece of sirloin steak, which Levi had seasoned with garlic butter. The dishes were passed around the table, steak and sweet potato wedges and roasted vegetables filling up everyone’s plates.

They chatted inconsequentially, more focused on the food before them than on holding a conversation. On the surface, everything was the same, friends gathering to enjoy a meal, though it was rare that Levi willingly invited anyone over. Under the surface, more specifically under the table, a game of footsie was going on. If it had been initiated seriously, Levi would have stomped on Eren’s foot to indicate he wasn’t a fan. He was fine with being affectionate, but footsie was taking it too far. Thankfully, Eren was only doing it in jest. To his surprise, Levi didn’t hate it as much as he thought, probably because any chance he had to touch Eren, even their feet under the table, was nice. There was also the fact that no one around them had a clue it was happening; it was a secret shared by him and Eren.

Once the plates were empty with forks resting upon them to signal they were finished, Levi cleared his throat to draw everyone’s attention.

“You’re all wondering why I invited you over, so let’s get this shit over with so you can all leave.”

Levi almost rose from his seat, as if he were making a grand speech. At the last minute he restrained himself, trying to be as casual as possible as he announced, “Eren and I are dating.”

He was met with looks of shock and initial disbelief. Not that he expected differently, but surprisingly it was Hanji who refused to believe it. Erwin and Armin congratulated them; one of them, Levi wasn’t sure who, muttering “fucking finally” under their breath.

Hanji slammed their hands on the table as they stood, knocking their chair over in the process.

“You’re trying to trick me. I’ve only been shipping this for months, but you both swore on Erwin's plucked eyebrows that nothing was going on. Nope. I won’t fall for it. You’re still trying to get revenge on me for the last dinner.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself. I wouldn’t waste my evening cooking you a meal just to prank you.”

“Nuh-uh. Still don’t believe you.”

“Tch.” Levi circled the table, standing behind Eren’s chair. Eren titled his head back to look up at Levi, a small smile on his face as Levi leaned down and captured Eren’s soft lips between his in a spiderman kiss.

When he released Eren, which would have been disappointing except for the fact that now he could see Eren’s adorable blush, he faced Hanji, ready to hit his chest before opening his arms to the side in a ‘what now, bitch’ posture. He restrained himself, saying it with his eyes instead.

Hanji’s grin stretched from ear to ear, their cell phone in one hand while the other tried to stop their nosebleed.

“You…”

“Yup! I believed you from the start. Oh Levi, you fell so nicely into my plan like I knew you would.” Hanji waved their phone in front of Levi’s face, the picture of his and Eren’s kiss already saved as Hanji’s wallpaper.

Out of his peripheral vision, Levi noticed Erwin twiddling his thumbs, mouth pursed as if he were about to start whistling.

“Don’t tell me you took a picture as well.”

Erwin at least had the decency to act remorseful. “I’m sorry, but I feel like the proud older brother whose troublesome younger brother grew up and found happiness with the girl next door.”

“Who the hell is this girl next door?” Eren growled, crossing his arms.

“Haha Eren’s right, Erwin,” Hanji cut in. “It’s more like the troublesome brother started dating an even more troublesome guy. For once Levi’s the angel in the relationship.”

Eren turned to his friend, who had been quiet throughout the conversation, though it was understandably difficult to get a word in with Hanji and Levi bickering over the photo.

“Armin?”

“Let’s go talk in your room.”

“Uh, sure. Okay.” The two of them slipped away as Levi wrestled Hanji for possession of the phone and Erwin shrank back to avoid being drawn into the familiar drama.

Armin closed the bedroom door behind them and stared contemplatively at Eren, making his friend uneasy.

“What are you thinking?”

“Huh?” Eren’s happiness from earlier diminished, replaced with the worry that his best friend disapproved of his new relationship.

“Eren, no offense— ” Yeah right, as if anything said after “no offense” could be anything but offensive. “—You’re my best friend and I love you but you’re not exactly quality boyfriend material. I’m not saying this to be mean or take away your happiness, because you really deserve to be happy, but I’m worried. In the past you’ve jumped from person to person when you got bored. This isn’t something you should be doing regardless, but especially not if you are giving this relationship with Levi a chance. You live together, and you can’t just ditch him when you lose interest like you’ve done with everyone else.”

“I’m not going to ditch him, god Armin. It’s nice to know what you really think of me.” Eren scowled, sitting on his bed and crossing his legs beneath him.

“Are you denying you’ve done that?”

“…No. But I won’t be like that anymore. I care about Levi. I’m not going to do anything that will ruin this.”

“Hm. That’s good to hear, because I will honestly punch you if you mess this up. I don’t want you to get hurt, and sabotaging this relationship will hurt you. Don’t sabotage it. Just accept that Levi likes you and show him you like him back.”

“I-I know. But it’s not that easy.”

“I understand. Opening up to someone, giving them the potential to hurt you, is hard. But I can’t imagine Levi hurting you on purpose. Remember that. If something happens, don’t swallow your emotions, talk things through.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Eren mumbled.

“I hate lecturing you but someone needs to. Remember you can always call me if you need advice.”

“Uh huh.”

Armin gave him a once over and Eren did his best to appear unperturbed, but Armin’s speech had him second-guessing things. He really liked Levi, but chances were high that he would self-sabotage as Armin predicted. It was a bad habit of his, oft done subconsciously from too many years of denying himself happiness.

They returned to the main room where Erwin and Hanji were putting on their coats, Levi presenting them with tupperware of leftovers at the perfect moment to disrupt Hanji’s attempt at giving a goodbye hug.

Hanji ruffled Eren’s hair and Erwin shook his hand, congratulating him and Levi again as they departed. Armin left soon after, not wanting to hold up the new lovebirds’ evening plans.

“That didn’t suck as bad as I thought it would.”

Eren just grunted in response, Armin’s words still floating in his mind.

“Can you help me with the dishes?”

Eren wordlessly followed Levi to the kitchen, drying the dishes he was handed and then putting them in their respective drawers and cabinets.

“Why are you so quiet?” Levi cast a quick glance at Eren, noticing the tenseness in his shoulders and the firm line of his mouth. Levi washed the last bowl, setting it to the side and grabbing the drying towel out of Eren’s hands, carelessly dropping it on the counter. He moved behind Eren, who was too lost in his thoughts to pay attention to what was happening around him.

Levi placed his hands on Eren’s shoulders, massaging them to ease the tension. The touch brought Eren back to his surroundings and he jumped slightly upon realizing a person was behind him.

“Relax.” Levi’s deep voice right beside his ear caused a shiver to run through Eren’s body before he melted under Levi’s hands.

“What did that coconut-head say to you that’s gotten you so worked up?”

“…Nothing.”

“Sure he didn’t. You just so happened to develop this mood after he dragged you away for a private conversation.”

When he still got no response, Levi turned Eren to face him, keeping his hands on Eren’s shoulders so he couldn’t turn back around to hide.

“Eren. I thought we were going to be more open with each other. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

It was the ‘please’ that did it. Levi rarely if ever said ‘please,’ the fact that he said it now demonstrating how important it was to him that they communicate with each other.

Eren sighed, leaning forward and hiding his face in Levi’s chest.

“Armin just reminded me that I suck at relationships.” Levi’s grip tightened and Eren hurried to defend his friend, not wanting Levi to think Armin was unsupportive of them. “He wasn’t trying to be mean, just look out for me. But it got me thinking, and I want us to work but I’m terrified that I’m going to ruin everything and maybe it’s best if we stop now before this goes too far.”

Eren held his breath, unwilling to step back to see Levi’s expression. He felt Levi’s hand run over his head in a petting motion, which would have irritated him if it wasn’t so calming.

“I don’t know what you could possibly do to push me away. Have you forgotten? You were a real brat the first months I knew you, and still I asked you to move in with me. If we got through your bratty, rebellious phase, we can get through anything.”

Levi placed a kiss atop Eren’s head, wrapping his arms around his insecure lover.

For a moment, Eren was content. This felt nice, being held in Levi’s arms. Those strong arms that could probably lift him up against a wall. Levi’s solid body pressed against his felt nice. Those abs that shimmered with the water droplets running down them after a shower. Levi’s warm and large hand stroking his head, which would feel really nice stroking elsewhere…

To Levi’s surprise, when he stepped closer to Eren he felt a growing hardness press against his thigh before Eren moved his hips back, separating their lower bodies.

“Are you hard right now?”

Eren buried his face further into Levi’s sweater, replying with a muffled “Shut up.”

When Levi made no indication of responding to this development, Eren tilted his head back to glare at him.

“Aren’t you going to do anything?”

“What do you mean? I won’t know what you want if you don’t tell me, Eren.” Levi only grinned as Eren’s eyes narrowed further. “It’s good practice for you.”

Eren glanced to the side of Levi’s head, muttering something.

“Hm? I have no idea what you’re trying to say. You need to tell me clearly.”

If Eren could, he would walk away from Levi’s smug smile. The growing tightness in his pants wouldn’t let him.

“Levi, I want you to touch me.” Eren’s darkened eyes latched onto Levi’s own, no hesitance in his voice.

If Levi was being nit picky, he could complain that Eren didn’t say “please." But he had to admit, hearing Eren tell him what he wanted was hot. It was spoken like an order, not a request.

Though he told Eren to ask for what he wanted, Levi wasn’t going to simply do as he was asked. He was going to touch Eren of course, nothing could stop him, but he couldn’t let on how easy it was for Eren to command him or else he’d be in deep shit dealing with his greedy lover in the future.

“It seems I have a demanding lover. What am I going to do with you?” He smirked but Eren didn’t waver like he assumed he would, instead pinning Levi in place with his strong gaze.

Eren grabbed Levi’s hand, placing it on his chest.

“Touch me.”

Eren leaned back, resting his elbows on the kitchen counter behind him, posture relaxed and expression daring. Levi unconsciously stepped forward when Eren moved back to keep contact with Eren’s body.

They hadn’t done anything but kiss since declaring their feelings a few nights ago. Both were trying to take things slow as planned, but they had also been repressing their cravings for each other for months. Levi figured it was safe to advance their relationship at this point, and Eren wasn’t thinking about that at all, too lost thinking with his lower head.

Levi slipped his hands under Eren’s shirt, causing the young male’s breathing to quicken as warm fingers pressed against his skin, feeling the outline of his abs before making their way lower, not wanting to drag things out.

Levi checked with Eren for a sign that he wanted to stop. Receiving none, he unbuttoned and unzipped Eren’s jeans, shoving them down to his knees.

Eren’s legs were shaking slightly, more from excitement than anything, though a small part of him still feared entering the unknown with Levi. Levi’s deliberate movements, giving him enough time to speak up if he needed, relaxed him and he shook his head, giving Levi permission to continue.

Levi dragged down Eren’s boxers, allowing his erect penis to spring out. Levi gave himself a moment to admire it. As Hanji said, it was large, both thick and long with a slight upwards curve to it. Beads of precum were already leaking from the slit.

Levi licked his hand to wet it, enjoying the way Eren’s eyes focused on the motion of his tongue sweeping up each digit. He wrapped his hand around Eren’s dusty pink cock one finger at a time, then tugged up and down once. Eren’s reaction was beautiful, his head tilting back giving more access to his neck as he moaned. Levi leaned forward, kissing and biting up Eren’s neck as he continued to stroke him, causing the moans to increase. Levi could feel the reverberations in Eren’s throat.

“You sound so hot, moaning for me.” Levi was rewarded with a twitch from the cock in his hand.

“I want to hear more of your pretty noises.” Levi twisted his wrist the next time his hand reached the top of Eren’s cock before playing with the slit, rubbing his thumb over it, spreading the precum.

“Le…Levi,” Eren mumbled, eyes shuttering closed to focus on the sensation of Levi’s hand on him.

“No, keep your eyes open. I want to see the look in your eyes when you cum.”

Eren struggled to reopen his eyes, but he followed Levi’s command.

“Good boy.” Eren’s cock twitched again and Levi smirked.

“You like that? When I praise you? Tell you how good you are…” Levi trailed off, his words being washed out by Eren’s whimpers.

Eren was too much. So sensual, reacting to every touch and word of Levi’s. It was mesmerizing, watching Eren, listening to Eren.

“Levi, I’m…I’m close…Levi.”

“Hm?” Levi had gotten distracted by Eren, forgetting that the end goal was to make the boy cum. He wanted to play with him more, but now wasn’t the right time nor mood.

Levi locked lips with Eren again, forcefully pushing his tongue into the younger’s mouth to taste him. He brought his second hand down to rub Eren’s balls, able to tell that Eren was approaching the edge by their tightness.

He regretfully had to part his lips from Eren’s so he could watch Eren’s orgasmic expression.

“Eren, look at me when you come. That’s a good boy.” It wasn’t long after those words that Eren came, Levi catching the drugged out look in his eyes before they closed automatically as his orgasm rocked through his body. It was a beautiful sight, Eren’s head tilted back, long lashes spread across his cheekbones, the way his mouth was parted slightly and the softest sigh was emitted.

Levi waited for Eren to come back down, ensuring that he could stand before turning to find a paper towel to wipe the cum off his hand. Eren caught his wrist, lifting Levi’s hand to his mouth, peeking his tongue out of his mouth to lick Levi’s hand clean, keeping eye contact the whole time.

Heat pooled in Levi’s stomach in contradiction to saying, “Tch, disgusting brat.” Eren grinned, understanding regardless of the words coming out of Levi’s mouth.

“Levi, can I taste you?”

Levi stiffened, his index finger still inside Eren’s mouth, Eren’s tongue swirling around it then releasing it with a pop.

Eren realized he wasn’t going to get a response from his lover, who was too shocked and horny to think now that the attention was turned on him.

Eren knelt down and placed Levi’s now clean hand in his hair, indirectly telling Levi to tug on his hair and direct him. Eren had some practice giving blowjobs, but not as much as he had receiving them. He needed Levi to give him signs of what did and didn’t feel good.

Eager to please and reciprocate the feeling Levi had just given him, Eren wasted no time licking stripes up Levi’s cock. He placed his mouth over the head, sweeping his tongue in a clockwise motion before popping off. Eren glanced up to lock eyes with Levi, licking his lips when he had the older male’s attention, then quickly sank down as far as he could onto Levi’s cock.

The light pants reaching Eren’s ears told him he was having an effect on the stone-faced male. Eren hollowed his cheeks, putting a tighter pressure around the shaft in his mouth. He pumped with his hand what he could not yet take in.

“Eren…”

Eren responded by reaching up to Levi’s hand which was only resting on his head and pressed it down. It took Levi a minute to figure out what Eren wanted but when he did, he gasped, Eren looking up from under his lashes at the noise.

It felt wrong to use Eren like that, use his mouth like a sex toy to get off. Eren was a person and having a cock jammed down his throat would be painful. Yet Eren was shoving more of Levi’s cock down his throat each time, his expressive eyes telling Levi that he was waiting.

It felt wrong, but it also felt right to twist his fingers in Eren’s hair, grabbing a fistful at the back of his head and using it to tug Eren down further.

“Mmph.”

Levi used his hold to set the pace, pulling Eren off and then back on his shaft. He almost stopped when he spotted the tears gathering at the corner of Eren’s spaced out eyes, but realized the brunet was enjoying the pain as his pleasured sounds created vibrations around his cock.

He tried to pull Eren off when he neared his release but the shithead refused to let go, suckling on Levi despite Levi’s warning that he was about to come. Eren stayed in place, wrapped around him, and one last look upwards from under dark lashes was all Levi needed to finish.

Eren swallowed everything he could, some slipping from the corner of his mouth. Levi wiped his thumb to clear it and quickly turned around to wash his hands in the sink before Eren could lick it off, setting a heat back in Levi’s core and initiating a round two.

When his hands were clean, Levi kneeled down in front of Eren who was sitting back against the cabinets. Eren’s hands moved towards Levi, hesitating a second until the uncertainty cleared from his face and his hands continued forward to wrap around Levi. If Levi hadn’t been paying close attention to Eren to ensure he was okay with how far they just went, he might have missed that hesitation. But he didn’t.

This was Eren’s first real relationship, Levi reminded himself. It was up to him to show Eren what it should be like, how it differed from a fling. That meant after-sex cuddling. Levi wordlessly slid his hands under Eren’s ass and lifted him, carrying the relaxed teen to the bedroom where he set him down carefully on the bed.

He should really be forcing Eren to brush his teeth before sleeping, but he would make an exception this once, eager to hold Eren in his arms and show him the care he never experienced before.

Levi would have to work harder if a few words from Armin were enough to make Eren doubt them. This was Eren’s first relationship, but Levi also wanted to make it his last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to keep you waiting! I thought I’d update sooner because I wrote most of the chapter in a few days. But then I had to edit and it was so much easier to leave myself comments like “lol that’s awful fix it” than to actually fix it.
> 
> (Meanwhile, author-san hides in corner waiting for a response to her attempt at writing smut)


	20. As Long As You Love Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know it’s been too long since you last updated when you have to reread your own fic.

“Don’t you dare, Eren. I swear, I will push you out of this moving vehicle if you play Justin Bieber.”

“But Levi,” Eren whined. “I know he’s scum but his music is really catchy. As long as you love me, we could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke,” Eren sang.

His voice wasn’t half bad. He could at least carry a tune and not crack. Still, Levi was a man of his word (sort of) and he pushed Eren’s shoulder hard so the brunet was pressed against the passenger side door, laughing his ass off.

“Don’t hate, Levi. Catchy music is catchy music, no matter how awful the person who sings it is. People still come to watch you perform after all.”

“You snarky shit.”

Eren continued to play Justin Bieber songs from his Spotify account through the bluetooth connection in Levi’s car as Levi drove Eren to school.

Levi sat tapping his steering wheel as he watched the boy enter the school building, and that’s when an idea struck him. Levi pressed the touch screen in his car to start a group call. Various greetings issued forth from his sound system and Levi waited for the confusion to settle before he got to his point.

“I know this is last minute, but I was wondering if you guys were able to take the day off from work.”

A quick explanation, a squeal, a groan, and a chuckle later, the plan was made. Levi drove back to the apartment.

***

When they entered The Underground, Eren gave a quick kiss to Levi’s cheek before darting away to the DJ booth, not giving Levi the chance to respond. He was gone the instant after his lips made contact, as if he feared Levi would disapprove of the public display.

Levi frowned to himself as he watched Eren’s retreating back. If Eren still doubted the genuineness of his feelings, Levi would have to ramp up his efforts to convince the brunet.

“…M4 and…Levi, what are you doing here?”

Eren whipped around at Hanji’s words.

“Levi?”

Levi stepped close, slipping one hand through Eren’s thick hair and pushing his head down to slot their lips together.

“You ran off before I could return your kiss. So I had to chase you.”

Eren’s blush was magnificent. What a deceptively innocent appearance he had.

“You realize I am right here?”

“And?”

“And now I have a new picture. Thanks Levi!” Hanji cackled as they held their screen out for Levi and Eren to see the picture of their kiss.

“Not bad, Shitty-glasses. Send the picture to me so I can set it as my wallpaper too.”

Hanji gaped, not expecting that response, before grinning broadly and doing as Levi asked. Eren stared at Levi with shock and curiosity.

If Eren needed to be constantly shown and told that he was wanted until there wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that Levi wanted him, then Levi would do just that.

“I have to meet the band. Have a good time with Hanji and I’ll see you after the show.” Levi ruffled Eren’s hair, the boy swatting the hand away as his blush deepened and his eyes averted from Levi’s in embarrassed happiness at the affection.

“Hey, Levi.”

Levi greeted his band members, joining them for a quick meeting before they performed.

“Are we seriously still doing this?” Auruo grumbled. Petra elbowed him in the ribs, bouncing on her toes and covering her mouth with her hands, though her squeals still slipped through.

“Don’t worry, Levi. We’ve got this,” Petra assured.

“Did you talk to Erwin about this?”

Levi’s facial expression didn’t change, but Erd saw the look of panic flit quickly in his friend’s eyes and he smirked.

“Too late! We practiced all morning and afternoon, there’s nothing we can do about it now,” Petra gleefully chirped.

“It’s really not too late, we could perform the songs we initially practiced,” Auruo felt the need to add.

“Please bite your tongue off if you’re going to keep making ridiculous statements.” Auruo stared at Petra in hurt shock, but the woman was serious. She was possibly more excited about the songs they were going to perform than Levi, probably because she wanted to see the aftermath. Levi wouldn’t be surprised if she too had a picture of Eren and him on her phone.

The techno beats died down and they took the stage, setting up and tuning their equipment with practiced ease. The audience noticeably quieted a little as Levi approached the microphone, understanding that it was out of character for the stoic singer to speak to the audience before a performance.

“Hey everyone. I hope you’re all having a great night.” Levi had to stop speaking to let the roars of agreement die down before he continued. “I’m glad to hear it. So, before we start, I wanted to warn you this isn’t our usual set. We have a few last minute song changes we’re going to try and play for you all. Ah, who am I kidding, I’m not singing these songs for you guys. These are for my brat.”

Levi looked up at the DJ booth and though he couldn’t make out any details, he recognized the figure pressed against the window of the booth, staring attentively at the stage.

The music started up and Levi fought his natural instinct to let the ground swallow him up, instead choosing to immerse himself in the song that he secretly admitted to himself wasn’t so bad. These words were for Eren, so he put his heart into singing them.

…Your lips, my biggest weakness  
Shouldn’t have let you know  
I’m always gonna do what they say  
If you need me  
I’ll come runnin’  
From a thousand miles away  
When you smile, I smile  
Woah  
You smile, I smile  
Hey

Baby take my open heart and all it offers  
‘Cause this is as unconditional as it’ll ever get  
You ain’t seen nothing yet  
I won’t ever hesitate to give you more…

…Baby you won’t ever want for nothing  
You are my ends and my means now  
With you there’s no in between  
I’m all in  
Cause my cards are on the table  
And I’m willing and I’m able  
But I fold to your wish  
Cause it’s my command…

 

Hanji’s hands were clamped over their mouth, attempting to hold back the squealing and asdfkjhdfkgjfh-ing they desperately needed to release at the cuteness of their otp. They held themselves together so they didn’t ruin the moment and instead observed Eren.

Eren’s smile was so wide it looked like it hurt, and he was shaking from laughter at Levi singing Justin Bieber. Hanji hoped Eren was soaking the words in.

At the end of the song, Levi took a moment to thank the audience for putting up with his willfulness, assuring them he only had one more song he wanted to play for a special someone before the band played their usual set of alternative and rock.

The slow beat played, and Levi stared solely at the DJ booth, not wanting to sing this song to anyone but Eren. Levi had taken the last song seriously, but this one meant more to him.

It’s a big big world  
It’s easy to get lost in it  
You’ve always been my girl, oh  
And I’m not ready to call it quits

We can make the sun shine in the moon light  
We can make the grey clouds turn to blue skies  
I know it’s hard  
Baby, believe me

That we can’t go nowhere but up  
From here, my dear  
Baby, we can’t go nowhere but up  
Tell me what we’ve got to fear  
We’ll take it to the sky past the moon to the galaxy  
As long as you’re with me, baby  
Honestly, with the strength of our love  
We can’t go nowhere but up

Eren was still smiling, but Hanji noticed him furiously wiping his sleeves across his eyes every other minute.

“Fuck. Fuck, fucking fuck. Shit.” He mumbled to himself, unable to articulate his feelings. He spun away from the booth window, the first time he parted with it since Levi’s band took the stage, to face Hanji.

“Hanji, fuck. He’s perfect. What the fuck. Why?…I mean, I’m not anything…so why?”

It saddened Hanji that Eren didn’t see himself the way everyone around him did, the way Levi did. Hanji smiled sadly and brushed their hand through Eren’s hair. Eren took a stuttering breath in and gazed with vicious longing at Levi, wanting the man beside him and not at the far side of the room. If Levi didn’t have more songs to play after, Eren would have rushed the stage and pulled the man away with him. Instead, he was forced to wait with his heart ready to burst.

The rest of the songs went by in a blur. As soon as Levi’s band left the stage, Eren sprinted from the booth to the backstage area. Levi had just set his guitar in its case and when he turned around he had a second to process what was happening as Eren jumped into his arms, wrapping his legs around the dark-haired male’s waist.

Eren’s lips crashed onto Levi’s, the kiss nothing but passion and need.

“Get a room!” one of the band members shouted, before Eren heard the sound of a fist hitting flesh and “My tongue!”

A room sounded like a great idea. Levi hiked Eren up higher, getting a secure hold on the younger’s ass as he walked them down the hall and fumbled to open his dressing room door.

He blindly swiped his arm across his dressing room table to clear it before setting Eren down, the sound of makeup and a water bottle clattering to the floor lost among the sound of pounding blood in their heads.

"Levi," Eren gasped as the owner of the name roughly shoved his hands under Eren's shirt and splayed his fingers against the warm skin, dragging a path upwards and stopping to press against the small rounded nubs of Eren's nipples, to the pained delight of the green-eyed male.

Eren's eyes were closed to further delve into the sensation of Levi's hands setting fire across his body, and Levi drank in the sight. How he ended up so lucky to have Eren as his, he could only guess. The thought of Eren leaving him struck quickly and Levi tightened his grip on Eren's hips as his lips trailed up the column of Eren’s neck. Eren had left him before, emotionally and physically. Now that they were in a relationship, more was on the line and Eren was even likelier to run. The thought was frightful, nearly paralyzing, but Levi knew the only way to prevent that horribly possible future was to give his all, and that's what he was doing. Showering Eren in affection, showing him how much he was wanted, how much he was loved even though Levi couldn't bring himself to say the words directly yet in case it scared Eren. But that's the thing, isn't it? Anything could scare Eren. Levi never knew what landmine he might walk on and send the young male running. And that was terrifying.

"What are you thinking?"

Levi's lips stopped nipping at the skin behind Eren's ear. He wrapped his arms tighter around Eren's body, pressing them chest to chest. "Eren."

His name was all Levi said, but Eren was becoming adept at understanding Levi-speak and the tone of voice, nearly on the verge of cracking but still strong and deep, conveyed the emotion Levi was feeling. Emotion that was summed up with just his name.

"You're so beautiful," Levi mumbled as he nibbled Eren's ear lobe. Eren squirmed, moving his ear out of Levi's reach, but Levi didn't notice, already moving down to worship other parts of Eren's body. "So gorgeous," Levi marveled as he removed Eren's shirt and stared at the hard muscle resting under golden smooth skin. Eren whimpered, then blushed and covered his mouth with a hand. It had never bothered him greatly before, the admiration he received for his appearance. Past fucks constantly complimented him, but it never meant much. Eren knew he was attractive to the extent that he had an easy time getting the attention of almost anyone he wished, yet he didn't think highly of himself. If they really knew him, they'd think he was the ugliest person alive. And that made sense, because he was ugly. He was stupid and weak and cowardly. He thought he was ranting in his head, but the more compliments Levi heaped upon him, the louder his protests became until they pushed past his lips.

"Stop saying that."

"Saying what? How perfect you are?"

"Yeah, I'm not...not perfect," Eren sucked in a breath as Levi's hands once again passed over his sensitive spots. "I'm so ugly. Why are you lying? Don't you see me?"

Levi was shocked. He stopped moving his hands, staring in confusion at Eren who was glaring sadness at him. Of course Levi saw him! He's seen him this whole time, and he told him so.

"Then why don't you see how awful I am?" Eren yelled, frustrated at the situation and himself. He always had to ruin things. Levi and him were finally together and happy a moment ago, but he fucked things up like usual and now Levi wasn’t touching him. He simply couldn't take it, this man that was so perfect with all his imperfections, calling him beautiful, touching him reverently as if he were something precious. Had Levi already forgotten everything he’d done? The fucking, drinking, drugs? The shoplifting? All the hurtful words Eren threw at Levi when his temper got the best of him? What could possibly be beautiful about him? He was confused. Levi could have anyone, why was the man settling for someone like him?

"Why can't you see?" Levi yelled back, jolting Eren out of his self-hating thoughts. "You mean so goddamn much to me Eren, why can't you see that? Why can't you see how gentle and thoughtful of others you are?"

"I'm not..."

"Yes you are! And you're more mature than you give yourself credit for, the way you handled things with your dad..." Levi slid his hands up and down Eren's sides in a comforting manner. "And you put your all into everything -- working here, at basketball, your schoolwork. God Eren, nothing pains me more than you not caring about yourself."

Eren turned his head to the side, away from Levi and his disappointment, but Levi gently tilted his face back so their eyes met. "Let me show you how fucking wonderful you are, Eren. Please?"

Eren's eyes widened and he tried to push Levi off of him. It was all too much. What had he ever done for Levi? Eren was secretly glad when Levi didn't let his weak pushes move him.

"You make terrible, reckless decisions." Eren stopped pushing at Levi's words. “Is that what you expected to hear?" Eren shrugged.

“That, and I’m an emotional mess.” It wasn’t fair how composed Levi always was, when Eren easily became overwhelmed by his feelings and released them with either anger or tears.

“I don’t care, Eren. It’s true that I hate it when you make dumb choices, like running off and getting wasted. But I'm never angry for long, because then I go get you and you're an adorable needy mess. And it physically hurts me to see you cry, but at the same time I'm glad that you let yourself cry in front of me. I am terrible with people but when you open up to me and I’m able to comfort you the smallest bit, I feel like a normal human being.”

Once he started, Levi couldn’t stop.

"And you're so goddamned sexy, even when you're not trying. You could be cutting your toenails and I'd still find myself staring at you. And your diet is horrible, you eat way too many sweet foods, but I don't really care, I just enjoy cooking for you."

Eren pressed his lips against Levi's, needing the older male to stop talking, and to stop looking at him like that. Levi saw through his tactic and pulled back, occasionally placing little kisses on Eren's cheeks, his forehead, his nose, his jaw. It was surprising, and worrisome, how little Eren thought of himself. Levi knew Eren had issues, but he never would have guessed self-confidence was one of them.

"Stop running from me, Eren. It won't work. As long as you want me, I'll keep chasing you and bringing you home. Let yourself be loved, at least by me. For now you can think you are the shittiest person alive to everyone else, but when you're with me, trust me when I say you are beautiful. ‘Kay? Let me be the only one whose opinion of you matters until you are able to see yourself the way I see you.”

“Please, stop.” Eren turned his face away from Levi and scrunched his eyes shut to block Levi’s sincerity. He trusted Levi to not lie to him, but it was unfathomable how Levi could think so much of him.

“Never. I won’t hide my feelings from you so you’ll just have to get used to it. Now, can I please worship that body of yours I've been craving all night?"

Levi kissed the blush on Eren's cheeks. He paused to stare into Eren's eyes, forcing Eren to see his emotion, then contrastingly kissed Eren delicately and slowly, like they had all the time in the world.

His hands cupped the sides of Eren's face and he brushed his tongue against Eren's bottom lip, asking and receiving entry into Eren's warm mouth. Slowly Eren started to move against him, pulling on Levi's shirt until Levi got the message and broke the kiss so he could pull the fabric over his head. He lifted Eren off the dressing room table high enough so he could pull the teen's jeans and boxers down to his knees. He quickly unbuttoned his own jeans and slid them down, pulling his hard cock from the confines of his briefs. Levi spit into his palm and grabbed their cocks, pumping them together as their bodies rocked, searching for friction. Eren came first, and Levi used his cum to help slide their cocks together until he reached his own release, Eren whimpering from overstimulation as Levi continued to drag their cocks against each other.

When they cleaned up, Levi lifted the tired Eren in his arms, the teen's arms wrapped around his neck and legs around his waist like a koala.

"You're so cute when you're sleepy," Levi mindlessly chattered, his lips brushing against the head of hair resting on his shoulder. Levi was in a good mood, so he decided not to set Eren down. Instead, he carried the boy all the way out of the club and to the car, where he gently set him in the passenger seat and buckled him in. Honestly, Levi could have been in a crappy mood and would have chosen to carry the sleepy Eren. Having Eren's warm puffs of breath against his neck as arms and legs tightly clung to his body was too good to pass up. If he could, Levi would keep Eren at his side all day. While Levi was at work, Eren would be curled up in his lap. No, Levi couldn't get confused. Eren was docile after sex, but he would be a distraction otherwise, wanting Levi's attention and shamelessly doing whatever it took to get it. Levi would be fired in a day, either for not doing any work or for having sex at work. Definitely a combination of the two. No, Levi would just have to enjoy sleepy Eren in the rare moments he had him. Levi moved slowly, not wanting to wake Eren as he carried him into the apartment elevator, but inside he was tingling with energy, in a hurry to set Eren in their bed and cuddle him close.

He unlocked the apartment door and gently placed Eren on their bed, undressing before stripping Eren as well and tucking them under the duvet. There weren't enough words in Levi's vocabulary to describe how beautiful Eren was. This close, Levi believed he could see every individual eyelash resting atop Eren's cheekbones. He was sure he could count the small freckles dotting the tops of Eren's cheeks and bridging his nose. If Levi had trouble thinking of a word to sum up Eren's beauty, he knew he would fail trying to find a word to express his adoration for this boy that crashed into his life. Levi no longer remembered what his days were like before he met Eren. Did he go to work from 9-5 during the week, perform at The Underground on the weekend, and get a meal with his friends every so often? Yeah, that sounded familiar. But did he feel anything? Were his days differentiated from each other by intense emotions? Not at all. His life had been stagnant and he secretly wondered what use his life was for. Levi was never religious, but he did feel like his life had a purpose, and that was to show Eren he was loved. Even if they didn't last and Eren decided he wanted someone else, Levi's life had meaning in the simple fact that he gave Eren love. And that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has taught me I'm incapable of writing fluff without angst, and vice versa. Also, I felt ridiculous writing this. Originally, instead of “Eren’s warm mouth” I wrote ”Eren's hot cavern.” Wtf does that even mean? Wtf am I writing? I rethought my life choices and changed it.


	21. Goodnight Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My username is humanities ANGSTIEST not humanities FLUFFIEST. So why, pray tell, am I a fucking fluffernutter? I thought I got it out of my system with the last chapter, but apparently not. Have some more disgustingly fluffy domestic fluff (with a side of light angst of course).
> 
> Song by Go Radio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completed my pointless goal of publishing the 21st chapter before my 21st birthday! Woo!

Armin stood in the kitchen of Eren’s apartment with his arms crossed, tapping his foot impatiently. “Well, aren’t you going to help?”

Eren rubbed his neck. “Ah, well, I figured I would be moral support?”

“Seriously, Eren? It won’t mean anything if I cook the dinner. You were the one who came crying to me for advice on how to show Levi you care about him.”

“I know, I know,” Eren huffed. He lifted himself from the couch and joined Armin in the kitchen.

“What if it’s awful? Levi’s been teaching me to cook and he says I’ve improved, but there are so many things that could go wrong. Maybe I should have chosen a simple pasta recipe.”

“No, pasta is boring. This will impress Levi, and it’s easy enough that you should be able to cook it all on your own.”

“But—“

“Don’t worry, I’ll oversee that the meat is cooked correctly and I’ll taste test your seasoning.”

Eren tied Levi’s apron around his waist and washed his hands before retrieving the ingredients he would need. The recipe was pulled up on his phone, and Armin read the directions aloud, observing Eren’s careful measurements as he poured soy sauce, orange juice, rice wine vinegar, sugar, ginger, and other ingredients into a bowl to whisk together and set aside. Now was the important part that he couldn’t mess up. He had to be careful that he didn’t make the pork dry by overcooking it, but if he undercooked it they might die.

“Okay, now cut the meat to check that it isn’t too pink.” Eren followed Armin’s instructions and was relieved to see the pork a pale pink shade.

“It looks great, Eren. Turn off the heat and toss the meat into the sauce.”

A warm, bubbly feeling filled Eren’s core. Everything was going perfectly. Finally, he could return a minuscule amount of the care that Levi always gave him. Even after a long day of work, Levi rarely ordered in food or told Eren to heat up a frozen dinner. The man would spend up to an hour in the kitchen cooking a delicious dish. Now was Eren’s chance to cook dinner for Levi so his lover could relax when he got home.

“Alright, it’s done. Plate it and serve it.”

Eren dished the meat onto two plates and Armin added slices of orange for aesthetic appeal. After Eren put the food in the oven’s warming drawer, he untied the apron and laid it on the kitchen counter.

“Thanks for the help, Armin. I’ll tell you how it was at school tomorrow.” The two boys walked to the front door, pausing when they heard footsteps approaching from the other side and stopping right at their apartment door.

“Quick, Armin. Hide!”

“Wha?!” Armin was forcefully shoved into the hall closet. Eren couldn’t let Levi see Armin. He’d think that Armin made the dinner. Everything had been going perfectly so far, Eren didn’t want Levi doubting who made the meal. He would wait until Levi was asleep and then sneak Armin out. His friend could play on his phone to pass the time, just as long as he was quiet. He would only be sitting in the closet for a few hours tops, nothing major.

The key entered the lock and Eren darted to the living room couch, sitting in an unnaturally upright position with one leg crossed over the other.

“Welcome home, Levi.”

Levi kicked off his shoes in the entryway and looked up at Eren, sending him a questioning glance.

“…Hey.” Levi entered the kitchen and froze.

“What’s this mess?”

“Ah, I didn’t have time to clean up but I will later. I made dinner. Are you hungry now?”

Levi’s eyes latched onto Eren’s. “Starving.”

Eren’s skin warmed. He kissed Levi on the cheek as he passed by him and pulled the plates from the warming drawer.

“That smells really fucking good. What is it?”

Eren set their plates at the dining room table and waited for Levi to join him.

“It’s orange teriyaki pork tenderloin. I wanted to try something new but not too hard I couldn’t make it on my own.”

“You made this on your own?”

Eren grouchily crossed his arms. “Yeah.”

Levi grinned at him and cut a bite. He chewed it slowly, savoring the taste but also enjoying the way Eren was practically on the edge of his chair waiting for Levi’s verdict.

“This is delicious. We’ll have to save the recipe. Great job, Eren.”

Eren’s fists opened and closed by his sides as he attempted to contain his elation. He ate his own first bite and his face blanked as he stared in wonder at the meal he made. The meat was juicy and the orange flavor was a refreshing touch, not overpowering the teriyaki flavor or the pork at all. This was it, his calling. Eren needed to get on one of those cooking shows and win a million dollars.

“So what’s the occasion?”

“Hmm?” Eren swallowed his bite of pork.

“Why did you cook dinner?”

Eren’s eyes darted to the side of Levi’s face as his fingers twirled the fork in his hand. He shrugged one shoulder up beneath his ear.

“I wanted to do something for you,” he mumbled before filling his mouth with another piece of pork.

“Oh?”

Eren made a show of chewing his pork as Levi smirked at him.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me. You do nice stuff for me all the time and I usually don’t thank you.”

“I want to thank you. This made me happy.”

Eren shoveled another piece of pork in his mouth, his cheeks heating up from Levi’s sincerity.

“Just one more thing.”

Eren looked up from his plate at Levi’s amused expression.

"Don't you think Armin wants to have some dinner?"

"Wh-what do you mean? Armin? Who's Armin?"

"Nice try. His Birkenstocks are still by the door. Armin, you can come out if you want."

Fluffy blonde hair peaked out of the hall closet before the door opened wider and Armin stepped out, smiling apologetically.

“Huh, this isn’t Narnia. Oh - Levi, Eren, what a surprise.”

“Do you want some dinner Armin?”

“Um,” Armin looked at Eren who was frowning at him then back to Levi who was pointing with a stern finger at the chair while he rose to get an extra plate.

Armin was more intimidated by Levi’s finger than Eren’s frown so he sat, back straight and legs pressed together to take up as little space as possible.

“So Armin,” Levi conversed as he spooned meat onto Armin’s plate, “what were you doing in the closet?”

Armin stabbed a piece of pork and bit into it, chewing contemplatively. “Honestly, I don’t know. We heard you approach the door and then Eren shoved me in the closet.”

“But you decided to come out, good for you.”

“Uh, Levi, you made me come out.”

“Well, there was no point hiding anymore. Everyone already knew.”

“Who is everyone? And if you knew, why did you let me sit in there while you ate your dinner?”

“I was curious if you would come out of the closet on your own, or if you needed a gentle shove.”

“We’re just talking about the hall closet, right?”

“Hm? What else would we be talking about?” Levi innocently replied.

Armin forked one more piece of pork into his mouth before pushing back from the table. “I have dinner waiting for me at home. Enjoy the rest of your night. Bye, Eren.”

Armin shuffled into his Birkenstocks and left, the door clicking shut behind him. “Do you think he’s mad at me?” Levi didn’t seem to care regardless.

“He’s probably more upset with me for shoving him in a closet. He’ll be over it by tomorrow. If not, I’ll bake apology cookies.”

“Yeah? Are you going to be cooking more often?”

“Don’t get used to it.” Eren stuck his tongue out. Cooking occasionally was fine but he enjoyed Levi’s cooking too much to replace it with his own.

The next night, a different surprise awaited Levi when he returned from work.

“Eren, what are you doing.” Blankets and pillows were piled on the living room floor. Levi spotted his Tempur-Pedic pillow in the mix. Eren sat in the mess of blankets, smiling at Levi who upside-down smiled back at him.

“I thought we could build a blanket fort.”

“Oh?” Levi’s facial expression softened. He wasn’t originally happy to find all his blankets and pillows tossed on the floor, but at least Eren had a plan for them.

Encouraged by Levi’s word of curiosity, Eren pulled one of the blankets to his chest and explained to Levi how it was light and long enough to rest on top of the lamp in the far corner of the room and the television on the other end. Levi nodded along, and stepped into Eren’s pile of supplies, grabbing the other end of the blanket Eren held and carrying it to the lamp Eren mentioned. Eren beamed at him.

“What’s next?”

“Um, maybe take this blue one and drape it over the lamp and couch? And put another one over the tv and couch, so we’re making a tripod shape.”

Levi followed Eren’s instructions, and the two of them stared at the pillows draped across their living room furniture, drooping low in the middle.

“Start moving the coffee table out of the fort. I have an idea to fix the low-hanging ceiling.” Levi left Eren to his task while he perused the hall closet. He grabbed the broom then moved into the office to grab two thick dictionaries, a plastic container, and a roll of duct tape.

Eren laughed at the items but watched as Levi magically duct taped the broom on top of the container, using the dictionaries to support the broom in an upright position. It required almost the entire roll of duct tape, but in the end the makeshift pole held up the blankets of the fort.

“Is this good?” Levi had never built a fort before. Judging by Eren’s expression, the fort was perfect.

“Next we need snacks. Do you know how to make s’mores?”

“S’mores? A warm marshmallow and a piece of chocolate pressed between graham crackers? Eren, even a four year old knows how to make s’mores.”

“I meant because we’re inside, you idiot!”

Levi smirked, pulling Eren close by his belt loops and kissing him lightly on the forehead, to the sudden blushing shyness of his young lover.

“I’ll toast them above the stovetop. Do you want me to make them now?” Eren nodded his head, hesitating before leaning forward to give Levi a peck on the lips. He missed and hit the corner of Levi’s mouth, pulling back and scowling as Levi laughed at him and moved to the kitchen to grab the ingredients Eren had put in their grocery cart a few days ago in preparation for this. Eren was slightly surprised that Levi hadn’t questioned the purchases at the time. Levi merely glanced at the items as Eren added them to their cart, then payed for them when the cashier announced the total.

Eren rested his chin on Levi’s shoulder and watched as the dark-haired male held four skewered marshmallows above the small stovetop flame, turning them slowly and attentively watching them golden.

“Those are perfect,” Eren marveled. He, to his shame, had doubted Levi’s cooking prowess when it came to recreating s’mores over a stovetop instead of the classic wood burning fire.

“You are perfect,” Levi replied easily as he turned off the stove and transferred the marshmallows onto the graham crackers. “Hey, don’t turn away. Accept my words and move on. It shouldn’t surprise you when I say these things anymore.”

Levi could tell Eren was about to say some disparaging comment about himself that would be wholly untrue, so once Eren opened his mouth to speak Levi pushed a s’mores in between his lips.

“Mmph?” Levi wasn’t sure if Eren was saying something or making a questioning noise. He moved his hand back, letting Eren chew and swallow. A trail of marshmallow clung to the corner of his lips.

“Are you going to do that every time I’m about to say something you disagree with?”

“Maybe.” Levi shrugged a shoulder. “Did I do a good job on the s’mores? Let me have a taste.” Levi opened Eren’s lips with his tongue, licking around the corners of Eren’s mouth to taste the melty chocolate, dry graham crackers, and sugary marshmallow.

When he pulled back, Eren leaned forward to chase after his lips but met air as Levi stepped away, laughing at the adorable blushing male he was constantly amazed to remember was dating him.

“Go sit in the fort, I’ll finish putting together the other s’mores and bring them in.” Eren frowned at being denied but did as Levi said.

Eren lifted the blankets to enter the fort and leaned back against the bottom of the couch. Levi entered soon after, sitting beside him and setting a single plate on his lap.

“Where’s my plate?”

“Stop frowning, this is for both of us. Here.” Levi lifted a s’mores and held it against Eren’s lips, who had to turn his head away so he could speak without his mouth being stuffed.

“Hey, I can eat it myself.”

“Shut up and let me pamper you.”

“Lev—“ Eren was once again cut off by a s’mores. He frowned as deep as he could while he chewed, though something about Levi doting on him made his core warm.

When Eren swallowed, Levi brought the s’mores back up to his mouth and Eren rolled his eyes but dutifully opened his mouth to accept the treat.

“Who would have thought when I picked this brat up from the police station, within a few months he’d be eating out of my hand.”

“Shu’p,” Eren grumbled around the food in his mouth.

“You’re so cute when you pretend you don’t like the attention. You know you’re an open book, right? Your body betrays you.”

Eren didn’t doubt it. He was sure his body was blushing at Levi’s calling him ‘cute’. Wanting to turn the tables so he wasn’t the only one obviously affected, he said, “Feed me more, daddy,” as he moved into Levi’s lap, licking his lips.

“I’d like it if you didn’t use daddy language anymore. It makes me uncomfortable.”

Eren switched gears immediately, leaning out of Levi’s space though he was still hovering over Levi’s outstretched legs.

“You should have said something sooner. I would have stopped.”

“No, it was fine. It doesn’t bother me if you’re just teasing. But I don’t want you calling me that when we’re having sex.”

Eren nodded his understanding. “What would you prefer? Master? My Lord? Captain?"

“Captain? Do I look like a fucking Captain to you?” Levi reached a hand up to brush through Eren’s hair, tucking the strands behind his ear before it fell back out, not quite long enough to stay in place. “No, I like it best when you moan my name with that breathy voice of yours."

Levi noticed that Eren looked conflicted, like he wasn't sure how to move forward. Wanting to erase the wavering smile on the boy’s lips and the forming furrow between his brows, Levi reached his hands up to Eren's sides, dancing his fingers along Eren's ribs.

"L-Levi!" Eren yelled as he toppled out of Levi's lap, wrapping his arms around his chest in a failed attempt to protect himself from Levi's tickling. "Wait, no, it hurts," Eren laughingly shrieked as Levi leant over the writhing boy. Levi stopped and gave the panting boy beneath him a chance to catch his breath.

"You good?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Dunno. You just looked like you were overthinking something earlier. Care to share?"

"Um, no. I'm good."

"Let me rephrase that. Care to share, or shall I tickle it out of you?"

Eren's eyes widened. "I just wanted to cuddle in a fort and spend time together but then things started heading in a sexual direction. I didn't know how to stop that or if you'd be disappointed if I did."

"Eren, you never have to have sex if you don't want to. It doesn't matter if you were being flirty or we are already half undressed. If you don't want to have sex, we won't have sex. End of story. Alright?"

Eren searched Levi's gaze, wondering if that was the truth. He had spent the past two years having sex just to feel a brief connection to another human being. It was the only thing he had to offer. What if they didn’t have sex and Levi got bored of dating an emotional, immature high schooler? Eren knew Levi wasn’t that type of person and it was highly insulting to think for a second that he was, but because of Eren’s past experiences, it was hard to immediately change the way he thought about things.

Levi pulled Eren's body closer against his. "We made a fort, s'mores, and now we're cuddling. Is there anything else you want?"

Eren nibbled on his lower lip in thought. With Levi's arms wrapping him safely against his warm chest, Eren needed nothing more.

"Is it okay if I kiss you? They won't be R-rated kisses." Eren chuckled and acquiesced to Levi's simple request. The first kiss fell on the top of his head followed by a kiss to his right cheek.

Levi rubbed his hand up and down Eren’s back. “The sex is great and all, but I much prefer sitting here doing nothing with you all day. Let’s do nothing together more often, yeah?”

Eren nodded in agreement and tucked his head under Levi’s chin, feeling Levi’s chest rise and fall with each breath. It was true what Levi said earlier, if someone had told Eren a few months ago that he would be sitting in a blanket fort cuddled up to Levi, he’d say they were delusional. Yet here they were. Armin’s warning still rang through Eren’s head. He might sabotage what he has with Levi, figuring it will end eventually so why bother. Lately though, the opposite thought has been building. He can choose to trust in their feelings for each other and believe they can be together forever, as long as they both fight for each other. Eren knew which future he wanted to work towards. It was now a matter of protecting that future the best he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE - PLEASE READ
> 
> GUUYYYYYSSSSSS (written in caps because I’m whining, not yelling). I need your help. It took me so long to update because I have close to zero ideas for the rest of the fic. So I’m asking if there are things you want to see happen (that work with the story) and I’ll take them under serious consideration. Is this fic dragging on, or is there more you want? Because I don’t want to tie this up quickly and have it feel incomplete, but I also don’t want to keep writing filler fluff and angst chapters and make you hate this story because it drags on. So tell me what you think please.


	22. On Top

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My current music obsession is The Killers. Chapter song by them. No real connection to the chapter but I didn’t feel like delaying an update for however long it took to find a song that did.
> 
> It’s embarrassing that the majority of my chapter notes are me apologizing for taking so long. This is my final apology because you guys have always been so kind and understanding. Words can’t express how appreciative I am. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

“I’m open!”

“Someone block number 23!”

“Reiner, pass! I’m open!”

Reiner dribbled further up the court before pivoting to the right and giving a chest pass to Eren who caught the pass with ease and moved in for a lay-up, getting right under the net and hooking his arm to send the ball in. The referee blew his whistle to call the point, making the score 16 points for Shiganshina High School and 12 points for Karanese High School before the buzzer for halftime rang.

“Great job out there,” Coach Zacharius told the team huddled around him, chugging their water bottles. “Keep up the hard work and we’ll win this game and move on to the finals. Zeramuski, step up your blocking. Their number 6 was wide open at the end. And Kirschtein, stop watching only the ball and pay attention to the movements of the players, both ours and theirs. Jaeger, great shot but pass to your teammates more. The other team now knows to watch you and they will put more pressure on you in the second half, making it harder to score. From now on, everyone pass the ball to Springer or Kirschtein to score and then when the other team is busy covering those two, pass to Jaeger. Now go back out there and hand their asses to them!”

The team stacked their hands, pulsed down twice, breathed in, then shouted, “Boi!”

Coach Zacharius rubbed a hand down his face, but the corners of his lips twisted up in a small smile. He couldn’t fault his team for creating their own cheers to avoid yelling out the school mascot. Shiganshina High School’s official mascot was the asp viper, which when chanted out loud lost the ‘p’ sound and sounded closer to ass viper. It was unfortunate that the crowd couldn’t cheer for their team, not knowing what the cheer of the moment would be, but it did make sports games more interesting.

Levi, Armin, and Hange watched from the bleachers as Shiganshina High scored another point thanks to Eren’s friend Jean. Eren backpedalled to defend, high-fiving Jean as he passed and wearing a large grin. This was the first basketball game Levi could attend and he wished he was able to see more before the season ended. His lover was sweaty from running around all night and that grin was present every time his team scored. Levi was captivated by Eren’s concentrated look as he played, mind completely focused on the game.

The Karanese team had strong players, this was the game that determined who went on to play in the finals after all, but they were no match for Connie, Jean, and Eren’s strong offense. As Coach Zacharius predicted, during the second half of the game Karanese forgot about Eren as they single-mindedly targeted Jean and Connie, figuring they would continue to make shots as they had been during the third quarter. Jean rushed under the net to receive a pass, drawing the Karanese defense to him while the offense surrounded Connie. That was when Connie passed to Eren, who was wide open at the three-point line. The ball swooshed through the net before the other team knew what happened. The gymnasium erupted in cheers.

Shiganshina was five points in the lead with ten minutes left in the game. Connie bounce-passed the ball towards Reiner only for the tall Karanese player with the mohawk to intercept, dodging Mylius’ block then tossing the ball into the net to score  his team two points.

The gymnasium full of Shiganshina High students boo-ed, even Armin’s hands cupped around his mouth to shout. Unsurprisingly, the loudest boo-er of them all was Hange. Levi pulled their sleeve to get them to sit down and stop drawing attention. His embarrassment dissipated as he found green eyes accompanied by a smirk looking his way. Like a shy schoolgirl who caught the attention of her crush, Levi gave a small wave. It didn’t help that the action boosted Eren’s cockiness. The brat winked and blew a kiss at him before returning his attention to the game, oblivious to the way his action made Levi’s kokoro go doki doki.

The rest of the game was a blur to Levi. He saw movement on the court but the center of his focus was a shaggy-haired brunet aggressively blocking, sprinting up the court with the ball, and dunking shots like he was Michael Fucking Jordan. Anything that happened on the court that wasn’t within a few feet of the brunet was out of Levi’s scope. However, the brunet was almost always where the action was, so Levi didn’t miss much.

With three minutes left in the final quarter, Connie scored what would be the last point of the game. Karanese still raced across the court in a futile attempt to gain some points but Reiner and Mylius’ defense held them off until the final buzzer rang. The gymnasium erupted in cheers for the home team who would be proceeding to the finals. The Shiganshina team shook hands with the Karanese team in a show of good sportsmanship, politely holding back their ecstatic grins until they circled around their coach, clapping each other on the back as Coach Zacharius recounted  the successes and failures throughout the game. He reminded them of their practice schedule in preparation for the finals before stepping aside to let his team pulse their hands in the center and raise them to the ceiling, simultaneously shouting, “Team Valor!”

When the team broke apart to search for their family and friends in the crowd, Jean, Connie, and Reiner followed Eren to where Armin, Levi, and Hange waited.

“Great job guys,” Armin enthused.

“Thanks. Anyone want to get food? I’m starving.” Jean looked at Eren who looked to Levi who shrugged. He’ll go wherever Eren wants to go.

“Sure.” Armin responded while Hange nodded enthusiastically in agreement, unable to  contain their excitement for meeting new people, especially Eren’s friends. Bert made his way to Reiner’s side and they too agreed to food, but Connie apologized, having made plans in advance with Sasha. Jean grabbed Marco on their way to the parking lot, informing him of their destination until he realized they didn’t have one.

“Where are we going?”

Everyone stopped their individual conversations, tuning into the most important one. “You made the plans, Jean. I thought you knew.”

“I didn’t think farther than ‘food’. Anything is fine with me, so long as it’s cheap and quick, because I’m broke and starving.”

Eren twisted around to spot Levi walking beside Hange, and a silent conversation passed between them.

“Get in your cars brats and follow me.”

 

***

 

Instead of sitting in their usual booth, which is definitely too small for their posse of eight, they pushed together the wooden tables in the middle of the diner to form a long rectangle. Everyone sat next to their sweetheart with the exception of Armin and Hange, who took the remaining seats and gave each other eye-rolls to establish their solidarity against the lovebirds around them.

“Good evening, my name is Lindy and I’ll be your server. What can I get you all to drink? Oh, hi.” Lindy dropped her rehearsed greeting when she noticed the silver eyed male with piercings at the far end of the table. Her gaze flitted from the basketball jerseys on three of the boys to Marco’s manager jacket and back to Levi. “Do you coach a high school basketball team?”

Hange tried and failed to hold back their laughter at the image of Levi blowing a whistle and ordering teenagers to do sprints across a court. Levi opened his mouth, about to respond with a simple no Eren was sure, so he intervened to set things straight. Eren scooted his chair closer to Levi’s and draped his arms around the man’s neck, pulling him close to plant a wet kiss on his cheek.

“Haha, no, he’s not a coach. He’s my boyfriend. I can see the confusion, since he does blow, but it’s not whistles.” Lindy flushed a dark red and frowned, leaving without taking their drink orders. Levi pushed Eren’s head away, frowning at the brat who chuckled in his victory of finally setting the waitress straight on how not-straight he and Levi were.

Jean snapped his fingers twice in Reiner’s face. “Knew it. Fork over the $20, Reiner.” Reiner pouted as he shoved his hand into his basketball jacket to retrieve his wallet.

“You too, Bert.” Everyone, including Jean, turned to Marco who held his hand out expectantly as Bert placed a $5 bill in his palm.

“What were the bets?” Armin inquired. Hange placed their elbows on the table and linked their hands, leaning forward to rest their chin on top as their eyes gleamed behind their large circular glasses, curious to know as well.

“I bet Eren was dating the guy he suddenly moved in with. Reiner thought Eren was selling his body for a place to stay after his parents kicked him out because of the convenience store heist gone wrong.”

Eren almost knocked his chair over as he stood up to lean across the table. “You thought I was prostituting myself this whole time?! And you didn’t offer to help, like letting me stay at your place or something? What the fuck, Reiner?”

Reiner leaned back in his seat to put more distance between him and the green-eyed teen, holding his hands up in the universal sign of ‘I come in peace, please don’t kill me’. “Hey, hey, I thought I was helping a bro out. You know, like you guys weren’t together yet but if you continued to live together you eventually would be. And obviously my plan worked, seeing as you guys are together. So don’t be giving me that look. Remember that I was the one that shared good weed with you for free.”

Eren gave one last withering glare before turning his attention to the other pair. “Did you guys bet the same thing?”

“Um…y-yeah,” Marco chuckled, hiding his bet money in his pocket and flipping through the menu in seemingly deep thought.

Suspicious.

Everyone else agreed, judging by the concentrated stares they were giving Marco and Bert, who started howling with laughter at Marco’s behavior.

“Hell no we didn’t bet on anything as vanilla as if they were together or not. I bet that Levi would castrate Eren if he tried to pull some moves on what I thought was Levi’s super-straight ass, but Marco here bet that the reason none of us have been invited to Eren’s new place is because they’ve been busy marking their territory, if you know what I mean.”

“WhAt?!”

“I mean that Marco thinks you guys are having lots of sex.”

“No, I understood what you meant the first time. But _Marco_ bet that? This Marco? The one who still asks his parents for permission to see R-rated movies?”

“I-I’m sorry, Eren. I only bet $5 though…” Marco’s apologetic eyes belied the truth, that he was debase enough to bet on his friend’s sex life.

“It’s not the amount, it’s the pringles of the thing.”

“The expression is ‘the principle of the thing,’ Eren.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.” Eren crossed his arms and sat back in his seat, staring Marco down. “And how do you even know you won the bet? I could have been talking about blowing whistles in general.”

Hange wasted no time in starting a chain reaction. “You guys were rutting in my kitchen during last week’s movie night when you were supposed to be making popcorn.”

“I heard moaning coming from the bathroom stall in the locker room before tonight’s game.”

“What about that time the three of us went to the mall and you two disappeared for half an hour when you were supposed to help me buy a new laptop?”

“Do I need to explain why Levi’s dressing room door has hazard tape across it? Who knew musicians were such a turn on for Eren.”

Levi and Eren sunk down in their seats, embarrassed to learn they weren’t as discreet as they thought. Eren leaned close to Levi’s ear, mumbling, “At least no one saw that time we were fooling around in your car when you dropped me off at school.”

“Oh no, I saw that. Why do you think I confidently bet Reiner $20?” 

What the fuck? Did Jean have the hearing of a horse in addition to the face? Eren sunk lower in his chair. Not that he would change anything. After his talk with Levi almost two weeks ago and Levi’s actions backing up his words that he wanted to be with Eren for more than his body, Eren stopped worrying about being seen as easy and gave in to his desires.

“Saw what?” Goddamnit Armin, use that brain of yours to make the connection. Or don’t, on second thought. Eren needed to divert his friend’s attention quickly. “Nothing! Let’s order.”

“We could if you hadn’t scared off our waitress.”

Eren waved aside Jean’s sass. “Hey, I was marking my territory.”

Hange’s joy that one of their closest friends was in a beautiful relationship with another of their friends ended with the purity of Maria’s on the line. “Please tell me you guys didn’t mark your territory here too. I’ll never be able to come to Maria’s Diner again without thinking about the things that may have happened in the men’s bathroom.”

“No! I can’t believe you would accuse us of desecrating Maria’s,” Eren quickly defended.

“Yeah, why do you think we take longer in my dressing room each time we plan to come here after work? Have to get it out of our system so we aren’t tempted.”

Reiner dropped his head on the table, exhaling deeply. “This is so unfair. Why couldn’t you guys act this obvious around me? I’m out $20!”

“I don’t know what to tell you man. Sucks to suck.”

Levi tucked his head against Eren’s neck to whisper, “That’s not what you tell me.”

“CAN YOU GUYS NOT?!”

“Stop having freakish hearing! Mind your own business horse-face!”

“How original, haven’t heard that one before.”

“Guys, stop fighting. You’re going to scare off our waiter.” Reiner raised his head off the table, joining everyone to stare at not-Lindy. 

“Good evening. My name is Moblit and I’ll be your waiter this evening. May I start you off with some drinks?”

Moblit took the orders for tea and water in a calm fashion despite the rowdy teenagers shout-speaking across the table at each other, prime examples of teenage boys who have yet to learn volume control. When his order-taking reached Hange, his pen marked an uneven line down his notepad. 

“Uh…um, hi. M-may I do anyth- get anything! - for you? I mean, would you like anything to drink?”

“I’ll have a cup of green tea, please.” Levi and Eren’s jaws dropped at the gentle, non-psychotic smile Hange directed at their waiter, who with a deep bow directed at only Hange departed to the kitchens.

“That waiter wants to bang you.” 

Levi swatted his lover on the back of the head, the hit harder than intended from shock when Hange replied, “Good, I want to bang him too.” Levi and Eren stopped playing footsie under the table and apologetically scooted their chairs a fraction apart, finally understanding how uncomfortable their PDA or talk of PDA might be. 

When the waiter returned, his tie was a little straighter and his hair looked freshly combed. With an effort at composure that buckled in Hange’s direct presence, Moblit received their orders and scampered back to the kitchens. Either he was new at his job and hadn’t yet mastered the art of carrying multiple trays of food, or he purposely brought two plates at a time as an excuse to see Hange more. Whatever the reason, he was rewarded with a smile each time, boosting his confidence enough to ask Hange if they wanted another tea, on the house.

Armin sighed and slumped in his seat, having been abandoned on Singles Island. His relationship status was no concern to him. Friendships were fulfilling enough. The only time it bothered him was when he was the odd man out, third-wheeling. As if reading his thoughts, Eren nudged him in the ribs to get his attention. His friend’s green eyes were glowing with mischief. Armin followed Eren’s gaze to the table with small balled up pieces of napkin and then to Jean and Reiner’s water glasses across from them.

The owner of Maria’s must be a saint for not kicking them out after starting an intense  spit ball war and causing one of their waiters to short-circuit from receiving a phone number. Levi tipped well.

 

***

 

Despite having a week off from school for March break, Eren returned to Shiganshina High nearly every day for basketball practice. Finals were coming up and Coach Zacharius wanted them ready, especially since there would be college scouters at the game. Having basketball practice for hours every day made no real difference to Eren’s vacation plans. He couldn’t spend time with Levi who worked and his other choice was his friends, half of whom were on the team anyway.

After practice, Jean drove him home. Eren climbed into the Jeep Wrangler, wasting no time in fiddling with the radio station before settling on an alternative rock station. Eren assessed his friend, who for the first time ever did not yell at him for switching the station.

“You good, bruh?”

Jean glanced away from the road to see the genuine concern in his friend’s eyes despite the joking words.

“Yeah, bruh.” Eren kept his body half turned towards Jean, giving him his undivided atttention. He even lowered the volume on the radio. 

“Marco was accepted to Stohess.”

Eren sat up in his seat, grinning widely as he congratulated Jean on his boyfriend getting into his top choice school. The grin faded as Jean’s grip tightened on the steering wheel.

“You’re not happy?”

“Of course I’m happy! Marco has worked so hard these past few years, he deserved to get in. But…Stohess is three hours away.”

Eren frowned in confusion. “Didn’t you also apply to Stohess? Did you not get accepted?”

“I…,” Jean quickly glanced at Eren again before returning his concentration to the road, not quick enough that Eren couldn’t see the fear in his friend’s eyes. “Don’t tell Marco, but I never applied to Stohess. I meant to, I liked the school when we drove up there in September, but I lost track of time and before I knew it the application deadline passed. He keeps talking about the clubs we’ll join, and I’ve held this secret for so long, I’m terrified to tell him that I won’t be going with him.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“This is Marco we’re talking about, he’ll understand. He’ll be disappointed that you’re not going to the same university, but he’ll get over it. He’s not dating you because you’re conveniently going to the same school as him.”

Jean’s shoulders straightened with confidence as he said, “You’re right,” only to slump again. “I should have told him months ago.”

“Yeah, you should have.” Eren accepted the punch to his arm. 

Before Eren could think of something else to say, they arrived at Rosewall Court. With a comforting farewell pat on Jean’s shoulder, Eren hopped out of the Jeep. When he reached back in for his sports bag, Jean grabbed his hand, halting him.

“Thanks, Eren. For listening and giving good advice. I never said it before because I thought it was obvious, but I’m here for you too if you need anything.”

Eren flashed back to the night he met Levi and denied having friends. It seemed impossible to think now, with Jean at his side during the days when he was a shitty friend and still at his side today. Jean laughed good-naturedly at Eren’s bashful expression, shutting the passenger side door and honking as he drove off. Eren shook his head to rid it of the stupid smile he wore as he entered Rosewall Court. His conversation with Jean reminded him that college acceptance letters started arriving, so he stopped at the mailboxes in the lobby. There wasn’t much. Some bills and coupons for Kohls, but as he shuffled through the envelopes as he walked up the stairs to the third floor, he noticed two envelopes for him. Deciding to attend college so late in the fall, he only had time to fill out applications for two schools. Stohess University, his competitive dream school, and Shiganshina Community College, which he only applied to after Armin, Annie, and Marco ganged up to convince him it was a good idea to apply to a safety school.

Eren ran up the stairs to the apartment, fingers shaking as he jammed the key into the lock. He barely paused to shut the door behind him before racing to his infrequently used bedroom and plopping on his bed with the letters. One was thicker than the other  but he didn’t think anything of it. He chose to open Stohess’ letter last, grabbing the SCC envelope and pulling out a paper and thick catalogue. He scanned the paper, congratulating him on his acceptance to Shiganshina Community College. Casting the paper and catalogue aside, Eren tentatively grabbed the letter with SU printed in dark green ink across it. He pulled out a folded slip of paper and a thin pamphlet.

 

 

 

> Dear Mr. Eren Jaeger,
> 
> Thank you for your interest in Stohess University. Each year we see a new batch of competitive applicants and this year was no different. We received over 23,680 applications for 4,250 spaces in the Class of 2021. The Admissions Committee has carefully reviewed all applications and has placed you on our waiting list.
> 
> If you wish to remain on the waiting list…

 

The rest of the letter blurred beneath his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the hardest time with this chapter, or just writing this fic in general. First it was coming up with the plot and then when I tried to write, I hated everything I put down. A few days ago I outlined the rest of this fic, so I now know where I am heading. Yay for small miracles! What helped me get over all my negativity was re-reading the comments you guys left on this fic. It reminded me that people were enjoying this story and pushed me to write first and heavy edit later. Thank you so much.


	23. Such Great Heights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s a short chapter, but this is necessary character development-y stuff that I wanted out of the way instead of lumping it in with the next chapter.

The apartment was unusually silent when Levi returned from work. He slipped his dress shoes off and set them in the shoe rack. The door to Eren’s bedroom was shut. Figuring the teen was napping, it didn’t cross Levi’s mind to knock on the closed bathroom door before opening it.

“Oh, I’m…Sorry, I thought you were in your room. I’ll just…” Levi stopped his backwards retreat. “Were you crying?”

“Can we please not talk about it now?”

Levi assessed Eren, legs drawn up beneath his chin in the bathtub. There was no steam obscuring the bathroom mirrors so either Eren drew himself a cold bath or he had been in here for a while. “Of course. If you don’t want to talk I won’t force you. Do you…want me to go?”

“Please stay.”

Levi approached Eren’s side, kneeling beside the tub. Eren unwrapped his arms from around his legs and crossed them on the edge of the tub, using them as a pillow to rest his head upon.

“How was your day?”

Levi rearranged himself to mimic Eren, his head resting on his crossed arms. Their faces were inches apart, so Levi spoke softly.

“It was fine. Boring. I was counting down the hours until I returned home to you.” Eren lightly splashed at him, smiling at the cheesy line, loving that he knew it was genuine. Levi watched as the smile he adored became tinged with sadness, eventually disappearing.

“What should we do tonight? Order pizza and watch a movie?” To his surprise, Eren turned down the offer.

“Can I help you cook?”

Eren hummed, enjoying the feeling of Levi’s hand ruffling his hair. “Yeah, let’s do that. Are you almost done with your bath?”

Eren nodded and slowly rose to his feet, the combination of his earlier tears, the once warm bath, and Levi’s gentle presence making him relaxed and consequently sleepy. Levi retrieved a towel from the bathroom closet and wrapped it around Eren’s shoulders, tugging it lightly to bring Eren closer so he could peck him on the lips.

“Is pasta gorgonzola alright for dinner?”

Eren stepped out of the tub. “Yeah. Let me get dressed and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

“Or you could stay like—”

Eren used the corner of his towel to whack Levi, making a show of wrapping the towel securely around his body as his wet feet slap-slapped out of the bathroom and down the hall to his bedroom. Levi chuckled, watching his boyfriend leave. He too stopped at his bedroom to change out of his suit, switching into an old t-shirt and black sweatpants. Though the heat was on, the chilly winter air seeped through the living room windows. Levi slipped his arms into a blue hoodie before entering the kitchen.

He pulled a box of cellentani pasta off the turn-around cabinet and moved to boil water. Eren joined him shortly after, silently reading the instructions for the gorgonzola sauce pulled up on a website on Levi’s BlackBerry. Following the instructions, Eren grabbed a container of heavy whipping cream from the fridge and poured it into a skillet, twisting the dial on the stove to bring the liquid to a simmer. Levi and Eren stood in companionable silence, Eren watching the cream heat as Levi occasionally stirred the pasta in the boiling water, lifting a piece to touch and check its softness. Gorgonzola cheese was mixed into the cream and the pasta was tossed in along with sage, salt, and pepper. Within half an hour, their dinner was ready.

Eren carried his bowl to the living room and sat on the couch, holding his food in his left hand while his right grabbed the remote on the coffee table. Levi set his bowl on the table then returned to the kitchen to fill two glasses with water. When he returned, Eren had settled on a show he didn’t recognize. Levi surmised that Eren didn’t watch the show either judging by the lack of attention he gave it.

“Hey, Levi?”

Their bowls now lay discarded on the coffee table and Eren’s feet rested in Levi’s lap, his head turned toward the television but his focus elsewhere if the pout on his lips and furrow between his brows was anything to judge by. Levi began to massage Eren’s feet, signaling he was listening with a soft “Hm?”

“Is it okay if I don’t go to college?”

Levi’s hands paused for a second before rubbing deep circles again. “Where is this coming from? Are you worried about what will happen to us?”

Wow. That never crossed his mind. Surprising really, since Jean had just shared his fears of being in a long-distance relationship with Marco when they went to separate colleges.

Levi grimaced at the expression that crossed Eren’s countenance. He didn’t mean to add additional fears. If it wasn’t their relationship, what caused Eren to second guess college? He dreamed of leaving this town and experiencing college for who knew how long before Levi met him and made him believe it was possible.

“No. (Well, now I am). I just want to know how you feel about me not going to college. I could continue to work at The Underground and find another job during the day.”

“Eren, I appreciate you asking, but it doesn’t matter how I feel. It’s your life. If you’ve changed your mind about attending college, I’ll support you in that decision. But I don’t want you to make this decision for dumb reasons, like worrying about if you can handle college level classes, or what it will mean for us.”

Eren curled on his side, hiding more of his face in the cushion before deciding he needed to see Levi’s reaction and sitting up.

“What if I can’t go because I wasn’t accepted?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Stohess waitlisted me and I really don’t want to go to Shiganshina Community College. If I have to stay in this town, I’d rather spend my time working to save up money.”

Levi’s eyes widened. “You were waitlisted? That’s great, Eren. I mean, there is no guarantee that you’ll be taken off the waitlist, but to even make it to the waitlist is impressive. SU is a difficult school to get into.”

Eren shrugged. Maybe it was impressive, but at the end of the day he still wasn’t accepted and that’s all that mattered to him.

“I’m sorry.”

Levi frowned. “What for?”

“For not being good enough. You and Marco and everyone else spent so much time helping me apply and I didn’t get in. And I know that you don’t want an apology or want me to feel like I’m not good enough — and most of the time I don’t feel that way anymore, because you helped me see I don’t owe anyone anything, only myself — but, I applied for me, and it’s like the universe is telling me that I’m not good enough and I don’t deserve to get in.”

“Eren…”

Eren clenched his fists at his sides. “So I have to be better. I’ve made mistakes, and this is the consequence. If I hadn’t emotionally imploded after my mom died, maybe my grades would be better and I wouldn’t have had to wrestle letters of recommendation from my teachers. I can’t do anything about that now, I have to deal with it. It’s really not too bad, I get to spend more time with you and…yeah. I’ll figure something out. Maybe I’ll take a few courses at SCC and then apply to Stohess as a transfer. No matter what, I’m going to get into Stohess, even if I have to reapply every semester and get a recommendation letter from the mayor.”

“Come here.” Levi opened his arms and Eren repositioned himself to fall against Levi’s chest. “Who are you and what have you done with my brat,” he said softly, only half-joking.

“I left him crying in the bathtub. He’s probably drowned himself in tears by now, so you’ll have to make do with me.”

“Hmm,” Levi furrowed his brows in contemplation, “and who are you?”

“Him, but better. You’ll see.”

Levi laughed at Eren’s serious expression, squeezing the boy tighter in his embrace. “Oh, I don’t doubt you. Never have.”

  
***

Cover letters were the dumbest shit. Who cares how suited he believed himself to be for the position? They were looking to hire someone and he’s applying. He can be trained. Plus, doesn’t it work against him to say he is suited to working at a gas station? There is nothing wrong with having that job, it’s a needed job, but writing about how his life experiences have qualified him for this position is doing nothing for his self-esteem. Maybe he’s writing it wrong. He’ll have to call Armin for help later.

On the library table lay a stack of job applications for local shops and restaurants. Eren surprised himself with how many he filled out already. Rather than feeling dread at the prospect of working in this tiny town, filling out the applications gave him a sense of accomplishment. He was moving forward, working towards his goal of being someone Levi can depend on. Even if it was only having extra cash to take Levi out for once. He relied too much on the other man and down the road that would only hurt their relationship. Knowing this, writing shit cover letter after shittier cover letter became bearable.

“The pizza shop across from my parent’s store is looking for delivery boys. You could apply there.”

Eren turned up his nose at Annie’s suggestion. He didn’t want to return home smelling like pizza every day. Now if a coffee shop were hiring, that would be a different story. Asking if she knew of any, Eren waited as Annie rubbed her chin in thought.

“I think so, I can’t remember the name of the shop right now though. I’ll look it up and get back to you.”

“Cool, thanks Annie.”

Annie nodded, pushing her books to the corner of the library table so she could rest her elbows in the space in front of her and lean towards Eren.

“Sooo…”

Eren looked up from the application he was filling out and rolled his eyes. “Spit it out.”

“You and Levi, huh?”

Annie was flabbergasted by the soft expression radiating across Eren’s face.

“Yeah. Me and Levi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE OFF OF COMMENTS


	24. I Just Needed You To Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter, so I hope that makes up for the waiting time. Next update will hopefully be end of March, but everything is tentative because college and depression.
> 
> Chapter song by Mae.

Armin reached across the cafeteria table to prod Eren in the arm.

Green eyes flickered away from the apple being spun slowly in his hands. “Sorry, Armin, did you say something?”

“I asked if you heard back from any of the places you applied to yet.”

“The gas station convenience store, unsurprisingly, turned me down. I guess you steal from them a few times and it makes you untrustworthy or something. Annie thinks a coffee shop is hiring and she’s looking into it for me. But otherwise, I haven’t heard back yet. I only handed in my applications two days ago after all.”

Armin leaned forward and squinted at Eren before drawing back with a worried frown. “If you’re not worried about the job applications, why have you been spacing out all lunch? Is it…is everything okay?”

“Levi and I are fine. Great actually. That’s not what has me anxious.” Eren released a long sigh. “Tonight is our last basketball game and we’ve made it to the finals so the other team is going to be really hard to beat.” Eren tossed the apple back and forth between his hands until Jean intercepted and snatched it.

“Hey!”

“Don’t get so worked up, Jaeger. We’ll crush ‘em to a pulp.” Eren reached for the apple but Jean leaned sideways into Marco and held his arm high in the air while his other held Eren at bay. “Connie, heads up!”

Jean tossed the apple to the other end of the table, pumping his fist in the air when the buzzcut shaven kid caught it.

“Springer, give me back my apple!”

“Are you going to keep whining or do something, Jaeger?” Jean murmured in his ear with a broad smile on his face as his friend became worked up, no traces of anxiety left in his vibrant eyes.

For the rest of the day Connie pouted over the sandwich Eren squished when he jumped on top of the cafeteria table and stomped his way to where Connie sat, the smaller boy’s eyes growing wide in fear as the approaching boy tackled him before he could pass the apple to someone else.

In the aftermath, Connie sidled up to Sasha to ask for comfort (and some lunch since his had a footprint in it) but his girlfriend only tsked at him, telling him he should know better than to take someone’s food, then promptly ignored his whining as the rest of the table snickered at the callous treatment.

After school, Jean drove Eren home. The game started at 8pm and Coach didn’t want them at the gym until 7:30pm.

“Want to hang out until the game?” Eren offered, tilting his head to indicate the front door of Rosewall Court.

“Sorry, I told Marco I’d hang out at his and have dinner with his family.”

Eren straightened. “So you told him?”

“Yeah, a few days ago. He’s still upset, but it’s more disappointment than actually being mad. You know Marco, he can’t be mad for long.”

“I’m glad everything is good between you guys. Do you know where you’re going next year?”

Jean sighed, flopping back against the driver’s seat and brushing a hand through his hair. “Not really. I hadn’t given college much thought before, but now that I’m running out of time and forced to think about it…” Jean ran his hand through his hair again. “Ugh. I really regret not applying to SU. They are the only college on this half of the country with a good astrophysics program. I’m thinking of going to SCC for a semester and then trying to transfer.” Jean shrugged. “We’ll see. What about you? Have you heard back yet?”

“Stohess waitlisted me. I might do the same as you with SCC and then transfer, but right now I’m applying to jobs and planning to work until I can reapply.”

“Mm.” Jean nodded. “Congrats on the waitlist though.”

Eren scoffed, and Jean twisted in his seat to face him better. “Dude, a waitlist is still a chance. I would kill for that chance. But not really, because Marco wouldn’t date a murderer.”

Eren released a single chuckle. “That’s your reasoning against killing? Because Marco would break up with you?”

“There are other reasons. Marco just happens to be number one. Anyway, I should go. Do you need a ride to the game tonight?”

“No, Levi is driving me. Thanks, though. Say hi to Marco for me.”

Eren exited the Jeep and waved Jean off. It would be another three hours until Levi returned from work, so he passed the time playing Skyrim on the PS4 Levi bought them during the holiday season. After Thanksgiving when the Christmas fever spread like a vicious plague, Levi asked him about his religious views in the case that he needed to hack down a tree, and that conversation lead to the discovery that they are both agnostic. Despite this, the holiday spirit was an excuse to buy new shit, resulting in the shiny black PS4 hooked up to the TV in the living room, a NutriBullet blender in the kitchen cabinet, and the completely unnecessary but stupidly entertaining lava lamp resting on Eren’s nightstand.

When Levi returned from work Eren stood in the kitchen, having discarded his game in favor of cooking chicken in a skillet and periodically checking the covered pot resting on the backburner of the stove. Levi lifted the cover to peer inside at the white sauce pasta and cooked veggies.

“Tonight’s your big game, I could’ve cooked dinner.”

Eren shrugged, turning off the oven and transferring the chicken to a cutting board where he sliced it into thin strips before dumping it in the pot. “I needed something to distract me and Armin sent me this recipe. He said it’s good to eat pasta before a game.”

Levi moved past Eren to the cupboard where they stored their glasses. “Water?”

“Yeah.”

Eren spooned the pasta and chicken into two bowls and carried them to the dining room table where Levi joined him with their beverages.

“Are Hange and Erwin coming tonight?” Eren stabbed his fork into a piece of bow tie pasta then a broccoli floret.

“Hange had a date planned tonight—”

“Oh, that’s fin—”

“—so they’re dragging the guy with them because, and I quote, ‘No way in heckles am I missing precious Eren’s championship game’.” Eren smiled, eating the food on his fork.

“Erwin is coming as well. He’s really looking forward to it. Since he tries to manage everything by himself, his work has been piling up and he hasn’t had a night to himself in a while.”

“Then why would he come see my high school basketball game?”

Levi responded with a “Why wouldn’t he come see your game?” and the topic ended there. Levi suspected Erwin was in competition with Hange for who would be his best man — partner? person — at the no-time-soon wedding. Whatever their reasons, he was secretly glad they were coming to support Eren. It meant a lot to him, and Levi could tell Eren was relieved that his best friends accepted him, just as Levi felt relieved when Eren’s friends accepted him when they ate together at Maria’s two weeks ago.

“What time do you need to be at the school, again?”

“7:30. Coach wants us to warm up before the other team gets there.” Levi nodded his understanding as he swallowed a bite of chicken.

“What do you want to do until then? Do you have homework?”

Eren pushed his chair back from the table and jogged to the couch where his backpack lay. He unzipped the main pocket and withdrew a folder, pulling a pencil from another compartment in his bag before returning to the table. “I don’t want to do my math homework after the game,” he explained apologetically before splitting his attention between taking a bite of pasta and writing down equations.

Levi didn’t mind the silent dinner, content to eat his meal and watch Eren work, a smile forming unbidden at the concentrated furrow between Eren’s brows. He only interrupted Eren’s work to ask if he wanted a second serving, transferring the leftovers into tupperware and placing it in the fridge at the shake of Eren’s head, then moving to the living room to read a book.

“Levi, it’s time to go,” Eren said, rocking Levi’s shoulder back and forth to draw the older male’s attention away from the world he lost himself in. Levi set the book on the side table and looked at Eren who was dressed in his sleeveless white basketball jersey with red trimmings on the side and red basketball shorts. Number 5. Not that Levi needed to know his number. He could spot Eren in a crowd of five hundred basketball players with his mop of brown hair alone.

“Right. Let me grab my keys. Do you have your—” Eren waved his water bottle in the air then placed it in the side pocket of his basketball bag. He grabbed his jacket and slid his arms into it, hugging himself tightly to fight off the goosebumps. He couldn’t wait to be at the court and running drills to warm up. It was fucking freezing outside and he was in shorts.

Eren’s leg bounced up and down in the car on the way to the school. Levi tried to think of something reassuring to say but words failed him. He intertwined his hand with Eren’s. The bouncing didn’t completely stop but it became an occasional twitch instead of a jackhammer.

They were early and Eren glued himself to Levi until Jean arrived, gripping Eren by the shoulders and pushing him onto the court to take practice shots. Levi sat in the stands and watched, responding to messages from Hange — yes I’ll save a seat for your date — and Erwin — just come in your suit, no one cares, yes I’m still in my suit.

On the courts, Jean took shot after shot while Eren stood there dribbling. Jean chucked his ball at Eren, hitting him in the shoulder.

“Hey, fucknut, what was that for?!”

“Are you angry at me?” Jean asked calmly, crossing to where Eren stood, keeping a careful eye on the ball in Eren’s hands.

“Of course I’m angry, you fucking threw a ball at me for no goddamn reason!”

“Needed to make sure you weren’t a hologram, you’re just standing there dribbling,” Jean lightly replied, moving in front of Eren and putting his arms out to block.

Eren rolled his eyes then steeled his expression, letting a momentary smile slip in gratitude for Jean’s distraction tactic. Eren faked to the left before jumping from where he stood to shoot over Jean’s head, grinning at the swish of the basket.

Jean lightly flicked him on the ear. “Get your head in the game, Jaeger.”

Eren broke out in laughter, holding his stomach as he doubled over, and it drew the attention of their arriving teammates.

“What stupid thing did Jean say this time?”

“Fuck you, Connie.”

“Sorry Jean, I don’t think Marco is into threesomes.”

The banter only made Eren laugh harder and he placed a hand on Reiner’s shoulder to support himself. Mylius and Connie were picking on Jean, Nac was calling to get Marco’s attention and Jean was struggling to get Franz off him so he could place his hand over Nac’s mouth to shut him up. Reiner and Eren watched and soaked in the happiness of being with their team. Eren’s nerves washed off him as if they never existed. They had no place existing in the first place, his team was the best.

Jean broke free from Franz’ grip and pushed past the annoying duo of Connie and Mylius to stand beside Eren. “You good?”

“Yeah.” He grinned broadly. “We’re all in this together, after all.”

Jean rolled his eyes but smiled as he shoved Eren’s shoulder. “Let’s go, asshole. Coach is calling us.”

“I love you too, Jean-bo.” Eren blew a kiss and Connie and Mylius wasted no time ragging on Jean again, fluttering their lashes at him and swinging their clasped hands together, whispering Jean-bo in his ears.

Jean cast a desperate glance at his boyfriend. Mylius and Connie stepped aside a little as Marco approached.

“What’s wrong, Jean-bo?” Jean sighed as his teammates descended into raucous laughter.

“Huddle up, team.” They repressed their laughter and surrounded Coach Zacharius, only the occasional jab to the ribs or snort remaining of their giddy mood.

“Alright, team. This is it. The game we have been working towards all season.” Coach made eye contact with every team member as he spoke. “I couldn’t be prouder of the team standing in front of me and all the hard work you put in over the past months. I know practices weren’t easy, and the long hours after school cut into your social lives. But tonight is when it all becomes worth it. Because tonight, we will win the championship.” Coach waited for the roars of approval to die down. “Don’t forget what we went over. Communicate to each other on the court. Work together to set up strong blocks. Keep your eye on the movement around you and anticipate their moves before they make them.” The serious faces around him were appreciated but a little too intense at the same time. “Alright, go do your cheer and get on the court.” Coach Zacharius stepped away and the huddled bodies shifted to fill the empty spot.

“What should we cheer this time? Anyone got a good meme on their mind?”

Marco tentatively raised his hand, which caused some laughter since they were at a basketball game, not in a classroom. “What if we cheer ‘Shiganshina’ this time? To honor our school. The mascot sucks but our school doesn’t, and I think our classmates and teachers and parents, and everyone else from our community who came to cheer for us tonight, will appreciate it.”

“Fuck, Marco, don’t make me cry,” Reiner mumbled, rubbing a thumb under his eye.

Judging by the uproarious shouts of ‘woo!’ and indiscernible screaming, the crowd appreciated the recognition. Not once throughout the game did their support wane, even as Shiganshina High School slipped further and further behind Trost Private Academy in points.

Coach Zacharius called a time out and let Jean fulfill his team captain responsibility of raising morale. “Alright, team. Shit may be hitting the fan but we’re still in the kitchen. Uh, I have no idea where I was going with that. Can I get a do-over?” His teammates chuckled and released some tension in their shoulders.

“Way to fuck up your only important duty as team captain,” Eren snickered. Jean glared at him halfheartedly.

“Alright, Jaeger. If you think you can give an inspirational speech, I’d like to see you try.” Jean crossed his arms expectantly. “Go on, then.”

Eren’s eyes widened but he composed himself quickly before Jean noticed. Fine, he could give an inspirational speech. He gave himself one every morning to get himself out of bed and to school. If he didn’t get out of bed he wouldn’t get to school, and if he didn’t go to school he wouldn’t appreciate that feeling of returning home at the end of the day.

“Listen up. We are going to continue to put everything we have into our playing, and you know why? Because if we don’t, we will lose. We might lose anyway. But at least we’ll know we put everything out there and have no regrets about losing. Got it?”

Crickets could be heard in the distance. “How many times did he say we are going to lose?” Connie whispered to Mylius.

“How the hell is that inspirational?” Jean shouted and Eren shouted right back, “At least I wasn’t talking about shit on the fan!” Coach watched the proceedings and shook his head in his hand.

“Guys, we don’t have time for this. We have to get back on the court soon.”

“Right, right. Okay.” Jean straightened up and made eye contact with each of his teammates. “Guys, we’ve worked hard these past months to get where we are today. We are going to put everything into our playing so no matter the outcome, we know we did our absolute best. Run as fast as you can up and down that court, block to your best ability, and take shot after shot until they go in. Don’t forget to rebound. Let’s go kick some Trost ass!”

“Yeah!” Multiple voices shout in unison.

As they jogged back onto the court, Eren poked Jean in the ribs, causing the boy to jump slightly and squeal. “Your speech was a combination of Coach’s and mine. I’m calling plagiarism.”

“Shut up, Eren. It worked, didn’t it? We’re all pumped again for the final quarter.”

“Yeah, yeah. Good job, Team Captain.”

“Hey.” Jean smiled. “I bet I can score more points than you this quarter.”

Eren laughed. “You’re on.”

Shiganshina played much better than Trost in the final quarter, but there were too many points between them and Trost and time was not on their side though the majority of the fans in the stands were.

Connie initiated a genius tactic to call each other by various nicknames to confuse the Trost team and prevent them from understanding who was attempting to pass to who. Instead of yelling “Jean” to get his attention, Connie yelled “Horseface.” Likewise, Jean shouted for “Aang.” If they weren’t in the middle of a make or break championship game, Jean would have burst into laughter at how quickly Eren responded to “Asshole.”

The confusion gained them a few more baskets. The clock ticked down to the final three minutes of the game and the score held at Trost - 84, Shiganshina - 80. As a Trost player took a shot, Reiner jumped and knocked the ball out of the air. Mylius quickly caught the rebound and gave a chest pass to Eren who bolted up the court, backed by thundering footfalls and surrounded by cheering fans as the final seconds of the game ticked down. The Trost defense moved as one unit to block him. He could attempt to shake them and make a beeline for the basket but that would waste precious time. In his peripheral, he spotted Jean. His teammate was uncovered, the Trost defense not noticing him yet, but it was only a matter of seconds before the Trost offense caught up and moved to intercept. Deciding quickly, Eren gave up on taking the shot and passed the ball to Jean. Trost’s offense arrived but it was too late. The ball swooshed through the hoop and the buzzer rang to signal the end of the game.

Trost’s team jumped in the air and shouted in joy. Final score 84-83. Jean hung his head in defeat but Eren didn’t let that last for long, clapping his friend on the back and congratulating him on a great shot.

“Time was against us. It was nothing you did, but a million small things we all could have done differently throughout the game. Come on Jean, you have to give your team an inspirational speech. I can feed you lines again if you want.”

Jean cracked a smile at the dig, clapping his arm harshly around Eren’s shoulders and jostling him as they ambled together to the bench where the rest of their team waited. Jean was saved from having to find the right words to heal his disappointed teammates by Coach Zacharius, who knelt on the ground in front of them.

“I know you’re all probably feeling upset. With yourselves, your teammates, or me for not coaching you better.” Coach held up a hand to silence the denials and assurances that they could never blame him. “But I want you to know I’m not upset. Sure, we lost, and it was a fucking close game too. So close, we might as well have won. And that’s what I want you guys to leave this season feeling, like winners. I couldn’t be any prouder of how well you played tonight. Our school has never been this close to winning a championship game. Be proud of yourselves for showing everyone that Shiganshina High School is not a team to take lightly. Trost will never forget it. In fact, they will always wonder if they deserved their trophy, having won by only a single point.”

After a teary cheer, the team lined up to shake hands with their competitors. Trost’s team and fans left the gymnasium quickly, no doubt on their way to celebrate. Shiganshina’s team was just as quick to leave, joining their families and friends to go home and leave this night behind.

Eren patted Jean on the shoulder, said goodbye to the rest of his teammates, and strode towards his fan group. Hange rushed forward to embrace him, rocking him side to side as they spewed words meant to comfort but only caused slight irritation. Eren bestowed a grateful smile upon Moblit, Hange’s date, as he pulled them off of him. Armin smiled self-consciously as he praised Eren on a great game, uncertain if the praise was more hurtful than kind, before darting off to find their other friends. Levi ruffled Eren’s hair and Eren leaned into the touch.

They hung around the gym for a few minutes since Erwin and Hange did take time out of their busy lives to watch his team lose the championship game. Once the niceties were played out and Levi promised to invite them over for dinner sometime soon, Levi draped his heavy coat over Eren’s shoulders and walked him hand in hand to the car.

“You’re taking this a lot better than I expected,” Levi commented, glancing away from the road for a moment to read Eren’s expression. Eren hummed and closed his eyes as he shuffled down in the passenger seat, turning on the seat warmer.

“I’m surprised too. I was a wreck all day. But now that the worst has happened, it’s really not that bad. So I don’t get a trophy or the prestige, big deal. At the end of the night I played a great game alongside my friends and I’m going home with you, who I know will find a way to cheer me up.” Eren opened his eyes to smirk at Levi, ensuring he understood his meaning.

“You sure you’re not too tired?” Levi tried. He was certainly tired.

“Nope,” Eren replied, popping the ‘p.’ Levi released a long-suffering sigh, but he wasn’t half as opposed as he pretended to be and Eren knew it.

They stripped and stepped into the shower together. Levi stood back and waited as Eren fiddled with the dials until the temperature and pressure were to his preference, slightly too hot and beating down hard like a massage. Levi reached over him and softened the pressure. The heat he could deal with, but he didn’t want droplets falling on his head like liquid hammers as he sucked Eren off.

Eren’s head tipped back to lean against the shower wall and the pants of praise falling from his mouth were great, but an idea struck Levi. He removed his lips from around Eren’s head. “Hey, Eren. Want to try something new?”

Eren lazily rolled his head down to make eye contact with Levi. “Like what?”

Levi raised himself off his knees, bending and extending his legs a few times to shake off the pain from kneeling on the shower tiles. In response to Eren’s question, he slipped his hands behind Eren to cup his ass. When the message wasn’t clear enough, he dragged a finger down the seam. Eren jumped slightly and Levi quickly removed his hands.

“If you’re not interested or ready, that’s fine. It was only a suggestion.”

“No, I’m fine. It just surprised me, is all. Um, yeah. Go for it.”

The lack of excitement gave Levi pause. “If you don’t want to, you can say so. You know that.”

Eren leaned forward to peck Levi on the lips. “I know, and thank you. But I really was just surprised. And maybe a little nervous. I’ve…” Eren cast his eyes down before glancing up through his wet fringe. “I’ve never taken anything before.”

Levi brushed Eren’s hair behind his ear. “That’s fine, we’ll go slow. Tell me to stop at any time for any reason. Promise?”

Eren pressed his lips against Levi’s in a heated kiss, pulling back before they got lost in it. “I promise.” Three words sprung to his mind and Eren almost spoke them aloud, thankfully managing to tightly seal his lips before they escaped. He loved Levi. He loved Levi so much it hurt. But he knew this wasn’t the right moment to tell him. Eren didn’t believe in waiting for “perfect” moments since they rarely occurred and pre-planning them removed the spontaneous emotion encompassing the words. He wanted to shout the words at Levi in the middle of a Walmart aisle, not wait until they were cozily settled on a picnic blanket to reveal his feelings. Needing to express the emotion somehow, he grabbed Levi’s wrist and pulled it to his mouth, peeking his tongue out between his lips to wrap around Levi’s pointer finger. Levi’s breath hitched. A devilish smirk spread across his lips and he prodded Eren’s mouth with a second finger. Eren opened his mouth wider to accept it, running his tongue around and between the digits.

Once his fingers were sufficiently slick with Eren’s spit, Levi removed them from his mouth. “Turn around for me.”

Eren faced the showerhead, bending slightly with his hands on the wall as Levi directed.

“I’m going to insert the first finger. It will feel a little uncomfortable.” Eren’s muscles clenched, rejecting the foreign touch. “Just breathe.” Eren followed Levi’s instruction, and combined with the soothing hand running up and down his side, Eren relaxed his body. The finger wiggled inside and Eren’s body tried to reject it again.

“We can stop anytime,” Levi reminded. Eren refused to stop, taking a deep breathe and letting the finger squirm further inside. Levi slowly moved his finger in and out until it met no resistance.

“I’m going to put the second finger in now,” Levi said as Eren felt it push against his rim. The stretch initially hurt but under Levi’s gentle care Eren bore through it. Levi peppered kisses up and down his back. “You’re doing great. Much better than I did my first time.”

Eren unintentionally tightened, never having considered Levi bottoming to someone. Levi put space between them to see Eren’s expression better.

“What’s with that reaction?”

Eren shrugged a shoulder, an awkward movement since he still supported himself against the shower wall with his outstretched arms. “Just surprised you bottomed to someone.”

“Why?”

“I dunno. I guess ‘cause you’re so…alpha male?”

“Eren,” Levi sighed, pressing his forehead against Eren’s shoulder blades. “Get it out of your head that sex roles are defined by certain attributes. The only people who decide those roles are the people having sex. Is that why you let me finger you? Because you thought you had to be the bottom when we have sex one day?”

“Sort of.” Eren turned his head to face Levi. “But it’s not like I’m opposed to it. I’ve never wanted to bottom till I met you.”

Levi quirked a brow. “Oh?”

Eren moved his hips back, pressing further onto Levi’s fingers and releasing a low moan. “I imagine what it will feel like to have you inside me.” Eren drew forward then pressed back again, fucking himself on Levi’s fingers as Levi watched. “For you to be so close you’re a part of me. I want you to take me apart then put me back together. And afterwards, I’ll be the little spoon.”

Levi’s dick was on board for everything Eren said, but the contrasting childishness of who would be the little spoon caught him off guard. Levi failed to stifle his laugh which came out as a snort, followed by many loud, uninhibited laughs thereafter.

“Stop laughing,” Eren said as he whacked Levi on the arm, smiling himself. “I’ll be losing my butt virginity so that means you have to pamper me. And I’m calling dibs on little spoon.”

“When aren’t you the little spoon?”

“Good point. Still, I want to be clear about your pampering duties.”

“So you want to be pampered?” Levi stilled Eren’s hips with his free hand, pushing his fingers deeper inside Eren then slowly pulling them out, ensuring that he dragged them against Eren’s walls.

“L-Levi…” Eren dropped his head between his arms and groaned. “More.”

“What? I thought you wanted to be pampered? I’m going to go nice and slow and gentle.”

“Levi,” Eren half-sobbed as Levi circled around his prostate but never touched it.

“Hm?” Levi nibbled on Eren’s earlobe while maintaining a steady pace with his hand.

“Please, I want to come.” Eren’s body shook from the slow torture. After adjusting to the sensation and the stretch, every movement of Levi’s fingers was pleasure. His only complaint was that it was too light, too soft. Eren wanted to feel those fingers pound into him and bruise him from the inside, leaving a mark. Levi cursed when Eren said as much.

“Here, turn back around.” Eren whined at the loss of Levi’s fingers but did as he was told. Levi slipped his arm between Eren’s legs and pressed his fingers back inside.

“Levi. Levi.”

“What?” Levi turned his eyes away from where his fingers were disappearing inside Eren’s body and up to meet Eren’s hazy gaze. Eren gripped Levi tightly by the hair and pulled his face to meet his, devouring him in a greedy kiss. Eren’s tongue licked at Levi’s lips, asking for entry that Levi granted. Eren’s delectable moans never reached the echoing bathroom walls, swallowed instantly by Levi. When he pressed harshly on Eren’s prostate the teen’s mouth separated from his, needing to scream. Levi transitioned to circling around the nub, giving Eren the necessary time to catch his breath.

“Wait,” Eren panted, weakly pushing Levi’s chest off him. He reached between them, gripping both of them in his hand. Levi grit his teeth as Eren’s hand moved. Lips sloppily moved together, unable to cover the sounds of pleasure as Eren pulsed around Levi’s finger and they both pulsed within Eren’s grasp. They reached release at the same time, barely managing to stifle the sound with each other’s mouths. Levi withdrew his fingers and they both sunk to the shower floor.

“I’m exhausted,” Eren complained, flopping against Levi’s side.

“This was all your idea, I feel obligated to remind you.” Levi grabbed Eren’s hand and mindlessly rubbed circles atop it with his thumb.

“And it was a great idea.”

“…It was a pretty great idea.” Eren smiled and kissed him on the cheek, withdrawing with a smacking sound.

Levi sighed. “Since this was your first fingering, I suppose I can indulge you this once and carry your tired body to bed.” Eren beamed at him.

“Even though I’m just as tired…” Eren continued to beam at him and raised his arms like a child demanding to be picked up. Levi sighed again, standing up and scooping his lover into his arms. With Levi’s hands occupied holding Eren, Eren reached for the shower dials and twisted them off. Levi decided it was too much trouble to set Eren down to dry off then carry to his room so he brought them to the bedroom first then returned to the bathroom for towels, tossing one at Eren to dry himself with.

Eren tossed his wet towel on the floor then crawled under the sheets. Levi frowned at him but ultimately tossed his towel on top of Eren’s, shutting off the lights and following Eren under the warm covers. Levi’s breathing slowed, mind and body ready to fall asleep.

“Ahem.”

Levi didn’t bother opening his eyes. He turned on his side and wrapped an arm around Eren’s waist, dragging the teen against his chest and curling around him.

“Goodnight, Levi.”

“Goodnight, Eren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I don’t want to say “sorry not sorry” about them losing the championship game, but I am. Don’t worry about it, though. I hope the dirty shower scene and fluffy end was enough appeasement until the next chapter.
> 
> 2\. Please please comment. If you want to. Don’t feel forced to, I’m just a comment whore.


	25. I Will Be There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fucktoly this is it!!!!!!! Warning for sexy times ahead. This is Top!Levi, Bottom!Eren. In general. You’ll see. I plan nothing, I just write.
> 
> Holy shit this chapter would not end. I spent the entire day writing because I thought there was only a little that needed to happen before this chapter was complete but it kept going and now it’s basically a double chapter. Enjoy!

Three days passed since the championship game. With the season over, the basketball player’s afternoons were free to spend as they wished. Instead of basketball practice, most of the team on any given day could be found…playing basketball.

Pick-up games formed in the school’s gymnasium after school. Eren, Jean, Reiner, and Connie were almost always there. Nac and Mylius frequently joined, and non-players were more than welcome. Bertholdt, Marco, Armin, Annie, and Sasha added a welcome surprise element to the games, since the basketball team never knew what to expect from them. Playing against your teammates quickly became boring when familiarity told you what move they would make before they made it.

They were in the middle of a scrimmage when Coach Zacharius interrupted.

“Jaeger! Kirschtein! In my office, now.” The boys’ spines stiffened. They glanced at each other nervously before jogging to catch up to their coach.

The man’s office was cleaner now that the basketball season was over. All the drills and game results were stored in binders on his bookshelf instead of scattered across the two guest chairs. The whiteboard still smelled of lemon from being wiped clean of plays. Everything found a new place, including Coach Zacharius. Instead of sitting in his swivel chair as he normally would, he stood beside his desk. An unfamiliar woman sat in his chair, dressed in a grey suit and black button down shirt.

“Boys, take a seat.” Coach Zacharius waved his hand at the guest chairs.

Jean glanced at Eren and Eren read the confusion and slight fear on his face, wondering if they were in trouble. Eren wondered the same, but had a much better poker face from experience dealing with the law. Jean lowered himself slowly into the chair, whereas Eren plopped himself down, acting unconcerned.

“You boys can relax. You’re not in trouble,” the woman in the suit chuckled. “Quite the opposite. Ah, let me introduce myself.” The woman reached into her suit jacket pocket, withdrawing two business cards which she passed across the desk. Eren and Jean lifted the cards, reading along as the woman introduced herself.

“My name is Ilse Langnar. I’m the coach of Stohess University’s basketball team.”

Eren and Jean simultaneously sucked in a breath, glancing up from the cards to the woman across from them.

“I came to your championship game a few nights ago, and though your team lost,” Jean cast his eyes down, “I am unable to forget what I saw. You,” Coach Langnar pointed at Jean, “were under immense pressure in those final seconds, yet your shot still went in. Very few players are able to keep a clear head under such pressure.”

Coach Langnar redirected her finger to point at Eren. “And you, you could have taken the shot at the end, claiming glory for yourself instead of giving the final shot to your teammate, but you understood he had a better chance at successfully taking the shot and gave up glory for the good of the team. You are both surprisingly mature players for being in high school. Some of my own players are not as mature as you.”

Eren pinched Jean on the leg to temper his friend's growing ego. Jean’s smirk evaporated as he scowled at Eren, who grinned back.

“Boys,” Coach Zacharius admonished, smiling despite himself.

“I do not know what your intentions are after high school in regards to basketball, but I have come today with an offer.” Coach Langnar steepled her fingers and Eren and Jean straightened their posture automatically in response.

“I would like to offer you both partial scholarships to Stohess University on the condition that you play for our team.”

Eren’s jaw dropped and Jean nearly fell out of his chair. “You want us to play basketball for Stohess?” Jean squeaked.

Coach Langnar chuckled. “Yes.”

“Do we,” Jean glanced at Eren. “Do we both have to accept your offer for it to stand?”

“No, you don’t. My offer is not conditional on you both accepting, though I would prefer it. You work well together.”

Eren’s hands shook in his lap. Was this really happening? How was this his life?

Coach Langnar stood up. “I must get back to Stohess now, but I have left detailed information with Coach Zacharius to discuss with you about my offer, and please don’t hesistate to contact me at the email address on my card if you have further questions. If possible, I would like to hear a response in two weeks time.”

Eren mindlessly shook the hand offered to him, but Coach Langnar understood. She smiled to herself as she left the stunned teenagers in the office.

“Congratulations, boys. Stohess is a great school.”

“Coach…”

Coach Zacharius waited for Jean to finish his sentence, but the dirty-blonde had nothing to say. Or rather, couldn’t express himself in words.

“Here are the packets Coach Langnar left with me.” Coach Zacharius passed two thick folders to the shocked teenagers. “Inside should be the breakdown of the basketball scholarship and other costs of Stohess University discounting whatever financial aid and academic scholarships you receive. There should also be a history of the basketball team’s successes in the past few years and information on what it means to play a sport at the college level. You will have to maintain a certain GPA to stay on the team, you know.”

“What if we can’t?”

Coach Zacharius appraised the brunet and shrugged. “I can’t say for sure, but you’ll probably be suspended from the team first, and if you still can’t raise your GPA, you’ll be kicked off the team and lose your scholarship.”

Eren would have gulped if his throat didn’t become as dry as the Sahara. This time Jean pinched Eren’s knee.

“Psh, as if that will happen. With Armin and Marco as our best friends, no way we’ll ever fail a class.”

Eren looked up at Jean. That’s right, Armin was accepted to SU. Armin didn’t tell him, considerate of Eren’s waitlisted position, but Eren found out through Marco and then promptly lifted his best friend in a celebratory hug.

“Read those packets and consider your options carefully. I’m here if you need someone to talk this decision over with.”

Jean and Eren stood, leaving their Coach’s office in a daze. Before reentering the gym where they could hear their friends still playing basketball, Jean grabbed Eren’s sleeve, pulling him to a stop.

“Let’s…let’s not say anything while we think this over.”

Eren frowned confusedly at Jean. “What is there to think over? Weren’t you just telling me that you would kill to go to Stohess?”

Jean ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. I just…I like to think things over carefully. If Marco finds out, I’ll almost have no choice but to go to SU. I need to consider what’s best for me - waiting a semester and applying as a transfer, or starting in the fall with the added pressure of playing a college sport.”

“Oh.” Eren knew little of college sports. How different could it be from playing on his high school team? From the way Jean was speaking, it was quite different.

“Okay, I won’t say anything. But what are we going to tell them when they ask why Coach called us to his office?”

Jean nibbled his bottom lip in thought. “Maybe half the truth? Like, he wanted to know what our post-graduation plans are for to basketball?”

Eren shrugged. “Yeah, sure. That sounds believable.”

They walked into the gymnasium trying too hard to appear casual, but their awkwardness wasn’t noticed by their friends who sat on the court snacking on chips pulled from Sasha’s backpack.

“Everything good?” Marco asked when he noticed his friends’ return.

“Yeah,” Jean responded. He reached for the chips and nothing more was said about his and Eren’s absence.

A few days passed and Eren mentioned nothing about the offer to Levi. For some reason, Jean’s nerves rubbed off on him. Eren pulled Jean to the side of the hallway as they were walking to the cafeteria for lunch. Their friends gave them a questioning glance but carried on when Eren explained that he had something to ask Jean.

“What’s up?” Jean asked, though he knew before Eren opened his mouth what this was about.

“Are you free after school?”

Jean nodded. “Meet me by my car.”

When the final bell rang, Eren waited by Jean’s car as his friend instructed. Jean came out of the school with Marco, shaking his head at whatever Marco asked, and the dark-haired boy’s shoulders dropped slightly before a forced smile positioned itself on his face.

“Everything okay?”

Jean shook his head. “Marco can tell something is up.” A beep sounded as Jean unlocked his jeep. Eren climbed in and Jean drove to the park where they once graffitied under the playground slide. That felt like someone else’s life, but it was his life less than a year ago.

No one was there, the winter chill keeping children inside. Eren and Jean sat on the playground’s swings and gently rocked themselves using the heels of their feet.

“Have you made a decision?”

Jean stopped rocking. “Yeah. You?”

“Yeah.”

“So…”

“I was deadset on SU from the start, that hasn’t changed.”

“Oh. Cool.”

“Well? Are you coming with me or not?”

Jean kicked off the ground, spraying powdery snow as he swung high. “Of course I’m coming with you. What sort of stupid question is that?”

“What are you saying?” Eren kicked off the ground as well, swinging his legs back and forth to reach Jean’s height. “It took you a week to decide!”

“Lies.”

“Whatever, Jean.” Eren slowed his swinging. “But really, what had you second-guessing?”

Jean continued to pump his legs. Eren thought his question would go unanswered, but after a few silent minutes, Jean’s swing gradually slowed until he placed his feet on the ground and stopped himself completely.

“Is it bad for Marco and I to go to the same college? I don’t want to break up and I don’t want him to find someone at Stohess while I’m taking classes at SCC, but what if being together for four years in college after four years of high school is too much time together and we feel suffocated by each other?”

“Geez, Jean. Breathe.”

“Did you consider how things between you and Levi will be if you’re in a long-distance relationship?”

“Hey! Leave my relationship out of this.”

“Right, sorry. But come on, you can’t not think about it. We’re supposed to find ourselves in college and grow as people, but can we really do that if we hang out with the same people we’ve always been around?”

Curse Jean and his tendency to see the big picture. This whole week, Eren thought about how great it was going to be for Marco, Jean, Armin, and him to be together for another four years. It never crossed his mind that they would want space from each other to form new friendships. 

“I wasn’t worried about any of this until you opened your big horse mouth.”

“Are you second guessing your decision?”

Eren snorted. “No. Nothing has changed. I always planned to reapply to Stohess if I worked the first year, or transfer if I went to SCC for a semester. It’s not like you guys would be with me at SCC, so if you don’t want to hang out with me at Stohess then what’s the difference, except I’m at the school I want to be at?”

“And Levi? At least at SCC, you can still live together.”

Eren pointedly glared at Jean. “Are you trying to get me to change my mind?”

Jean raised his hands in defense. “No, Eren. But you don’t think things through, and I want to make sure you’ve considered this decision from every angle before making up your mind.”

Eren cast his eyes to his beat up Converse, knowing Jean was right and grateful that his friend wanted to prevent him from making a choice he may regret, but not willing to speak his gratitude aloud. Jean understood though, if that nod and smile meant anything. Stupid horseface.

They talked awhile longer, watching the sun dip below the tree line. Jean offered him a ride home but Eren declined, wanting more time to think—this time without the pressure that came with someone watching him think. All Eren thought of as they rocked slightly on their swings, lost in their own thoughts, was what Jean was thinking about and if he was waiting for Eren to say more. It was not a conducive environment for self-introspection.

The evening was chilly. Though Eren’s fingers hurt from the cold, he welcomed the air shocking his body into an alertness that allowed him to overturn Jean’s points and prod himself for his original feelings and thoughts, unclouded from Jean’s insight.

As he told Jean, it made little difference in the grand scheme of things if their little group didn’t stay together in college, though it would be dishonest to say it wouldn’t bother him. Despite the shit he’s done and the callous way he treated his friends for years, they stayed by his side. Eren knew friendships like that were rarer than rare to find.

As for Levi, Eren wasn’t worried. They had endured a lot together; three hours distance was nothing, not with Skype and long weekends. Before he knew it, he would be back home for Thanksgiving break. The time apart would make them appreciate their time together even more. Or it would leave a hole for someone else to fill.

God, he hated his brain sometimes. Was that last thought really necessary?

Eren unlocked the apartment door with the key attached to his necklace and shuffled inside, careful to remove his boots on the tray beside the door meant to catch melting snow.

“I’m back!” Eren called out, wondering where Levi was. He turned the corner and saw the man stirring a pot of pasta on the stove.

“What took so long?” Levi glanced up briefly to acknowledge Eren then back to his pasta. Eren watched as Levi’s previously relaxed expression shifted and he dropped his slotted spoon on the counter, turning to Eren with worried eyes.

“Are you okay? Why are your cheeks so red?” Levi pressed his hands to aforementioned cheeks. “You’re freezing!”

Eren leaned backwards to get Levi’s contrastingly burning-warm hands off of him. “Jean and I were hanging out at the park and lost track of time. Then I wanted to walk home.”

“Oh.” Levi appraised him in what resembled an accusing look but Eren knew was gentle curiosity. “Did you guys get in a fight?”

Eren tilted his head slightly, confused why Levi would think that until, “Oh, no. I just wanted some time to think alone so I turned down his offer for a ride. Actually, there’s something I need to talk to you about. After dinner,” he added, as Levi looked ready to let the pasta overcook in favor of talking.

“You sure?” Levi’s hand twitched at his side, almost like it was about to reach up and card through Eren’s hair but wasn’t sure if it was allowed. Eren quickly grabbed the hand and intertwined it with his. Their conversation wasn’t anything about _that_.

“Yeah, it can wait.”

“Alright.” Levi squeezed his hand. "Why don’t you take a shower to warm up? Dinner will be another few minutes."

After dinner they sat on the living room couch, Eren’s legs crossed underneath him and Levi sitting primly beside him, slightly more straight-backed than normal. The dinner dishes were soaking in the sink; Levi said there was no rush to clean them.

“Okay, so…Well, first off, I’m sorry for not mentioning this to you earlier, but Jean wanted time to think about it without anyone influencing him and I promised not to tell anyone, which probably didn’t include you because I know you wouldn’t tell anyone if I told you not to, but still, I didn’t want Jean to be pressured and I guess I knew he was right,” Eren sucked in a breath before continuing, “and I wanted to be free from those pressures as well. I mean, I know you would never pressure me, but that would sorta be worse, since this was a big decision and you’d just go along with whatever I wanted because you’re great like that. But sometimes I need a push in a direction. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“Yes, you are.” Levi spoke slowly, hesitant for Eren to continue. Eren’s monologue only confused him more. Eren wanted to tell him a secret of Jean’s? Or he and Jean had the same secret? Pressure him into deciding what?

“You look like you’re doing mental acrobatics.”

“I feel like I am. Eren, please just tell me what it is you want to say.”

Eren shuffled on the couch so his legs were pressed against his chest and his arms were wrapped around them. He cleared his throat. “Okay, um, so basically the basketball coach from Stohess saw our championship game and came by last week to offer Jean and I partial scholarships to play for their team.”

Levi drew in a shaky breath. In nothing more than a whisper, as if he couldn’t afford to let too much breath out, he said, “What?”

Eren went rigid. “Um, I said Jean and I were offered positions on the Stohess basketball team. And we’re going to accept. So I’m, uh, going to Stohess University in the fall?”

Eren cringed inwardly at how he turned it into a question. But it was, wasn’t it? Nothing was final until he knew how Levi felt. After his waitlisting, they had talked about the jobs Eren could get and the night classes he could take at SCC, all the while continuing to live with Levi in the same comfortable existence they had created for themselves. Neither had deeply considered a long-distance relationship. Even when Eren applied to Stohess, they never bothered to discuss the possibility, since it was only that. Now it wasn’t only a possibility, but a truth.

“Eren.”

Eren watched fearfully as a tear slipped from Levi’s eye. Fuuuucckkkkk. He made Levi cry. When had he ever seen Levi cry? Not fucking once in the months he’s lived with the man, not even when cutting onions.

“Please don’t cry, Levi. We’ll figure this out. I want to stay together. We can make long-distance work. Please.” Eren unfolded himself and shuffled across the couch to wrap his arms around Levi, who gripped him back tightly.

“I’m not sad. God, no. Eren, I’m so fucking proud of you,” Levi sniffled into the crook of Eren’s neck and shoulder.

“You…you are?”

Levi laughed and pulled back from the hug to look Eren in the eye, placing both hands on Eren’s cheeks to hold his gaze steady.

“Of course I am. You’ve always wanted to leave this town, and college was the first step to doing that. And fuck, watching you work hard at basketball and then have it all be worth it when you’re offered this sports scholarship…Shit. Eren, you mean so goddamn much to me and I’m overjoyed that you’re finally getting everything you deserve.”

Eren forcefully pressed his lips against Levi’s. “Please stop talking. You’re going to make me cry too.”

Levi laughed before returning a gentle kiss to Eren’s lips. “Alright, no crying. We need to celebrate. If you had told me earlier, I would have made fancy dinner reservations. We can do that tomorrow night, or—”

“No,” Eren interrupted. “I don’t want to go anywhere. I just want to stay here with you.”

“There’s nothing you want?” Levi inquired with that intense, penetrating gaze he wore when he tried to read Eren from front to back and all the pages in between. It made Eren shiver. He loved when Levi looked at him like that, his entire focus on Eren. It wasn’t meant to be a turn-on, but fuck if it wasn’t.

Eren danced his fingertips along Levi’s arm. “I’d rather stay here, just you and me,” Eren repeated, adding emphasis to his words this time with the brushstrokes of his fingers.

“Sure, we can stay on the couch. There’s bound to be a good movie playing on TV. Pass me the remote, will you?” Levi laughed as Eren’s gentle strokes transformed into a slap.

“Forget it, asshole.” Eren huffed, and crossed his arms.

“Hey, hey,” Levi backtracked, wrapping his arms around Eren and pulling the teen’s back to rest against his chest. “What do you want to do?” he murmured into the teen’s ear before moving his mouth down the long column of Eren’s neck, nibbling lightly.

Eren tipped his head to the side to give Levi more access. “I want…” Eren clenched his eyes shut as Levi bit down gently on that spot under his jaw. “I want to have sex. A-anal sex.”

Levi’s lips withdrew and he turned Eren to face him. “You want to do that now?”

“Yes,” Eren breathed.

“Okay. Sure. Uh, do you want to get cleaned up first? Or, um, I can...”

Eren chuckled to himself at seeing Levi nervous about handling his first time. It was sweet. “I cleaned up when I took a shower."

“Fuck.” Levi rose from the couch and pulled Eren up with him, holding the younger male in his arms and kissing him passionately as they tripped over items in their path to the bedroom. Levi dropped onto the bed first with Eren climbing on the bed after him. After a few kisses Eren flipped them so he lay on his back with Levi crowding him from above.

“You know you don’t have to bottom if you don’t want to.”

“I want to. I want you inside me.” Eren shifted but couldn’t move much with Levi’s limbs boxing him in. The thought popped into Levi’s head that Eren liked this aspect of bottoming, being protected by the bed at his back and a strong person blocking out everything else in front of him.

“Alright,” Levi agreed, bending low to suck at Eren’s neck, then stopping in consideration. “Can I leave marks?”

Eren scrunched his brows in thought, torn between wanting Levi’s marks all over him, as many as the man would give him, and not having to wear a scarf every day this week. Actually, he never wore scarves, so starting now would be just as telling as leaving the marks on display.

Levi read all this as it crossed Eren’s face. “What if I only put them places your friends won’t see? They’ll be our secret.” Levi nipped lightly at a spot along Eren’s collarbone and Eren moaned.

“Yes, yeah, do that.” Eren arched his body to be closer to Levi’s, but the clothing in their way prevented him from feeling Levi’s skin against his. Levi must have felt the same, because in the next instant he was doing the sexy one-handed pull-the-shirt-off-from-the-back-collar thing and tossing the article of clothing to the floor. Levi slid his hands under Eren’s shirt and brushed along the younger male’s sides as he pushed the shirt up and off his body. They fumbled with each other’s buttons and zippers, squirming and flopping to kick their pants off in the most unattractive manner, though neither cared.

Levi returned to placing butterfly kisses down Eren’s chest, interspersing the gentle touches with harsh bites that he soothed with his tongue. Eren scratched at Levi’s undercut, running his fingers to the top of Levi’s head to tighten his grip in the thick hair with every bite.

“Pass me the lube and a condom?” Levi mumbled against a nipple. The touch elicited a whimper from the green-eyed male, but he managed to twist to the side and open the nightstand drawer.

“I got tested after Thomas, and I’m clean. Are you?”

Levi detached himself from the nipple he was abusing. “I am.”

“Okay. Do you want to have sex without a condom?”

“I’ll leave that decision up to you. It’s your asshole.” Eren smiled appreciatively and passed the oily bottle to Levi, wiping his hand on the sheets after.

Eren spread his legs apart, allowing Levi to move in between them. Levi ignored the lube at first, opting to place alternating bites and kisses along Eren’s hipbones and the inner side of his thigh, lifting Eren’s legs to place kisses against the backs of his knees and down his calves.

Eren shivered as Levi worshipped his body. Just when he thought he couldn’t take any more gentle torture, he heard the pop of the lube cap opening.

“Can I start?” Eren nodded his head enthusiastically with his eyes shut in anticipation, but Levi didn’t touch him until he verbally assented. “Yes, god yes. Please, Levi.”

Levi rubbed along his rim and pressed delicately against the furled flesh, acclimating Eren to the touch before testing the response to his finger pushing in. Levi stared up at Eren when his finger slipped in more than pushed in.

Eren used his core muscles to lean up and wrap his arms around Levi’s neck, pulling the male down on top of him so their lips could lock. “I want you, Levi. I want you so much,” Eren whispered between kisses, replacing one four-letter word with another. He couldn’t say it now, not for the first time, not when Levi would think it was said impetuously.

Compared to the passionate kisses that brought them to the bedroom, the kisses they shared now were lazy, gentle brushing of soft skin against slightly-chapped skin. As Levi curled his finger inside Eren, he likewise curled his tongue against the roof of Eren’s mouth, licking his way out as his finger slid out. Eren felt a keener understanding of what out-of-body experiences were. The only things grounding him were Levi’s tongue in his mouth, finger up his ass, heart beating above his heart, and the Old Spice deodorant smell coloring the air. Any part of him untouched by Levi might as well not exist.

Levi scissored him open, careful to check Eren allowed it before inserting another finger. Eren wanted to return the affection he was being showered in.

“Levi, can I suck you off?”

Eren felt Levi’s finger still inside him. “God, yes.”

Eren lightly pushed Levi off him and directed the male to lean against the headboard while he positioned himself on his stomach between Levi’s legs. Eren gripped the male at the base and licked upwards in long strokes, wetting the skin to make his hand glide easier. After a few pumps, Eren placed his lips over the head and sucked, taking more in each time until he was halfway down. Lying on his stomach wasn’t the most comfortable position but Eren made do, bobbing up and down and using his hand on what he couldn’t swallow. Levi’s fingers tangled in Eren’s brown waves and caressed his scalp making Eren hum appreciatively, thus drawing a groan out of Levi in response, like domino pieces falling one after the other.

“Eren. Eren, stop.” Eren let Levi go with a pop and looked at the man in concern.

“No, it was wonderful. But I won’t last if you keep sucking me like that.”

Eren smirked. “You’re that close already?” he teased.

Levi’s direct gaze wiped the teasing smirk off his lips. “If you could only see yourself right now.” Eren flushed. He could say the same about the other male, with his red lips and tousled hair, his skin gleaming with sweat droplets.

The words clawed at the back of his throat, but Eren swallowed them down. Not now. Instead he said, “You’re beautiful,” and reverently kissed along Levi’s hipbone, licked his belly button and moved in a line up to his lips where Levi waited for him.

Eren settled his body atop Levi’s as they nibbled each other’s bottom lips and entwined their tongues. Eren pulled back a little to look into Levi’s warm eyes. The sharp metal was tempered into grey skies, evoking a day bundled cozily into blankets watching raindrops fall from the sky. Levi’s lips pulled up at the edge in the gentlest look Eren had seen to date and Eren didn’t think before leaning down and brushing his nose against Levi’s.

When Eren pulled back again, Levi’s eyes were wide before they crinkled in amusement. “Did you just give me an eskimo kiss?”

Eren leaned further back and crossed his arms. “What of it?”

Levi laughed and reached up to pull Eren back down to him. “Nothing, it was cute.”

“That’s what I thought,” Eren grumbled, tucking his red cheeks against Levis’s chest. Levi wrapped one arm around Eren’s back to hold him close and carded his other hand through Eren’s hair again.

“What have you done to me. Hange and Erwin would die laughing if they saw me accepting an eskimo kiss. Actually, they probably wouldn’t even believe it.”

Eren used his chin to hold his head up as he stared at Levi with a twinkle in his eye. “We could always call them again,” he suggested “innocently.”

Levi removed his hand from Eren’s hair to flick the younger male on the forehead. “No thanks.”

“Ow.” Eren pouted, rubbing his forehead. “Is that anyway to treat your lover?”

“My love,” Levi corrected.

Eren moved quickly to look at Levi, but without his chin holding him up and one of his hands now on his forehead, he lost his balance and fell face first against Levi’s chest. Eren scrambled onto his hands and moved his legs to either side of Levi’s body.

Eren stared at Levi in shock, holding his breath to not miss anything Levi might say and Levi continued to stare at him with that warm look in his eyes. A warm look like love.

“What?” Eren squeaked.

Levi caressed the side of Eren’s face. “I love you, Eren.”

“Ugh,” Eren groaned, dropping his head against Levi’s chest to express his dismay before looking up again. “No, Levi. I was going to say it first,” he whined.

“Say what?” Levi prompted softly.

Eren flushed. “I love you.”

Levi smiled and pulled Eren in for a gentle kiss.

“You don’t get it though. I had this whole plan for saying it to you.” Eren pouted.

“Saying what?”

Eren dramatically sighed, but loved that Levi wanted to hear him say it again and again, just as he wanted to hear the same. “I love you.”

Levi smirked. “Okay, please continue telling me your plan.”

“We were going to be walking through a Walmart aisle and you would say that regular M&Ms were the best and I’d argue that the peanut butter M&Ms are way better, and we’d argue back and forth about this nonsense but it wouldn’t really matter, because you’d look so hot arguing passionately about your favorite type of M&M and I would blurt out that I love you. Now I’ll never get to say it.”

Levi held back his laughter to answer Eren seriously. “Eren, you can still tell me you love me in a Walmart.”

“You’re missing the point. I wanted to tell you first.”

Levi groaned at Eren’s pouty face. “Oh my god, fine. I take it back. Pretend I said nothing.”

If possible, Eren pouted more. “You take it back? You don’t love me?”

“Eren, I swear to god.” Levi flipped Eren onto his back and climbed on top of him. Levi nipped along Eren’s jaw up to his ear. “You’re an insufferable brat. And I love you.”

Eren’s pout melted away. “I love you too. Now, will you make love to me, Levi?”

Levi huffed a laugh. “I would have made love to you five minutes ago if you hadn’t gotten us started on this ridiculous argument of who gets to say ‘I love you’ first.”

Eren turned his head to the side to rub his cheek against Levi’s hand pressed into the mattress beside him. “I want you to know I mean it. Not that I’m saying it because we’re in the process of sex.”

“A process is right,” Levi mumbled, kissing away the pout that regrew on Eren’s lips at his words. “I mean it too, not just because we’re having sex. I love you, Eren.”

Eren grinned wobbly, his heart too warm it felt close to exploding out of his chest. He pushed against Levi’s shoulder until the black-haired male fell on his back and Eren positioned himself above him.

“Eren?” Levi questioned, raising up on his elbows.

“Shh, lay back.” Eren pressed a hand against Levi’s chest, pushing him back down against the pillows. 

“Is this okay?” Levi was always careful to check that Eren was in agreement with what was happening. It was only right he do the same.

“Yeah,” Levi breathed, focusing on Eren with warm eyes as Eren ran his hand along Levi’s shaft to bring it back to full hardness before positioning it beneath his hole.

Levi bent his knees and placed his hands on Eren’s hips, lightly enough to steady the brunet but not control his movements. Eren slowly lowered himself, stopping when he first felt Levi, then relaxing and sliding down further. He breathed calmly as he stared into Levi’s eyes until Levi was fully inside him. Eren sat in Levi’s lap, marveling at how they were joined together.

Levi’s right hand slid off Eren’s hip and reached down to tangle their fingers together. Eren lifted himself up then sank slowly down again. They both released the breath they were holding. Eren leaned forward and Levi craned his neck to meet him in a soft kiss as Eren continued to move his hips steadily up and down. When it was clear Eren wasn’t in any pain, Levi rocked his hips up into him. They undulated together like a buoy shifting easily on the ocean's waves.

When Eren’s legs shook from the strain of riding Levi, the grey-eyed male effortlessly flipped them, rocking into Eren with the same gentle pace Eren had set. Not long after, Eren’s back arched and he came untouched, with Levi’s name on his lips. Levi followed not a second after.

Levi gave them a minute to come down before poking Eren in the ribs. “Come on, we need to clean up.”

“Leviii, let’s snuggle.”

“We’ll snuggle after we clean up. Your ass is full of cum and these sheets are disgusting. Come on, get up.”

Eren grumbled but knew what arguments were worth fighting and which he would lose before he began. He sat up and felt the foreign sensation of liquid dripping out of him. Eren reached between his legs and stuck a finger against his rim, withdrawing it to reveal the white cum coating it.

“Okay, enough of that,” Levi hurriedly said, lifting Eren in his arms and carrying him to the bathroom, sitting the younger male on the edge of the bathtub.

“How are you feeling?” Levi conversed as he peed to clear his urethra.

Eren took stock of his body. “My legs feel wobbly and my back hurts a little but nothing worse than an average basketball practice.”

“That’s good.” Levi helped Eren up and since the teen could stand on his own, Levi turned to fill the tub with warm water while Eren peed.

When Eren finished, Levi rested a supporting hand on the brunet's lower back as he lifted a leg to enter the tub and winced.

“I’m fine,” Eren assured as he settled in the tub. Levi climbed in after him and helped him clean up. Levi did Eren the kindness of letting him relax in the tub while he returned to the bedroom to strip and remake the bed. Once that was complete, Levi returned to the bathroom to drain the bathwater and lift Eren out of it, setting him on his feet and toweling him off.

“Thanks, Levi,” Eren tiredly mumbled against Levi’s neck as the older male lifted him in his arms and carried him back to bed.

“You’re welcome.”

Levi pulled the sheets and comforter up and over them. He curled his body around Eren’s and pressed a loving kiss to Eren’s temple before following him into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those who like to know, the chapter song is by Odessa, but it was a hard decision to make. The other two chapter song contenders were Lover by Truslow, which would have been a fitting chapter title, and I Was Made For Loving You by Tori Kelly and Ed Sheeran. But I especially liked the lyrics of I Will Be There. It was very Levi + Eren to me.


	26. Disfruto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOO! This past semester was absolute hell with writing my thesis and graduating and all that but it’s over now, which I’m both happy and sad about. I loved college. Anyway, my goal is to finish this story this summer so I’ll try to update every few weeks. Sorry in advance for this chapter. Its pretty scattered because there is a lot that I wanted to have happen before starting the last arc. And of course I start writing with a plan in mind but then I end up writing about a million other things I never intended to. I still hope you enjoy it.
> 
> The chapter title song is by Carla Morrison because the lyrics are really lovely and I love her music.

Eren opened his eyes last, letting his other senses inform him of his surroundings after what was perhaps the best sleep he ever had. There was a slight soreness in his hips, but it was as painful as the sound of clattering dishes coming from the kitchen, hardly affecting him at all. The scent of delicious, _delicious_ bacon permeated the air.

Before he set a foot on the ground to investigate, Levi returned to their bedroom carrying a small rectangular storage container as a make-shift tray topped with two plates and two glasses filled with orange juice. He carefully set it down at the end of the bed.

Eren flipped the blankets off his legs and crawled to the end of the bed, gazing at the display. Fluffy chocolate chip pancakes drizzled in syrup occupied half of the plates, scrambled eggs, three slices of crispy bacon, and a small side of fresh fruit filling the other half. 

“Morning.” 

The soft smile directed his way felt warmer than sitting directly under the summer sun.

“I love you,” Eren said vehemently.

Eren only grew warmer when Levi responded, “I love you too.”

Levi climbed onto the bed, careful not to unbalance the tray. Eren waited for him to settle with his legs crossed underneath him before he leaned over and chastely kissed his cheek.

“Thank you for breakfast in bed.”

Levi lifted Eren’s hand and brought it to his lips. With an equally gentle kiss he said, “Anything for you.”

Eren let the blush overtake him, painting his cheeks a rosy hue. Breakfast passed as a quiet affair, both comfortable to sit side-by-side in silence and enjoy the food. Eren let his moans of delight tell Levi how good the food was.

When their plates and glasses were empty, Eren stacked them and brought them to the kitchen before Levi could protest. Levi followed him to the kitchen to protest anyway.

“You can leave them in the sink, I’ll clean them tonight when I get back from work.”

Eren responded by turning the faucet on and squirting blue dish soap onto the yellow scouring pad resting beside the sink.

“You made breakfast, the least I can do in return is clean the dishes. Go get ready for work.”

Levi frowned but Eren kissed it away, grinning at how all of Levi’s fight left his body.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, pressing his lips against Eren’s forehead before heading to the bathroom. The shower started a minute later.

Eren washed, dried, and put away the dishes. While waiting for Levi to get out of the shower so he could take one, he entered what was meant to be his bedroom and pulled a pair of ripped light-blue jeans and a dark green t-shirt from his dresser, adding a pair of boxers and socks to the pile in his hands. He lay on his bed and watched the motions of his lava-lamp until he noticed the absent sound of running water. 

The bathroom door was open with steam billowing out so Eren entered, dropping his clean clothes on the lid of the toilet and moving to the shower, leaving a trail of clothes in his path. He was doing a final rinse of his hair when Levi shouted a fifteen minute warning, and then he was hurrying out of the shower, rubbing down his body with the towel before roughly towel-drying his hair.

Teeth brushed and body clothed, Eren returned to the kitchen to pack his lunch and shove the homework he left on the counter into his backpack. While Levi poured tea into a thermos, Eren returned to their shared bedroom, glancing behind him once to ensure Levi didn’t follow him.

He went straight to Levi’s closet, pulling open the double doors and rifling through the hangers until he found it.

Levi’s expression was blank but his eyes roamed up and down Eren’s body when he returned to the kitchen to slip his backpack over his shoulder.

“That’s my leather jacket.”

“Yeah, it is.”

A moment of silence. Levi grabbed his tea. On his way to the door he ruffled Eren’s hair.

“It looks good on you.”

 

***

 

Eren’s cafeteria table was undoubtedly the loudest as his friends whooped and hollered, patting him and Jean on the back after they announced that they both were offered basketball scholarships to Stohess University. The warm feeling from that morning only grew from his friends' genuine enthusiasm. Armin and Annie’s eyes looked a little teary and Marco had yet to let go of Jean’s hand, though that wasn’t too peculiar. Sometimes Eren saw them walking hand in hand to class while Jean carried Marco’s books.

“We should celebrate!” Sasha clapped her hands together in excitement. 

“That’s a great idea. Where, though?”

“My parents are visiting my grandmother and she lives three hours away so they’re going to stay with her tonight. We can all hang out at my house,” Sasha said.

“Awesome. Bert and I can pick up some alcohol on our way over.”

“Sasha and I will handle snacks, naturally.”

“I can help with snacks if you want, Connie.”

“Thanks Armin.”

“What should I bring?”

“Nothing. You and Jean are the guests of honor. Just show up and have fun.” Marco kissed Jean’s hand like Levi kissed his that morning, and a momentary feeling of sadness swept through Eren before it faded. Marco and Jean were going to be the cutest couple on campus next year, always walking each other to classes and what not. Eren was happy for his friends.

“Alright, I think that’s everything. Eren, Jean, show up at 8pm. That will give us enough time to get everything ready beforehand.”

“Sure. Thanks for planning this, Sash.”

Eren sent a quick text to Levi, telling him where he would be tonight and that he was going to hang out with Jean until the party started. Levi texted back “Have a good time” with a heart emoji and Eren laughed, wondering if the emoji was meant as a joke, a dig at his technology-obsessed peers, or if Levi meant it sincerely. Probably a little of both, Eren decided.

After school, Jean drove them to the park and they planted themselves on the same swings they occupied last night. It was strange to think it was only last night. Evidently there was a huge difference between just him and Jean knowing they were accepted to SU, and their friends and boyfriends knowing. It made their impending life as college students feel more real and more exciting.

“Hey,” Jean said suddenly, cutting through the middle of Eren’s sentence. “Did you read the packet of info Coach Langnar gave us?”

“Eh, I skimmed it. Why?”

Jean dug his sneaker into the ground, stopping his swing, and stared at his shoes as he spoke. “Well, the school lets athletes room together so their early morning or late night practices don’t disrupt a regular student’s sleep schedule. I was wondering...if you wanted to room together.”

“Of course."

Jean tilted his head back and groaned. “Eren, at least think about it a bit before agreeing."

“What is there to think about it? Knowing you, you thought about everything before asking me, so if you think it’s a good idea I trust you."

Jean tightened his grip on his swing handles and stared at his sneakers again. "What if we are terrible roommates? What if it hurts our friendship? Or maybe we should room with the other guys from the team to make new friends?” 

At the end of his impassioned speech Jean was looking at him and Eren held his gaze.

“Jean, you’re one of my best friends. We won’t let roommate issues wreck our friendship, and we’ll have plenty of time to befriend the other guys on the team during practice. How’s that? Have I thought it through enough for you?”

“Hey, I’m just making sure you don’t later regret this decision. There are no take-backs."

Eren chuckled. “You overthink things.”

“And you don’t think enough.”

Eren shoved Jean, who swung to the side before momentum carried him back and he knocked into Eren, making the shorter teen almost topple off his swing.

“Point proven.”

 

***

 

“SURPRISE!”

Party poppers went off and confetti drifted slowly down through the air to rest at Jean and Eren’s feet.

“Let’s get this party started! Whoo!”

Annie and Connie affixed party hats to Eren and Jean’s heads before they all followed Sasha down the hallway to the living room. A grey sectional couch divided the room. Facing the couch, spreading across the entire right-side wall was a bookcase with a television in the center of it, and a tall glass table with twisted iron legs lined the other end of the room, the photographs that once sat upon it now replaced by platters of food.

“Congrats again on your scholarships,” Armin said as they moved together in a line, piling their plates high with food. Eren and Jean stayed at the park for hours, racing each other across the baseball field and playing a game of 1v1 basketball with the ball Jean always kept in the trunk of his car for impromptu games. They distracted themselves well enough to not notice their hunger until now and damn were they starving.

“Thanks, Armin. And congrats to you too. Do you know what you want to study?”

The blond shook his head. “No. There are too many things I’m interested in."

“I wish that was my problem,” Eren sighed. "I don’t even know what I’m interested in."

“You’ll figure it out, Jaeger.” Jean patted his friend’s shoulder before reaching across him to grab some of Marco’s homemade chocolate chip cookies. His boyfriend used the heart-shaped cookie cutter he bought to make Jean’s Valentine’s Day cookie basket. 

“Aww, are we having a moment?” Sasha bounded up beside them and looped her arms over Eren and Jean’s shoulders, using the hand that wasn’t holding a plate of food to tug Armin closer.

“We were until you ruined it—ow!”

Sasha grinned wickedly as Jean shot her a glare. “You bit me!”

Connie appeared at Armin’s side and glanced at the offerings on the table before lifting a brownie to his lips.

“Connie, your girlfriend just bit my shoulder.”

“Yeah, she does that sometimes,” Connie replied lackadaisically. He grabbed a second brownie with one hand and Sasha’s hand with the other. “Come on, Sash, let’s set up the playstation.”

Reiner and Bert took their place, dragging a cooler behind them.

“We come bearing gifts. What can I get for everyone?” Reiner tossed the lid of the cooler back, revealing the assortment of alcoholic beverages. Cans of beer, Reiner’s favorite whiskey, and a bottle of rum with coke to mix it with sat nestled amongst the cubes of ice.

Jean fished out a can of beer and Eren did the same, Armin declining as he usually did. They moved to the couches, watching Annie pulverize Marco in a game of Dance Dance Revolution. Armin sat on the couch beside Connie and Sasha, who were curled together against the armrest, and Eren and Jean sat beside him. Reiner wheeled the cooler to rest between his legs where he sat in the middle of the L-shaped couch with Bert on his right.

“Come on, babe! Whoop her ass!” Jean cheered.

“You’ve got this, Annie! Crush him!”

“Dude.” Jean faced Eren. “First of all, you should be cheering for Marco because he’s an angel and my boyfriend. But it’s also a known fact that you’re supposed to cheer for the underdog.”

Eren smirked and turned to watch the game. “Come on Marco, shake those sexy hips of yours!”

Eren laughed as he collided with Armin from the force of Jean’s push. “You don’t even shake your hips in this game, you’re just being an ass. Go back to cheering for Annie,” he growled.

Annie won to no one’s surprise. Hardly anyone came close to beating her throughout the night. Eren came the closest, but even he was a far way off from being considered real competition. He plopped back down on the couch after his turn, exhausted from his efforts.

“Hey Eren, need another drink?” Reiner opened the cooler and mimed an underhand toss of a beer can.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“You’re only having one?” Jean said with surprise, noting the single beer can resting at Eren’s feet.

Eren shrugged. “I don’t need to be wasted to have fun with you guys.”

“Aww,” Sasha cooed from her spot against Connie’s side.

“Wait.” Connie sat up a bit, tugging Sasha upright with him. “Does that mean you had to be drunk to have fun with us before?”

Eren couldn’t contain his laughter, thinking back to those days when he would get blackout drunk to forget his problems, to feel mildly comfortable opening up to these people, his friends. He's changed a lot since then.

“No, for real,” Connie insisted, a pout on his lips.

Eren laughed harder.

Over the course of the next few hours, Eren competed against Jean, Sasha, and Connie in DDR and only lost to Sasha. The people who weren’t playing sat on the couches, cheering for the dancers or talking amongst themselves. Conversation turned to their upcoming high school graduation and plans for next year. Eren leaned towards his friends as they spoke, eagerly participating in the conversation.

Everyone already knew Marco, Armin, Eren, and Jean were headed to Stohess University, but as the night wore on everyone also learned that Connie was staying in Shiganshina and attending SCC, Sasha was going to Sina Academy of the Arts, and Reiner was going to a trade school for carpentry. Bert and Annie still had some time before they had to accept a school’s offer and were carefully weighing their options. Annie was torn between going to Stohess College, a smaller school a few blocks away from Stohess University’s campus, or choosing a college closer to home so she could work part-time at her parent’s shop. In Bert’s case, his father wanted him to take over the family restaurant. Bert wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted, but talked through his feelings with his friends.

Through the sliding glass doors that led to the patio, they could see the moon high in the sky, its beams the only source of light carving through the darkness. A look at the clock told them it was an hour past midnight. With another school day fast approaching, they quickly cleaned up the trash littering the living room and made their way out the door. Everyone thanked Sasha for hosting the party, and Eren and Jean thanked their friends for throwing the party in the first place. Enough time had passed since Jean’s last drink, so Marco agreed to let him drive them home. Marco, Armin, and Eren piled into Jean’s jeep, Annie accepted a ride with Reiner and Bert, and Connie was sleeping over at Sasha’s. With everyone’s rides figured out, Jean began the carpool drop-off.

Marco was the first to be dropped off, his house two streets down from Sasha’s. He and Jean shared a chaste kiss on the lips before Marco hopped out of the car and walked up to his front door, searching his jacket pocket until he withdrew his key. Jean waited for him to unlock the door and wave goodbye before he reversed out of the driveway.

“Armin, where is your house again?”

“You know the gas station and convenience store on Farmington Drive?” Jean mhm-ed his assent. “I live at the other end of that street.”

“Alright, that’s not too far from my house so I’ll drop you off last.”

Soft indie music filled the silence of the car, everyone content to sit quietly after a long day with friends. If the drive lasted much longer, Eren would have fallen asleep. He didn’t, and he waved goodbye to his friends as he trotted to the front doors of Rosewall Court.

Eren rested his head against the elevator wall and took a few seconds too long to exit the metal box when he arrived at his floor. Pulling the key necklace out from under his shirt, Eren unlocked the door, mindful to shut it gently behind him in case Levi was already asleep. He locked the door, slipped his sneakers off, and padded his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and relieve himself before bed.

Levi lay on his back, one arm across his stomach and the other tossed to the side under Eren’s pillow. Eren watched his boyfriend’s chest rise and fall steadily with his breaths as he removed his clothes until he remained in just his boxers. Eren put one knee on the bed, moving slowly to not dip the mattress too much, and settled next to Levi, resting his head on Levi’s arm rather than his pillow.

“Didja haf fun?” Levi mumbled, still half-asleep.

“Yeah, I did.” Eren smiled into the crook of Levi’s elbow.

“Thass good.”

Levi turned onto his side and reached out to pull Eren’s body closer, his exhaled breaths ruffling the top of Eren’s hair.

Eren thought back to that perfect day often, as the remaining weeks of school blurred by in a haze of studying for exams, graduating from high school, and attending the graduation parties of close friends before the summer descended upon them. 

The graduation ceremony was thankfully short and sweet, since it took place in the school gymnasium in May when the heat was feeling more like summer than spring. Family members were packed tightly together on the bleachers, watching as their child or grandchild or sibling’s name was called to walk across the stage and accept their diploma, pausing for a picture with the principal as they shook hands.

Eren tossed the idea around for a few days before calling his father and inviting him to the ceremony. Mr. Jaeger beamed proudly from the stands, drawn by Hanji’s energy to also stand up from his seat and clap. Levi sat between the two, mildly embarrassed but mostly grateful Eren would hear their support. Erwin leaned around Hanji to make eye-contact and smirk in camaraderie at their shared discomfiture at the overly enthusiastic adults standing next to them.

Levi would never admit it to anyone (though Erwin and Hanji could tell just by looking at him) that he was anxious about sitting with Eren’s estranged father. To his shock and delight, after Eren’s name was called and they no longer had to pay rapt attention to the proceedings, Mr. Jaeger struck up conversation with him, so easy and comfortable that Levi didn’t think for once he was being grilled by his boyfriend’s father. Mr. Jaeger — Grisha, as he asked to be called — was remarkably accepting that his son was bisexual and showed genuine interest in learning about Levi’s job and hobbies. He didn’t even bat an eye when Levi informed him that he played in an alternative rock band on the weekends. 

When the ceremony ended and Eren was returned to them after getting pulled into photographs with his friends, Levi drove them to the restaurant where Grisha had reserved a table. Hanji and Erwin were already waiting by the door and Armin and his grandfather arrived a few minutes later.

The restaurant was half-timbered, dark wooden cross beams and braces patterning the pale yellow plaster structure. The bottom half of the front-facing side of the restaurant was all dark wood, the walls pushing inwards at the center to form an overhang above the ornately carved front door. It was Levi’s first time at a German restaurant but it was the first time in years that Eren had been to this particular restaurant, so they both attentively examined the interior, one seeing it for the first time and the other seeing what had changed.

The interior walls were cinnamon-colored plaster and the ceiling was the same dark wood as the exterior. Shields with assorted family crests adorned the walls, interspersed by scenic paintings of the countryside and photographs of German architecture. To the right of the maître d’s desk was a narrow, dome-shaped doorway leading into a bar with long wooden tables and benches. A few people in suits sat at the bar, but otherwise that half of the restaurant was empty, it being only five in the evening. The main room where the maître d' stood was lined by high-backed dark wooden booths and filled in the center by square tables tilted off-center. At the far back of the room was another domed archway, this one much broader than the one to the right of the entrance, and this is where their waitress led them. More long wooden tables filled this space, but were surrounded by single wooden seats instead of the bond-building benches in the bar room that didn’t guarantee personal space.

Eren sat with Levi on his left and Armin on his right, his father directly across from him. Unbeknownst to Grisha, Erwin did him a favor and sat next to him, leaving Hanji the seat at the head of the table between Erwin and Levi. Armin’s grandfather sat on Grisha’s other side, across from his grandson. 

It was like stepping in a time machine; nothing about the restaurant had changed over the years, not even the menu. Only the company had changed. Eren wondered what his mom would think of his boyfriend and his friends. She would probably be thick as thieves with Hanji, teasing the shit out of him and Levi. Erwin would win a place in her heart easily with his piercing intelligence and gentle manner. And Levi — well, Eren imagined she would quickly adopt him as her own, teaching him the recipes that have been passed down on her side of the family.

“You okay?” Armin whispered.

Eren broke free from his daydreaming and faced his friend.

“Your parents took us here a lot when we were younger. Are you okay? Are you…thinking of her?”

Eren assured his friend he was fine with a gentle smile. “I think she would love everyone here.”

Armin leaned around Eren to see Hanji pulling their long hair towards their chin to form a beard as they impersonated a gruff German man. Levi was covering his eyes and shaking his head back and forth in feigned embarrassment, but his mouth was quirked to the side in an amused smile. Erwin and Grisha spoke animatedly about their travels to Germany and their favorite art museums in Hamburg while Grandpa Arlert added to their commentary with his own remembrances of his travels long ago.

“Yeah, she would.” Armin’s face lightened since his friend was fine, and with a teasing tone said, “So, are you getting the same thing you always got?”

Eren widened his eyes as he defended himself. “It’s a good meal!”

Armin rolled his eyes good-naturedly and smiled in response. “You only get it because it has your last name in the title.”

“Psh. Maybe I did when I was a kid but I’m a high school graduate now. My reasons are more mature than that.”

“Oh yeah? What are your mature reasons?”

Eren crossed his arms and tilted his nose up in the air. “It’s delicious.”

“Sure, Eren. I’ll pretend to believe that’s your only reason for choosing that particular dish out of all the delicious dishes on the menu.”

When they ordered their meals, Eren pinched Armin’s thigh when the blond chuckled to himself at Eren’s order of the Jägerschnitzel. In retaliation, Armin scooped a portion of Eren’s spätzle, starting a war that lasted throughout dinner of stealing food from each other’s plates.

“Here, you can have mine,” Levi offered, transferring the rest of his spätzle onto Eren’s plate when the brunet pouted at Armin for stealing half of his food when he was distracted by a conversation with his father.

“No fair, I can’t take the food Levi gave you. That would be like stealing from Levi.”

Eren stuck his tongue out at the blond then wrapped his arms around Levi’s arm and rested his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“You two make a very cute couple, “ Grisha said fondly. “I don’t think I ever heard the story of how you met.”

“I too would like to hear it,” Erwin said, smirking behind his wine glass.

“Um,” Eren said eloquently, recalling the first time Levi and him met.

Before he could stumble through an explanation of the horrible first impression he made, first at the club and then by calling from the police station, Levi heroically took the bullet, saving the day with an abridged version of their first meeting. “Our mutual friend Annie introduced us. She and Eren came to see my band perform, and I was instantly captivated by Eren’s beautiful, bright eyes.”

“Yeah?” Eren asked in a small voice. Levi responded with a kiss to his forehead.

“Who is this sweet person and what did you do with my best friend Levi?” Hanji joked, reminding Eren and Levi they weren’t alone.

“I like your eyes too,” Eren whispered.

Unfortunately, the questioning did not end there. Grandpa Arlert wanted to know who asked who out first. Did Levi ask for Eren’s number the night they met?

Ha! Eren and Levi clutched each other’s hands tightly under the table, squeezing tighter every time they felt an oncoming burst of laughter.

“Actually, we were living together as roommates for a while, just getting to know each other and become friends. After a few months, I took my chances and asked Eren out.”

“What about you, Eren? When did you first realize you liked Levi?”

Eren plastered a smile on his face and contemplated the question. At least he wouldn’t have to dodge around the truth with this question as Levi had been forced to do. When his answer came to him he straightened in his chair, eyes opening wider.

“I didn’t know it at the time, but I think I started liking Levi after the first week of knowing him.”

Levi straightened in his seat as well and twisted to face Eren. “Way back in September?”

Eren smiled helplessly and shrugged a single shoulder. Before the happy couple could get lost in each other’s eyes, the waitress returned to their table to refill their drinks and place the bill in front of Grisha. A chorus of thank you’s were directed at Grisha for paying which he simply brushed away.

“Nonsense. Thank you for taking care of my son and celebrating his and Armin’s achievements with us.”

Hugs and congratulations went around as they stood in the parking lot. Grisha pulled Eren aside after Armin and his grandfather left, stepping a few feet away from where Levi spoke with his friends.

“Congratulations on getting into Stohess University. I’m proud of you.”

Eren dropped his gaze, feeling happy but mildly embarrassed. “Thanks.”

“Do you know yet what you need for school?”

“Yeah. The school sent a suggested packing list.”

Grisha nodded. “That’s helpful. You still have the credit card I left you, yes?”

“Yeah.”

Grisha stared at him intently, sincerely. “Buy whatever you think you need for school, and use it to buy your schoolbooks.”

“Thanks.”

Grisha batted the thanks out of the air. “Don’t thank me for doing the bare minimum as a parent by supporting you. Oh, before I forget. I have a gift for you, for graduating from high school.”

“A gift?” Grisha chuckled at the childish joy on his son’s face.

“Yes. I don’t have it with me, you’ll have to come with me to get it. Are you free tomorrow?”

Eren tilted his head to the side in thought. “Yeah, I think so. School is over and I don’t have work till Friday.”

Grisha smiled. “Perfect. I’ll pick you up at 10am. Will that be alright?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Eren nodded seriously before the twinkle returned to his eye. “What’s the present?”

“It’s a surprise. You’ll have to wait till tomorrow to see.”

Eren pouted his lips but dropped the act when his father laughed and clapped him on the shoulder.

Grisha’s laugh was short-lived before he was serious again. “Thank you for inviting me to your graduation ceremony. It means a lot to me.”

“Thanks for coming.” Eren wasn’t ready to call him ‘dad’ again, but steadily their relationship was improving. 

Grisha walked to his car while Levi snuck up from behind and wrapped one arm around Eren’s waist, pulling the younger male against his chest. “Ready to go?"

“Yeah. Can we try making German food? I forgot how much I missed it.”

“Just say when.”

 

***

 

Grisha arrived at Rosewall Court promptly at 10am and by 10:05 they were on their way to retrieve Eren’s mysterious present.

When they pulled into the car dealership, Eren’s neck twinged from how quickly he snapped his head to look at his father.

“You’re buying me a car?!”

Grisha shrugged a shoulder as he pulled into a parking space, a smile on his face at his son’s evident excitement.

“Mr. Arlert told me you received your drivers licence from your school’s drivers ed program, and I thought it would make the commute to Stohess and back home to see Levi much easier. Maybe you’ll even drop by my apartment in the city for dinner once a month while you’re at school.”

“This is…I don’t…Wow.”

“Come on, let’s get out of the car and take a look around the lot. Any idea what kind of car you want?”

They circled the lot, picking up a salesperson along the way, but Eren let him talk shop with his father while he flipped through the catalog of options the salesperson handed him. He never put any conscious thought into what type of car he would want, it never seeming like a possibility before, but reading his options, he instantly narrowed his choices down to a hybrid-electric or electric car since they were better for the environment. The salesperson led them to the section of the lot with electric cars and after opening the doors to see which model held the most people/cargo, Eren decided on a dark gray Volkswagon e-golf. After a test drive and an hour of sitting quietly while his father filled out the boring paperwork, he drove his own freaking car behind his father's back to Rosewall Court and parked in the second space allotted to him and Levi that heretofore had been left empty.

Grisha left his car running as he got out to say goodbye to his son before driving back to Stohess.

“Thank you so much for the car.” Eren hugged his father tightly.

Grisha wrapped his arms around his son, squeezing once before letting go. “Thank you for giving me another chance. Say hi to Levi for me.” He stepped into his car and waved before driving off, not one for drawn out goodbyes. Eren felt a brief pang of sadness that his father wasn’t staying in town longer, but he knew as a doctor his father had little free time and had already taken two weekdays off to celebrate his graduation with him. And now that he had his own car, there was nothing stopping him from visiting his father any time both their schedules allowed.

Eren swung the keys in circles around his index finger and whistled as he walked into the apartment. Levi sat on the couch with his legs extended and crossed at the ankles, looking up from his laptop at Eren’s entrance.

“Looks like you won’t need to drive me everywhere anymore,” the brunet said with a blinding grin, tossing the keys to Levi who snatched them from the air on impulse.

“…He bought you a car?”

“Yup,” Eren said, popping the ‘p’.

“Wow.” Levi didn’t know what else to say, turning the keys over in his hand. It was definitely a practical gift, though it came out of left-field. Levi briefly wished his absentee father appeared out of the blue and bought him something nice, but then he remembered he hated his father and anything he wanted he could buy for himself.

“Can I drive us to work tomorrow night?” Eren asked, bouncing up and down on his feet.

“Sure.”

The next night, Levi stuffed his surprise that Eren was a good driver out of sight, not at all the reckless speed demon he expected. He even nabbed them a parking spot right along the main street in front of the club that Levi never would have been able to get. After passing his own driving test, Levi’s brain tossed all knowledge on how to parallel park in the trash.

At the end of the night while waiting for Levi and the band to pack up their equipment, Eren crossed his fingers for his good fortune to continue and knocked on Erwin’s office door.

“Come in. Oh, Eren. What can I do for you?”

Eren gave a greeting and plopped down on Erwin’s couch. “I was wondering if there were any extra shifts I could pick up. I have a lot of free time now that it’s the summer, and I want to earn some extra money before school starts,” Eren explained.

Erwin furrowed his fuzzy eyebrows in thought. “Actually, I think there is a job you could do. You turned eighteen a few months ago, right?”

Eren bobbed his head in agreement.

“Pixis has been asking for a helping hand on weekday nights. If you can believe it, sometimes the bar is busier during the weekday than on the weekend. More people coming directly from work to relieve stress I suppose. Would you be interested?”

Eren grinned and leaned forward off the couch. “Definitely. When can I start?”

He started the following Monday. For the first week, Pixis had him wiping spills to keep the bar clean and observing how Pixis interacted with the customers. Gradually, Pixis taught him a few of the popular drinks people requested and let Eren serve them. Eren enjoyed it, chatting with strangers and sometimes hearing more about their life stories than he cared to.

Erwin required he wear a black button down and black slacks when he worked behind the bar, though he could keep his black Converse since no one could see his feet. Just to see Levi’s reaction, Eren accessorized with white suspenders with a thin green stripe running down them. Levi joined him at work that night, sitting at the bar the entire shift and glaring at anyone who dared to flirt with the young bartender.

Most nights though, Levi waited for him at home, too tired after a long day of work to go out again. Still, no matter how late Eren returned home, Levi was always awake, or partially awake, not falling asleep until he was sure Eren returned safely. As the summer days ticked by, faster and faster it seemed, Eren indulged in cuddling up against Levi after a long day while he still could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter covers a lot so to be clear, this chapter starts at the end of March/early April and goes until August. Probably. I don’t know where I’m starting the next chapter, but this chapter definitely covers to the end of May at least.


	27. Let’s Cheers To This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song by Sleeping with Sirens

“Is that the last bag?”

Eren dumped his backpack filled with new notebooks, pens, and other school supplies on top of his duffle, then shut the trunk door.

“Yup. And I’m starving so let’s go.”

“If you had packed last night, you wouldn’t have had to do it this morning and we would be eating already.”

Eren elected to ignore that truthful comment and climbed into the driver’s seat of his car. 

“Race you there?”

He could hear bits and pieces of Levi’s argument for how stupid, dangerous, and illegal it was to race each other in their cars through his laughter as he backed out of his parking spot.

Despite his competitive words, Eren drove as he normally did and slowed down for every red light instead of speeding through yellow. He was nothing if not a cautious driver. Besides, he had at least a two minute head start on Levi who wasn’t even in his car when Eren drove off. Yet when he arrived, Levi’s car was already parked and the man sat inside waiting for him, a mug of tea held between his hands. Eren elected to question Levi’s suspicious first place arrival at a later time; getting food was his primary goal.

“This is weird,” Eren said, cutting into his blueberry pancakes.  “This is the first time we’ve eaten breakfast food at Maria’s in the actual morning.”

Levi shrugged as he cut into his omelet. “Any time is breakfast time if you remember that time is an illusion.”

The fork paused in its trajectory to Eren’s mouth as he stopped to contemplate his entire reality.

Maria’s itself was like an alternate reality, comparing how it looked in the morning versus the night. The diner was still calm like it was at night, an orchestra of clinking cutlery combining with the chatter of the patrons to create a soothing white noise, but there was an added energy not present in the late hours. The light shining between the honey colored curtains and washing the diner in a warm glow was a reminder of all the promise the day held.

“You sure you don’t need any help unpacking?”

“Naw.” Eren swallowed his food but forked another piece of pancake into his mouth and kept talking. “Jean is up there now helping Marco unpack, and unpacking his own shit. I can get at least one if not both of them to help me. Besides, it’s a three hour drive each way and I’m driving up in my car; I’m not going to make you drive six hours total by yourself just to help me shove my clothes into a drawer and toss some sheets on my bed.”

“I don’t mind,” Levi insisted.

Eren reached across the table to grab Levi’s hand and squeezed.

“I know.” 

Levi would do it if he asked. Though Eren truly didn’t want Levi to go to such lengths just to help him unpack, he had another reason for why he preferred to say their _temporary_ farewells in Shiganshina. Once he arrived at Stohess University and had to face his new environment and the countless strangers within it, it would be much harder letting go of Levi’s familiar comfort.

Without any prompting from Levi, Eren began a monologue about the upcoming semester to take his mind off of their approaching _not_ -goodbye, though he truly was excited. He bemoaned the 8am psychology class he had on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but otherwise talked cheerily about the classes he signed up for. He didn’t yet know what he wanted to study, so he was getting his Gen Ed’s out of the way. Aside from psychology, he was taking a college writing class, sociology class, and was convinced by Armin to sign up for a geology class to fulfill his biological sciences Gen Ed requirement.

Eren was midway through explaining how Jean and him had agreed to arrange their room, depicting it on a paper napkin by using the coffee as paint, when he noticed how half-hearted Levi’s attention was. His expression didn’t match Eren’s own enthusiasm by half, but Eren chose not to comment since it would surely make Levi feel bad. He couldn’t blame him for feeling tired. They were up late last night, enjoying their last time sharing a bed for at least a few weeks. 

“I’ll tell you all about it tonight,” Eren concluded.

“Tonight?” Levi sat up straighter.

“Yeah, I can call you sometime tonight after everything has settled down. If you want?”

Levi smiled. “Yeah, I want to hear all about it.”

For the rest of breakfast, Eren talked about how often they would Skype each other, and mentioned making Snapchat accounts so they could send each other daily pictures. To his surprise, Levi wasn’t against the idea; rather, he was more attentive to this conversation than he was to the previous one.

As they prepared to part ways in the parking lot, Eren hugged Levi tightly, re-memorizing the breadth of Levi’s shoulders and how his lean but muscled arms felt wrapped securely around him.

“You smelling me, brat?”

Eren nodded, his nose brushing against Levi’s warm neck, breathing in the spicy, woody scent of his aftershave.

Eren squeezed tightly before loosening his grip and stepping back. The shorter he kept this goodbye, the easier it would be. Goodbyes were awful, Eren knew this well, but if he didn’t draw this out, it wouldn’t feel like a real goodbye. Which it wasn’t. 

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Eren moved towards his car.

“Wait.” Levi unlocked his car to retrieve something. “Here.”

Levi thrust the small, flat object at him without fanfare and Eren’s face felt like it would crack from how broadly he smiled.

“You made me a mixtape?”

Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes as the telling pink filled his cheeks. “Like you said earlier, it’s a long drive. Figured you should have some good music to listen to.”

Eren flipped the CD case over. “No track listing?”

“It’s on the flipside of the back paper. I wanted it to be a surprise the first time you listen through.”

Eren softly but passionately pressed his lips to Levi’s, conveying all the gratitude and affection he felt. He knew he shouldn’t delay their parting any longer, so he started to move towards his car. But then he thought _fuck it_ and decided to give Levi one more kiss. And another.

Okay, now he needed to go.

Safely separated by his car window, Eren blew an exaggerated kiss, mwah sounds and all, as he drove off, checking his rearview mirror more times than a student driver.

The mixtape Levi made him was good company as he made the long drive to Stohess. The first song, “Hopeless,” took him way back to the first time he saw Levi perform. From there, the music catalogued their ups and downs over the past year. He almost had to pull over when “Daylight” started playing, and later he was smiling, windows rolled down as he sped down the highway singing along to “U Smile.” Sometimes when he felt really happy he expressed it by crying. It was a close thing, but he managed to hold the tears back.

When he drove through Stohess University’s main gates and saw the long line of cars waiting to unload in front of the dorms, his mood turned sour. Three hours wasn’t a terribly long drive, but it was still tiring. He needed to stretch his legs and use the bathroom and then maybe take a nap.

Eren sat in the traffic and texted Jean to let him know he arrived. Every few minutes he moved further up the car line until finally he was pulled up alongside the curb in front of his dorm, Sycamore Hall.

A rap of knuckles on his window pulled his attention away from his phone where he was halfway through typing a text to Jean to see both him and Marco standing beside his car, smiling as if move-in day wasn’t a new layer of hell.

Jean mimed turning a key and stepping through a door. Eren rolled his eyes with a smile and turned his car off. As soon as he was out of the car, Jean greeted him by wrapping an arm around his neck and pulling him close for a noogie and Eren laughed, just as glad to see his friends again after a summer apart spent working. Marco held onto a large orange rolling bin with one hand to prevent it from rolling away but gave Eren a one-armed hug with the other.

“Pop the trunk and let’s unload.”

Eren did as Jean said and together they hefted his large duffle, bedding, a box of food, his shower caddy, and backpack into the deep rolling bin.

“I’ll run this up to the room. Marco, can you direct Eren to the parking lot?”

Because the university was nestled inside the city, most students relied on public transportation. As students at SU, their student ID functioned as a bus pass. The low demand for parking spots on campus meant freshman were allowed to buy a parking pass, but it did not make the pass any less expensive. Marco lead him to the parking services building where he paid $250 for a parking pass and stuck it to his window. The closest parking lot to his dorm was a ten minute walk, but it passed quickly with Marco at his side.

They parted ways outside Eren’s building, since Marco lived in the next dorm over and hadn’t finished unpacking. Eren gave his name to the Residence Director stationed at a table in front of the elevators and retrieved his room key.

The door to room 402 was ajar and Eren could hear Jean talking to someone.

“Oh, here he is,” Jean said.

Eren looked at the person Jean was talking to, an auburn-haired girl wearing a t-shirt in SU’s signature dark green color that said STAFF along the back in white letters.

“Hi! I’m Hailey, your RA. I was just telling Jean that we have a floor meeting tonight at six to cover the rules for living in the dorms and also to get to know the other people living on your floor.”

“Great.”

The sarcasm didn’t slip past Hailey, who smiled in understanding. Eren could tell that if it wasn’t a requirement of her job, she too would not want to attend this meeting.

“I’ll keep it as short as possible and there will be pizza,” Hailey said, a clear bribe if ever Eren’s heard one. And it worked.

Jean and him spent the interim hours touring the campus with Marco and Armin, figuring out where their classes were, then taking the local bus system, the STA (Stohess Transit Authority), into the city for a quick lunch. They returned to campus around half past five, and Marco and Armin returned to their dorm, Oak Hall, since they too had a floor meeting at 6pm. 

The floor meeting wasn’t as bad as Jean and Eren expected. Hailey, like most students, hated icebreaker activities but was required to make them do one because of her job. They went around the room stating their names and majors, briefly covered the school policies, ate pizza, and then most students returned to their rooms to finish unpacking. Jean and Eren were not so fortunate. One of them (Jean) thankfully checked his email and saw that there was a mandatory team meeting at 7:30pm, so once their dorm meeting ended, they trekked across campus to the gymnasium.

Coach Langnar discussed the universities zero-tolerance policies for drinking and drug use, handed out their practice and game schedule, and had everyone introduce themselves. More, unfortunately, happened besides that, and by the time the meeting finished, it was thoroughly dark out.

Eren and Jean dragged themselves back to their room and plopped face down on their unmade beds.

“Did we decide if we are bunking our beds or not?” Jean questioned into his pillow.

“That depends. Who gets the bottom bunk?”

“Me.”

“Guess we’re keeping them de-bunked.”

“We should unpack.”

“We should.”

They continued to lie on their mattresses and let the silence lull them into a light doze. Who would have guessed the emotional drain moving into a new environment had. They managed to pull themselves from their beds long enough to brush their teeth, dress down to their boxers, and make their beds before promptly curling under their blankets. 

Before falling asleep, Eren sent a text to Levi, telling him he was too tired to talk tonight but promised to call in a few days once things settled down and there was something interesting to share.

He received a thumbs-up, heart, and kissing emoji in response. Eren texted hello to Hanji, received a random assortment of letters and numbers as Levi grappled for the phone, then a short and sweet, “sleep well” from Levi right before his eyes lost the battle against sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...hey guys.
> 
> I thought about posting an update on this story but I know I hate it when I get an email about a story I’m following and instead of a chapter it's just a “going on hiatus/discontinued/whatever” message, so I decided to wait until I had a new chapter to post and then tack this on at the end.
> 
> Because of how long it takes me to update, you could say this story is permanently in hiatus. But rest assured that I intend to finish this story - it is NOT discontinued. BUT this story is not my priority. I haven’t been active in the snk fandom for over a year and I’ve hopped to Voltron and now I’m thoroughly invested in BNHA/Bakugou Katsuki. I am also in Japan right now, so exploring this country is how I’m going to spend my free time, not writing updates for this story unless I feel like it. Writing takes a lot of time and energy that I normally don’t have. When I manage to write a new story, it’s because it’s therapeutic or I get really invested in an idea. Not all stories are the same, so please don’t get upset that I’ve posted new stories when I haven’t updated this in months - I’m not often in the right mindspace to write for this story.
> 
> I’m not happy with this chapter. I want to do well by you guys but I’m forcing myself to write a chapter because it’s been so long and it ends up rushed. I’m sorry I can’t be more reliable, but writing is something I do when I’m in the mood, I can’t force it even though I’ve tried for this story. Thank you for being understanding and for all the lovely comments I’ve received, they are what motivate me to finish this story.
> 
> If you have any questions or just want to talk, my tumblr name is humanities-angstiest.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this! Comments and kudos are highly appreciated :)


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